Empty Nest

“That is it! I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. We’re done. It’s over.”

“Baby, please…”

“Don’t you fucking baby me. I’m serious this time. You’re lazy. You’re selfish. You’re a slob. You’ve got no ambition.” With each brutal but accurate point she jabs a finger into my chest. “You’ve come from nowhere. You’re going nowhere. You’re a nothing. A nobody. No wonder they fired you.”

“Blair…”

“Showing up late. Leaving early. And for what? So you could loaf around here playing video games? It’s not like you had some great life to come live.” She fumes. “Even when you were there you were slacking off. I’m surprised they put up with your shit for this long.”

“That’s not…”

“You can’t even cover your half of the bills as is!”

“I know, I just…”

“And it’s not just work. You don’t dance anymore. You don’t hike. You don’t tinker. We never go out unless I drag you out. Most of your friends don’t even bother calling anymore. What happened to you?”

“I…I just…”

“Look at yourself! Same raggedy ass clothes as when we met. When was the last time you got a hair cut? When was the last time you shaved? When was the last time you showered!? You’re a mess.” She pokes at the little roll of fat that had formed at my belly over the past year. “Somehow you’re both skinny and fat. You’re soft. You’re weak. Two flights of stairs and you’re winded.”

“Blair…”

“And it’s not like you’re even doing much for me in the bedroom. The rare times you ARE in the mood you can barely even get that little pecker of yours up anymore.” She glances toward my crotch before locking her angry gaze straight into my eyes. “You weren’t even that great to begin with, but now you’re barely a man. I never needed a vibrator until hooking up with you.”

A hot blush rises in my cheeks at her emasculating insults. Down the hall to both my left and right I could see doors cracked open as nosy neighbors watched the fireworks. Even those with the doors closed would be hearing my girlfriend’s every eviscerating jibes through the paper thin walls. As if it wasn’t humiliating enough to be standing in the hall among all of my scattered clothes and belongings begging to be let into my own place.

“I love…”

“DON’T!” Blair barks.

“Baby…” I plead.

“I am not you’re baby. We are through.”

“Where am I supposed to…?”

“Not my problem. Not anymore.”

“But…but…”

“But what? Hmm?” She sneers. “What could you possibly say to me? I understand what you’re getting out of this relationship, but what about me? Huh? Go ahead. Give me a reason. Give me one SINGLE reason why I should keep your worthless ass around?”

All goes quiet as she awaits my answer. Silently my eyes beseech her for mercy, for pity, but this time I see nothing but cold, hard rejection staring back at me. This was for real. After an interminably long minute I whisper. “I…I can’t think of one.”

“Exactly.” She steps back and grabs the door, ready to slam it in my face. “Face it Elliot, YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER!”

BAM!

***

Hours later, I had no idea how many, I am sat on the ground in front of my car with my head in my hands trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. With absolutely nowhere to turn I was suddenly broke, homeless and completely alone. It was that last one that hurt the most. I’d called every friend I had, or thought I had, just looking for a sofa to crash on and got nothing but excuses or flat rejections back. After my breakup with Blair I’d had to endure getting dumped all over again and again and again by those I thought still cared.

A sputtering hatchback, a quarter tank of gas, an old phone that could barely hold a charge, a pile of dirty clothes along with some various odds and ends in the back seat, and 27 dollars in my bank account was everything I had to show for my 25 years of life. What was I going to do? What could I do? How do you build again when you don’t even have a foundation on which to build? Though I really could have used their help right now…I was glad they weren’t around to see me now. All their faith in me, all their hopes and dreams, were for nothing. I failed them even worse than I failed myself.

The very worst part was the sense of inevitability of it all and the too comfortable acceptance of failure. Deep down I always knew that this is where I would end up. I was at rock bottom. Exactly where I belonged.

“Fuuuck.”

Leaning back against my car I stare through the chain link fence to the quaint little neighborhood park beyond it. All was green and alive. I hadn’t a clue what part of the city this was. Everything after the breakup was a blur. Beyond the steel grid I see kids running up and down the length the soccer field, their parents lined up along the sideline on blankets and lawn chairs cheering them on. It took me back to another happier time. I see a group of men about my age laughing and chatting and ribbing each other as they flicked a frisbee back and forth between them. How many times had my buddies and I done that back in the day? So many. It had been years since we’d done it. I see a young couple in love for all the world to see sharing a picnic at one of the tables. Blair and I used to do things like that. Why did we ever stop? I see a woman strolling along the path stop simply to enjoy the sweet aroma of magnolia. I could not remember the last time I took a moment to enjoy such a simple pleasure.

My head drops again. I couldn’t bear to watch it anymore. Family, friends, lovers, simple pleasures, these things were beyond me now and having to see them only acted to highlight just how far I had fallen. As soon as I found the will to move myself I would find another place to park for the night. Some dark alley or grubby underpass perhaps. Somewhere more befitting of a wretch like me. I’d never had to spend the night in my car before now, but I suspected tonight would be the first of many more to come. Fuck my life!

“Excuse me?” Comes a soft, feminine voice.

I look up to discover the woman I had spotted sniffing the flowers had approached the fence while my head was down. She was tall, at least as tall as me, heavy set yet still maintaining her thick hourglass curves thanks to her wide hips and large bosom. The one piece emerald and black patterned dress she wore was of a style I often saw on larger ladies trying to mask their extra flesh. She had long wavy brown hair, warm brown eyes, plump lips, and a wide face that was easy on the eyes without being stunning. She wore simple leather sandals that revealed toenails painted the same dusky pink as her short trimmed fingernails. At a glance I guessed her to be in her mid forties, her tacky earrings and necklace alone screamed middle age.

Too tall, too chunky, too old, with an outdated fashion sense and not enough good sense to keep to herself? Yuck! A total ‘Karen’ if I ever saw one. She was literally the opposite of my petite and pretty blond ex in every way. It takes me but a second to decide that I hate her.

“Fuck off.” I wave her away.

“Excuse me!”

Exasperated I throw up my hands. “Am I not supposed to park here or something? You gonna call the cops now, ya fat old cow?”

She straightens up and raises her chin in offense. “Well that was rude.” Holding out her hand she reveals a large snow white magnolia blossom. “You looked like you were down in the dumps. I thought this might cheer you up.”

I stand and approach the fence, staring down at the cheery bloom. “A flower?” I shake my head and laugh a humorless laugh. “Lady. With the day I’m having I need a lot more than a flower.” I was about to say something snide but hold my tongue. It was a sweet gesture by a sweet lady. She did not deserve my redirected venom. “I’ll…I’ll get going.” I mutter, my head bowing low. “Sorry to darken your day, Ma’am.”

“Wait.” She says. “Your name is Elliot?” I look up to meet her eyes before scanning her face. Only now does it dawn that she did look vaguely familiar. Her expression softens. “Elliot Everly?”

“Um…that’s right.” I say. “Sorry, do I know you?”

“Not directly.” She says. “I knew your parents. Not in ideal circumstances admittedly, but we spoke often enough that we got to know each other.”

“My parents?” My eyes widen as a memory awakens. “Mrs. Hutton?”

“Please, Heather.” She says. “I heard about what happened. I was so sorry to hear it. They went far too young. They were good people.”

“Yeah.” I whisper, reeling from this unexpected figure from my past.

Heather Hutton was the mother of Liam Hutton, my grade school bully. By graduation he and I had smoothed things out enough to tolerate each other but from grades one to nine Liam had made my school years a living hell. Liam was one of those clever bullies who always made sure to keep his tormenting to times when we were alone or when we were around a group that would back his word over mine. Around the teachers and parents however he was a saint. The one most fooled by his angel act was his mother, the woman standing in front of me now, whose faith in her son was absolutely unshakable. His twin sister Lily had always been kind enough to me but Liam’s cruelty at such a formative age had left scars that still hadn’t fully healed.

“Oh my God.” I say. “Mrs. Hutton!”

She smiles. “Heather. Please, you’ll make me feel old.”

“Oh, yeah.” I shift awkwardly from foot to foot. “I…didn’t recognize you.”

“Clearly.” She says.

“God, I’m so sorry. I…I’m having a day.”

“Everyone has a bad day now and then. Don’t worry about it.” Though her smile doesn’t flicker I catch her look me up and down, noting my threadbare clothes and scruffy appearance, then looking past me to the shitbox car with my meager belongings piled in the back seat. She quickly returns her eyes to mine. “How are you doing, Elliot?”

“I’m good.” I lie. “I’m just…moving. Old place didn’t work out.”

“Mmm.” She hums. “You had a place around here then? I never saw you around before today.”

“Huh? Oh no. No, no, no. Not around here, no.”

“Hm.”

“You…um…live around here?”

“Mm.” She motions over her shoulder to the far side of the park. “With Lily and Liam moved out and Alexander gone I didn’t need all that space anymore. Moved here almost four years ago now.”

“Oh. Mr. Hutton…?”

Her smile turns sad. “Passed on. Heart attack.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Just a few weeks after graduation. At least he got to see that. It was quick. He…didn’t suffer.” She clears her throat then turns the topic right back to me again. “So you’re moving into the neighborhood?”

“What? No. No I…I, um…um… I’m just passing through, you know?”

“We’re on the edge of the city. Where are you passing through to?”

“Where? Um…”

Her smile fades though her eyes remain warm. “Where are you moving, Elliot?”

“I…um…” On another day I might have been able to come up with some bullshit. Not today. I take a deep breath and as I let it out my shoulders slump. “I don’t know, Heather. I just…don’t know.”

She steps closer to the fence, her voice low so as not to carry. “Do you need help, Elliot?”

“No. No.” I shake my head. “I’m okay.”

There’s a long pause. “Listen, Elliot. Lily is doing her residency at the General.” She says softly. “Just across from the hospital they’ve got an addiction center that…”

“Addiction?”

“They won’t judge you there. There are clean beds and…”

“You think I’m…? He he he.” I start to laugh. I can’t help myself. It was simultaneously the saddest and funniest thing I’d ever heard. She might have delivered the punchline but I was the joke. “Ha ha ha ha!”

“Elliot?”

“Sorry.” I wave my hand. “Sorry. You think I’m on drugs?”

“Oh.” Her face flinches as she realizes she’d guessed wrong. “I just…I thought…”

“Drugs! I wish I had that excuse! At least then I’d have something else to blame.” I chuckle cynically. “No, Ma’am.” Spreading my arms wide I announce boldly. “This is all me. This is all I am. Today I got fired, dumped and kicked out of my apartment. I lost all my friends. My family won’t talk to me. I’m broke. I got nowhere to be and nowhere to go. I’m a fuckin loser and that is all I will ever be!”

She takes in my words then in a blink her soft expression goes as hard as steel. “You are only a loser if you think you are.”

“I don’t think. I know.” I gasp, somewhere along the way my laughs had turned to stifled sobs. “My life is shit, Heather. It’s shit because I am shit. And I am shit because it is shit. It’s all a cycle of…SHIT!”

She stares at me for a long minute before letting the flower slip from her fingers to fall to the green lawn below. She shakes her head. “And how are you ever going to break the cycle with that attitude? If you’re waiting for the world to adapt to you…”

“It’s none of your business, Heather.” Backing away I slump back down to sit on the ground. “Leave me alone.”

Her brown eyes narrow as they drill down into me. “Is that really what you want? To be left alone?”

“Yes!” I shoo her way with a dismissive wave of my hand. “Let me just curl up and die in peace.” I bury my head in my arms. “Go away!”

In the following silence I hear the sigh of the breeze through the trees and bushes and the cheers from the soccer game as a goal is scored. What I do not hear are retreating footsteps. I couldn’t see Heather but I knew she was there. I could feel her glare still on me.

I try to end the encounter in the way I began it. “Fuck off!”

In a firm, commanding tone that only an experienced mother could wield Heather snaps. “I will NOT be spoken to in that manner, young man.” I look up ready to tell her off but her hard glare shuts me up the instant I see it. “Stand up. On your feet.”

“Wha…?”

“On your feet!” She says. “And look me in the eyes when I am talking to you.”

Seeing that I’d upset her I hurry to stand. Brushing off my butt I approach the fence again. “Heather…”

“You can call me Mrs. Hutton.” She cuts me off. “Heather is for friends and people who show me respect.”

“Uh, right.”

“Straighten up!” She barks. “Chin up. Shoulders back.”

My posture straightens without me even thinking about it. “I-I’ll leave. I’m sorry that I…”

“Shush!” She waves a stern finger my way. “How much money do you have, Elliot?”

“Money?”

“When I ask a question I expect an answer.” She says. “How much?”

“I…I don’t need your money.” I say. “Or your pity.”

“Oh, I know.” She looks at my chest as if she could see through to my heart. “You’ve got all the pity you’ll ever need right there inside of you.”

“Um…”

“And I am certainly not handing out free money to an able bodied man.” She asks again, even more pointedly. “How much?”

“Uh…um…like, 25 bucks or something.”

She gives a sharp nod. “About enough for a haircut. There’s a bargain salon just up the street that takes walk-ins. If you hurry you can still get there before they close.”

“Haircut?” What the fuck was she on about?

“See if they’ll throw in a shave while you’re at it.”

“How is a shave and a haircut going to help me?”

“In more ways than you can count.” She says. “Besides, I expect my guests to be well mannered and well groomed. And you can leave that pity you’re carrying around at the door.”

“Guests? I…don’t understand.”

“I won’t offer you money, Elliot.” Her voice softens. “But a hot meal and a warm bed for the night is something I will give you.” Before I can protest she raises a hand. “Don’t argue. You’ve already told me that you’ve got nowhere else to go. No need to stand on pride now.”

“Warm…bed?”

Her eyes widen as a rather becoming blush rises across her cheeks. “In the guest room!” Flustered she huffs and shakes her head. “Mine is the blue house in the middle of the block on the opposite side of the park. Dinner will be at 6:30 sharp. If you are late, too bad for you. My offer ends at 6:31.”

“6:30.” I whisper.

“Sharp. I go to bed early and I expect quiet after 10. We’ll be up early. I go to work at 8 and you will be leaving at that time or before.” Seeing my perplexed expression her features soften again and her voice warms. “We all have bad days, Elliot. But they get better as long as we don’t give up.” She smiles. “Things will look brighter in the morning. You’ll see.”

Despite what she’d said it was pity that spurred her to offer me this completely undeserved act of kindness. I hated to accept it, but right now I was too damn low to be proud. In this chance encounter fate had just thrown me a lifeline, at least until the morning, and I’d be damned fool not to grab onto it with both hands.

“Yes, Ma’am.” I swallow hard and nod. “6:30. I’ll be there.”

“I look forward to seeing you.”

“I…I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you, Mrs. Hutton.”

“Apology accepted.”

“I…um…I can’t tell you what this means…um…”

She raises her hand to stop me. “You can thank me in the morning, Elliot.” With a nod she prods me on. “Now get going. That barber will be closing soon.”

Backing away toward the driver’s side door I say. “6:30. I won’t be late, Mrs. Hutton. I’ll be there.”

Her smile grows. “Bring your appetite.”

“I will.” I smile for the first time today. “I will! Thank you. Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it.” She waves. “Now go!”

A moment later I am coaxing my car to start as I watch Mrs. Hutton’s wide hips and full behind sway back and forth as she makes her way back across the verdant park. I had unfairly decided that I hated her within seconds of seeing her, a judgment I could now see that I had been far too hasty in making.