Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary:

Can you gaze upon them and know?

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the signal." Peridot announced to the audience

If we wish to make it more pink, we will change the color. If we wish to make it more blue, we will change the emotion." Star continued the narration

"We will control the fourth dimension. We will control the second dimension." Lapis waved and messed with the screen, creating a strange treachery.

"We can roll the groupings, make it familiar. We can change the groupings to strange, making all you know weird." Marco spoke with a deep voice

"For the next hour, or however long it takes you to scroll down on a screen, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: There is nothing wrong with your television set." Kelly continued.

"You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Diamond Limits." Steven bowed as the title showed itself towards the audience.

"A little on the nose don't you think?" Rosie deadpanned. "Especially with how close we are to … everything."

"I mean, we're about to hit the big one, so why try subtly now?" Steven justified.

"Also I haven't been able to narrate in a long while, so I view it as a win." Star added in. "We're going all in on the big dramatic secrets with this one, whether they be news to the audience or the characters themselves, SOMETHING will be revealed in each chapter."

"And with each reveal, more and more drama will pile on." Kelly continued.

"Are they ever going to get a happy conclusion?" Lapis asked.

"Meh, if we don't have time we'll have the authors put up the end results in notes." Marco shrugged. "You know, fanfic of fanfic."

"Can we not talk about inception?" Steven asked. "I'm still trying to not psychoanalyze Pearl."

"You see what you've done, Marco? Your mental junk has slowly been infecting my brother." Star glared at her boyfriend.

"Alright, I'm not talking about this with you guys." He grumbled. "Roll the clips!"

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Moon looked down at her daughter, Star. "So … in five days time … you'll fight White Diamond." She said solemnly.

"Yes."

"And you and your boyfriend have gathered a dark cabal of notoritus figures along with Rose to combat this threat." Moon stated.

"Steven gathered Toffee and Eclipsa, I gathered Mina and Bismuth. With these four figures bent on going beyond what is safe, sane, and logical, we stand a chance against a goddess like White."

"And there is nothing I can do to convince you to stay safe, is there?" She asked with teary eyes.

"... I'm not going to let anything take Steven away." Her daughter responded with determination. "Even if it was the Commission themselves."

"I know, I know…I have experience with doing everything in my power to save those that I love." Moon ran to her daughter and hugged her with every ounce of strength that she had. "I've been in your position before, Star. I've been in that place where I was willing to cross the line that can't be uncrossed. I've.." She revealed the dark veins that covered her hands. "I've let it taint my soul…don't let this take you to a place you can't return from."

"Dark Magic …" Star muttered. "... I understand … I promise to avoid taking unnecessary risks." She answered.

"Your plan in of itself is a huge, monumental risk, but I appreciate it all the same." She caressed her beautiful daughter's purple face. "If…If I don't get the chance to tell you before.."

"Mom, I'm going to come back…"

"IF I don't get the chance…" Moon emphasized, not deluding herself for even a moment that death wasn't a possibility here. "Then there's something you need to know about our family, about why you've found yourself to be…stuck in this current state of yours."

"Cause I lost the coin flip right?" Star responded. "I know the tale mom, it's-"

"No … Eclipsa, you remember what she was accused of, right?"

"Abandoning Mewni for a monster, right?" She asked.

"Yes … a monster she had a child with." Moon used Star's distracted state to elaborate. "That child's name was Meteroa."

"Meteora…like 'Meteora the Meek' Meteora…the Queen

"Yes … the Magic High Commission has tried to keep it a secret for years … and tried further to 'purify the bloodline', but the point still stands." Moon said, looking at the image on the wall. "The Butterfly line has monster blood within it."

"No…no that can be….that's..I can't…I can't…" Star pulled herself away, using her six arms to hold her stomach as she looked like she was preventing herself from losing her lunch. "I'm…I'm a monster….I'm a monster…

"Star." Moon walked over and held her close. "You're one of the kindest souls I know … you're no monster in my eyes."

The purple skinned girl kept her head down. "Can you really say that? I have purple skin, I have six arms, and every monster that I've ever come across wants to either kill me or steal something from me."

"Star." She held her daughter's chin. "Do you consider me evil?"

"... No." Star muttered. "You're mean, but you're not evil."

"And I have monster blood in me too. I'm a Butterfly, remember?" She rubbed her daughter's face. "Whatever opinions we may have on the populace, Mewman or Monster alike, you shouldn't let your blood determine the kind of person you want to be." She held in a light laugh. "And last I checked, your boyfriend seems to enjoy all the extra limbs."

She blushed a brighter shade of purple. "True …"

"You're not a monster, or a Mewman. You're Star Butterfly … understand?"

"I am Star Butterfly." Her daughter repeated.

"Yes you are…and the Star Butterfly I know doesn't let the rules or the opinions of others sway her from doing what she wants, no matter how hard I've tried." Moon motivated her daughter. "You're too stubborn to let anything get in your way."

"Right …" Star smiled. "Wish me luck mom."

"Good luck, my precious, little Starlight." She kissed her daughter on the forehead. "And make sure to have protection. You're young and I know what a young couple does during highly stressful times such as.."

"Lalala, not listening!" Star covered her ears. "Off to kill a Space tyrant now, bye!"

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Rose sat across from Steven, who looked at her, for the first time in a long while, with a sense of wonder. "So … you're Pink Diamond?" He asked. "You … knew me? Who I was?"

"You really don't know, do you?" She examined his face, there was no trace of deceit coming off of him, or some hidden sense of twisted malice or enjoyment. She…He was innocent…and Rose would probably have to get Eclipsa's insight on how a hybrid-gem child was even possible at a later date.

"I thought you realized that the moment I said please help?" The boy pouted.

"Sorry, it's just … the person you were wasn't one to become human …"

"Please, my bro is sweet and innocent, who wouldn't love him?" Meteora asked, pinching his cheeks playfully.

"Jasper and Star." She answered instantly. It was horrible to see the butterflies fall so far … she needed to help the generation after the best she could.

"Well those people are murderous assholes and they suck." Meteora countered back instantly.

"And so was White." Rose sighed. "I didn't trust you because … I couldn't comprehend it in the slightest … back in the beginning it was … us four." She said, "We had playful fun with one another, but White always looked further … then she created gems."

"She created them, like, all of them?" Steven asked.

"No, just the first few … but after this she became … colder." Rose explained. "Like a sense of authority infested her very being … a need to organize and caste everything." The system that controlled everything. "She needed it like that."

"It couldn't have been that-" Meteora started.

"Steven … she was always so obsessed with perfection." Rose said quietly. "And after the incident with Earl, she just took her away and.." She hugged herself.

"Wait….Earl belongs to you?" Steven asked her 

"Belonged … she's her own gem …" Rose glanced over to the gem in question. "I….I can't tell you just how sorry I am..I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me, I-I.."

The mute gem simply raised her hand to silence her, along with a small shake of the head. Earl then simply gave a small nod before patting her on the shoulder.

"Wow…Earl was able to do all of that without flipping you off." Meterora commented. "Whatever you did, Earl's way too good for you."

Rose gave a humorless chuckle. "Everyone's too good for me …" She looked at the boy. "I can never forgive or trust White … I understand you're not her … but you need to understand she represented the worst of Gemkind … worse than the likes of Jasper or Star."

"Oh yeah, my grandmother is a genocidal maniac and my dad's a cannibal, yet you don't hold anything against mom." Meteora rolled her eyes and took a defensive stance for her brother. "Do us all a favor and get off your high horse."

"No … she has a point." Steven held his sister back. "I'm not White but … I don't think she's gone."

"What?" Eclipsa, who had been quietly protecting her children this entire time from a dark corner, looked at her child curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Whenever I go too far, use too much energy or something … I have this dream." He admitted. "I see this screen in my head … it says 'file corrupted, please reset' … and then there's this infinite lake … it's black with the night sky, but there's a reflection … something brighter than the moon." He said. "A tall woman with spiky hair, long robes and star-like eyes …"

Rose instinctively felt the dread increase gradually in her mind. She wanted White to be dead…she needed White to be dead..she needed Steven to just be Steven. "If these dreams are causing you a fuss, then I suppose now's as good a time as any to explain the concepts of dream walking."

"Can we do that?" Meteora asked. "Oh, imagine all the things we could do!"

That seemed to pull the boy out of his funk. "You just want to see Marco's dreams, don't you?"

"Like you don't want to see if Jana dreams about you?"

"I respect the privacy of my partner." He defended.

"Is that why you were kissing that pillow in your sleep while saying her name?"

"That was one time and you know it! And at least I don't keep Marco's sweaty hoodies under my bed."

Rose sighed in relief. As far as personality and interests go, Steven couldn't be farther from white diamond if he tried. "I won't be trying to harm Steven, and I don't suspect him … but please." She pleaded with her old friend. "Make sure White doesn't return or influence him …"

"Oh Rose, I thought you knew me by now." Eclipsa giggled. "When it comes to my family, I'll set ablaze the entire universe for their safety."

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Spinel stared at the empty white void. "So this is dreaming … aww man, I thought Rhinestone said this was fun." She grumbled. It's been harder and harder to have fun around the castle lately. Since that muduring bastard pile of dirt Rose fucking Quartz tried to attack her new best friend, that giant lizard he called dad had been letting him out less and less.

"It's not that bad." She turned to Rhinestone. "Hey Spinel."

"Hey Rhinestone." She waved. "So when does 'dreaming fun' happen?" She asked.

"It's a dream … you can do anything you want." He turned his hand into an arm cannon that shot out a rainbow kitty pop tart thing into the sky, singing a weird song. 

"Anything?!" Spinel shrieked in joy and amazement. "So I can do…this!!?" She twisted herself into a funnel and felt herself get bigger and bigger, and bigger until she was diamond sized.

"Yep." He smiled. "You're a very lucid dreamer, usually it just plays out random fantasies and strange memories inside of you based on the subconscious." Rhinestone and Conie liked to use a lot of boring words.

"Your head's full of smart gem stuff." Spinel giggled as she picked up the now much smaller boy and literally pulled out giant words and numbers out of his ears. "I could've never imagine Yellow Diamond ever wanting to do anything fun with all this stuff inside her." She took the numbers and letters and played them like an instrument.

"You know, I never actually learned much about the Diamonds." He responded. "All I know is Yellow Diamond tried to destroy all of Mewni and was stopped, and that apparently she landed on my Earth Parent's van."

"Really?" Question marks formed on top of her head. "Know anything about the earth stuff?"

"Not really. Best I figured out is that my bio dad's some homeless bum, so I don't think too deeply about it." The boy shrugged.

"Well …" Spinel thought it over. "Pink was the best, no question there. White was a meanie, Yellow always focused on work … oh, Blue was pretty calm." A blue diamond showed up next to them.

"Blue Diamond, huh?" Rhinestone looked at the taller gem. "She doesn't look as scary as I assumed she would."

"Yeah, if there was one Diamond I could say was the second funnest, it would be her." Spinel elaborated. 

"She looks..sad." The boy walked up to her, and reached out to the image.

The moment he touched her, the entire world became black, the two of them hitting the ground as Spinel's size went back to normal. "What, why can't I grow anymore?" She asked, trying to do anything, unable to even stretch her own limbs.

"I don't think we're in your dreams anymore." Rhinestone muttered, before looking at the sign around them. The area was green and full of pink flowers. "I don't even think we're in one of mine..this feels…more real somehow."

"So … where are we?" She asked, walking around. "It almost looks like the space garden, except this is alive and Pink's Palanquin is right over…" She did a backtake, slapping her head to see if what she saw was right. "Pink's Palanquin!?" She ran up to it. "It's here, it's actually here! But it's all.." She looked at the decimated state.

"Busted and destroyed." Rhinestone bluntly put it. "Like no one has been here in years … you think she crash landed?" He asked. "Maybe that's why Rose was able to get a …" He looked away. "... clean hit."

"That no good miserable pile of waking shit!" Spinel felt the anger boil up with her, like she would poof herself from just the rage alone. "If I ever get that chance to splinter her shards to atoms I will…!" She turns to Rhinestone, who was walking away: "Where you going?"

"I don't know…there's something in the air that feels…nice and cool…something…familiar." Rhinestone began walking in almost a trance

"Really?" She asked. "I just feel the grass and …" Spinel blinked, her vision getting foggy. "Hey, is there something wrong with my face?"

He turned to her. "No you're just … crying?"

"Really?" Spinel felt the water fall on her face. "I was thinking of Pink, but I was more angry than sad." Something about it felt familiar though.

"No wait … I'm crying too." Rhinestone wiped his own watery eyes. "Like there's someone telling me how to feel." They turned a corner, and saw a giant figure in a large dark blue cloak.

"I'm sorry..I'm so sorry I didn't do more." The figure, whose voice was soft but felt commanding somehow. "Everything has fallen apart since your demise. White refuses to see anyone, and there hasn't been a single word from Yellow in over a decade…you could've made us smile..you could've made us happy and together again."

"It's … Blue." Rhinestone muttered.

Blue looked around in confusion. "Why … Did I feel something?" She asked. "Something familiar?"

"Cool, she can hear you." Spinel awed, not sure of how this dream thing was working. "Now you can meet her and ask all your questions!" She pushed the boy towards the taller Diamond.

"Spinel, wait, we need to think about this.. !" He couldn't finish as she was pushed into the Diamond's cloak, an action that Blue took immediate notice of.

"Yellow, is that you?" She asked, looking at his direction. "Where are you, what happened, why can I hear your voice!?" Blue felt around desperately. Rhinestone looked frantic, not sure what to say or do. "Please answer me…don't leave me alone again…don't leave me alone."

Rhinestone looked back to Spinel, who waved him back into the Diamond's direction. "She's a Diamond, your a Diamond. That makes you like…family or something, right?"

"I seriously doubt that's how it-" He was grabbed, Blue looking down … her worry fading.

"Yellow, oh please tell me what troubles you!?" She shouted, holding Rhinestone tight. "We can talk about this, we can fix whatever illness plagues you!"

"I'm…fine…" The boy managed to squeeze out a sentence from the grip he was trapped in. "Please..let go.." His body started to get staticy.

"I'll find you, I promise!" Blue chanted as her aura started to spread out more and more. "We'll all be together again and we'll finally be happy once more!"

"I said…please…. let go." Rhinstone's body glowed entirely in yellow as a wave of electricity was shot everywhere, the ground and the sky suddenly breaking apart into pieces.

The next thing she knew, Spinel had opened her eyes, finding herself in the position she was in every night since she was found: in bed with Rhinestone as she wrapped her stretchy arms around his torso. "Wow, dreams are intense."

"Yeah, they are …" He answered. "Really … really … intense."

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Star bounced up and down. "Yes yes yes, here we go!" She cheered. "Our first trip to Mewni!"

"You do remember that I described it as a hellscape so fiendish that literal demons say it's too miserable for them to live there?" Dante said as he road on top of Leo.

"Yeah, but this is home." She answered. "Don't get me wrong, Rose is an awesome mom, but I wanna meet my birth family." Star said. "I have so many questions about my life. Why do I have marks on my face, why did I attack Marco as a butterfly? Why do I have a mole on my finger? And most importantly, why can I shoot freezing rainbows out of my hands?"

"That last one I'm pretty sure is due to the empathic bond Rose described us having." Nora said as she packed her backpack shaped like a taco full of medical supplies.

"Yeah, I get you're the ice part, but why can I shoot out rainbows to begin with?" Star asked. "According to Dante, Mewmans are mostly knights, not laser hand people."

"As emotionally invested as I am in your dilemma…" The eyeroll indicated he wasn't. "I have to make a quick stop at the castle. I need to make a personal report to the Queen before we do anything."

"Mewni has a queen?" Nora asked with a raised eyebrow. "That seems …"

"Archaic, backwatered, outdated." Dante listed off. "I can keep going, I've heard it all."

"No, stupid." She replied. "Who would want to be part of a select system where the sole defining factor of someone that supports an entire civilization is their blood?"

"Heck if I know. The only thing I do know is that mom is tight with the royal family, and if I want to roam the multiverse however I want, I gotta play ball and fetch for the Queen every so often." Dante shrugged.

"So you're a mercenary?" Nora bluntly assessed.

"I make coins, and you make big donut gift coupons." He countered.

"Future vision, I know exactly where to find loose change and winning lottery tickets ." It was nice to see Nora get invested in arguments, Star really worried the girl was too emotionally stunted from the future vision, but Dante brought out the best in her.

"Alright, as boring as that is, I suppose it's fine." Star muttered. "Come on then, to a Queen we go!"

With a single roar from Leo, a portal was opened, and out one the otherside was a blood red sky on top of them, where in the front was a medieval looking town where everyone was wearing some kind of metal plate or spike on them. "... I think hell is an accurate term as of now." Nora spoke with a hint of fear.

"Yeah, it's a lot more … more bloody than I imagined." Star muttered. "And for some reason that fills me with both comfort and disgust."

"The place has been at war for over thirty years, there's hardly anyone here that doesn't have someone's blood on their hands." Dante said as they approached a busted looking castle.

"Thirty years …" Nora stared at the landscape. "When will it end?"

Dante stared at her with a baffled look. "Wars can end?"

"That's the whole point." Star pointer out. "You fight so you don't have to fight."

"That sounds more like a fantasy." Dante looked forward. "I've been to thousands of dimensions for thousands of years … as soon as one fight ends another begins … some big, some small." He responded. "It's just life, you accept it and move on." The boy gave a sad chuckle. "Maybe it's like that 'fate' thing Nora always spouts on about."

"I'm …sorry." The girl herself said. "I've only known about war through Rose and the others…I'm sorry you had to face it alone.."

"Eh, I'm not completely alone. I got mom." The boy's smile lifted up just ever so slightly. "And Mina and Meteora. Even if the days are bleak, I still have reasons to stay immortal."

"Grrr." Leo shook his head a bit.

"Yeah yeah, I got you too ya big fuzzy menace." He rubbed the creature's head. "Alright, now for the super secret code." Dante stared down the guards, who in turn raised their spears. "Monsters are evil." The guards nodded, raising their weapons to let them pass.

"A little on the nose, don't you think?" Star raised her eyebrow.

"Maybe, but there's no monster in the universe that would ever say that without choking up, it's a scientific fact." The boy shrugged as he opened the doors. "Now be aware, Queen Moon's pretty intense, so whatever you do, don't say a single word to her."

They nodded, heading to a woman with a large bundle of hair, cold eyes and staring down on a board. "If we move the soldiers here … maybe if I can travel there myself against the Septari …" She groaned. "Why did Eclipsa's chapter have to be so hard to crack?" She took notice of them. "Dante, about time you …" She trailed off, staring intently at Star. "... Who are your friends?" She asked very quietly.

"The ice princess in blue right there is my technical twin sister." Dante introduced. "Turns out I'm half human."

"Nora Universe, a pleasure to greet you, your majesty."

"Likewise …" She nodded. "Your brother has been a … great help to the kingdom." The Queen responded with a slight bow of her own.

"I'm happy to hear that he is somewhat helpful amidst all the trouble he likes to involve himself in." Nora gave a light chuckle

"You see, this is one of the reasons I said to be quiet." Dante grumbled.

"And I'm Star Universe." For some reason the lady tensed further. "I recently learned I'm a Mewman, so I'm sticking around to find my birth family."

The lady looked like she was having trouble breathing, staying silent for a full minute before slowly turning to Dante. "You said half human…does your sister live with an alien named Rose Quartz?

"How do you know Rose?" Nora asked.

"Rose used to help out Mewni, remember?" Dante reminded them. "Of course the queen would know about them."

"She's my family's most trusted ally…so much so that I tasked her with the most vital and important tasks I could ever ask of her." The Queen looked at Star, though it felt like she was trying to avert her gaze.

"Cool." Dante nodded. "So what's the task you need today?"

"Task?" The Queen asked, before shaking her head. "Task, of course." The lady laid down some kind of map. "Thanks to the efforts of your mother, we've been able to cut off the Monster's ability to traverse other dimensions, although that hasn't prevented them from developing their own means."

"Bootleg dimensional scissors, mom hates those cases the worst." Dante laughed. "She could spend a month complaining about the shoddy craftsmanship alone." He turned back to the queen. "So you want us to find whoever did this and stop them?"

"Correction, I want YOU to stop them. You take these young ladies back home and far away from this war." The Queen ordered.

The boy blinked. "Why? You never had a problem when me and Meteora ran out to fight."

"You're both thousands of years old despite physical appearance. They belong on Earth." The Queen answered immediately.

"I …" Nora paused. "... We never said we were from Earth."

The Queen covered her mouth instinctively, just like Star did whenever she found herself caught in a lie. "You know something, don't you?" Star said, a very improbable thought bubble forming inside of her head.

"I think it's best that you leave now." The Queen stated as she turned away.

"No, what do you know about me?" Star demanded, light swells of anger forming in her mind. "What about me gets you so uncomfortable?"

"Dante, escort them out of the premises right now, if you would." The Queen calmly but sternly ordered.

"Guys, whenever she uses that tone she's seconds away from blasting someone's face off." He said quietly. "We need to leave and rethink this."

"No, I want to know what she knows about my family!" Star shouted.

"The only thing I know is that I don't want to see my daughter killed for my mistakes!" The Queen shouted, blasting the walls around them to pieces. "Now please…just go." 

Star's eyes focused on her, even as Dante took them out of the castle. "... Mom?" She just met her mom … the queen … Star was the Princess to a war ridden world.

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Jana leaned against one of the gem mutants, looking at the Cluster ball and Marco, who rested with one another. "You know, I never asked, considering how hectic it was at the beginning …" She began. "But are you two open for a threeway?"

"Somehow I thought the apocalypse would've toned down your crazy streak, but here you go, proving me wrong." Marco rolled his eyes.

"Well there are literally only five people left on earth, Steven and Jackie seem pretty exclusive." She gestured to the couple by the wall. "And you two technically both have multiple people inside of your heads."

"Friend. Soulmate. Star. Love. Want warmth. Need much warmth as possible. Trust friend. Trust soulmate. We will give warmth to friend and soulmate."

"See, they're all open to it." Jana smirked. "And you can't say we don't have something sparking between us, Diaz."

"Irritation and a desire to actually interact with flesh." He deadpanned. "Did anyone consider this would be our lives? Hanging out in the crater so large it nears the center of the earth, with only two humans, four humanoids?"

"I half considered it." Steven said as he and Jackie were all cuddled up in a corner. "The CG's were fighting this gem stuff ever since I was born, and way before that too." The purplish boy sighed. "All that time they pushed me away from the action…now look where we are."

"I still can't believe they're gone." Jackie said. "I knew them too … Pearl was the overprotective woman, now she's underground … Garnet was so wise but now they're in pieces across the world … and Rose was the kindest thing alive …"

"Kindest…more like smothering." Steven gripped his hands. "She held me every night before I went to bed for twelve years, practically following my every move, saying how 'special' I was, how 'miraculous' I was for Amethyst." He took a rock and threw it against a wall. "All that 'love', and she abandons me, abandons this whole planet without a second thought."

"Hey, who knows." Jackie shrugged. "Maybe she went to get help."

The boy gave a broken laugh. "We had multiple dimensions to travel to, why would she fly up to look for 'help'?" He asked.

"Approach. Limbs. Cluster? Friends? Stars. Above." The Cluster/Star combo started to rant.

"... You know anything about that?" Marco asked the gem boy.

"Hell if I know. I had to beg the gems to admit that they were aliens for years. I'm way behind in terms of all this space crap." Steven groaned as he got up. "Enemy or friend, either way it'll be something different."

They looked at the stars … seeing a giant yellow arm, accompanied by a giant pink pair of legs. The former began charging energy, a finger pointed straight at them. "Jana, Jackie, hit the deck!!" Marco shouted, jumping up and forming a giant wall of flames.

"I said I wanted something different!" Steven yelled as he rolled up in a ball to avoid the barrage. "Why do we have to keep fighting dismembered limbs all the time!?"

"It's our lives I guess!" Jana jumped into a hole, curling back deep as the blasts kept raining down, Marco being the only thing keeping the Stationary Star from being hit dead on. 

"It … feels so … bad." The demon boy in question began coughing up blackish red blood. "It's like radiation or something…"

"When Jasper came, Rose mentioned something about gem tech being anti magic!" Steven shouted. 

"Great, great, that's wonderful and dandy considering half of my soul is now part magical demon!"

"Guys! Focus!" Jackie snapped the two out of it. "They're firing at the cluster. They're probably trying to shatter it to pieces."

Jana's eyes widened at the information. "We're not gonna let that happen." She said resolutely. "We need the cluster guards to dig a hole or something, we need to move her or-"

"Flame hurt. Flame suffering. Warmth threatened. Anger." The cluster spoke, glowing violently. "Retaliate. Attack. Protect. Friends must be safe." Multiple shapes started to form. "I …" A single voice came from the cluster. "Won't … let you … HURT THEM !!!" A massive muscled and rainbow colored arm emerged, grabbing the yellow arm and slamming it into the pink ship, both giant mechanical limbs crashing instantly.

"... Do we need to do anything?" Steven asked with a hint of fear at the thrashing. "Other than calm Star down once she's done fighting our battle?"

"You could … pass over … some rose tears." Marco wobbled to them, coughing violently. "That barrier … took a lot… out of me …"

"Well as much as I enjoy getting my life threatened for the millionth time this month." Jana tried lightening the mood as she helped Marco up. "We should probably get out of here. The ships are down, but that doesn't mean whatever's inside is."

"Come on, we can still hide out by the fountain." Jackie tried to grab and pull Steven.

"No … don't you remember?" The purple boy asked. "Star said that Rose left on a pair of pink legs … whatever happened to her, that thing is involved … also I don't feel good about leaving the cluster alone with whatever is inside."

Jackie looked at her boyfriend, her eyes widening with realization and fear. "Steven, please don't tell me you're about to do what I think…"

The boy stopped her mid sentence and pulled the girl into a kiss. "Thank you for making the past year feel like heaven instead of hell." He then tossed her over to her and Marco. "I'm counting on you to pick up the slack Diaz, so don't just sit on your ass all day."

The demon finished drinking one of their stored vials, rejuvenating himself. "You know, this is the first time since we met I genuinely respected your decision …" Marco said with a savage grin. "I'll make sure they're out of the blast zone, just don't let Star get scratched."

"You are the best when it comes to running and hiding." The purple boy sent his own shit eating smirk before rolling into a ball again, heading right towards the crashed sight.

"Steven, no! Don't do this alone!" Jackie called him out as Marco held her back. "Marco, you got to help him! Shoot fire or something, anything

"I have my mission, he has his." Marco lifted Jackie up.

"And besides …" Jana glanced at the army of mutant gems running forward. "He has backup." They were able to recover one friend from being kidnapped, the second time around should be a little bit easier.

========================================================================

They opened their eyes for the first time in existence, even if they had memories of opening their eyes before. Everything was so fuzzy, but there were parts they remembered. What are you doing here? I couldn't stay away.

The voices echoed through their head, each once creating a flash of differing experiences and events that lead up to this moment. I was with my Pearl all day. Stretchy pink girl played with Star. I was organizing my first ball. Spinny rock said dancing was fun. Blue and Yellow promised to be there. Spinny promised that we'd all have fun.

The ball was dull/ orgainized. The guest were proper /bored. Star and Steven wanted to be together . Spinel shifted herself around Star to blend in. She snuck Star right next to his throne. Steven instantly wanted to dance in the spotlight. Warm feelings, love, comfort, bright light.

Now they were in the present, experiencing the moment … the utter silence of a hundred eyes gazing upon them. They looked up to the Diamond's. The tall ladies. The judges of Homeworld. Blue gazed at them with fear, Yellow gazed at them with anger, and White's Pearl gazed at them with … disappointment. "I let you play so many games … and you still make so many mistakes."

What mistake? You weren't supposed to be here! Here now, we have fun! The mood was wrong, fun wasn't possible for … them? Who were they? They weren't Steven or Star … they were them. "I….am…not a mistake." They growled, something instinctively making them raise their six hands (what the?! So cool!) in the air defensively.

"At this point we may have to take drastic measures." They spoke. "Maybe the rejuvenator …" The other two Diamond's looked on in horror at that suggestion. "But seeing as your memories have already reset, we may just need to show you a normal punishment … Yellow, take them to the room."

"As you wish…White." Yellow, for the first time that ever, that the Steven side of them could recall at least, showed a tinge of regret on their face before turning uber serious and threatening, lighting up their powers and intending to direct it at them. Just like she always does. How long has she hurt you?

"No wait!" Spinel ran up in front of them, waving her hands. "I'm the one that brought her here, not Steven, punish me instead!" No, don't!! You did a good thing Spinny rock! The pleading only held off the Diamond for a second, before she redirected her aim right at Spinel. 

The screams of agony lasted only two seconds, but the pain that was clearly painted on her face became forever cemented in their mind as the fun loving gem was poofed. "SPINEL!"

"This is what happens when you mess up, Pink." Blue had the gall to BERATE them as they cried for their best friend. "When you act out of line, you're only causing pain for the subjects that dedicate themselves to you. Yet you refuse to learn, time and time again."

"We … we didn't mess up." They were crying, the person with no name was crying. "We didn't …" Why did they keep doing this? Why did they never change? 

"Crying in front of all these gems, Pink? Haven't you shamed yourself enough today?" Yellow continued the verbal abuse. "In that hideous form to boot as well. That settles it." Yellow grabbed them by the torso, and gripped them tightly, hardly giving them the space to breathe. "We're exterminating all life in that ridiculous zoo of yours effective immediately."

All life gone … Her friends would vanish! Star would vanish! They were going to get rid of EVERYTHING they loved. "No….No….No….!" Their body felt warm, it felt pink, pink light was flashing everything.  "You're never going to hurt me again!" They let out everything, everything pink, everything warm, everything deep down. "I WILL DO AS I PLEASE!!!" They ... Starry Diamond … released a small fraction of infinity into Yellow's grip.

The next thing they knew, everything was shaking, everything was crumbling. There were dozens upon dozens of poofed gems around them…but most of all…Blue and Yellow Diamond were knocked down on the ground….they got hurt….

This was their chance. They needed to escape now or they'd never have the chance! Where would they go, what would they do!? What could they do..! "Come with me, My Diamond." A Jasper, one with Yellow's symbol…the one that use to belong to the old Pink Diamond…bowed to them.

"We …" They were so confused. "Spinel … Pearl …" They needed to save them. Friends. Family. Important people.

"I've secured both the Spinel and Pearl in my grasp." Jasper held the oval and heart shaped gems in her hands. "I am loyal to my Diamond…no matter what form she takes."

"Thank you …" Starry tumbled. "For being …" That last explosion took a lot out of them. "A trusted … friend." And everything went black.

========================================================================

Peridot ran multiple scans over Stevens body. "Alright, hold out your tongue for me." They held a thermometer next to his mouth.

"Peridot, is this really necessary?" The boy she was entrusted with the task of guarding and taking care of asked as he complied.

"Well according to most human life forms they prefer oral insertions to rectal ones, even if there is a less accurate reading." She grumbled, already hating the inconsistent data from a compromise.

"I didn't need that mental image in my head." Steven shuddered slightly. "I mean, are these check ups really that necessary? You've done them everyday for the past week."

"Well I need something." They argued. "Your tear ducts are malfunctioning and Marco finds your aura … how did you put it?"

"Clingy." The boy spoke, standing near a wall. "Sorry Steven, i'd stay next to you, but the last time we hugged I passed out."

"Precisely." Peridot continued with her scans. "Your biology is unique enough as it is with your hybrid status. This could be the end result due to some virus or plague reacting to your organic matter, or a naturally occurring ability that is unique to you alone."

"Are we sure you should be looking at his body then?" Star Diaz, the human organic, asked.

"Well we have to find out what's wrong with him." She justified her actions.

"Yeah, but magic stuff seems like a gem thing, so shouldn't you check out his gem?" Everyone was silent as she stated her observation.

"Wow, you got shown up by a human." Lapis snorted. "I should have been recording."

"Hardy har-har." Peridot grumbled at the humor aimed at her expense and inspected the inwards-shaped gemstone inside of Steven's chest cavity. "How your body continues to function still astounds me. Bismuth's gem is occupying the space where your heart and lungs would normally be."

"Guess that explains the asthma when I was younger." Steven said she continued her scans. "Then one day I just sort of was able to hold my breath for an hour, hasn't been a problem since."

"Like I said, still astounds me." She muttered, pulling out a scanner. "Try a gem function please?"

"Okay, sure." Steven nodded and focused on his hand a little. With a bright grey glow, the fingers melded together, forming a sharp singular blade in place of his hand, where there was also a slight blue tint to it. "This is the most I can do aside from the super strength."

"Good enough." Peridot muttered, looking over the data. "Odd." She double checked the readings. "I'm getting the processing waves of two gems here."

"You mean like his human half is messing with it?" Star asked.

"No, that would indicate brain waves." She clarified. "This is more along the lines of fusion but … it's off." She focused more on the blade. "Have you experienced anything particularly intense with the use of this weapon?"

"Only that I'm able to cut through magic whenever I use it."

"Bismuth couldn't do that." Jasper, who had mainly been silent, looked on in confusion. "She could beat it to a pulp and smash it, but never directly attack it like that. Could the 'brother bond' be messing with this?"

"If that was the case it wouldn't be affecting me." Marco brought up. "Maybe it's something inside. Don't you store up weapons inside your gem sometimes?" He asked Jasper.

"Most Gems are able to summon their own weapons, but Bismuth's are crafted differently." Jasper explained. "What makes them unique is their incredible, and their morphable flexibility combined with their gem's metallic like nature."

"Still, wouldn't put it past Bismuth to store some sort of surprise inside of herself." Lapis snicked. "Said she wanted to give her kid 'every edge to win no matter what'."

"Way too sentimental." Peridot noted. "But not unfounded … we could send in my experimental robonoid!" She shouted with excitement, rushing to pull it out and power the device up. "How you doing, girl, ready to do a job for mama?" It gave a wirl in response.

"She expresses more emotion for a bucket of bolts than any of us." Marco muttered.

"Sentimental creation." Lapis spoke up. "She would have done the same for corn if it was capable of talking." Such a shame. What was the point of studying agriculture if she couldn't lead her own army of vegetation!?

"I'm surprised Bismuth was the one with a kid if that's how she feels." Star mentioned.

"She was the only one that took an interest with Humans in that way." Lapis explained. "Rest of us are either meh to it, aro, or have a dom kink that can't be satisfied."

"I have so many qu-" Steven was stopped as she began to strap devices to his gem.

"Now, you may feel a small existence glitch, perfectly natural." Peridot noted. "Just don't blink."

"What about-aahhhh!" Steven's form began shaking and stirring with a buzz as the robonoid ventured into his gem. It took about a minute before a distinct 'ding' could be heard.

"Aha, it found something!" Peridot shouted in elation as it slowly crawled out. "Now let's see what the.."

All members of the Crystal gems froze as what was held within her robonoids extraction beam was a marginal sized chunk of crystal…a blue shard that instantly made Marco fall to the ground the moment it was presented for all around to see.

"Marco!" Steven shouted, his movement and worry, destabilizing the process, causing a wave of blue energy to send everything flying back, the shard nowhere to be seen from Peridot's view from the ceiling.

"That … that was her shard." Lapis spoke with terror. "Steven, one of her shards is inside your gem."

"Who's shard?" The boy asked.

"Blue Diamond's." Jasper answered. "She's one of the four diamond leaders of the gem homeworld, and long ago, Blue Diamond set out to colonize Mewni. Bismuth formed the rebellion against her that ended with the Diamond shattered into a hundred pieces." She explained, the others staring in shock. 

"Her shards hold power … and consciousness … and now she rests inside you." Peridot finished with horror.

"So I have an anti magic thousand year old space tyrant tied to my gem?!" Steven freaked. "Why the heck would my mom do that to me!?"

"Probably multiple reasons." Peridot stated. "One would be to make sure the shards could never reform …"

"Another would be to give you 'the edge'." Lapis continued. "In case … you ever had to fight magic."

"Why would he need to fight magic? The only ones with it on Mewni are the Butterfly family and the commission." Marco said.

"Bismuth was always one for preparation." Jasper stated. "Contingencies in case she was betrayed by a friend … even us."

"She sounds super paranoid." Star stated.

"Yeah … like Marco in the shower." Steven muttered, staring at his hands with a hint of worry.

========================================================================

Mina held out her map. "Alright, here's the plan." She told the best royalty she's ever met other than Solaria. "First, we need to raise an army. We're powerful, but we can't hit everywhere at once."

"Shouldn't be too hard. Just make a few vague promises here and there and half of Mewni will be lining up to join." The princess answered as they looked at the map. 

"Oh, I'm good at pacifying manticores and warnicorns, I can round a couple of those beasts up so we can focus the manpower on fighting." Quaser, the apparent child of that vile and deplorable Rose Quartz, said with eager elation. Originally she was all set to kill him the moment she saw the gem, but quickly changed her tune when the first words that she heard out of his mouth were 'I hate monsters', something the real Rose would never do if her life depended on it.

"Now, while most monsters will be easy, as they're weak and pathetic trash, we have a few outliers." She noted. "The Septari regenerate from any wound, the Lucitors have massive amounts of hellish flames, and the Ponyheads have lasers with flight. We need to approach them swiftly and when they least expect it." She noted.

"Oh, the Lucitor's will be easy. That horned bastard of a prince has a crush on me. Just got to lure him in a corner and hold him for ransom. The queen comes running with emotions high, and BAM!" Star Butterfly clapped her hands loudly. "Chop her head off and the demons are left without a leader."

"Excellent." Mina nodded with a smile. "Then I take it you'll go after the lizards, crush them in a bubble and refuse to let them breathe."

"Finally, live action is something I've been dying for for ages." The boy complained. "Now we get to take a genuine try at fixing this world." Definitely an improvement over his bitch of a birth mother. "Can you imagine it Star, we're gonna wipe out the monster menace from the world."

"Yeah, I mean, it's so weird that no one's thought of it sooner." Star pondered. "I thought at the very least people would try to eliminate the threat of the underworld."

"Sadly, there's a horrible truth about the world that I learned a long time ago." Mina spoke solemnly. "Mewmans aren't that bright. They're easily swayed by money and charisma. Just push the right buttons, and you can get anyone to compromise on the values of right and wrong."

"Would explain why Moon didn't go for the heart." Star complained. "She was waaay too weak to be a queen back then." Glad someone else could see it.

"Precisely, which is why if we're going to truly fulfill Solaria's ambitions, we need to rip out the roots of this terrible world and burn it down!" Mina said as she placed three distinct figurines on the table. "So after we're done taking out those filthy kingdoms, we'll take down the Magical High Commission next."

"Yes! I can finally take down Rhombulus!" Quaser shouted with his hands up. "That guy doesn't know when to shut up. Heh, maybe I can freeze him in his own crystal."

"Wait … the Commission?" Star asked with a hint of confusion.

"Yea, while they are powerful and oversee the use of magic, the fact of the matter is that at the end of the day, they are monsters as well." Mina explained. "Snake hands, fangs, and horns." You couldn't get more monstrous than that.

"Plus they just set rules without any benefit." Quasar waved his hand. "Like, why would Hekapoo be trusted with scissors when it's a genuine science to make them? It's not like they're special when any Mewman exposed to magic can replicate the process."

"Exactly, thank you!" She ruffled the boy's head. "Magic belongs to the Mewmans, it should be in the hands of Mewmans only!"

"Um … are we alright with this?" Star asked them. "I mean, not that I don't mind offing monsters and making Mewmans superior but … the commission raised us, you know? They're the closest thing we have to family other than each other, since your mom's a traitor and my parents…." The girl's face held a hint of curiosity. "..Why don't I live with my parents full time?"

"Because they're spineless idiots that couldn't lead a rat out of a bag." Quasar said. "That's what Mina always tells us."

"Yeah, trust me, they don't have the hearts you do." She patted her back.

"Don't worry Star, it'll be fine." Quasar held his sister's hand. "It doesn't matter if we lose the commission, Mina, or anyone else. As long as we have each other, we'll be okay." He smiled. "We're all the family we need." Mina should probably take that personally, but he was doing his best to get through to his sister, so she'd let it slide.

"Yeah, we have each other." The girl muttered, looking less enthusiastic than when this meeting started. "I'm gonna..practice my magic now…see yah in a bit."

"Just make sure to ignore half of what Glossaryck tells you!" Mina instructed. The man may be neutral, but that still didn't make him a roadblock in her plans.

"I worry about her." The boy sighed just ever so slightly. "Some days it doesn't feel like she takes the mission seriously."

"Meh, don't worry about it little man." She patted his back. "If she ever turns traitor, i'll make sure to-"

"No." He interrupted her with a very hot wave of energy. "Even if she doesn't want to kill them, we'll just take her off the battlefield … the one thing I hate more than monsters are people that hurt my sister … do I make myself clear?" Quasar asked her with an ice cold tone.

Mina felt fear, intimidation…but most of all…she felt pride and excitement. "Hah! I never would've guessed the heart of a true Solarian would've been found in you! To dedicate oneself to another is the essence of a noble knight and warrior!"

"A knight …" He smiled. "I hope I can be the best knight Mewni has ever seen … better than even the Rose Guard could have dreamed of being." Was this what it felt like to be a mother?

========================================================================

Star woke up in the middle of the night, staring at the window. "So that's why Connie said to never eat pickles before bed." Weirdest trip dream she's had ever since the smile dip. "I need some milk." She slowly pulled herself out of bed, making sure to keep quiet. She didn't want to wake up the guy sleeping on the bottom bunk after all.

Steven was definitely a great change of pace around the house. He was happy and excitable just like her, and he appreciated the sight of rainbow colors on the walls. He was even nice enough to help her clean it when Mom got mad.

And he definitely fit in with her friend group. Marco treated him as a naive protege, Connie introduced him to the world of boring books, and Jana taught him how to break into an abandoned movie theater. Not to mention his puppy dog crush on that Kelly girl who hung out with Brittny. If she wasn't so obsessed with not being abandoned by anyone, she might have been a decent girl to hook him up with too.

Eh, she would worry about shipping her sort-of little bother with a good girl when she wasn't trying to rub eye-crust out of her sockets. She took extra time to be careful about going down the stairs, stepping on her tippy toes to make sure the creaking didn't wake up anyone.

"What do you mean it isn't going well?" Star stopped instantly, hearing her mother talking inside of the kitchen. "Were they really able to make such a convincing case that you can do nothing about it?" 

Her mom was talking seriously. She usually only did this with either her, her dad, that Pearl lady, or the clients for her catering business. She wanted to flee upstairs, but she was also curious about who and what her mom was talking about. A chance to learn some grown up secrets.

"I swear, the rich and decency rarely intersect." Star went down further, gazing at her mom as she paced back and forth in the kitchen, a cup of tea along with a phone in hand. "Him living here isn't a problem, but I won't allow police to search the town if you lose … He and Star just begged me to let him into school, I can't pull him out now."

Yeah, that was, weird week for her. Initially Star was jealous that Steven got to stay home all the time, but once he admitted to not having any friends his age, she made it her life's mission to get him out of the house as much as possible.

"You know that I've always been iffy about your family situation as it is. How many people did you have to pay to keep the silence for this long?" Her mom continued to talk into the phone with a disappointed tone. "They're going to search for him through your contacts, you can't just keep him in one place."

Was there something wrong with Steven living here? He didn't eat that much, and he had a lot of clothes, so money couldn't be an issue. Who was it that was trying to find him. "This would be so much easier for everyone if you've just been honest from the beginning." Honest about what? "I understand you can't do a DNA test, but I would have thought that wouldn't be needed …"

Why was a DNA test involved? Was she implying…. "I understand you care about him Rose … even if he isn't yours." Star fell back out of shock, accidentally creating a large creek.

"..I'll get back to you later Rose." Her mother hung up. "Star, I know it's you. Your father would've made a bigger disturbance, and Steven wouldn't have tried to hide."

"Dang it, you're good." Star muttered before walking up to her mom, a nervousness in her arms as she rubbed herself."... Does Steven know?" She asked.

"No, and unfortunately for us, it's rather prudent that we keep it that way." Her Mom rubbed her head in frustration. "Rose had certain..complications trying to give birth, so she chose…shall we say..,a third party…to carry the baby."

"And … that 'home problem' he mentioned is getting worse, right?" She asked.

"You have to understand, when we were younger, we thought we could get away with anything, with all our wealth and power." Mom continued with tears running down her eyes. "Rose in her youth tried to strike out on her own and made many, many questionable decisions, decisions her family want to 'correct' in their own way."

"And now they think Steven can be their second chance at a 'correct way'?" Star asked.

"According to Rose, they want him to be 'a perfect and radiant diamond', and spiel like that." Moon sighed. "Please don't tell him any of this Star, for his sake. Rose is trying everything to give him a happy and free life …"

"I get that, I really do." Star sighed frustrated. "But if he's not related, then why would.."

"His…real mom…for lack of a better word...has her own baggage, she wasn't able to raise Steven herself, and if they ever knew she was pregnant at the time …" She stopped talking, shaking her head. "His birth mother tries in her own way to be a part of his life, but even that's brought its own slew of problems, which is why Rose chose to place him here instead of with her."

"So what now?" Star asked. "Take him on a trip into the forest and live out as wild Tarzan people?" At the very least they'd still have a way to contact friends.

"No, we live out our lives as best as we can for the moment and keep Steven as happy as possible, give him some semblance of a decent childhood." Mom patted her on the shoulder. "Thank you for making him feel welcomed in our home Star, it's literally the best thing you could've done for him."

"Of course I was gonna do that, he was a child in desperate need of a smile." Star answered. "Now, i'm gonna get some milk, and try to sleep off this highly insane series of reveals as I plan on how to make a firework bomb for next week."

"Star, don't you dare..!"

She sent her mom a smirk. "It's for his happiness." It took everything in her willpower to not choke while drinking and watching her mom have a mental crash simultaneously.

========================================================================

"... You'd think Pink Diamond as my mom would be the biggest revelation ever." Steven deadpanned to himself.

"Yeesssh, Yeah, Grunkle Stan's secret has nothing on this." Mabel winced. "Sorry dude."

"Neither did the Omnitrix's self destruct mode being capable of destroying the universe." Ben mentioned as he patted the boy's back.

"Why is everyone we know either traumatized beyond mentally sound and/or capable of destroying reality three times over?" Jake … the dragon guy, not the dog, asked. "Like, there's rarely a 'neither' with us."

"Trauma becomes part of the adventuring package when you do it long enough." Finn answered. "It was when I turned thirteen that the evil bozos that I fought started making me ask more existential questions."

"I could deal with the existential dread better if it wasn't for the constant secret keeping." Star huffed here. "I mean, how many of us here alone have had some big secret that was kept by family that shook up how we saw things."

"Me." Anne raised her hand. "Hop pop hid the calamity box, so I had trouble trusting him for a while, then there was the thing with Marcy."

"Us." Blossom nodded. "Fourth sister we never got told about."

"Here here." KO raised their hand. "Mom was undercover for point and dad's a villain.

"Us too." Dipper joined in. "Grunkle Stan hiding a weirdness portal almost all summer."

"Actually my family is perfectly honest." Wander noted. "Haven't seen then in five hundred years, but we write to each other."

"Same, my family is really nice, and definitely not related to the supernatural." Ladybug nodded.

"My dad is a jerk, but no super secret stuff." Chat Noir scoffed.

"I was usually the one trying to keep secrets from people, mainly about how I was feeling." Luz joined in.

"Can't think of any life changing secrets that I've come across." Phineas turned to his brother. "You Ferb?" The green haired boy shook his head.

"My dad whipped his own memory, so technically it wasn't his fault." Number One noted.

"I found out my girlfriend was a huntsman that was specifically tasked with killing me." Dragon Jake put in.

"Romantic problems … the worst." Kelly patted his back in sympathy.

"And I knew everything from the start." They all turned to Glossaryck, eating another damned cup of pudding. "... Sup."

"Guys, Glossaryck, the all knowing, all powerful, neutral jerk." Star rolled her eyes. "What brings you here?"

"Meh, just came to see the secret come out, now I can finally openly call Rose Pink without it sounding like a nickname." The jerk said as he ate a scoop of pudding.

"Of course you knew about it, because why not." Steven groaned. "Are you here just to say how it should've been obvious, because I'm not in the mood right now."

"Nah, she was a friend, respected her privacy just as much as she did mine." He responded off handedly. "In fact, only one other queen knew about her identity, and she didn't have memory hopping powers."

"That's going to a story for another day." Star grumbled. "Well if your not here to brag, then why are you here?"

"To do what I always do for young Butterflies. To educate and enlighten." The tiny genie responded. "If you're actually willing to listen, I can tell you the whole story of the Gems."

Steven raised an eyebrow. "No mind games, no screwing with my emotions?" 

"Not this time Steve." The blue jerk said seriously. "I even have a few guest speakers to help bring the story along." He turned to a small cabinet. "You can come out now."

"Sorry." Domino god came out from a cabinet. "With this tiny form comes the desire to enter confined spaces."

"Goood Morning!" A cannonball crashed through the roof of the house, which than morphed into a small statured man with a propeller hat, mustache, and a Fanny pack.

"Uncle Grandpa!?" Marco yelled in shock. "Wait, so you weren't a fever dream I hallucinated!?"

"Why would I be? I'm the uncle and grandpa of everyone after all." The man smiled, handing them a bowl of ice cream sundae.

"Wow, I think my weirdness meter broke." Gwen said with a shocked expression.

"Yay, he broke a record!" Spoke a shadow on the wall, causing them all to jump back. " Hey there Luz!"

"The Collector!?" Luz shouted. So this was the childish god he heard about … not what he expected. "What are you doing here!? I thought you were bound to the Boiling Isles?"

"I am, I just heard about the story time we're about to have, so I projected myself." The shadow looked around. "Aren't we missing someone?"

"Sorry there chaps." The group turned to a man in a lab coat carrying a red sphere with polka dots on it. "Had to carry these guys by hand, difficult little bugger it was." … Today was a really … REALLY weird day. 

"He has the Kwami!!" Ladybug stood up, prepping her Yoyo.

"Don't be alarmed. I assure you that I mean no harm to you or these creatures." The man bowed. "In fact, Uncle Grandpa, I believe you had a surprise for Tiki and Plagg."

"Right right, I know they're in here somewhere." The man reached inside his fanny pack. "Give it a moment … and there!" He pulled out a floating bug thing, along with a floating cat thing. "There we go."

"So … much … lint." The cat spoke, coughing a lot. "I almost forgot how much I hate pocket dimensions."

"Plagg!?" Chat Noir spoke with surprise. "How did you pull my Kwami out of-"

"I'm Uncle Grandpa, don't question it, Chat." The paradoxical fever dream patted the boy's back.

"Small note though, using your powers in this state will cause you to tear a hole inside of reality." Cat Domino told the two heroes. "So please don't."

"Okay, this is starting to get just a little bit too freaky for me." Luz said, looking like she was backing away.

" Don't be like that, human. It's not everyday you get told cosmic secrets directly from the deities mouths!"

"How are gems a 'cosmic secret'?" Anne asked with a raised eye. "Aren't they just aliens?"

"Yes and no." The man in the lab coat placed the sphere down, pressing on the sides of it. "They are aliens, but Glossaryck, the Guardian, and the Collector accidentally played a part in creating them."

"I have no regrets! Pink was great!"

"Alright, now I am both intrigued and terrified." Steven noted with minor regret. "So what's with the polka dot ball?"

"That's the box of Kwamis." Ladybug stated, the lab coat man handing it over to her. "All of the Chinese ones anyway." 

Out of the many flying animals that came out of the small orb, the rabbit paused, staring at the guy in a lab coat. "... Paradox …" They spoke with annoyance and hate.

"I see my reputation with the celestial sapiens proceeds me." The man, apparently named Paradox, chuckled.

"I am the embodiment of time, you are the biggest nightmare I have, and you're not even nice about it like Steven and Star are." They stated with annoyance. "If it wasn't for you constantly stopping Eon I would despise you even more."

"I am so lost right now." Buttercup moaned. "Anyone here taking notes?

"I'm doing my best." Dipper and Webby scribbled furiously. "Alright, so from what I can gather, we have three gods, fifteen embodiments of concepts, a guy who is everyone's uncle and grandpa somehow … and a professor?" He asked with confusion.

"Time Traveler." He spoke with a light laugh. "Technically I built the first time machine … if you discount magic."

"It is the best way to travel." Glossaryck said before turning to everyone. "Now to understand what we're getting at, we must go back to the beginning, a time when time had barely existed as a concept."

"My brain was still fuzzy back then." The bunny nodded.

"We are going … to the big shabang."