Delusive Fate

#043

#3. Lee Han-sol

Bastard. Love my ass, ugh. And what? Bringing someone? He’s talking shit, talking shit. Fucking hypocrite. As always, he’s so good at sweet talk. I’d like to beat him up, damn it. But it would actually be quite a sight if he really did it. The great S-class hunter, the protagonist of this world, putting on a clown show by punching his own face. After all, watching crazy people is the most entertaining thing in the world.

Anyway, unlike the current me who can distinguish shit from soybean paste with years of experience, the Lee Han-sol of that time couldn’t. He was an idiot who had to taste it to know. Now, when I think about the past, all I can do is curse, but back then, the pathetic Lee Han-sol believed the blatant lies that Ki Baek-woo spouted without even wetting his lips. So I poured out a tearful confession, along with snot flowing like tears.

I love you too, I love you so much, don’t leave me. Ki Baek-woo is mine, I won’t give him to anyone, I’d rather die than that, I love you Baek-woo. You absolutely must not abandon me. If you do, I’ll kill myself. You said you loved me, you asked me to love you. I’ll die without you, if you don’t love me, you’re killing me, I’ll be good to you, I’ll love you more, but you have to love me too, you can’t not, I’m telling you I’ll die if you don’t, I have no one but you. Baek-woo, I love you.

What was Ki Baek-woo thinking then? Was he sorry for me? Or did he pity me? Or did he laugh at me inside?

‘You idiot! Why would I like someone like you? I’ve already finished lip-locking with Jung Yi-dam, who’s a hundred, thousand times better than you! I’m just waiting for the right timing to switch over to him, and look at you whining without knowing anything. Hahaha, you stupid bastard! And trash is meant to be thrown away, you piece of trash! Don’t act like a hunter with your pathetic rank, just go kill yourself!’

“Even if it’s in the past, there’s no bigger sucker than that.”

The second me was utterly embarrassed no matter how I thought about it. Remembering that time, I could understand all too well why society prefers experienced workers. Even though I was so lacking back then, after building up a ton of experience in being betrayed, I’ve now become a veteran who won’t fall for any of Ki Baek-woo’s bullshit shows.

I’m invincible now. Even if Ki Baek-woo tries to use his killer looks to seduce me, or wags his pathetic tongue to cloud my judgment. My heart doesn’t waver one bit. Even if Ki Baek-woo puts aside all his pride as a protagonist and prostrates himself before someone like me, rubbing his hands together like a fly on shit. Just like what he did yesterday.

Yesterday was really something. Who would have thought Ki Baek-woo would act like that?

‘Hyung, I’m sorry. Please don’t abandon me. I’m nothing without you. You can’t hate me, please, hyung…!’

A shitty line that only Lee Han-sol, no, not even just Lee Han-sol, but the ancient, old-fashioned Lee Han-sol would say. Even Ki Baek-woo himself probably didn’t expect such words to come out of his mouth. And seeing Ki Baek-woo like that,

‘Baek-woo, if I had known you were such a loose lover, I wouldn’t have started this in the first place. Doing things with others behind my back… that’s what sluts do. Honestly, it’s… disgusting.’

No one would have expected Lee Han-sol to respond like that. Even the system governing this world probably didn’t know. That after blurting out such things, my heart would be this peaceful, even I didn’t know.

“Indeed, one should live saying what needs to be said. It’s been so long since I felt this refreshed.”

Thanks to venting my anger yesterday, I felt particularly good today. A smile lingered on my lips. I was smiling without self-deprecation or escaping reality by dwelling on happy memories of the past. This was really rare.

At least ten years. Actually, it’s probably much longer than that, but there’s no point in keeping track of something like “Congratulations Lee Han-sol, 100th anniversary of your life going to shit”. So, roughly at least ten years. I’ve been consumed by bad feelings all this time. Good feelings were something I only remembered by their dictionary definition.

“It was all pent-up anger. Hahahahaha.”

A refreshing morning for once. As I looked around the bedroom filled with coffee aroma, I saw a beige mug on the bedside table with warm Americano in it.

What’s this? Did Ki Baek-woo bring it? Why, for me to drink? The bastard’s trying to be considerate, huh? Well, I told him to get lost yesterday, but he’s still sticking around at home. If he has a conscience, he should at least do this much, right? Hahahahahahaha!

I sipped the warm Americano, just the right temperature for drinking in the morning, and headed to the bedroom window. I pulled back the curtains. The morning light rushed in as if it had been waiting.

Hmm, photosynthesis.

The coffee is fragrant, and the sunlight is warm. My mind is perfectly peaceful. Like a battlefield after a huge nuclear bomb has dropped. A clean wasteland where nuclear fission has swept everything away and nothing remains. Didn’t Buddha say it? When you break free from the shackles of the past and the worries of the future, and your mind becomes empty, that’s liberation from suffering. Om mani padme hum.

“Ah, feels good.”

Life is worth living. Who knew making others suffer could be this happy? Three weeks left until I move from Planet A to Planet B.

“I wondered how I’d get through these three shitty weeks, but look how it turned out. I should live happily and work hard for these three weeks.”

Cursing, annoying, and resenting Ki Baek-woo to my heart’s content. Just like yesterday.

***

I already knew this Ki Baek-woo was strange. But yesterday’s Ki Baek-woo was beyond strange, he was completely insane.

When Ki Baek-woo first brought up my moving plans and started picking a fight, I was too enraged to properly assess the situation. Having been through so much shit, I had developed severe anger management issues at some point. I could let small irritations pass as they were everyday occurrences, but when properly provoked like that, I’d lose my mind and couldn’t see straight.

Anyway, if I had been in my right mind then, I would have advised Ki Baek-woo like this. Very seriously, no joke.

‘Baek-woo, listen without misunderstanding. From what I see, you need to be hospitalized. There’s no way you’re in a normal state right now. Your brain seems to have gone haywire and you can’t distinguish between Lee Han-sol and Jung Yi-dam. That’s why you’re begging me like this. I know a good mental hospital, how about going there and resting for a while? Why do I know such a place, you ask? Well, that’s because I’m a mental patient too! I got a mental illness because of you, hyung did. I don’t know when I might run out and start killing people. I looked it up in advance in case I can’t control my murderous urges and need to be admitted right away. Hahaha!’

It was that shocking. Right? Ki Baek-woo kneeling before me and crying as if he’s dying of sadness? In front of me, Lee Han-sol, not Jung Yi-dam?

Yesterday’s Ki Baek-woo, who was talking nonsense about canceling the real estate contract and whatnot, crossing the line. He started going wild after seeing the photo that filled my phone screen. The photo of ♡Ki Baek-woo and Jung Yi-dam’s sweet moment♡ that someone had secretly taken and spread all over the center’s community.

Ki Baek-woo, who was denying the situation clearly shown in the photo, saying it was a meaningless scene, that he couldn’t even remember when it was, that all the things people were saying were false rumors based on delusions. He looked quite desperate, amusingly enough. If I had been even a bit less dead inside, I might have made the stupid mistake of thinking he was sincere.

But the current me is not so easily fooled.