Diplomacy 101: How my Yandere Wife (murders) solves all my Problems!

Whilst following the path laid out by Clairvoyance towards Xavius, Varrus was bonding with his brand new demigod golden retriever. 

Hovering a few feet off the ground, Varrus was sitting on his flying carpet, rubbing Omen on the head, and scratching under his chin. 

"Who's a good boy?" Tekai praised the 'Wild God' spirit. 

"Ruff!" Omen thumped his tail in happiness, and ran a circle around Varrus. 

"Fetch!" Tekai tossed out an orb of light out into the distance. 

Omen gigantified himself to the size of a mini skyscraper, and eagerly ran through hundreds of diseased, and twisted nightmarish trees, chasing after the light. 

The works of horror tried to clutch at Omen's feet, and ensnare him, but the beast was too strong, and charged through them like they were made of styrofoam. 

Wood cracked, and other nightmare creatures were blasted into smithereens as Omen bounded forward. 

"Omen, come back boy!" Varrus cupped his hands, and called Omen back once he had ran a few dozen miles in what had only been seconds. 

The corridor of destruction the blonde furred canine had wrought was significant. 

An entire area the width of a football field had been pressed flat. 

Omen came up to Varrus, and was slobbering all over the place. His saliva was a healing salve, and acted counter to this corrupted part of the Emerald Dream. Literal flowers emerged from where his spit landed, and the rot receded. 

"Ha ha ha ha." Omen panted as he came to Varrus's side, shrank himself, and jumped into Varrus's arms. 

"Heh, Omen, use Starfall attack!" Varrus scratched Omen on the head, then pointed out toward the flattened earth, and commanded the dog as if he were a Pokémon. 

"Awoo!" Omen howled, then began to glow white. 

Seconds later, great big balls of pale plasma fell from the sky, and started to incinerate all of the other evil overgrowth that was to the sides. 

"You are having much too much fun with this dog." Rho'dan said from the side in a cautionary tone. 

"You're damn right I am, Rho'dan! No need to be jealous though, you'll always have a special place in the pecking order." Varrus reassured Rho'dan with a mock smile. 

"Oh, I'm secure in my role within House Vandercross. I was simply wondering if showing such affection to anyone or anything other than Lady Vandercross would earn the Lady's eternal ire." Rho'dan said in a completely level tone. 

"Amateurish, Rho'dan, simply amateurish. You'll have to do more than that next time. Besides, Omen will act as the perfect playmate for our children. The woman wants twelve Rho'dan, twelve. You can hardly manage me, much less twelve of mine and my wife's spawn. A new trustworthy companion will come in handy, don't you think?" Varrus directed a wide grin at Rho'dan as if to say 'please bitch, you're not sweet out here.' 

"Hmm, as you say, Highlord. As you say. Omen is a fine addition to House Vandercross. However, it seems during your enthusiasm to train your new pet, Merithra has left the party." Rho'dan said in a deadpan. 

"Ah, your future lover #2 is gone? Well that's not so surprising considering she was being chased by Omen here. I'm sure we'll see her again in the near future." Varrus shrugged his shoulders, and said dismissively. 

"Do not remind me. I am cross still cross that you flaunt me everytime we travel to Gilneas." Rho'dan rubbed the bridge of his nose in consternation. 

"Tess is a sweet little thing with great potential. Mark my words, her abilities in the Void will see her sneak under your covers one day." Varrus said, bemused. 

"..." Rho'dan steadfastly remained silent as he stared ahead. 

Varrus chuckled, and elbowed his stalwart guard in the side. "Or perhaps you could be the one teaching a thing or two? For someone so big, your capabilities of going places unnoticed are remarkable." Varrus winked. 

"...I have already instructed Queen Greymane on the finer intricacies of stealth. It is as you say, she has much potential. It would not surprise me if she surpassed most Heroes-myself included-that reside within Quel'Thalas. Therefore, it is my estimate that as an ally, and future powerhouse, it is inappropriate for you to be soliciting my services to another House. I humbly submit my intent to protest." Rho'dan said whilst gazing out into nothing. 

"If you really feel that strongly about it, I won't press anymore. We got what we needed from Gilneas anyway. All I'm saying is you could use some down time, and Tess is a vulnerable girl who could use a strong man like you. I may be having fun pulling your leg, Rho'dan, but I do worry about you and your happiness." Varrus dropped the jokester persona for a minute, and addressed Rho'dan man to man. 

"Thank you for your concern, Highlord, but my loyalty is to House Vandercross. I served your father faithfully for thousands of years, and have been tempted by much greater vices. I appreciate your candour. Tess is a pretty young girl, but I prefer mature women." Rho'dan calmly and confidently replied. 

"Well the Green Dragonflight existed before Quel'Thalas, so if it's a mature woman you're looking for…" Varrus wildly gestured out into the Emerald Dream. 

However, all there was, was corrupted landscape, as far as the eye could see. 

Varrus swore he felt a gust of wind pass by at that moment, as if the realm were mocking him. 

Even Rho'dan-his most faithful soldier-raised an eyebrow, and stared at Varrus as if to say 'bitch, are you serious?' 

"Ah ha, right. Well, I'll only use the threat of your handsomeness going forward. For House Vandercross!" Varrus loudly cheered. 

Varrus curled an eyebrow in response, awaiting the expected reply. 

"....For House Vandercross." Rho'dan eventually replied, sounding morose, as if he had just left from a bad experience from the dentist. 

"Atta boy." Varrus slapped Rho'dan on the shoulder with gusto. 

Rho'dan silently nodded his head in response, and continuously consulted his scrying orb, seemingly more interested in scouting the terrain than humoring Varrus's nonsense anymore. He not only acted as his friend, and close confidant, but was actively searching the area around them for any hidden dangers like the pro guard that he was. 

Varrus was happy to let him work, and continued training Omen. 

While he did so, he thought about that Green Dragon, Merithra. 

A woman with that kind of crazy wouldn't be staying away for long. She had Rho'dan in mind, and who was he to step in between another honeypot scheme? 

It was funny, in the films, it was always some hot girl seducing all the officers, or a knight or whatever to gain access to the enemy files. But Varrus found that using a tall rugged macho elf worked just as well when it came to plying the ladies. 

Shaking his head, Varrus chuckled to himself as he saw Omen bulldoze his way through another set of trees, then run his way back to him. 

This dog was low-key, really starting to grow on him. 

Omen had insane regenerative abilities akin to Zul'Jin, his saliva could be made into a healing potion, he was legitimately the physically strongest fighter in all of Quel'Thalas, could call down a massive AOE storm of moon powered energy, and he was an adorable loyal boy. 

Hell, Varrus was semi-curious to learn if Omen's shit was a super fertilizer, or if his incredibly soft fur had some function he was unaware of. 

In short, Omen was an absolute beast, and it was a miracle he had won in the first place. If he went head on with the mutt without any nerfs, it would be a hard fight to be certain. One that would require some serious kiting. 

At the end of the day though, subterfuge had seen him through like it always had. 

"Ruff!" Omen wagged his tail, and Varrus responded with another head scratch. 

Kael could keep his phoenix companion, Al'ar. Omen was where it was at! 

"Ruff!" This time Omen was more insistant, more cautioned. 

The dog's fur had raised itself into a hackle, and he had pointed his nose off in a direction aggressively. 

A beat later, Rho'dan spoke up from the side, his entire focus was on the scrying orb as he started to report. 

"Sir! We have incoming from our 2 o'clock! Malfurion, and a horse bodied Night Elf are chasing after two monstrosities. They are heading right for us!" Rho'dan spoke in a hurried tone. 

"So the demigod Cenarius has joined forces against us, huh? Let me see." Varrus said. 

Leaning forward, Varrus got a good look at the image on Rho'dan's orb. 

Like looking on a monitor of Google Street View, Varrus had a 3D view of the situation. 

'Scrying is some bullshit. I really should learn some anti-scrying spells sometime, but invisibility seems to counter scrying too, hm, something to do another day.' Varrus thought to himself as he watched a crisp image of the druids chasing after the nightmare beasts. 

"Based on their distance and rate of movement, I estimate their arrival to be within 10 to 15 minutes." Rho'dan said, stroking his red goatee in thought. 

"Good man. It seems that those monsters are trying to use us. Well I say to hell with that." 

Just because his other trees of magic were nerfed, didn't mean he couldn't create a ruckus. 

Casting Forbidden Sun, Volcano, Blizzard, Apocalypse, and a half dozen other massive AOE destruction spells, the surrounding land became an elemental hellscape. Where the Emerald Dream was typically either in a state of bountiful vegetation, or corrupted nightmare, it now had a taste of the utter destruction that was the Varrus Vandercross experience. 

Volcanoes belched lava, snowstorms blanketed and froze every lifeform, cyclones tore apart the sky, and dual orbs of fire & ice ripped the realm apart. 

Thousands of Acceleration Runes were pasted in a condensed space, and many more traps had been set up. 

Although all this magic only hit with the strength of a low-tier Hero, Varrus's infinite mana meant that these abilities could be spammed again and again, creating a vast scenery of chaotic destruction. 

Upon setting the stage, Varrus turned to Rho'dan & Omen with a diabolical grin on his face. 

"Rho'dan, slip on your ring of invisibility, these Emerald Dream assholes don't know who they messed with." Varrus grinned, then took out a necklace enchanted with invisibility from his inventory, and placed it on Omen's neck.

He then cast Shroudwalk on himself, disappearing both himself and his flying carpet from sight. 

"Ruff!' Omen sniffed the air, but was surprised when he couldn't get a lock on Varrus. 

However, Varrus was quick to reassure Omen through the bond they shared. 

Through their connection via the Speak With Animals perk, Varrus could feel the position of his invisible doggo, and even found he could give simple commands without having to say anything. 

"Ah ruff!" Omen happily barked upon the reassurance, and Varrus began to feel a draft of air as the invisible doggos tail was wagging a bit on the fast side. 

"Where do you need me, Highlord?" Rho'dan questioned. 

"Just sit back and watch the show my good man. In fact, retreat just a bit, I wouldn't want to get you caught up in the crossfire." Varrus felt his smile widen. 

No one could see his expression because he was invisible, but Malfy would see it soon enough! 

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