Bastard Swordsman

Portable Food and Wasteful Spending

After the harvest, grain prices plummeted dramatically.

And what happens then? Well, porridge and bread became slightly cheaper.

I wasn't thrilled. Not even a bit.

The carbohydrates in this world weren't delicious. It's not like I particularly wanted to eat white rice just because I used to be Japanese. I'd settle for a baguette or naan if it's available.

This world already lacked entertainment, so at least let me enjoy good food.

「So, this is the portable food made by Mongrel?」

「Yeah. Call it the Mongrel Stick No. 3.」

「That's a disgustingly weird name...」

「Can't we give it a name that actually makes you want to eat it...?」

「Isn't it falling apart before you even take a bite?」

「Think about the people who have to eat this while picturing your face.」

At the guild's tavern space, I was hosting a review session with two participants: Varga, the short spear user, and Alex, the swordsman.

Alex was a former soldier of the Halperia army. After retiring, he completed numerous missions with his army-trained longsword skills. He was a young silver rank on the verge of reaching gold rank. A hopeful, you might say.

I had also invited Elena from the reception, but she straightforwardly declined. I was sad about that.

On the table lay something reminiscent of an energy bar I used to eat... well, occasionally, in a previous life. It's a portable food I crafted inspired by those bars. It mainly consisted of flour and various nuts, bound with oil, honey, spices, and salt, baked into square sticks—like granola bars, perhaps.

It was fortunate that Varga and Alex were at the guild bar with time to spare. I planned to have them review the taste and more.

「Hey Mongrel, won't these leave you hungry? They're small.」

「If it's high in nuts, it might be quite filling... but the size is rather concerning for a meal.」

「Yeah, I suspected as much. I figure you'd need about four to make a meal. Well, just try it for now.」

「... I'm already feeling like these are unbelievably hard just by holding them. Are you sure about this?」

Varga picked up two Mongrel Sticks from the plate, tapping them together. The clear, ceramic-like sound was quite beautiful. It's portable food that's pleasant to the ears, too.

「Hey Mongrel, did you ever eat this yourself?」

「What, Alex? You doubting me?」

「Ever since you gave me that rank homemade jerky, I've been pretty wary...」

「Don't dwell on the past. Let's look forward to the future.」

For the still-hesitant pair, I offered them each a pint of ale on me.

「What... is this?」

「Don't silently offer us drinks... it's scary.」

「There's no deep meaning. Just drink it while you eat. The taste isn't bad, really.」

「... Well, it's free, so I guess I'll try a bit.」

Ignoring Varga's distasteful expression, Alex took a bite of the Mongrel Stick—a move that came to a halt.

「Agga... agaga... My teeth won't sink in...」

「I heard a hard sound right as Alex bit into it.」

「That's why you soak it in ale to eat. It'll soften a bit. Eventually.」

Both men soaked their Mongrel Sticks in ale, said nothing, and waited several seconds.

As if it was fine, Alex was the first to retrieve his and bite again—this time, without the hard sound.

... Though he couldn't quite bite through it.

「Ngugu... Just the surface has softened enough to eat... barely.」

「So, how's the taste?」

「It tastes like ale porridge.」

For now, the ale part didn't matter. I wanted reviews minus the ale component.

「Still, Mongrel, you're getting into strange ventures. Following after Lord Chaos? There are a lot of imitators out there, and none are really making money.」

「It's an invention boom. I get wanting to emulate successful shops, after all.」

「Eventually, I want the Halperia army to adopt the Mongrel Stick as their official portable ration. Then, I'll use the money to become a café master who just polishes glasses at the counter.」

「Why end up as a café master after making money?」

「If they adopted this as army ration, soldiers' teeth might break before they even fight enemies.」

It would be fine. I was convinced it could work.

Most soldiers use magic power to enhance themselves anyway, right? They can enhance their front teeth, too.

「You sure came up with something mysterious...」

「There's about 40 altogether, right? Didn't just the material costs alone add up?」

「I won't say. Unless you guys praise these Mongrel Sticks, the price stays secret.」

「How much did you waste on this... You really went for it, though they're slightly cheaper now.」

「Weren't they overcooked? They're sinking, yet still holding shape.」

Yeah, I thought making them in bulk would be cheaper and I'd regularly enjoy my preferred carbs.

I just didn't predict they'd get this hard. I bet they're sturdier than flimsy wood.

「Playful inventing is fine, but Mongrel, are you okay with money? You haven't gone on many hunts lately, have you?」

「Don't call it playful. Well, I've mostly been doing urban cleanup.」

「You're still cleaning the city?」

「Keep this city clean forever.」

「Is that a spell or something?」

「Since Mongrel's wastefulness is already bad enough, shouldn't you accept larger tasks soon?」

「I don't waste money. I don't gamble, do I?」

「But you do buy weird weapons regularly.」

Ah, this guy. He just called my weapons weird, didn't he?

「Weird? Will you say the same about this? My new partner knife I found at the market two months ago!」

「So you do waste money!」

With a bang, I placed a knife on the table.

Its length matched a standard cutting knife, but through the sheath, you could tell it had an exceptionally thick blade.

「... Eh, what's this? A comb?」

「Don't you know, varga? That's a combat knife called a Swordbreaker.」

What Varga unsheathed was a thick knife with long comb-like notches cut into the blade.

「You catch an enemy's blade with these comb parts, and giving it a firm twist—Voila! The ultimate weapon for swordsmen, snapping opponents' swords!」

「I dunno about that... it doesn't sound too effective...」

「Since it's thick, it barely cuts. As a knife, it mainly stabs.」

「Isn't that a big flaw? Besides, Mongrel, when do you ever take on combat jobs?」

「Getting splattered with human blood is dirty, isn't it?」

「Then why buy such a knife...? And Mongrel, this comb part.」

Noticing something, Alex unsheathed his longsword leaning against the wall.

The longsword adopted by the Halperia army was long.

For soldiers who could enhance their bodies, the standard for adopting long swords was not weight but having the reach to cut down distant opponents. That's why the longest blade a person could carry without difficulty was called a longsword and used in various places.

And, connoting its length, it had substantial thickness too...

「Ah, see! I knew it! This Swordbreaker or whatever can't fit a longsword's thickness into its comb notch!」

「N-no way!」

「Just look at it... Maybe a short sword can barely fit, as a sub-weapon.」

「My Swordbreaker is only for small fry...?」

「By the way, how much did you pay for this so-called Swordbreaker, Mongrel?」

「There's no way...! Not with this current flow...!」

Damn it. This Swordbreaker could only shave tough boar skeletons with its comb part now.

「... Oh, hey! These at the bottom of the ale have softened.」

「Ah, well. Might as well crumble it and drink like porridge.」

「My day's been rather awful, right?」

「I'll invite you if any good missions appear.」

「If I get the chance, I'll do the same.」

Incidentally, the Mongrel Sticks dissolved in ale weren't bad tasting, but if ale's used, you're better off drinking it plain. We unanimously agreed.

Honestly, nothing good happened today. Am I cursed?