Danmachi: Goliath

To be honest, I didn't care that the god, Loki, was laughing at my sex life. Well, lack of it. It was actually 'humane' which made me relax more, and seeing how the three executives acted around him helped me slightly understand the dynamic between gods and mortals more clearly.

I guess some of them are just chill, but I doubt someone like Hecate or maybe Poseidon will be this chill if their mythology is anything to go by. Especially Poseidon. Bro might just kill you because you looked at him when he didn't want you to, or something like that.

But Zeus? Maybe I could go up to him and dap him up. Too bad he isn't in this city anymore, and it would take ages for me to find him as he could be anywhere on the planet. 

'Maybe if the world map upgraded to its perfect version, I would be able to,' But that's just me hoping it will.

Loki finally calmed a bit and looked at me, and I looked back at him. 'Sub bro,' I smiled, and he almost started laughing again, looking away. 

Finn chuckled softly. "Don't mind my goddess," he said, glancing at me with an apologetic look.

"I don't mind at all." I really didn't mind the god. He's cool.

I should probably not be refraining to him as 'him' since he 'identifies' as 'female'. That's a lot of quotations, but that doesn't really matter. He is a male at the end of the day.

For better understanding, think of it like this. If I take clay and shape it into a ball or into a cup, it's still clay. Same thing for Loki: he will sometimes change his shape to 'be' a woman, or a horse, or a bird, etc, but he's still Loki. The shape-shifting he does is not motivated by any form of identity or sexuality. He changes when it's needed, and then comes back to his normal shape once he doesn't need to be in that other shape anymore.

He is in this 'tomboy' or 'tomgirl' or whatever this form is because—

Oh, look, the elf is back. 'Hmm...' If I were to place smash, pass, or marry, I'd go with smash. Why not marry? Eh, she doesn't seem like the mother type. 'Says the guy that has been maidenless his whole life.'

Life is so cruel to me, man.

"This is it." The elf stood behind her chair between the captain and 'Goldilocks' and held it horizontally in front of her, allowing the staff to rest on her palms. "Is this to your satisfaction?" 

She doesn't want me to see it? I mean, wouldn't I have seen if she was going to the dungeon or something? 'Whatever.' 

"Yes," I nodded while thinking, 'Game, show me the status of that weapon, but a screen appeared.'

Tutorial: [To view the stats of an item, hold the item in your hands, then initiate the scan process to generate its status.]

Thankfully, I read so fucking fast and also monologue fast, or else I would look like a dumbass just staring at it. "However, if you don't mind, can I hold it to inspect it closely?" Noticing the change in her expression, I had to add, "Of course, I know I just left the dungeon, but I washed my hands."

Look at her face. She doesn't want me to touch it, no matter how 'calm' she looks. 'What a pain it is to be ugly.' I should have picked to be a high-elf, man. I would be playing life in creative fucking mode.

"Let him hold it." Loki smiled, finally calming down fully. "This is something you can do for the boy blessing your daughter with that sword."

My man! Such a cool god. Make me want to dap him up. We would def be bro if I was a god. Look at the High-Elf face, though. I mean, I would also be mad if some random person decided to touch my prized possession. 

It's like your unknown cousin coming to your house and touching your 2B, figuring. It happened to me once, and I almost sent the bitch to heaven after she tried to steal 9s.

'Haah,' So my bad, G. But this sword I am giving your Familia for free should make up for it.

Taking the staff from Gareth, I again asked the game for its status, once more, and a screen appeared.

[Creating Status] 

[Buffering...1%...99%...]

Damn, that was quick. The two screens barely flashed in front of my eyes before the status page appeared.

_____________________

Magna Alfs

Rank 7

Rare Staff 

Requirements: None

Description: 

Meticulously crafted by the finest artisans in Altena at the request of Loki using Holydite, and Cobalt, along with the power of nine rare Magic Treasure Stones, this piece of work is magnificent enough to be considered one of the five best staves in the entire world. It belongs to the High-Elf Riveria Ljos Alf of the Loki Familia and has been by her side for almost ten years.

+0 Magic

+0 Agility

+0 Dexterity

Enhancement: 0/12 [Sealed]*Unlockable

Accelerated Hymn: Boost chanting speed by 15%

Radiance of the Word: Boost magic damage by 15%

Boundless Horizon: Boost magic range by 10%

Harmony: Reduce magic cost by 10%

Sacred Strike: Increase blunt damage with Magna Alfs by 10%

Enchantment: 0/9

Sockets 0/3

_____________________

Yeah, this shit is so ass, bro.

What the actual fuck am I looking at. 'A rare?' Ain't no way the top ten 'staff' in the world is only a rare. 'This piece of work is magnificent enough to be considered one of the five best staves in the entire world.' I call caps.

This is not magnificent. I mean, it looks cool, but if you were a mage, which item would you pick? This sorry excuse of a rare staff or the chad, Wizard's Remnant Notes. It increases both chant and magic damage by 30%. 

30%! That's a sixty percent buff in total, and this rare only gives 60% when all its percentage is combined???

Yes, of course it can be enchanted to increase its percentage boost and no doubt would it club-stomp WRN at only 3 enchantments, but you gotta know. This world has no way to enchant weapons, or else this shit would already have maxed. 

So, at base level, which of the two would you pick?

Some might pick the staff due to the extra defensive ability it gains, but who cares when you can spam magic with that 30% chanting speed.

All in all, this staff was a joke, but I can't say that, can I? I am considerate, and I now know that this world isn't that well versed in creating weapons, so let's just...

Let's just nod.

"What do you think of one of the world's best staves?" Loki spoke, asking a question he shouldn't have asked. "Do you still think your sword is more expensive?"

"No, this is certainly worth more than my sword." I shook my head. "And definitely worth more than three hundred million." Those were the truth. I won't deny its worth.

But for this to be considered top five...?

"Why do you think so?" Gareth asked. 

Well, because it's good. What do you want me to say? You want me to say, 'These Magic Treasure Stones alone are worth a fortune. The craftsmanship is immaculate, from the flawless Holydite shaft to the delicate yet intricate engravings that likely serve more than just aesthetic purposes. The way the Cobalt is worked into the starhead is exceptional, forming a perfect conduit for magic. It's not just beautiful; it's designed for maximum efficiency in spellcasting.'

Yeah, I ain't saying that. "Because it's good." It's good for what it's worth. Still ass though.

"That's a lie." Loki's voice silenced the room.

'???' Why did he have to say something? 'It's good' is good enough.

Clearing my throat after everyone but Goldilocks turned to me, I decided to change my word. "It's nice."

"Lie~" Loki, please.

"Acceptable."

"Lie, lie~" Does he think I am trying to hide my true emotion and actually think it's 'magnificent?' If I say that, it would be a lie, so please just drop it.

"Fine." 

"Lie, lie, lie~" Loki sang. "Come on, what is your true feeling on that masterpiece?"

'Haah.' I wanted to give you face, high-elf, but your god forced my mouth.

"Ok, I will speak my heart." I looked at the grinning Loki, who was probably expecting me to say something extremely nice, like. Maybe he wanted me to say something like; 'I love it. I am hard just by holding the staff that miss high-elf held.'

'Oh, I'm bout to cum~'

But!

"This shit's ass." I saw Loki smile, freeze. "For one of the world's best staves, this is worse than I expected. I mean, come on." This is the truth you wanted, right? "A fucking rare? Not even legendary and it is considered world top ten?" The elf was acting like this was some Godly one-of-a-kind staff. Well, you can have it back.

I tossed it to the table. "What a fucking joke."

Hmm...

I think I went too far?

The temperature in the room suddenly dropped, and the High-Elf's face morphed into that of an actual predator, all her features sharp and her jade eyes seeming to glow. 

I felt like an actual deer in a headlight.

Yeah, I did go too far, but it was Loki's fault. 

"Oh?" The high-elf forced a smile which seemed even more terrifying. "Tell me. Why would you call Magna Alfs that obscene word?"

"For all its worth," I decided to salvage the situation. "Magna Alfs is a good staff. I mean, there is nothing I have..." that's better than this. That was going to be my whole sentence, but Loki is here.

He will call bullshit on that.

"...that is the same as this." Eh, that works, "It has good craftsmanship, it does have a value over three hundred million, and it's definitely a staff any mage will want to wield."

"But~" Loki, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Ok, I think I got mad because I am a bit terrified right now, but it's like he is purposely pouring fuel to the fire. And look at his smirk, bro is doing this on purpose. Of course, he is. He IS the god of mischief.

"But," I continued, while looking at the Elf that seemed like she was about to jump over the table and rip my throat out, "For a staff that's considered one of the best in the world, it's kind of..." Let's find a good word, "Underwhelming." 

"How so?" It was the Dwarf's turn to ask, but I can sense his question was a genuine one. He was actually curious, unlike Loki that just wanted to push the situation.

"Again, it's good." I stressed, but it didn't seem to calm the elf, "However, what I thought I would see was a..." Legendary weapon? No, they don't know what that is. "A weapon that would redefine what a weapon is?" Yeah, that sounds right, but not quite.

Wait, why am I answering this!? I have already completed what I came here for!

"Welp!" I slammed my palm on the table, causing Loki to jump in her seat. "I am done here." I clapped, standing up. I forgot I was sitting on air for a second there. "It was nice meeting the top executive of the most marvelous familia I have ever met."

"You've only met us." Loki said.

"Indeed," I nodded, "Enjoy your sword Goldilocks," I nodded at little level four whose name I now remember is Aisha, but I don't care about that, "Be safe in the dungeon," I nodded at the three and the still annoyed elf who seemed to be holding herself back, "And that staff? Marvelous."

"Lies."

"The best staff I have ever laid my eyes on," 

"Surprisingly... that's the truth." Loki nodded. 

'Haah.' I should have said that from the start. "Now," I quickly opened the map and switched from the Twilight Manor to the city map and selected my home. "I will see myself out." 

Without waiting for a word, I left the room while following the arrow, and no one tried to stop me. Since the meeting room was not too far from the front courtyard, I was there in an instant, where I noticed Alicia and Raul. The elf ignored me, however, Raul grated me with a smile and I returned a nod.

With that, the guard let me out and I made my way home.

To my trusty sewer.

~~~~~3rd person POV~~~~~

Loki was on her knees, her arms wrapped tightly around Riveria's legs. "Please forgive me!" she wailed, tears streaming down her face. "Don't be mad!" Her voice cracked as she buried her face against the High-Elf's legs, looking pitiful.

Riveria glanced down, clearly unimpressed but unable to push Loki away. "You did cause this situation, Loki," Finn remarked dryly, shaking his head.

Loki lifted her head slightly, still holding Riveria's legs. "I thought the true feelings he was hiding about the staff were positive, not 'ass'!" At the mention of that word, the temperature in the room seemed to drop even further. 

Feeling the atmosphere chill, Loki quickly jumped to her feet and backpedaled, waving her hands frantically. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Her eyes darted toward Ais, searching for an escape. "Goldilocks!" Loki practically screamed, "Come hug Riveria!"

Ais, sitting quietly nearby, turned her head slowly toward the goddess but instead asked in her calm voice, "Can I go to the dungeon?"

Gareth, sitting on the other side, nearly choked on his own spit, eyes wide at Ais's boldness. He coughed loudly, thumping his chest. "Let's go, girl!" he barked, quickly standing up. 'Before you get killed.' He thought as he grabbed his cloth-wrapped reaper and motioned for Ais to follow.

Ais jumped off her chair with a lightness in her step and rushed to join Gareth, the excitement for the dungeon clearly etched on her face. Just as Ais passed through the door, Gareth paused in the doorway and turned back, his gaze on Riveria. 

"Expectation versus reality," he said, shaking his head. Ais, however, didn't seem pleased with him stopping and tugged at his arm, but he continued. "Two days ago, when I managed to get my hands on a Soma wine, I expected it to knock me out immediately, but—" He froze mid-sentence as he realized what he'd just confessed. 

Both Loki and Finn were staring at him, with the Pallum smile dangerously calm. "We're struggling with budgeting for our raid next month," His eyes narrowed, "and you're buying Soma?"

Loki's apologetic demeanor vanished instantly, replaced by a fiery fury. "You rotten dwarf bastard!" she roared, glaring at Gareth. "How dare you drink Soma without me!?"

Gareth didn't waste a second. He turned on his heel and bolted through the door, locking it behind him as Loki screamed, "Get back here, you bitch!" She stormed towards the door, pulling it open, and chasing after the dwarf and human. "Don't you dare run from me!!"

As the commotion faded into the distance, Riveria and Finn were left alone in the room. The door slowly swung shut, and the silence that settled was heavy. 

"Today's meeting was more than a win for us," Finn finally spoke, pushing his chair back with a soft creak and hopping down from it. "A sword that would've cost us a fortune, and it's now ours for free." He passed behind Riveria. "Don't let what he said bother you. Magna Alfs is still one of the world's top five staves."

Riveria stayed silent as Finn left the room quietly, the door closing behind him. She stood alone now, her gaze falling to the staff on the table. After a few moment, she mumbled, 

"I need to clean that." Who the fuck knows where his hands have been. 

Then, suddenly, the door opened, and her eyes turned to it to see the giant walking in. He bent his body to pass through the door and when he saw him, cleared his throat, "Left my bag," He gestured to the sack of magic stone and drop item beside Gareth's chair. 

He picked it up and glanced at the staff, "It is truly a marvelous staff, don't let my words bother you." He said with a thumbs up. "But it could be better." 

"You speak as though you possess the means to refine it," Riveria finally spoke, her jade eyes meeting his crimson with a cool intensity. "Do you truly believe you could improve upon a staff forged by the finest masters of their craft? Please, enlighten me."

"You don't need to know how to cook to know a food can be improved." He shrugged while walking with his bag, "Maybe hit it with a hammer and hope it glows? I don't know." 

He bent to pass through the door, his free hand holding the door handle, "You have a marvelous day, miss. Don't forget to lock your doors at night." With that, he closed the door.

"... Pardon?" Riveria blinked. "Make sure I lock my door?" Why would he say that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Really don't have nothing to say for author's not except for the fact that trying to keep the character's personality similar to cannon is hard as fuck. I know I have creative freedom, but I kind of like their characters, would improve on it, but their 'base' personality are cool. What a drag.