Chapter 18: Feel
Rodney stood at the entrance of the school, taking a deep breath as he prepared to face another day. His heart raced, feeling the weight of the decision he made over the break. As he stepped inside, he spotted Derek leaning against a row of lockers, engrossed in a novel.
"Hey Derek," Rodney called out, walking towards him with an air of newfound confidence.
Derek looked up and grinned, marking his page before closing the book. "Well, look who's back. How was your break?"
"It was amazing actually," Rodney replied, shuffling his feet. "The first time in a long time where we actually had fun as a family. I even have video evidence my mom rode the Tower of Terror"
"Really?" Derek raised an eyebrow, skepticism etched on his face. "I will need to see said video evidence before making my judgment. I am glad that you had a good time, all we did on mine was fish."
"I thought you loved fishing?" Rodney asked, though doubt now lingered in the back of his mind.
"I never said it was a bad thing," Derek said, clapping Rodney on the back. "Now let's walk and talk buddy, because if I am late for Mr. McLullen's class, he going to sit me in the hallway for sure."
Together, they began walking down the hallway, Rodney was glad to be back talking to Derek, and Marcy was right he had found new friends.
As they turned a corner, they passed by Ally and Matt, who were locked in conversation. Without hesitation, Rodney kept walking, determined not to let his past feelings hold him back.
Ally's eyes widened, surprise etched on her delicate features as she watched Rodney continue down the hall without even stopping.
"Did you just walk by Ally without even a wave?" Derek asked, frowning slightly. "Am I living in Invasion of the Body Snatchers right now?"
"Haha, you are the one who can't be late to class, so I am making sure you get there" Rodney teased, but the slight hesitation in his voice betrayed his uncertainty. "I guess also over the break whenever I was alone, Ally wasn't the person I wished was there with me. If anything what this year has taught me is Ally and I only really work as friends and I am fine with that."
"Uh-huh," Derek replied, clearly unconvinced. the bell rang out before he could finish his thought. "Oh crap, I'm late!" he yelled as he disappeared down the hallway.
-----
After school, Rodney made his way to the workout room, driven by his desire to make some changes in his life. He found Matt at the weight bench, lifting an impressive amount of weight. Rodney approached, unsure what to say but knowing that they would have to share the space.
"Hey, Matt," Rodney began, trying to sound casual. "How was your break?"
Matt grunted, not bothering to look up from his workout. "Fine."
"Listen, I just wanted to clear the air between us." Rodney swallowed hard, feeling vulnerable. "I want you to know that I never wanted to make things complicated between you and Ally. I just wanted to be friends."
Matt finally looked at him, his eyes cold and dismissive. "I don't know what gave you the idea that I wanted to be friends with you, I only tolerate you because Ally likes you. So you go over there and I will stay here and we can both pretend that the other doesn't exist"
"Sorry for bothering you then," Rodney muttered, dejected. He turned to leave, his chest tight and he wondered why Matt's words hurt him so much. He knew Matt didn't like but this still felt like a knife to the heart. He decided he could start working out another day and fled the room.
-----
Rodney's sneakers scuffed against the sidewalk, the weight of Matt's rejection still heavy on his shoulders. He tugged at the strap of his backpack, inhaling sharply in an attempt to keep his emotions in check.
"Hey, Rodney!" Derek called out, jogging over to him with a concerned expression etched on his face. "I thought you were planning on working out, you know to start fresh after the break as you put it. What happened?"
"I ran into Matt, I should have known he would be there, he practically lives there. I probably shouldn't have tried to talk to him but it did and it blew up in my face," Rodney admitted, his voice wavering slightly as he recounted the events that unfolded in the workout room.
"Matt?" Derek's face darkened, and his fists clenched. "Asshole! I should find him and teach him a lesson."
"Thanks, but I was the one who went over there and talked to him." Rodney forced a weak smile. "I can't blame him for not liking me, from his perspective I have been all over his girlfriend for months. I just hope over time he can see I really just want to hang out with my friend with it feeling like we are cheating"
"Wow, so you did go on some kind of spirit quest over break or something? Did Mufasa appear to you in the stars?" Derek teased, but his eyes remained serious. "Look at you, all mature and stuff."
"Something like that." Rodney shrugged. "But right now all I want is a BBQ chicken pizza and a smoothie."
"Ah, now there is the Rodney I know," Derek replied. "Let's get you that pizza." They both laughed and headed off down the road to Pepi's Pizza.
-----
The week passed by quickly and Friday night finally rolled around, Rodney kicked off his shoes when he got home and noticed his mom was doing a double shift and Marcy was out with friends, so he would be home alone tonight.
His phone buzzed "I just got Until Dawn, want to play it?" Parker texted, nervous energy radiating from the phone.
"Sounds good to me," Rodney agreed, "My place is empty if you want to come here."
"Awesome see you soon" In no time at all Parker walked through the front door.
"Right this way" Rodney motioned Parker inside. "I have the PS4 all setup and ready to go."
The pair made their way to the living room and found their positions on the couch. Parker slipped in the game and they watched the intro all about how the choices they make will impact the story later on.
"This is going to be fun," Rodney said, his face lighting up with anticipation. Parker looked at Rodney just glowing and lucky just to be there. Parker nodded in agreement and the game began.
As the night wore on, Parker's heart hammered in his chest. Rodney had seemed to not mind that he moved closer to him, and he could feel the weight of the words he had always wanted to say pressing against his lips. Rodney leaned forward, eyes focused on the screen, blissfully unaware of the internal storm brewing within his friend.
"Rodney," Parker practically shouted, startling them both. He paused the game, hands shaking as he gripped the controller. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Uh sure, what's up?" Rodney asked, eyebrows furrowing with concern. Unsure why Parker had taken such a serious tone all of a sudden.
Taking a deep breath, Parker confessed, "I really like you. And not just, like, as a friend. More like in an, I want to kiss you kind of way." Parker's face went beat red, but he knew Madison's advice was right and he needed to know.
Rodney blinked, clearly taken aback. "Wait, what? Are you serious?" Rodney searched Parker's eyes for any signs of deception, cautiously aware this could be a joke.
"Dead serious," Parker replied, his voice wavering slightly. "I've never felt this way about a guy before, or anyone for that matter, and I don't even know if you're into guys or not. I was so scared of ruining our friendship that I didn't say anything. Plus, I knew how you felt about Ally, and I didn't want to get in the way...."
Before Parker could continue his thought spiral, Rodney burst into laughter. "You are starting to sound just like me. In all honesty though for the entire break, the only person I wanted to be there with was you. I have never done it before but I wouldn't mind if you kissed me." he blushed.
"Really?" Parker's face lit up, hope blossoming in his chest.
"Absolutely," Rodney confirmed, a grin spreading across his face.
With a shared glance, they leaned in, their lips meeting in a tentative kiss. At that moment, Rodney's mind filled with fireworks, sparks igniting like the grand finale of a fairy tale. When they pulled apart, they stared at each other, breathless.
"Wow," Rodney whispered, his cheeks flushed. "How did that feel for you?"
"I was great, way better than any other kiss I have had," Parker breathed, his eyes shining with happiness. "You?"
"I literally saw fireworks," Rodney said, he had thought about kissing Parker so many times before now, and now that he had done it, he wished he had done it sooner.
They leaned in for another kiss, this one more passionate and lingering. But as they lost themselves in each other's embrace, the sound of a knock at the door brought them back to reality. They sprang apart just as Parker's dad was waiting at the front door.
"Hey, boys," he said, oblivious to their previous actions. "Parker your phone must be dead, I didn't hear back from you."
"Uh, oh yeah it must have died with me noticing," Parker suggested, his voice cracking slightly.
"Well, it is almost curfew, time to head home" Parker's father informed them.
"Sorry about that," Rodney added, trying to appear casual. "We totally lost track of time."
"I get it, boys will be boys. Grab your game and hop in the car, let's go," With that, Parker's dad left to wait in the beat-up Ford Fiesta, closing the door behind him.
"Rodney," Parker began hesitantly, his gaze flicking away from his friend, "can we keep his a secret? It's just you know how crazy catholic my dad is, he would kick me out for sure if he found out."
"Of course," Rodney agreed, understanding the concern etched on Parker's face. "I don't want you to get hurt over a kiss."
"Thank you," Parker whispered, relief washing over him as he reached for Rodney's hand. The two smiled softly at each other, but Rodney wondered in the back of his mind if he really could keep this amazing thing a secret forever.
-----
As the car vanished around the corner, Rodney thought about Parker, the way he smiled, the way the kiss felt, how he wished he could feel that way forever. The sky was a blend of rich purples and blues, dotted with stars that seemed to wink at him as he stared up at them.
Rodney flopped onto his bed, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out to find a text from Derek. "Hey man," it read, "anything interesting happens tonight?"
Rodney hesitated, his thumbs hovering over the screen. Part of him wanted to tell Derek everything - about Parker saying he liked him as more than a friend and their Earth-shattering kiss. But he remembered the vulnerability in Parker's eyes when he'd asked to keep their relationship a secret, and Rodney didn't want to betray that trust. Besides, he wasn't sure how Derek would react to the news. Would Derek hate him if he knew he liked another guy? Rodney didn't want to find out the answer to that question.
"Pretty laid back, actually," he typed, trying to keep his response casual. "Just hung out Parker and played video games."
"Sounds chill," Derek replied. "You should come over this weekend and play the newest Dark Pictures game with me. It's supposed to be intense!"
Rodney's stomach twisted into knots at the thought of spending time with Derek while keeping such a monumental secret. What if he accidentally let something slip? He couldn't risk losing both of his friends over this.
"I will if I have time," he wrote back. "I've got a mountain of homework to tackle."
"Ah, bummer," came Derek's response. "Well, let me know if you want to hang out later this week. Later, dude!"
"Will do. Later!" Rodney sent one last message before putting his phone away. He felt guilty lying to Derek, Derek was his friend after all and real friends don't just stop being your friend over something as small as who you like. Rodney tried to convince himself of this fact, but a voice in the back of his mind whispered that telling anyone would cause him more harm than good.