Days as a Spiritual Mentor in American Comics

"This is..."

"A gift for you. Do you like it?" Shiller sat at the desk with one leg crossed over the other and forearms folded on his knee. "You probably didn't expect that with three Jokers in this universe, I'd be the one to surprise you, right?"

"...Indeed, I didn't." Batman slowly said, "Is he still alive?"

"Yes, not only alive but thinking, just possibly playing dead out of fear I'd kill him again." Shiller patted the Laughing bat's head, like picking a watermelon. "If I give him to you, what would you do with it?"

"Put him in a safe."

"Not research it?"

The Primary Universe Batman had decided to pose as Bruce Wayne, so he was sitting at the desk in a suit instead of his Bat Equipment. He laid one arm on the table and tapped his fingers, seemingly deep in thought.

"Too dangerous," he finally said. "There are many dangerous Batmen within the Dark Multiverse, but he feels special..."

"Stop praising him," Shiller interrupted Batman. "Say one more good word about him, and his brain will start boiling."

The tone of dissatisfaction in Shiller's voice made Batman scrutinize him more cautiously.

"What are you looking at? Afraid a Joker will suddenly pop out of me?"

"If you manage that, a Joker popping out might actually be a good thing," Batman replied.

"That sounds familiar."

"How's your health?" Batman asked, "Is the drug still effective?"

"You think without chemical stimulation, I can't achieve all this?"

"Sorry, but you sound too much like Joker."

"Maybe I'm a bit thrilled," Shiller sighed lightly, "but at least I'm not your fanatic. I'm seriously asking you—don't you plan on researching this peculiar fellow?"

"And I'm seriously answering you," Batman said. "I know many of his gadgets have extraordinary abilities, including the visor he's wearing now, but everything from the Dark Multiverse is extremely dangerous. Except in emergencies, I won't consider using them."

"Well, if an emergency arises, how would you use him?"

Brought on by Shiller's pronoun use, Batman knew he referred to the Laughing bat, so he said, "During exploration of his origin universe, I've had brief encounters with him. He appears to have a future-predicting ability, maybe I'll seek his advice."

"I'm not your little bird kept in a dark cave," Shiller patted the head again and said, "Let's skip the kiddie talk and jump into adult time—what's your brainy opinion, Detective?"

Batman hesitated briefly, then uttered a word, "Brain."

"Exactly." Shiller leaned back, stretching his arms, elbows resting on the armrests, and hands vaguely swinging outward. "To deal with this deceitful opponent, best not listen to what he says, but watch what he thinks. He happens to have mind-reading equipment, like getting a frying pan delivered by a cow."

"I won't use his equipment," Batman said. "Such things might be contaminated; I won't directly use them. Even without this, I have ways to read brain waves."

"Using his brain as a prediction machine is a good idea and could be valuable at times. But I have other purposes for this head—what would you do?"

"Are you coaxing me to snatch it from you?" Batman couldn't help but say, "If you wish to eliminate me, you could act directly without shedding light on it first."

"Why don't you? Afraid fighting me is too risky?"

"No need. If necessary, I can ask you."

"Ask me, or ask Arrogance?"

"Isn't it the same?" Batman said, "I ask him, then he asks you."

"How do you know I'd answer him?"

"I believe he can persuade you," Batman replied sincerely. "You are one person, sharing a body, and a memory—no need for mutual confrontation."

"You believe he'd inquire for your request?"

"Yes, the PhD is always eager to help."

Greed in the Thought Tower Theater was almost in stitches from laughter, patting the armrests and chuckling, "Morbid probably hasn't seen someone so immune to influence, right? Hahaha!"

"What the hell!" the agent cursed, "What nonsense are they spouting? Didn't they wake up this morning?"

"I knew you wouldn't get it," Greed laughed even more gleefully, "Someone's trying to fish, but the fish just won't bite—this is hilarious."

"Then why did Morbid bring that head to Batman?" the agent asked.

"You've already said it, completing this plan isn't that simple. Just reviving him requires a lot, like a suitable body, and we must keep an eye on the new one that was born. Through him, we can bury the 'egg' in someone, at least showing part of his follow-up plan. Do you think he'd do it himself, anyway?"

"So he wants Batman to take over. Why can't he just say it directly?" The agent said impatiently, "And hypothesize? What's there to hypothesize? Just throw his head right in his face, he can't ignore it, can he?"

"Your approach might actually be more effective." Arrogance shook his head helplessly and said, "If someone wants to fish, they've chosen the wrong target. Batman isn't one of those brainless fish next door, if he wants, he can circle around here all day."

"Did you hear him? He said you were helpful. Hahaha!" Greed was still laughing.

Batman and Shiller were still chatting, the topic twisted from him to Batman and Joker, then to Shiller himself, and then back to him. Both sat in front of the desk chatting for over an hour, it seemed like they talked about everything, but also nothing.

"If a scene like this were in a movie, I'd skip forward through it." The agent seemed a bit agitated, rubbing his forehead, "This dialogue is entirely unnecessary for propelling the plot, what's the point of filming it?"

"Talking like you'd watch those conversations that propel the plot." Greed hit the nail on the head.

"I'm fed up." The agent stood up, turning and walking toward the theater exit.

"Where are you going?" Greed turned to yell at him.

"To help them press that damn skip button!"

After he left, Greed turned back again, unable to resist laughing at that, Arrogance said, "That guy's fishing skills remain impressively high."

"Yeah, but who are you calling brainless fish?"

"My bad, they are innocent."

"Bruce also fell for Morbid's tricks, does that make him exceptionally innocent?"

"No, he's really a brainless fish."

With a bang, Batman's office door was pushed open, another identical Shiller walked in swiftly.

The Shiller sitting with his back to the door showed a barely perceptible smile, which didn't escape Batman's attention.

Arriving at the desk, the Shiller that burst in abruptly pointed at the sitting version of himself, then at the door. The seated Shiller stood up, buttoned his suit, turned around, nodded, and walked out of the office leisurely, gently closing the door.

"Please sit." Batman said, "How should I address you?"

"Agent. You seem like a marriage broker." Shiller didn't sit. He turned the Laughing head around, letting its face point towards Batman and said, "Listen, here's the plan: dig out his brain, preserve it, wait for the backup to take effect, and then revive him, how does that sound?"

"I don't see what the point is."

"In over an hour, you haven't discussed the meaning of every matter in the cosmos?"

Batman looked very surprised, he said, "Why say that? That's unachievable. Agent, won't you sit down to talk?"

Shiller cocked the gun.

Batman raised his hands immediately and said, "Don't be impulsive, I assure you Wayne Enterprises will help. But you must tell me, what's the use of doing this?"

"Wouldn't it be good to have two Laughing bats fight each other?"

"It's not necessarily impossible, but indeed this matter requires long-term planning..."

"I think it's good." Another voice sounded from the computer on the side of the desk, it was Arkham Batman, he said, "Hold on, I'll be there shortly."

Indeed, after waiting a bit, that particularly strong figure appeared in the office. Rain on the Metal Armor hadn't dried yet, faintly carrying some smell of blood. He looked at Shiller and said, "What do you need?"

"A tank that can perfectly preserve a brain, a body for revival, and equipment or personnel capable of locking onto the newborn Laughing immediately."

"No problem, the first two are in the universe where we did missions before. As for the last one, I'll look to talk to other Batmen."

"Then I'll bring the head back to the original universe, once you have news, contact me directly."

"No problem, send your Battleworld number to me."

Bang, the door burst open, another Batman rushed in. Elliot angrily tore off his mask, glaring at the blue-eyed man behind the desk and said, "Bruce Wayne, what tricks are you playing?!!"

"Long time no see, Thomas." Batman smiled at Thomas and said, "I was just telling the shareholders, to thank you for your contribution to Wayne Enterprises over all these years. By the way, I've got the loan contracts here, we'll go..."

"Dream on!" Elliot raised his voice and said, "You were never insane, right?! You've been hiding in the psychiatric hospital laughing at me! Then you come out to disrupt things before my presidential election, and shoot down my helicopter using missile, even turning Talya against me for assassination!!! You despicable bastard!!!"

He took a deep breath, his face growing increasingly gloomy, expression twisted, speaking in a sharp tone, "Seems you've completely forgotten, how you clung to my parents' legs crying after yours died. You're just a pitiful orphan fostered by the Elliot family, without my parents, you'd have died on Gotham's streets long ago! Who do you think sincerely helps you, you'll always be that unwanted orphan!"

"Bang!"