Dirty Switch

"Your hand?"
Joo Taehyun had been staring blankly at Seo Baekhan, and the latter let out a short, incredulous laugh.

“We should shake hands. It's our first time meeting today, right?”
“Ah… I’m sorry.”
Only then did Joo Taehyun awkwardly extend his hand, lightly brushing Seo Baekhan’s fingertips before pulling back.

The contact lasted barely a moment, but Seo Baekhan’s hand was massive, his joints thick and defined — it startled Taehyun.
It was an unfamiliar sensation for him.
Everyone — from his family to the attending physician and household tutors — had always commented, half in admiration, how tall and lanky he’d grown. Hearing those kinds of not-quite-compliments all his life, Joo Taehyun had assumed he was already quite big.

But [N O V E L I G H T] of course the world was vast, and naturally, there were plenty of people bigger than him…
“And about that face you were making earlier — hmm. I caught a glimpse while you were walking around. You looked kind of nervous—”
“I wasn’t.”

“Haha, yeah? Let’s just say you weren’t, then.”
He responded defensively without thinking, but Seo Baekhan only laughed heartily, unfazed.
What the hell. When he said something like “your face is intense,” I thought there was actually a problem or something… Turns out he was just teasing me.

Joo Taehyun was fully aware of how stiff he’d been today. He’d stumbled over his words, replied with nonsense that didn’t fit the situation, and his expression had creaked like loose metal — completely out of sync. So when Baekhan commented on his “expression control,” he thought it was sarcasm. He’d been worried he looked like a complete wreck. If that wasn’t the case, then… good.
“That kind of attitude is good.”
“…”

“I’m not joking. It really is fine.”
With that, Seo Baekhan turned to a passing attendant and asked if they had any sweet sikhye or cinnamon punch — something this little guy might enjoy.
Thanks to his brothers having stuffed him full of snacks earlier so he wouldn’t even have a chance to talk, Joo Taehyun was already uncomfortably full — couldn’t drink even a sip of water. But since someone he’d just met had gone out of their way to be considerate, it didn’t feel right to turn him down. So he stayed quiet.

“When you open your mouth, it’s obvious you’re freezing up, but what’s funny is — if you just stand there, it’s hard to tell. You just look bored. Or sleepy.”
“Isn’t that a bad thing?”
“It just means people can’t read what you’re thinking. What’s so bad about that?”
“I guess…”

Was it, though?
It was something Joo Taehyun had never once thought about.
He’d never looked at things from that perspective before, and the realization hit him hard. He thought that when attending events like this, he had to act like his brothers or his sister — be appropriately sociable, smile just the right amount. And as he got older, he thought he’d need to show the dignified composure of his father or mother.

But maybe… making it so others couldn’t easily read him — that could actually be an advantage.
Looking back, Joo Taehyun realized he hadn’t prepared for this kind of thing at all. All he’d done was memorize names and faces of the guests, and practice a few greetings. He’d never once thought about what kind of impression he wanted to leave, what sides of himself he wanted to show — or hide.
His world had always been so safe and sheltered. Joo Taehyun had never had to face anyone who was openly hostile to him. He’d never been misunderstood.

Everyone around him — the medical staff, the tutors, even the occasional strangers — always sang the same chorus: how gentle and sweet the youngest son was.
To Taehyun, it felt perfectly natural. Before he could even throw a tantrum like other children, anything he reached for was already placed gently into his hands.
So there were hardly any reasons to feel upset. Everyone around him did their best to prevent those situations from happening in the first place — so when would he have ever felt hurt?

Even when accidents or mistakes happened, everyone — family included — made it their mission to show him, with every word and gesture, how loved he was. Where was the room for pain?
He lived surrounded by soft cushions at every turn, never once getting scratched. So he had no reason to be prickly or sensitive with others.
Hiding what he thought? It had never even crossed his mind. If anything, the nannies and butlers worried when he didn’t speak up, so he always tried to express his feelings quickly so they wouldn’t be concerned.

The world beyond the safety of his family’s walls was more intricate than he had imagined.
Even when it looked like it was stitched together with loose, uneven lines — each of those lines carried its own meaning.
“I’m just saying, don’t overthink it. Kids like you go home and dig a pit in your mind. Like, ‘Ah, next time I should smile more naturally.’ And then next time, your mouth’s twitching like you’ve got a cramp or something.”

The words perfectly mirrored what Joo Taehyun had just been telling himself in his head — he flinched involuntarily.
“Haha, see? I was right. But even if you seem blunt, that can come off as kind. And someone who smiles all the time might feel impossible to approach. In a place like this, just be however you feel most comfortable — however you feel most confident. It’s a battlefield, after all.”
Joo Taehyun fumbled at the corners of his lips awkwardly. Really? When he put it like that… it kind of made sense.

Expression control, huh… Hmm. I should take a good long look in the mirror when I get home.
“Pardon me. I’ve brought the sikhye and dried persimmons. You seemed to enjoy them earlier.”
Perfectly timed, the attendant appeared and presented a small tray. Flustered, Joo Taehyun stammered,

“A-ah, n-no, i-it wasn’t me, i-it’s, uh, my brothers… th-they like them…”
“…Don’t laugh.”
“Pffft—hahaha.”

“I said don’t laugh!”
“What, it’s not a crime for a kid to like persimmons. What’s so embarrassing about that?”
“You’ve gotta eat lots to grow big,” Seo Baekhan said as he picked up a skewer of assorted sweets and stabbed a slice of dried persimmon. It was stuffed with cream cheese speckled with crushed nuts — the moment he saw it, Joo Taehyun’s mouth watered instinctively. He opened his lips wide and eagerly swallowed the bite Baekhan offered.

“…Your brothers and sister really spoiled you, huh.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind. Just eat.”

As he brushed sugar powder from his lips, Joo Taehyun suddenly shook his head. Hearing Baekhan mention his brothers, something clicked.
“…They put you up to it, didn’t they?”
“Put me up to what?”

“Since I was sitting alone, they told you to come keep me company… Didn’t my oldest brother send you?”
“No? Do I look like someone who takes orders that obediently?”
“Well… no, not really.”

“Exactly.”
But even as he said that, Seo Baekhan continued to sit beside Joo Taehyun for quite a while.