Cheating My Way Through Marvel and Beyond

After two visits to Stark Industries and pocketing two checks for $100,000 each, Jack was starting to think he might just become a professional money magnet.

And then, just as he was lounging around, contemplating whether he should use his newfound wealth to invest in something productive—or, more likely, splurge on luxury booze and questionable life choices—he got a call from Pepper herself.

Looks like Tony Stark finally remembered he had a fighting coach.

Jack grinned. Time to teach the billionaire genius, playboy, philanthropist a thing or two.

Big Houses and Bigger Egos

Happy was sent to pick him up, which wasn't much of a surprise. What was a surprise was Happy's sudden interest in kung fu.

"Hey, uh... do you think I can learn this stuff too?" Happy asked hesitantly while driving Jack to Tony's place.

Jack smirked. "Sure, why not? But only if your boss agrees. And if you're willing to squat so low your ass could double as a coffee table."

Happy grumbled something about not wanting to seduce anyone with his butt, which made Jack burst into laughter.

When they finally arrived at Tony's insanely oversized cliffside mansion, Jack had to take a moment to soak it all in.

"Damn. This place is bigger than my last three bad decisions combined."

And yet… despite owning what looked like a futuristic shopping mall, Tony didn't even bother hiring maids. A billionaire living like a college dropout. Classic.

Inside, Jarvis greeted him with that smooth British accent.

"Welcome, Mr. MrThrustalot."

Jack smirked. "Gotta say, Jarvis, it sounds like you're thrusting the 'Mr.' a little too hard there. You hitting on me?"

"I am merely following protocol, sir," Jarvis replied, entirely unbothered.

Jack chuckled. Damn, this AI's got better self-control than me.

Squats, Seduction, and Suffering

Tony, already dressed in workout gear, greeted Jack on the mansion's massive balcony. "Alright, let's get started. Show me something useful."

Jack crossed his arms. "Patience, rich boy. Before you learn to kick ass, you gotta learn how to squat."

He clapped his hands, gesturing for Tony and Happy to drop into a horse stance.

"Lower. Lower. Lower, Happy! Damn, man, are you trying to flash me with that fat ass?" Jack teased.

"Shut up!" Happy groaned, struggling to keep his posture.

Tony, meanwhile, actually seemed to be holding up well. "I've done this before. Learned a bit of Wing Chun from a master."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And how was he?"

Tony shrugged. "Good, I guess. But you seem better. I mean, he didn't have this level of confidence."

Jack grinned. "Well, real kung fu isn't just about fancy moves. It's the art of killing people. What they teach out there is mostly showmanship. Think of it like the difference between Hogwarts wizards and those cheap party magicians who pull fake rabbits out of hats."

Tony smirked. "So you're saying you're a dark wizard of kung fu?"

Jack winked. "Call me Voldemort, baby. 'Cause once I get serious, your ass is done for."

The training continued, with Jack making them endure squats, physical conditioning, and eventually, sparring rounds. Over time, Tony started getting dangerously good. Happy… not so much.

After nearly a month, Tony could hold his own, which was both impressive and mildly concerning. The man was already a genius billionaire—did he really need badass martial arts skills too?

But more importantly, Jack and Tony had grown close. Turns out, they had a lot in common—hating formalities, despising pretentious people, and, of course, messing with Happy for fun.

Speaking of which...

The Nickname War

Jack and Tony had started calling, Happy The Seducer and Happy The Legend just to mess with him.

Happy was not happy.

"You guys suck," he grumbled one day after losing a sparring match to Tony. "I swear, if I keep getting my ass kicked, I might as well transfer to Stark Industries' security team."

Jack smirked. "Aww, come on, Happy. If it makes you feel better, I hear Stark's security division loves big guys with even bigger asses."

Tony burst into laughter.

Happy flipped them off.

Elsewhere…

Meanwhile, at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters in Washington, D.C., Nick Fury stood by his office window, arms crossed, staring dramatically at the skyline like he was posing for a gritty movie poster.

Behind him, dressed in her signature black combat suit, was Black Widow.

"All agents are dead or uncooperative. The last two refuse to speak, no matter how hard we push them," she reported.

Fury didn't seem bothered. "Doesn't matter. We've already dismantled their network. They can't do shit." He finally turned around, giving her a sharp look. "Tell me, Romanoff, how does it feel dealing with your old colleagues?"

Black Widow's face remained neutral. "I've done a lot of things I regret. If I can use my knowledge to stop them, then it's justice."

Fury raised an eyebrow, then smirked. "Good answer."

Then he casually grabbed a file from his desk and tossed it toward her.

"By the way, I want you to look into someone else. A certain troublemaker you ran into the other night."

Black Widow caught the file, flipping it open. Right on the first page was a picture of Jack, along with his name: Jack MrThrustalot.

Her eyes narrowed.

"This guy?"

Fury nodded. "Yeah. He's interesting."

Black Widow stared at the photo for a moment, thinking back to their alleyway encounter… and the damn bullet he'd flicked into her cleavage.

Her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Interesting isn't the word I'd use."

Fury smirked. "Then what would you call him?"

Black Widow sighed, closing the file.

"A pain in the ass."