DxD : Emiya Shirou

"No, none of that. This day will be nothing special, nothing extraordinary. It will be mundane and, dare I say it, dull. 

Today will be remembered in our memories as nothing but another completely ordinary school event, one that will not distinguish itself from the countless others like it." She let out a content sigh. "And it will be glorious."

… Oh shit.

...

Very, very slowly I looked away from Sona, being careful not to look her in the eyes least she notices my nervousness.

How the hell was I supposed to know that she didn't want Serafall here? She didn't tell me, no one did. They never even brought it up. Did they forget whose Queen I was or something?

I had just contacted her last night to make sure that both Ilya and her were coming today, and that's when we realized she had the wrong date. Serafall had all but exploded with excitement when she realize she was going to meet her little 'So-tan' earlier than expected.

And looking at how happy Sona was, what with the occasional manic laughter she kept releasing, I didn't have the heart to tell her how badly her plan had backfired and that Serafall was already on her way. That and I might have been a little scared of what she'd do to me.

"So…" Trying to change the topic I turned back to Kiba quickly searched my mind for something to talk about, anything to distract Sona from the current situation, "What are you going to do for most of the day? If this place is anything like my old school then we won't get any real work done in class and they teachers will end the lesson early."

Students who had their parents coming over would spend their spare time with them but Kiba didn't have anyone coming to see him. It may have a little bit harsh talking like this but I learned long ago that tip toeing around issues did nothing but make the situation more awkward. No one liked to be pitied after all. Plus it wasn't as if I had parents of my own either.

"Ah, well." He scratched the back of his head. For some reason he looked really awkward. "I planned to see what Issei, Matsuda and Motohama were up to."

"The Perverted Trio?" Sona asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "What are you doing hanging around the three of them for? I didn't realize you were friends with them. Well, other than Issei."

Kiba shook his head. "I'm not. Not really. It's just that, well," He indicated to his face, "with my Devil's Trait I'm limited to the amount of people I can hang around with. Normal girls are naturally out, so that only leaves the boys. And well…" He trailed off, looking a bit uncomfortable about the topic but fortunately Sona was more than willing to finish his explanation for him.

"Even interacting with ordinary male humans will end up causing you problems. Any girl they are either dating or planning on asking out will end up ignoring them and start pursing you instead the moment your Charm takes hold of them. That rules them out as well." Sona gained a thoughtful look before beginning to scrutinize Kiba. 

"Ah, I see. So that's why you're hanging out with those three. I must admit, I'm mildly impressed. I didn't think you had it in you be so calculating."

A displeased expression passed over Kiba's face. "Don't say it like that. I'm genuinely trying to make some new friends yet you're making it sound as if I'm doing something bad."

"Don't misunderstand, I wasn't trying to reprimand you," Sona placated him, a pleased smirk touching her lips, "on the contrary I'm actually praising you. When taking the effects of your Charm into account, those three are the only possible human candidates you can have as friends at school.

"As there is no possible chance that a girl would ever willing get close to them, let alone date them, then there is little chance of the Charm having an adverse effects on interactions you may have with them. Being in the same year group as you means that you'll share at least some of your classes with one of them.

"All in all they're actual a pretty ideal choice. Well," she corrected herself with a scowl, "so long as you discount their personalities that is."

"Ouch," I winced. "That's putting it kind of harshly isn't it Sona?" I haven't really had a chance to interact with any of the three of them, what with them being in a grade lower than me, but they couldn't be that bad. Could they?

She just waved my objections away, "It's the truth. I see no reason why I should sugar coat it." Before turning back to Kiba. "However, there is one flaw with your plan. What are you going to end up doing with them? While having new friends is a good thing, I find it unlikely you'll find anything in common with those three."

"Ah, about that," his smile turned a little awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck, "I was going to ask them to teach me about porn."

Oh so that's why, he's going to ask them about porn- wait, WHAT!?

Around me, the entire clearing became deadly silent as every single one of us gawked at the boy, stunned speechless.

Kiba carried on, not noticing our reaction. "I mean, that's what boys my age do, right? Watch porn." He paused as he finally began to take note of our reaction. He looked around at us rather awkwardly as he tried to carry on, "That's…that's right, isn't it? That's what teen boy are supposed to do…right?"

An awkward silence took hold of the clearing as Kiba's words drifted off to a halt. He looked hesitantly around us, appearing more confused over our reaction than anything else.

"Kiba-chi." Shirone, finally breaking the silence, looked at Kiba with an expression more serious than I've seen on her for a while. "Thank goodness you're so pretty because holy shit you're stupid."

Sona, finally knocked out of her stunned stupor, took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Kiba…Why? No, no wait." She signaled him with her hand to stop, "I don't think I want to know."

"Kiba." I walked up to the boy and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Kiba," I repeated solemnly while looking in his eyes. "Watching porn is…exactly what every teenage boy should do."

Serafall would never forgive me if I let this moment pass, not in a million years, especially when she'll be here to see the fallout herself when it happens.

So instead of whacking him on the back of the head to see if I can knock the stupid out of him, I nodded my head in what I hoped appeared to be a wise manner as I continued, "Ignore the girls, they've always been squeamish when talking about these things in public. 

Go, hang out with Issei and the other two and ask them to teach you about porn. I'm sure they'll be happy to talk to you once you explain why you're there."

While he still looking a little bit less sure with himself than he did earlier, what with the way his eyes kept jumping between a face-palming Sona, up to the wide-eyed look of surprise of Shirone only to jump back again to my encouraging smiling face. Unsure who he should listen to, he apparently decided to just stick with his original plan.

"Ok then, if you say so." Glancing up once again to the quickly brightening sky, he added. "I'll need to start heading back anyway if I want to have enough time to squeeze in a shower."

Walking over towards the edge of the clearing, he bent down and scooped up his school bag from where he had dumped it at the start of our training. Giving us one final look over his shoulder as he made his way down the path leading back to the school, "I'll be going on ahead, you guys better hurry up if you don't want to be late."

"Don't worry," I told him as I waved him on, "we'll catch up to you in a few minutes."

"Ok then. See you all in class." And then he was out of sight of him as the trees blocked our view of him. I stared at the direction he disappeared to for a moment before letting loose a sigh.

"And there goes the greatest idiot I have ever known." Who would have thought that Kiba was actually rather stupid? Then again, he was a blond.

"Shirou," Sona looked up at me from between the gaps of her finger, still refusing to release her face-palm. "Why didn't you try to stop him?"

"You mean other than it being utterly hilarious when Kiba walks into the middle of a classroom full of students and publicly asks the Perverted Trio if they will teach him about porn?"

"Yes," Sona started to massage her temple, "other than that."

"Because I genuinely think this might be good for him." At her disbelieving look I explained. "Think about it. By the looks of it the boy has never seen porn before. No, while I can't say for sure, it sounded like he has no clear idea what porn is even used for. And that's not normal, I mean even Asia knows what porn is." No matter how much I wish it ain't so.

"I see. Rias told me that she had never seen him show any interests in girls before. For a while we actually entertained the possibility that he might have been gay but neither of us had ever seen him show any interest in men either.

"Yes," She nodded as she slipped her glasses back on, "if you think of it that way the Pervert Trio may actually be good for him." Her eyes widened for an instant before shutting them again with a groan of disbelief. 

"And I can't believe you got me to admit that those three's perverted antics may actually be beneficial for something."

"There is also the added bonus of this event destroying his perfect image." At Sona's prompting look I elaborated. "His reputation as a flawless prince does him more harm than good in the long run. 

Other than his Trait, it is perhaps the biggest barrier that separates him from his peers. When we put someone up on a pedestal they stop becoming human in our eyes, making them much harder to interact with."

"True." She nodded, "Though as the Student Council President I find it more of a benefit than a hindrance but I can understand why it may not be that way for Kiba. Still, I hope this won't be the day we remember as the birth of the Perverted Quartet."

A gentle tapping on the top of my head drew my gaze upwards to find Shirone looking down at me with a frightened expression. Her ears were laid flat down against her head and her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Shirou." she whimpered out, sounding genuinely frightened. "Shirou, Kiba-chi…Kiba-chi's not going to end up becoming a pervert…is he?"

I cracked a smile at that, "No Shirone," I assured her. "Kiba's not becoming a pervert. His just going through puberty. Five years later than he should have but other than that it's completely normal."

One of her ears jump up as her expression began to turn hopeful. "So, no pervert?

"No pervert." I confirmed.

"Good." she nodded as both her ears stood straight up. "Perverts are bad."

"Sure they are." Chuckling at her antics. To think that something as little as the possibility of Kiba turning into a pervert could get her that worried.

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