Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

43 – The Path of a Magical Writer

Coming back to the dorm was uneventful.

“Here, I brought it.”

“Senpai! Thank you! Thanks to you, I can finally have a decent set of inari sushi for the first time in ages!”

“Oh, thank you! I love sweets! How did you know?”

“Ugh, whatever.”

At most, he was just handing over the food and drinks he’d gotten from the Magical Cafe to Sora and Shiro.

“You will receive a single blow from a true maiden, you know!”

That is, everything was uneventful until he was suddenly whacked on the head by an octopus.

And that really hurt. The ringing in his ears started immediately, and his vision wavered for a moment.

Why was this crazy woman hitting people’s heads?

He was a regular person, frail and delicate, after all.

“How dare you ditch the bill on this maiden and run away, you know!”

“Ah, I forgot.”

Well, he supposed he deserved it.

Still, perhaps what he’d said had been somewhat helpful. The octopus seemed a lot more lucid than she had been earlier.

That was a relief.

His head wasn’t relieved, but still, whatever.

Then, a sudden thought struck him, and he spoke.

“Hey, but did you guys know that the octopus is a writer? I just found out today.”

The reactions were split.

“Me? I kinda already knew.”

“Oh, did you?”

Sora responded listlessly. As if there was nothing to be surprised about, or perhaps that the yubu chobap she was currently eating was far more important.

“Huh? Really? A real writer?”

“Apparently, he’s a web novelist, to be exact.”

“Didn’t know that. Quite the surprise.”

In contrast, Heuindungie’s eyes widened as he repeatedly voiced his questions. It was a reaction that showed he hadn’t expected it at all.

Nakta, clearly pleased with Heuindungie’s reaction, wore a confident smile.

“Now do you comprehend the maiden’s superiority?”

“I should’ve skipped university and just written web novels! Then I would’ve built up a hefty nest egg─!”

“You little b*stard, what did you just say!!!”

That was until Heuindungie scratched at her temper.

“Never! Never! Never! Speak such garbage to other writers, including me!”

“Okay, okay……”

Perhaps this was the first time he’d seen Nakta in such a fit of rage. Heuindungie quickly shrank back, glancing sideways. Just like a puppy who’d made a mistake and was now watching nervously.

Well, he only had himself to blame.

“Unnie’s at fault this time.”

“That’s right.”

Even if he was a brainless reject, he should still be able to distinguish between what to say and what not to say. Heuindungie had crossed the line quite a bit this time.

Meanwhile, Nakta was still not appeased, stamping her feet while glaring at Heuindungie.

“If you’re so confident, try writing something yourself!!!”

“Oh, right. I have two things I wrote down.”

This piqued my interest.

As a major shareholder of No□pia, I’m always happy to see new novels. If things go well, No□pia’s stock price might even go up, and besides, I like novels in the first place.

One of the few luxuries in my life was a No□pia subscription, so how could I not be interested?

“Oh? Show me sometime.”

“But I only wrote the first sentence for both of them.”

“So what?”

“It’s fine. Even with just the first sentence, the maiden is capable of performing magical editing.”

Nakta, like me, urged Heuindungie to show us his writing. Probably, as a writer herself, Nakta was genuinely curious.

Definitely, this was a good opportunity for Heuindung.

Revision is a chance to reference your own work through the eyes of another.

“Okay, I got it.”

Heuindung rummaged through his Magical Locker, handing us a single sheet of paper.

“Alright then, read it once and evaluate it!”

Taeishi and I carefully read the words written on the paper Heuindung had given us.

“─Aieeeee! Violence! Buddha shit! This─, what a dark age─! So unfortunate, is it not─!!”

Even thinking of it as a pervert-like scream, Kamijo Touma=san wouldn’t stop his legs from running away from the ninja at Sugoi speed.

─【A List of Certain Karate’s Ancient Records】

In this village, the sight of well-ripened organic barley ears swaying in the wind is called ‘a ninja running’.

This is because the swaying scenery looks as if a ninja is running through the organic barley fields to carry out an ambush.

─【Ninjas and Spices】

Heuindung puffed out his chest with confidence.

“How is it, my Magical Writing Technique?”

Nakji and I exchanged glances without a word, then turned our eyes back to Heuindung.

“This is plagiarism, you Sanshita.”

“This is a matter for Keijime, it is!”

I knew Heuindung was a worthless guy who lived without thinking, but I didn’t know it was to this extent.

This isn’t just being influenced.

He just took it as is.

And why a ninja of all things? Ninja? Ninja? Why? Whyever? Whyeverrrr?!

It was a truly dark-age act, akin to putting chocolate in mint.

Thanks to that, Nakji’s eyes, which had been slightly excited at the prospect of reading something new, quickly sank.

“How can you copy a famous work as it is, and nothing else, it is!”

“So, how do I write writing well? I don’t know things like this.”

Still, I decided to let it go this once.

He probably just wrote it without realizing it while doing transcription.

It wasn’t like I actually submitted anything in the first place.

Well then, all I had to do was tell him.

Doing it knowingly would be malicious, but knowing Whitedog’s personality, he wouldn’t do such a thing if he knew. Even if dogs lack a little in the brain department, they listen well.

“Even a good metaphor can lead to a decent expression.”

“Metaphor? Where can I see it?”

“They appear once in a while in most novels, and as for games, *Arknights* is the most representative.”

“Ah, I get it! Thanks!”

As if something popped into his head with my words, Whitedog suddenly started scribbling something on paper.

Just then, Octopus spoke to me.

“Oh, inferior species also happens to know *Arknights*?”

“It’s pretty famous, so of course. Octopus, don’t you know it?”

“I haven’t played it, but I know a little about it.”

“Is that so?”

I nodded, as if telling her to try it out.

Octopus opened her mouth with a confident look.

“It’s a game that describes the life of a protagonist who has lost their memories and is ideologically reformed into an animal-loving furry, no?”

“Uh…”

I was suddenly at a loss for words.

“Here, a German Chimera, destined to become the king of the Magical Jewish people, plays the main role.”

“……”

This time, not just slightly, but really strongly.

I never expected such words to come out. I thought I’d at most hear it called avant-garde.

“Inferior species, is the girl wrong? Or perhaps you don’t know what *Arknights* is, mol?”

“No, if you have to put it that way, it’s right, but…”

Something about the nuance felt strange.

Even more so because it was Octopus of all people saying it.

Trying to shake off the unnecessary thoughts, I quickly changed the subject of the conversation.

“Anyway, Octopus, what kind of characters are you planning in your novel?”

“I am planning to introduce a tomboy female character around the middle.”

I shook my head.

“That’s not a very good idea.”

“Why ever not? Tomboyishness is a far more charming trait than you realize, you know.”

“You don’t understand. Tomboyishness is a more dangerous trait than you think.”

He sees it through the eyes of a novice.

A seasoned eye knows that a tomboyish female character is a truly difficult subject to handle.

“Think about it. What about a tomboy character with a small chest and a mediocre figure?”

“Though they appear masculine, they can emphasize their feminine side at crucial moments, you see.”

See?

He still doesn’t quite get it.

“A small-chested tomboy has a high chance of being a ‘trap.’ Might have one down there.”

“Why are you suddenly sticking dicks on everything!”

“You won’t know until you check.”

Schrödinger’s crotch.

Before observation, one cannot know what lies within.

That’s why small-chested tomboys are dangerous.

“So, what about a tomboy with an amazing figure? *That* is a truly difficult subject to handle.”

Of course.

A tomboy with a killer body possesses immeasurable danger.

If anything happens, it’s straight to NTR. They are the most susceptible to being taken by gym teachers and balding male characters, so it’s practically inevitable. Consider it fate.

A wholesome romance? Not easy. They might suddenly grow out their hair at the end, losing their tomboyish identity.

And there’s no guarantee that either of them is dick-free.

“Why!!! Why do you keep trying to stick these dick-like things on their lower halves!!! If they have a dick, it’d be obvious, they wouldn’t *be* a tomboy!!!”

“Ah, that’s true.”

Perhaps because I’ve faced magical girls with dicks before, my mind is already tainted.

It’s all because I’m a magical girl.

That’s why being a magical girl is a dangerous profession.

The people around you are already crazy, and an environment is created where even normal people like me can develop mental illness without even realizing it.

“Done! Complete!”

At that moment, Whitedog’s shout assaults my eardrums.

“Sis, be a little quieter.”

“Give it a read, would you!”

Whether Sora scolded him or not, Whitedog scurried over to me and Nakji, pressing a piece of paper into our hands.

Which meant.

“Huh? You’re already done?”

“Not all of it, but for now, yeah!”

“Let us take a look, shall we?”

Taishe and I peered intently at the words Whitedog had scribbled down.

When the last handful of warmth had died, and even the faintest shadows were devoured, humanity’s most primal and vile desires erupt.

But, even in a world where all slumbered, the mire’s witness was not absent.

Another, bound by a pact thicker than blood, silently observed the absurd and pitiable tragedy through the barely parted curtains, holding back a gasp.

Whitedog puffed out his chest, brimming with confidence.

“It’s not *that* bad this time, is it?”

“It’s better than I expected, actually?”

“…I shall concede, just this once.”

Honestly, it was a surprise.

Maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting much, but Whitedog had managed to produce a somewhat decent piece of writing in that short amount of time.

Only, there was one problem.

“But, what does it mean?”

I couldn’t grasp the meaning of the content.

It seemed like something tragic had happened…

“Sora was secretly masturbating in the middle of the night, and our mother caught her.”

“Ah.”

Caught masturbating by her adoptive parents, huh.

That certainly qualified as tragic.

“Why are you telling *him* of all people, you crazy b*tch!!!”

“Ow! Ouch! Sora, that hurts!”

Well, Whitedog was also tragically getting his ass beat.

Sora, her face completely flushed, was furiously whacking Whitedog with a package of *yubu chobap* (tofu skin sushi).

“…Truly, a heart-rending thing.”

Nakji’s murmur, laced with melancholy, formed the background score to it all.

It was, in truth, a peaceful day.

Today, like so many before, and surely those to come.

Or so I thought.

“We will now commence the Magical Lecture of Private First Class Kim Shi-yul. Please, everyone, give him a warm welcome.”

“Shit.”

Until I was standing before that podium.