Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

19 – Magical Initiation (5)

A string of unexpected situations.

First, she’s shoved into handling a monster with only a wand. Then, after fighting the monster to the best of her ability, they suddenly demand she hand over the final blow.

In that instant, a bob-haired, mint-colored magical girl starts giving us grief again.

“Hey, I said hand it over, quick.”

Honestly, it was ridiculous.

She’d heard that monster slaying was tied to promotion for magical girls. The stronger the monster you caught, the better your chances of moving up the ranks.

In other words, taking down monsters was a magical girl’s performance record.

“I’m asking nicely. Huh?”

Then this monster must be quite the big shot. Seeing them pushing this hard, you could get a sense of it.

However, she didn’t feel like giving them what they wanted.

Unless they begged, maybe.

Did this b*tch think she was owed something?

As if the bob cut didn’t already make her head look like a dick, the way she was talking really cemented it.

Both of them were dicks.

Visually.

And personality-wise.

It seemed this wasn’t just her feeling, as Sora sharply fired back.

“Why should we!”

But the opposition only answered with scorn.

“You’ve already bagged plenty, haven’t you? Surely you can spare one for us?”

“If you lot had actually held the line properly in the first place, we wouldn’t have been swarmed by so many monsters in the first place!”

“We *did* work hard, didn’t we, guys?”

The mint-green magical girl, who’d picked a fight with us out of nowhere, added with a shrug towards her companions. They offered similar reactions.

But it didn’t make sense.

If this b*tch, as Sora said, was on the front lines, there should be some sign of the struggle.

We didn’t expect blood and sweat. Even just heavy breathing or a slightly disheveled outfit would have been enough to accept their claims.

But what about these b*stards?

Not a drop of blood shed, not a single bead of sweat. All they had were ramen broth stains and crumbs of chips on their magical girl outfits.

Simply put, this is what it was.

These sons of b*tches were too busy stuffing their faces and goofing off.

While everyone else was fighting their hearts out.

And now they wanted the last hit.

In that moment, the mint-green magical girl, who had been nothing but sneering before, suddenly spoke in a serious tone.

“Hey, listen.”

And with that she bumped Sora’s shoulder.

“What’s with calling someone ‘you lot’?”

“…”

“Even if it’s only on the battlefield, shouldn’t you be using magical girl names? Am I wrong? Tell me, Magical Girl Blue Fox.”

A perfectly valid point, and one I never expected to hear coming from that piece of shit’s mouth.

In the end, Sora quietly nodded her head.

“…You’re right. Magical Girl Mint Turtle.”

“Oh.”

I could only feel a sense of shock.

The mint-colored magical girl, who had been hounding Sora the whole time, turned her gaze to me.

“Hey, what’s with the surprised look?”

“No, it’s just, it fits so well.”

“What do you mean?”

Ah, is it only she who hasn’t a clue?

A specimen of the most witless wench imaginable. Honestly, she seems less intelligent than a goldfish.

Well, what choice do I have?

A functioning person like myself has to set her straight, I suppose.

I am the Hero, after all.

“You’re Magical Girl Turtle, right?”

“So?”

“Even ignoring the fact you look like a load of old crap, I didn’t expect your actual head to be a dickhead too.”

Why, isn’t a turtle’s head referred to as a dickhead?

And it was the same here.

Because of the bob cut, no matter how you looked at it, it resembled a dickhead. A dickhead dipped in mint chocolate.

You might say, “Is dipping a dickhead in mint chocolate even possible?” but people have already been screwed over after dipping their dickheads in baijiu, so mint chocolate is definitely within the realm of possibility.

Anyway, in many senses, she was truly a terrible woman.

“Hey! You, you son of a b*tch!”

Only now does the mint-colored Magical Girl grasp what I’m saying, erupting in a fit and raising her voice.

“This is a bob cut! Not some kind of dickhead cut you’re talking about!”

“Why so angry? You got a hard-on? Go take care of it.”

“Ugh, seriously, where did this guy even come from!”

Where did I come from, you ask?

There’s only one answer.

“Hero.”

“Hero…?”

The Magical Girl, wearing a slightly dumbfounded expression, soon cracked a sardonic grin as if realizing something.

“Ah, so you’re that famous Hero? The Hero who came from another world?”

Clearly, information about me had spread far and wide among the Magical Girls. Even this airhead knew.

“But why is a Hero so rude with his words? Huh? Even if you’re a Hero, you’re just a Magical Private now. Being from another world, do you not even know how to address superiors?”

Now that I looked closely, she really was a superior.

Four bars on her armband.

Magical Sergeant.

Most of the people behind her were superiors as well.

There are so many problems in the real world. Even those sorts of b*stards manage to achieve the rank of Magical Sergeant. Though, when *has* the world ever been without problems?

Still, a sliver of hope flickers to life.

Those idiots are *all* Sergeants. I don’t know how they got there, but they’re Sergeants nonetheless. That must mean I can definitely become a Magical Sergeant, too.

I’m not some useless nobody; I’m A-class.

In that moment, Whitedog nudges me with the elbow of the arm not holding his magic wand.

“Darky, you have to talk a little…differently to high-class *mahou shoujo*, right? Like, that thing.”

He probably thought I was just standing there in silence because I didn’t know *how* to speak.

“Uplift?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Darky, you’re surprisingly sharp, huh?”

“This is basic common sense for a hero.”

“No, you idiots! Honorifics! Honorifics!”

Why is that b*stard making such a fuss?

Anything should be fine as long as the meaning is clear.

“Anyways, we caught it, so we’re taking it and dealing with it ourselves. Got it?”

Of course, I had no intention of using honorifics.

Why should I elevate some moron with polite speech in the first place? They should have done better from the start if they had a problem with it.

“Give it a try, then.”

But the other side yielded surprisingly easily.

Their eyes said they were absolutely not the type to give up, yet I couldn’t understand their reason for acting this way.

What in the world were they relying on?

“They say there’s a thief who steals anything and everything around here? Apparently, they’ve robbed companies and even banks once or twice? This won’t be easy for you.”

The mint-colored magical girl declared outright that she was going to steal our achievement.

Well, I suppose that just meant she was that confident.

There were plenty of methods she could use.

However, there was one thing I needed to address.

“You’re making a fuss over *that*?”

“Huh?”

“I was stealing every single day back in my otherworld days, and even throughout my school days, and you’re trying to come at me with one or two thefts?”

It was ludicrous.

To talk about confidence with a few thefts under your belt.

“If you’re going to brag about thieving, at least rack up double digits like me. Get some real numbers.”

Utterly pathetic.

“What’s stealing, anyway? Just a few words is all it takes, easy peasy.”

“Bullshit, there’s no way that’s possible.”

Bullshit, my ass.

It’s totally possible.

I’ve done it plenty of times.

“When I was a student, everyone cried when I confessed.”

“Why…?”

“So, I did a lot of stealing of tears.”

“Ah.”

To confess and punish.

Honestly, when I first heard it, I thought it was just complete fiction. How could confessing even make someone cry?

But I didn’t realize it would actually work.

Whether I called them out alone or did a public confession in front of everyone, the result was always a disaster.

The sudden flood of memories made me feel like shit.

“Hey, uh… confessions don’t necessarily have to be spoken, right? Like, you could write a letter or send a message…”

“Letters? That was even worse. They made me read it out loud in class, like a poetry slam. Later, my love letters even showed up as exam questions.”

“Oh, no…”

“And messages? They’d just post them as an announcement in the group chat. And never take it down until the end of the year.”

“P-please, stop talking…”

“Eventually, I didn’t even need to confess. Just sitting next to someone was enough.”

“Stop it, please…!”

For the record, the confession attack also worked in this other world.

It was way more effective than it ever was in the present world.

When the person targeting me was a woman, most of them would just start crying and lose all will to fight after a confession.

Later, it didn’t work as well as I thought, so I had to fight even when I didn’t want to. They still cried, though.

“Who dares to discuss thieving with me, you sons of b*tches.”

At my words, the magical girls who had been grinning until now wore their first somber expressions.

“Uh…”

“Umm….”

“S-sorry….”

As if someone had died here.

If you really wanna get down to it, my dignity took a slight hit.

And, just for good measure, my heart too, damn it.

My mood sours even further.

“No, well… uh, Blackie, hang in there.”

“S-Sunbae! It’s okay! It’s just because people aren’t watching! It, it must be!”

“Don’t say another word, it’s pissing me off.”

Whitey and Sora tried desperately to comfort me. Even so, their eyes flickered nervously.

In the sudden, uncomfortable silence, the mint-colored magical girl forced out a snide remark.

“I-it is kinda pathetic… but, still, for someone who’s supposed to be a hero, he’s not all that great compared to us. We’re the real villains, you know.”

“Is that so?”

I replied indifferently.

It wasn’t even worth responding to.

“Sunbae, you really didn’t do anything?”

Unlike me, Sora reacted.

“Why are you asking all of a sudden?”

“No, I mean, you must have done something.”

Frankly, I didn’t get it.

What good did it do for magical girls, the guardians of humanity, to flaunt their evil deeds?

Could you even call someone who acted like a child, bragging about doing worse things than me, a magical girl?

As I gave her a silent, questioning look, Sora whispered very quietly, just loud enough for me to hear.

“Actually, I hate them so much I want to give them a taste of their own medicine.”

Honestly, I wasn’t thrilled about it.

What’s the point of raising my voice for no good reason? It’s just a series of annoying events.

But.

“Oh, really?”

I could understand.

After all, magical girls are still people. It’s practically impossible to get along well with everyone. There are bound to be issues with someone.

The dynamic between the magical girl before us and Sora? A textbook case. And a rather severe one at that.

“The moment my sister and I got here, she started picking fights, harassing us constantly. Honestly, if she weren’t a superior, I would have taken matters into my own hands.”

“I think I get it.”

So that’s why Sora was so sharp-tongued from the start. If someone’s been awful to you for no reason, there’s no way you’d harbor any good feelings.

Just like that son of a b*tch I faced in my last battle.

So, Sora’s true intention must be to use this chance to utterly crush her in the very area of wrongdoing she so proudly flaunts.

Truthfully, I found it somewhat intriguing myself. Their incompetence was getting on my nerves too.

Well, it can’t be helped.

Looks like I’ll have to lend a hand here.

After all, I’m the hero.

“What are you two whispering about?”

“I was just telling him to tell you what he did in another world if he has nothing else to boast about.”

“Oh, really?”

The mint-haired magical girl’s smirk deepened.

“Then tell us. Just how many great misdeeds did our illustrious hero commit in this so-called other world?”

“Hmm.”

But now that I was supposed to say something, it felt vague.

It’s not that I had nothing to say. On the contrary, there were too many things to say that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed on what to say.

But what should I even talk about?

Assault? Murder? Torture? Extortion? Intimidation?

They’re all so cliché. And all self-defense, at that.

Meanwhile, Sora, seemingly frustrated by my lack of response, urgently pressed me.

“Senpai! Don’t you have anything?! Hurry and say something!”

“No, seriously, there’s too much to choose from.”

“If you really can’t pick, then how about the most memorable moment from your first day!”

“The first day…”

I definitely remember it.

It would be strange if I didn’t.

“Guess I could.”

Because after that day, every fantasy I had about that other world was shattered into a million pieces.

“Then spit it out already? So, what grand deed did our hero accomplish on their first day?”

“Senior! Quickly!”

“No, really, it’s nothing special. Just….”

As the atmosphere grew thick with mockery and desperation, becoming almost suffocating,

I dredged up the memory of that first day and opened my mouth.

“I kicked a grandma selling vegetables.”

My voice was a touch detached, yet also held a note of relief.