Fate/Gil-kun's Great Adventure

"Look, umu! Snow! Let's make a snowflake-eating contest!"

"Can I throw her off the chariot? She's giving me a headache."

"First of all, get in line. Secondly, she has seniority over you, finally, I have seniority over you, so if anyone is going to do that, it's me."

"You mongrels forget that this is my chariot! I decide who goes on it and who doesn't. Also, Salter, technically, Nero has seniority over you if we are talking about joining this group, so you don't have any power to begin with."

"Wow, thank you, Goldie! I didn't expect you to defend me."

"Don't be too grateful, I've simply gotten used to your petulance, while this confrontational energy from Salter and her offspring is a new source of stress, and I've been stressed enough today."

"Why do you even want to marry Father? What attributes does he have that make the King of Heroes so obsessed with him?"

"I have no need to tell you, however, seeing as I shall become your stepfather, I've decided to reveal it to you. Her stubbornness, her perseverance, her endurance in front of hardships, her desire to sacrifice herself for her cause, and her ideals. That, that self-inflicted martyrdom, is what makes Saber so beautiful and worthy of my love."

"What a sadist..."

"Shut up, Salter. As someone so close to Saber, I imagine you, Mordred, understand and share my admiration for the characteristics of the King of Knights."

"Dude, that's... kinda gay."

"What?"

"I mean, all of these qualities are typical of men, so you being attracted by those things is..."

"Wow, I'd never guess I would see the day my child becomes a sexist."

"Mordry, I'm sorry, but I cannot respect such words. I was never ashamed of who I was, I was stubborn and resolute when I wanted to be, and I enjoyed many hobbies and pastimes that were usually associated with males, but I never stopped considering myself a woman and I never felt inferior or weak because I was a woman. I don't think you really think you're man, isn't that true, Mordry?"

"... I know very well that I was not born as a man, and I know I can't become one, nor do I want to... however, all my life, I tried to achieve respect, I tried to be seen as someone great, I wanted, for once, to not feel inferior... to anyone. I wanted to be treated equally, I didn't want others to see weakness in me. I don't care if I'm a man or a woman. However, if others will see me as weak because I am a female, then I'll happily declare to be a male if that is what it takes not to be seen as lesser. That's what my father did... and that's what I'll do, until others... until he sees me as worthy of being a hero."

"I swear... the more this goes on... the more I think your timeline really sucks."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For starters, you have this moron as Mordred, sec-"

"That's it! I will cut you down!"

"Stop this at once!"

"Shut up, gay!"

"You little-"

Right then and there, the carriage fell over a side and crashed to the ground, breaking down and making everyone fall down in an unexpected motion.

Everything was blank for a moment, and then Gilgamesh slowly opened his eyes. At first, he felt something heavy pressing on top of him, then he felt he was holding something in his hand, finally, he looked and saw that the thing that was on top of him was Salter and his hand was right around her chest area, which meant what he was holding was...

"Move your hand away immediately."

"As if I would ever do such a thing willingly to someone like you." Gilgamesh commented, trying to hide the fear of getting slapped to death.

"Although to be fair, if my calculations are correct and my memory serves me right, she should be physically identical to my Saber, which meant that... those things... they are the same as my beloved's-"

Gilgamesh was just about to finish his perverse thoughts when he received the slap, swiftly followed by the backhand.

"What was that for? I moved it away immediately!"

"I never said I wouldn't slap you regardless. Besides, your face totally gave away that you were thinking something perverted."

"How dare you make such an assump-"

"Pervert."

"I'll show you perversion if you wish that so much!"

"Sounds like something a pervert would say."

"That's not the way I meant it!"

"Whatever, pervert."

"Why, you little-"

Just then, Gilgamesh felt something else against him just as he was getting up. However, instead of slowly realising what was going on, whatever he made contact with sent him flying.

"What the hell?"

"That's what that stupid Roman gets for not getting off me."

"Oh, so you survived. What a letdown."

"How can you be so mean? There's no way my Father would become such an asshole, and that's coming from the one who killed him, for God's sake!"

"You know, Mordred, when I was alive I used to hate the fact that you were so slow and an ass-kisser, but you are actually making me appreciate my Mordred more and more. I suppose I should thank you for that."

"Yeah, I should thank you too, the more time I spend with you, the more I realise my father wasn't all that bad."

"..."

"..."

"EXCALIBUR MORGAN!"

"CLARENTH BLOOD ARTHUR!"

They both were ready to unleash their Noble Phantasms, but they ended up slipping on the ice and falling to the cold ground.

"Damn it all, I'm bloody freezing!"

"Stop complaining and help me repair this so we can just move on..."

"Not before I kill you once and for all."

"As if you are capable of doing that..."

"I'll show you!" 

Mordred charged forward, but inevitably slipped again.

"Ha ha, dumbass, now stop acting like a cl-"

Salter tried taunting her, but she fell too.

"Right back at you, you bastard."

Meanwhile...

"Are you OK, Goldie?"

"Do I look like someone who's OK?"

"I would hazard a guess and say no."

"You should guess more often."

"I'll do that then! Guessing is what I do best, after all! Here, let me help you get up!"

"No, no, otherwise we'll slip ag-"

They slipped again.

"Damn you, Nero, why don't you listen to me?!"

"Well, there's no reason to act mad when you are not."

"Why do you think I'm not mad?"

"You didn't call me a mongrel."

"Would you like me to call you mongrel?"

"No, but I mean... if you were mad, you wouldn't call me in a way I would enjoy, no?"

"Why can't you use your brain when it matters instead of little things like this?"

"Well, it's the little things that count, right?"

"Whatever, just change your shoes to something you can walk on this ice with."

"Sure thing!"

"... ice skates?"

"They get the job done!"

"... fine, I don't care, let's just get out of here. More importantly, how is it possible that we are suddenly in another cold region?"

"I don't understand your concern. There are many cold places on Earth too."

"What I mean is that we are surrounded by regions of temperate climate and there are no mountains around us. I doubt that this ice is natural."

"With all due respect, we have come across giant bugs, little crocs, and a mountain made out of candy. I don't think the rules of our reality are really applied here."

"Then again, we also passed through a golden city and an entire country that were created by a Heroic Spirit, and I can tell that there are a few around here too."

"I see, so what do you think we should do?"

"I have no interest in staying in this place, especially when I am close to my goal. Let's move forward... where are the other two?"

"I think... oh, look they are there, wrestling on the ground at the edge of the lake!"

"Ok... ... WHAT?!"

"I'm sorry, was I not clear, Goldie?"

"Shut up! I'm going there!"

"Wait, Goldie, don't stomp your feet so much, you'll-"

Before Nero could finish warning him, the ice under Gilgamesh broke and he fell into the lake.

The cold water got into his mind for a second, but ultimately, it just served to really piss him off.

He created a portal and passed through it, instantly arriving where Salter and Mordred were fighting. He grabbed two hammers from his treasury and smashed them in their heads.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOLS!"

"Ouch, screw you, dude. I'm teaching this old tramp a lesson."

"That's a very nice way of saying you're getting the shit beat out of you."

"ENOUGH! I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE, SO YOU CAN STAY FREEZING HERE, FOR ALL I CARE!"

"Hey, did you forget that I'm the only one who can show you where father is?"

"No, your sword is."

"How do you know it's not the sword AND me?"

"Are you really interested in finding out?"

"I guess not. You're in luck, old tramp. I'll spare you for now."

"Consider yourself lucky, stupid weakling."

"Stop this at once."

"Why are you wet, Galter?"

"It doesn't matter."

"You fell into the lake?"

"I said it doesn't matter."

"Look, there's a hole over ther-"

"I SAID IT DOESN'T MATTER, DAMN IT!"

"Ok, ok. Geez, I hope we find the other me quick so you can stop being a moody b-"

"We'll change chariot, I won't waste any more time here."

"Ok, let's get out of here th-"

Before Mordred could finish her sentence, a highly concentrated gust of freezing wind blew her away, all the way to the other side of the frozen lake, against the trees of the surrounding forest. The other adventurers turned.

"Who are you people? Leave this place immediately, before you become just like that water?"

A beautiful young woman with an almost ethereal appearance spoke in a resolute and determined manner. Both her eyes and her hair were a pale azure shade that nearly made them indistinguishable from the surrounding ice.

She carried no weapons, so the safe assumption was that she was a Caster and a powerful one at that. Gilgamesh could tell that she was the one responsible for the sudden shift in climate they had experienced. Her identity couldn't be more clear.

The Snow Queen.

"I have no idea who you are, but thank you for getting rid of her, Princess Anna."

"Wait, Miss Ice Princess! We mean no harm! We are just passing by, and we are going to leave right now, right, Goldie?"

"... you know, I think I changed my mind. I kept saying that I wanted to move on, but I doubt I can keep traveling in this mental state of mind. So I shall use you to blow off some steam, insolent mongrel who dares threaten a king with her parlor tricks. My brilliance can't be contained by mere ice."

"If that's your answer, then allow me to prove you wrong. I will show you that gold can freeze too."

"He got into another fight out of pride!"