A Series of Unfortunate Events!

The thing about the permanent fried banana stand, as Dobri later found out, was that the people went first to it, got their hands greasy, and then came to browse his wares.

If the gnome had gotten a silver coin for every time he had to nod at the little fountain by the stall, just so the customers wouldn't dirty his wares, he'd be rich.

The fried banana store owner looked at him with a knowing smile. The man knew that his loyal customers wouldn't make the change in going first to Dobri's stall, just because the gnome wished it so.

"You paid for the whole year," Harald reminded him. "And you will just have to think of something."

Dobri was thinking. He looked at the woodcarver, who was selling signs. The man was shaping the planks even at this very moment.

"If anyone comes, show them to the sink first!" Dobri said, as he marched to the woodcarver.

"Hello," the gnome said. He was promptly ignored. "Hello!"

"Oh, a gnome?" The kind-looking old man said, as he looked Dobri up and down. "Good! How may I help you, kind sir?"

Dobri nodded. He liked it when he was treated like a normal human being, and not the gnome he was.

"I would like a sign for that fountain over there," Dobri pointed at the little sink with its small faucet. "Something that says: if your hands are greasy from the fried banana, then just wash them!"

"Hm," the woodcarver said, as he thought about it all. "I think I can do that. But you will have to wait a bit. I'll have it done by the end of the day!"

Dobri nodded, taking out his bank pouch.

"Oh, no, none of that!" The woodcarver told him, as he took a plain plank and began to carve at it. "You will pay once it is done with!"

Dobri nodded, going back to the stall.

A customer was heading their way. Dobri looked at Morty.

"Do you want an entire salmon again?" The gnome asked, knowing that the bribe was going to serve its purpose. "I can arrange it. Heck, I can give you two!"

Morty's eyes widened. Was his owner finally going to give him the respect he was due?

"But only if you begin to lead the customers to the fountain! Otherwise, I will stop buying you Whiskas!"

Morty let out a hiss. No, his owner was the same scumbag he had always been.

The Whiskas was tasty. Morty didn't want to end up being put on a diet of just old bread with mold on it.

The kitten swatted the gnome on the nose with his tail and pranced off. Rubbing into a customer's legs and then safely herding him to the fountain.

Getting wet fur for his efforts.

This time, as he looked at the cloud of the Cat Distribution System, he got a red sign to tell him he was being hung up on.

Morty was going to get even.

He was!

But for now, he had a job to do.

****

Dobri rode his pony by the Cold Palace. The ladies there were already elbowing one another, trying to get the best hanfus.

But that was not something Dobri cared too much for. He looked at the stately entrance of the palace.

He waited for her.

For the Former Empress. For the Pearl of Pearls!

Only to see her gliding out of the palace with a certain pink-haired, green-eyed fairy on her shoulders.

"Dobri!" The lovely lady said, as Dobri tried to keep the hanfu, which he had made for her out of the reach of the rest of the ladies.

"Former Empress!" Dobri said, basking in her beauty. If jades could even be half as pretty, then he was sure that they could sell for much more!

"Hey, you are that merchant from the other day!" The fairy said in his high-pitched voice. "How are you?"

Dobri, try as he might, could not remember the fairy's name.

"I am good, and you?" Dobri asked, hoping that the pretty fairy, who was actually a Free Stuff Hunter, would save him from the awkward situation of not remembering the man's name.

"Perfect! I just struck a deal with the lovely lady Mei to supply the Cold Palace with toothpaste!"

That sounded to Dobri so, as if the fairy was in the same branch as him. It was just that the fairy was selling a different ware than him.

A better gnome would think up of a deal to strike with the fairy. Something to make it so, that the fairy would give him everything he needed.

But Dobri had not been a merchant for long. He didn't know that such things were to be tried.

"Oh, is this for me?" The former empress said, as she took a lovely white and yellow silk hanfu. She hugged the fabric, taking in its scent.

"Spider silk," she said, sighing. "But even that is better than no silk."

Dobri nodded. Glad that the lovely lady was going to buy his hanfus.

"Just one thing, Sir Gnome," the lovely lady said, as she offered him the ten golden coins on the price tag. "I wish for you to do me the favor of dining with me! The lovely Augustine is also invited, of course!"

Dobri nodded, glad that the fairy was no longer nameless.

"Ladies!" The Former Empress said, as she looked at them all. "Pay and then bathe! We will restore that, which was taken from us!"

Dobri liked the sound of that. He nodded to Hans, Hugo, and Harald, who were sitting by an exhausted Morty.

"May they be invited as well?" Dobri asked. Wanting for at least one of his worker's meals to be covered by someone else.

They did eat enough to make him bankrupt, if he didn't find the next best thing.

"Of course!" The lovely lady said. "And if you don't mind, you can leave the cat and the pony in the stables!"

Morty meowed tiredly. He would have liked to get his salmon on a golden plate in a lovely, and a bit chilly, marble and jade palace.

But the Former Mistress was allergic to cats, all of his hopes and dreams, and even probably to his fur.

As little of it as it remained.

The cloud with the Cat Distribution System showed him that another agent had hung up on him.

Morty was losing faith in the universe…