Duoluo Dalu: Hail Hydra

The morning sun had barely begun it's arrival, when Yu Xiaotian's eyes snapped open. He wanted to laze around more. But in this world, laziness meant weakness. And weakness? That meant getting crushed by all the overpowered lunatics running around.

With a long stretch and a yawn, he rolled off his bed and landed with a thud that shook the wooden floor. Yu Xiaogang groaned from the other side of the room, his face still buried in his pillow.

"Wake up, bro. Time to get those gains." Xiaotian smirked, slapping Xiaogang's blanket covered back.

"Five more minutes…" Xiaogang mumbled, refusing to move.

Xiaotian narrowed his eyes. "You underestimate my power."

Then, with a maniacal laugh, he grabbed the blanket and yeeted it across the room.

"NOOO! That's my baby!" Xiaogang gasped as the cold morning air hit him.

"Welcome to the real world, where we grind or get left behind," Xiaotian announced. "We're not gonna be the bottom feeders of this clan forever."

Xiaogang groaned but slowly got up. "You are way too energetic for someone who got humiliated by half the clan yesterday."

"Bro, I took that humiliation and added it to my mental gym playlist. Now, I'm stronger." Xiaotian flexed his nonexistent muscles. "Also, I have a plan."

Xiaogang gave him a wary look. "You are getting wierder by the moment. Why do I feel like I should be worried?"

Xiaotian just grinned.

After freshening up, the brothers headed outside for training. The clan's official body building exercise regimen had already started, with dozens of young disciples moving in perfect unison, practicing forms and techniques passed down through generations.

Xiaotian watched for a moment, rubbing his chin. "Hmm… I am no expert, but you don't have to be a chef to recognise a rotten egg. Nope. Total garbage."

Xiaogang blinked. "What?"

"This training… it's ancient, inefficient, and outdated." Xiaotian scoffed. "They're just repeating motions without proper resistance. No wonder half the so-called geniuses here plateau early."

Xiaogang raised an eyebrow. "And what do you suggest, oh wise one?"

"Modern training." Xiaotian cracked his knuckles. "Real conditioning. Weight training. Resistance work. None of this 'let's just swing our arms in the air and hope we get stronger' nonsense."

Xiaogang sighed. "And where, dear brother, will you get these 'modern' training tools?."

"I'll make them." Xiaotian smirked. "I'll have the blacksmith forge some custom equipment. Dumbbells, weighted vests, pull-up bars, maybe even resistance bands if I can figure that out."

Xiaogang stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "You're insane."

"I prefer 'visionary,'" Xiaotian corrected. "Now, enough talk. Time to start training."

As the clan disciples finished their morning exercises and headed to breakfast, Xiaotian's ragtag crew finally showed up.

Mou San, Si Lin, Meng Kong, and Yu Hou'er strolled in, looking relaxed and slightly smug.

"Morning, young master." Mou San greeted, his rabbit-like teeth flashing in a grin.

"You're late," Xiaotian noted.

"We're fashionably late," Yu Hou'er corrected, twirling a strand of hair.

Xiaotian rolled his eyes. "Alright, new rule. From now on, we train before breakfast. No excuses."

Meng Kong frowned. "Even before food?"

"Yes, Kong. Even before food."

Meng Kong crossed his arms. "I don't like this rule."

"Tough," Xiaotian smirked. "Now, let's eat and discuss our upcoming project."

Breakfast was held in the clan's massive dining hall, where long tables were lined with steaming dishes. Xiaotian and his crew found a relatively quiet corner, piling their plates high.

As they ate, Xiaotian leaned in and whispered, "Alright, listen up. I've got a plan to awaken Xiaogang's spirit properly."

The group perked up. Si Lin raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"We're gonna steal from the family vault."

Silence.

And then. "What?!"

Mou San almost choked on his food.

Yu Hou'er gasped. "Xiaotian, that's-"

"Awesome," Si Lin finished, eyes gleaming.

Xiaogang, the only one not thrilled, paled. "You can't be serious. Stealing is-"

"Absolutely justified in this case," Xiaotian interrupted. "The clan abandoned us. If we stay weak, they'll kick us out for real. I refuse to let that happen."

Si Lin tapped his chin. "Alright, but what are we stealing exactly?"

"Spirit cores," Xiaotian said. "They're the only items in the vault that aren't strictly accounted for. Unlike immortal herbs, spirit bones, or dragon essence, cores are common enough that no one will notice if a few go missing."

"The codename, young master?" Asked an excited Mou San.

Xiatian revealed it dramatically, "Now You See Me 2!"

Mou San nodded slowly. "I get the 'Now You See Me' part of the operation, but… why the two?"

Si Lin and Yu Hou'er also turned to Xiaotian, curious.

Xiaotian smirked. "Because we're stealing two cores, obviously."

Si Lin deadpanned. "That's… not clever at all."

Yu Hou'er nodded. "Yeah, terrible naming."

Meng Kong, completely missing the point, grinned. "I like it!"

Xiaotian ignored the haters. "Here's the deal. One core goes to Xiaogang, the other we invest, somehow, in a clan business. Si Lin, you'll handle that part."

Si Lin nodded like a refined businessman. "Naturally."

Xiaogang groaned. "I still don't like this. If they find out, our fate will be decided."

"I am the senate." Xiaotian looked intensely at his brother.

"What?"

Xiaotian clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Brother, do you want power?"

"I mean, yes, but-"

"Do you want to prove those smug bastards wrong?"

"Yes, but-"

"Do you want to be so strong that when people hear 'Yu Xiaogang,' they piss themselves in fear instead of laughing?"

Xiaogang hesitated. Then, slowly, he nodded.

Xiaotian grinned. "Everything you've ever wanted is here, brother. On the other side of your fears. Come...to the other side."

Xiaogang swallowed his doubts. "I won't chicken out anymore, brother. Let's do this."

For the first time in their lives the team was having its moment. But, Meng Kong, having completely lost the thread of conversation, muttered, "Hmm… chicken."

Xiaotian clapped his hands. "Alright, here's the plan."

********

Phase 1: Recon

Mou San was in charge of finding out who controlled the vault this month. His father, a steward, was the best source of information. Especially when drunk. Once the steward was identified, Si Lin would figure out where the password was hidden and what it was.

Phase 2: Distraction

During the clan festival, when the elders would be too busy to guard the vault, Yu Hou'er would stage a dramatic scene, pretending she lost her mother. Meng Kong would back her up, ensuring maximum chaos.

Phase 3: The Swap

Xiaotian and Xiaogang would sneak in and swap two Thunderscale Leopard's core with two Azure Riverlion's core which is abandoned in his dad's office room closet. Both indistinguishable except for slight elemental differences, which would be masked with dried Frozen Tulip powder.

********

Mou San grinned. "Got it, boss. I'll get my dad talking tonight."

That afternoon, they attended clan classes, enduring history lessons and cultivation basics. The instructor droned on about past Spirit Masters, prompting Xiaotian to whisper, "I could teach this class better."

Later that night, at Mou San's home, he stayed up late, waiting for his father to return. Then, from the distance, he heard loud, off-key singing.

" I'm Mou Cheng the treasurer man...

I'm hard to catch, coz I counts my cash...

I'm Mou Cheng the treasurer man!"

Mou San's dad, Mou Cheng, stumbled through the entrance, his arms flailing like a fish out of water. His breath smelled like a fermented anaesthetic, no one knew the smell and no dare to smell it either. His cheeks were as red as a boiled crab.

Mou San took a deep breath. Time to strike.

"Dad, you're home!" he said, all innocent and respectful. "Wow, you must be really powerful to be entrusted with all the clan's money and treasure."

Mou Cheng puffed out his chest. "Damn right! Without me, this clan would lose everything! EVERYTHING!" He hiccuped. "No one even knows how complicated it is to manage the security! Hmph, it's not just about locking a door, you know."

"Oh?" Mou San leaned forward, his tiny rabbit teeth shined sinisterly for a moment. "What kind of security?"

Mou Cheng wagged a drunken finger. "Pfft, kid, you won't understand. But fine, I'll tell you, 'cause I'm the best father in the world." He raised a hand. "One! Pressure plates: step on 'em, and BAM, you're zapped. Two! Almost invisible strings: touch 'em, and an alarm goes off. Three! Incense traps: if an intruder enters, a special scent fills the room, alerting guards!"

Mou San gasped. "That's genius, Dad! I bet even I couldn't get in there."

Steward Mou puffed his chest proudly. "Damn right you couldn't. The steward in charge has to change the password daily."

Mou San nodded, his brain working overtime. "Wow, that's genius! No wonder they chose you to handle it this month."

Mou Cheng burst into laughter. "HA! Not me, you little rat! It's paranoid Steward Zhou's turn this month! That fat bastard and his equally fat vault in his office! Ptoo!"

Jackpot.

Mou San grinned. "Dad, you're amazing. Go inside, I'll bring you some water."

Mou Cheng waved him off and stumbled inside.

The next morning, Mou San relayed everything to the group during their training session. "Steward Zhou's our guy. Vault's got pressure plates, near-invisible tripwires, and incense alarms. Dad also mentioned Steward Zhou is paranoid and has a vault in office. The password combinations are probably in there."

Si Lin nodded. "Leave the password to me. I'll read Zhou like a book."

Then he turned to Yu Hou'er. "Are you free later?"

Yu Hou'er raised an eyebrow. "Why? Gonna take me out to a playdate before we rob our own clan?"

Si Lin winked. "It's all part of the plan, darling."