Doranean

*Jane Crakewood*

I shut the door behind me as I entered my lone chambers, the place was filled with decorative furniture and a four poster bed sat in the middle. It also had a ensuite.

I made my way towards the window overlooking the densely packed, rat infested streets of Lorcamir. I ran my fingers across the windowsill, the coolness a balm to my confused mind. "Varyon", the name rolled from my lips. Could he give me what I wish for, simplicity. He's a warrior, of some renown. Could he gift me luxury. His family holds welt. Could he tend me happiness. I thought for a moment. No he couldn't.

I may want a life full of kindness, of gratitude. But I won't get it from him. He's too busy, interested in his style. Rather than dealing with people, he could have a future with. His ego, he's naivety, he wouldn't be able to bare my brother. Grey, I wondered. What would happen to my meek brother. He's too feeble and fragile to deal with Varyon's boisterous nature. Varyon would, I don't know what he would do. His demeanor seems aggressive and cocky. But I know far too little to make a proper judgement on him. He exudes confidence and is fiercely loyal to his father. But his overall motives, opinions and beliefs remain a mystery to me. 

Scratching the back of my head, I departed the window. And now found myself waiting patiently, at my bedside. Hoping it would swallow me whole at any moment. I was tired and I hated to admit it. I hadn't even sparred today, all I did was arrive from my home in the north and go to that meeting. 

I took a step forward and then two and three. Before slumping into my bed. It was soft, warm welcoming. Things I didn't allow myself to feel at home. My hair was damp from rain and well I was slightly cold too. Biting my lip. "I'll take this respite. Even if it's cheap. Even if I'll just be thrown back into the fray tomorrow. I'll be alone again. As if that even matters, I always fought my battles alone. Me against the world. Or is that just how I see it. Does somebody else think I'm being selfish, think I'm being unrealistic. I was always on edge. Always thinking about what the next person might do, to try hinder me. There was enemies here, but in a city this large and Lorcan protecting it, no one would make a move. Not like at home, where I had to fight my own battles, win my own wars. And everyone was out for my head. I had to do things, that weren't me. That was a different person entirely." I sighed, running my finger across my lips to feel the slight cracking. But here, now, I wasn't needed not least as much anyway. I could escape, if only for a few days. I good finally have the small bit of simplicity I seek. The people were only numbers now. The sheets mouIded to my motionless form. I let my drowsiness take over. I was absorbed into the mattress like a wasp caught in a spider web. And try as I might, which wasn't very much. If I could I would relinquish my position but every muscle in my body told me to stay. This would be my escape. Here in Lorcamir I didn't have the pressure to prove something to anyone. I didn't need to worry about Grey. Though maybe I should. Grey I thought, if anything happens my brother while I'm away, I'll kill them. Simple, cold, merciless as always. Even now a weeks travel from home. I was still a heartless daughter of a whore. 

Could I really be a queen, so regal and proper. I was a warrior at heart. I wouldn't swoon for some uptight prince. I wasn't used to doing all that stuff. I wasn't used to having to feel things, emotions. All I had to do before was snap. Act tough, fight, protect, lead and understand I wouldn't ever be seen. But after all that, I was supposed to just marry a man I barely knew. A sad laugh left my throat before I could stop it. "I would never....", though, a thought crossed my mind, what if I did. Could I ever learn to submit to a man per say. Varyon.... Varyon wasn't a man to scoff at. But he wasn't a man to praise either. I... Maybe it would be best if I turned down the marriage proposal. But still, it really is my only opportunity to marry outside my Kingdom.

I just need time to focus, enough of my romance and drama and all that nonsense. I have a tourney to win and I best not lose to that arrogant prick Davyn Ryle. I thought back to the moment when he jabbed his finger in my chest, that bastered. I had right to snap his finger off there and then. Such an unmannerly young man, good thing he was raised without parents or he wouldn't be taking part in the tourney.

He's just a mut that hasn't been thought to obey it's master and I'll make him, kneel. I'll make him see who the real warrior is. My blood boiled and I felt the sudden urge to scream. But I fought it. What was the man. Why was he such a threat. "I fought against every odd, every nightmare, I won't think for a second, that I'll allow him to beat me. In my own life. He may be of more renown, of more fame but a dog isn't a pet until it's collared. And I'll make sure that he knows what a woman of the north is like".