Fate/Mercenary: A travel across the omniverse.

"Hallo, Nice and Nephews, it is Uncle Author here with a new special and today we are interviewing a person who has brought some joy to our lives." 

"Who are you?"

"The one who writes it all."

"..."

"..."

"So you are the one who is making underage girls fall in love with me?"

"Hey, don't Didi me! I never planned for you to do anything while they were underage! You fucking sicko."

"Sure…whatever you say."

"Don't make me gender-bend you!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"There are few things that I don't want to do, but there is nothing that I wouldn't dare!"

"...."

"That's what I thought."

"So, what is the reason for you to make me come to this place?"

"Well, I just wanted to have a few words with you, asking some questions so the viewers could get some entertainment."

"...fine, but I expect a reward."

"The beach epi…"

"You are not beating the allegations."

"I didn't mean with…..ugh, you are such an infuriating bastard."

"Ha, jokes on you, 'cause you created me!"

"Fine, I guess that I can give something." I passed an envelope to Yozora which made him raise an eyebrow. "Open it, but don't show it."

He did as I said and opened the envelope, which contained a single photo with some written text on the back. Which caused him, even if he tried to deny it, some joy in his heart, I know, because I created the tsundere bastard.

"Are you serious?" 

"No, I am Uncle Author!." I said as his groaning resonated in the room. "But I am being truthful to my word."

"Fine, I will believe you."

"That easy?"

"Bud, Death courts me, I slapped Dumbledore in his old face, I am swear friends with the Goblin, a bullshit descendant of Oberon best friend which I may add for some reason look like Enkidu, my grandfather and teacher is Li Shuwen, my best buddies are Harry Potter and Blaise Zabini, I can nuke a small country, I terrorize Voldemort for funsies, I had meet Kuzuma, Nurarihyon, Kise Ryota, Nakiri Irina, Manager Kim, Michael and Asakura Hao. So, I am sure that this barely counts as bullshit."

"...fair."

"So, what do you want to ask?"

"Well, first of all….on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy watching Death with a maid outfit?"

"Can't be measured," Yozora said with a straight face without blinking.

"...I am jealous."

"Of course you are, I would be if I wasn't me."

The author rolled his eyes, wondering why he made him so narcissistic."Yeah, yeah, you are an unfathomable Jade Beaty. I get it, continents would go to war because of your beauty, the Prince of Lanling looks like an ugly leper next to you, every young master in the omniverse wants to court you, the Fuyoishis…"

"Okay okay stop, jeez, I am handsome, not a fucking not a fucking trap." 

"Well….if the more you ascend to heavens the more…."

"And I am not a fucking farmer, I am a Magus."

"Are you looking down on the cornerstone of society?" 

"Bud….that's so American from you to say, and you are Mexican."

"...Take that back."

"Nope~"

"Uuugh"

"Next question please"

"All right….If you had the opportunity to punch…"

"Shou Tucker."

"But….I mean, I would too. But I was going to ask for a non-fictional person from your perspective."

"C.S. Lewis."

"Dude…do you realize that he was 63 when he died from kidney problems."

"First of all, he was 64, and he died from Nephritis. However…he crossed the line."

"Yeah sure, because punching a 64-year-old for the elderly is better than punching a 63-year-old."

"Do you realize that I slapped and 'enslaved' a hundred and ten 'elderly' because he plotted against me and I hunt and psychologically torture a disabled 65-year-old man for funsies?"

"...You know when you word it that way, you are a terrible person."

"I never claimed to be a good guy." 

"...okay, continuing in the beating section….if you had to punch a person from an isekai anime who is not the protagonist, which one would you choose?" 

"Amanogawa Kouki, if it is before the after stories, Heinz from Death Mage but I wouldn't kill him so Vandaleu could have his revenge, Lucius, Hiroaki Sakata, Sendo Takahisa from Serie Tsukai, Lucas Wykes, Uto, Nico and Cecilia from TBATE…the list is far too long for a short interview."

"...Nice tastes." 

"Thank you!"

"Now…tell us. Which anime/manga you loved but the fanbase ruined it for you?" 

"Boku No Hero Academia without a doubt."

"...I mean yes, but I thought that since you were in Japan, you saved yourself from…well the western side of the fanbase." 

"But I am Canadian too, and I love fanfics. So I had to bleach my eyes after reading some of those fanfics. Seriously, bud, I've never seen so many describe Midoriya as a namby pamby…as if being a crybaby was all he was. How asinine do you have to be to think such a thing? Sure, he cried a tad bit here and there, but the kid broke his limbs without hesitation… for a sports festival!! What I could criticize about him is that he had never trained before meeting All Might. If anything I hate Hitoshi more, that fucking edgy kid, 'eVeRyOnE tHiNkS tHaT mY qUiRk Is ViLlAnOuS' and then proceeds to act like a jerk, no wonder he had no friends, thank you for not sending me to that world, otherwise I would had broke his jaw in the sport festival…maybe when he declared war at 1-A."

"I know right? God, how much I hate when everyone makes Midoriya glaze Shinso's quirk to no end….fuck him. But speaking of My Hero Academia…which Quirk would you like to have in that world? Ignore the trinity of bullshit." 

"Mmm, a part of me would say [Creation], but since it is too dependent on lipids, it would be pretty inconvenient, as my body does not store many. Slide and Glide is a good one since I know its potential, [Flight] since I am a huge fan of Superboy is also a good one, [Twin Impact] was underused and would get along with my Martial Arts knowledge….Yeah, I will probably go with Slide and Glide."

"You didn't think about [Copy]?" 

"Sure, I did; however, I am assuming that I will not have a Quirk Awakening or something. While versatile it is a great liability to not have a foundation, specially since I know that I would trow hands against AFO and in the unlikely event of me able to copy his quirk to still his, I know for first hand experience, how annoying is to have someone living rent free on your mind." 

"How are so sure that you will get to fight AFO?" 

"....really?" 

"I mean I don't see you being a goodie two shoes as most of the kids in the show, sure I know that you wouldn't be a "villain" in a conventional way and you don't find joy in perturbing the common people lifes but I don't see you going around in spandex with a wide smile yelling 'I AM HERE', you are not that kind of man." 

"And you are right, I am not that kind of man. Probably at some point, I would go for the vigilante route, as the idea of being a villain in that world does not seem attractive…even if I am considered a terrorist in some countries. However I bet that my obsession to learn would get the best of me and I would end up trying to get an inside perspective of the whole hero thing, not to mention the natural attraction of being part of the "plot", probably for the trill of destroying it…"

"All right, that does sound like something you would do…sicko." 

"I would say… misunderstood soul."

The author rolled his eyes knowing well that Yozora was just messing with him."Okay, we talked too much about the Japanese media, let's change it to Korea. If I didn't send you to the Potterverse and DXD verse…in which Manhwa or Korean Novel would you like to be sent?" 

"Jezz man, that's a difficult one. I have some that I loved with passion, like How To Survive At The Academy, SSS Class Suicide Hunter, Dungeon Defense, or The Novel Extra. But I think that I loved the characters or people in that world more than the world itself so they are not an option. So I think that it would be between The Second Coming of Gluttony, The God of High School, Tomb Rider King, and Everyone Else Is A Returnee." 

"I see…care to explain?"

"Well The Second Coming of Glutonny was the first Korean Novel that I read so I am biased even if I had to "serve" a god before reaching a certain level and I hate parasites with passion, except for Migi, Jaw and Reiko…not gonna lie, I sheed some tears with her death." 

"My glass house would crumble if I said the opposite my friend."

"The God Of High School is a similar case, but it was my first Manhwa, and while it is a boomer that magic is not available for all humans without using [Borrowed Power] but the epicness of their Martial Arts is worth it. I only use [Nabong Needle Ryu] and it boosts my physical prowess to an insane degree, not to mention that Reneval Taekwondo and Ssam-Su Taekkyeon are one of my favorite Martial Arts in fiction." 

"So you wanna bend space with a kick?" 

"Who doesn't?" 

"Fair." 

"With Everyone Else Is A Returnee, sure I would have loved to have a 1000 years to nothing but training and having a cute Angel to take care of me, not Liera, mind you, I am not a homewrecker. But I think that even with a whole generic "system/leveling" it is flexible enough to develop many things and styles, and not gonna lie, I would go crazy looking for goblins even if they are just cannon fodder…and Kang MiRae being the best magic user? Is Yu Ilhan the best spearman? Fat chance with me being there hahaha."

"...ok"

"As for Tomb Rider King it's pretty easy, I love both using weapons and mythology….not to mention that pissing off gods sounds like real fun." 

"That's what you are currently doing…"

"And I love my life, but also I think that it deviates a little from the usual 'dungeon/gate/tower setting, not to mention that I would love to collaborate with Seo Joo-Heon, I think that we both would make an amazing duo."

The author shivered a little bit thinking about the poor souls of that world if that ever happened. "So moving on from hypothetical and I must say scary "if" situations. Let's get a little bit personal….but not too much."

Yozora stared at the author and knew what he meant by it. "Sure, as long as you don't talk about my family or her, I have no issues." 

"Good, I was not planning either way." The Author shrugged his shoulders. "So, you once said that you want to learn everything that you find fascinating…what is what you consider fascinating enough to take your interest?" 

"Actually, it is kinda random." Yozora awkwardly said. "Currently, as you know, the esoteric arts have taken most of my interest for obvious reasons of survival and childhood dreams. But it can be as random as the process of how to grow healthy rice fields, the process to make ink from scratch, the extraction of rubber, I once even got obsessed with the Agapornis genus after watching them in a documentary."

"...dude, you know Spanish and also know that I am Mexican….you know how that sounds."

"8th grade never left you?" 

"Nope" 

"All the birds in that genus are commonly known as Lovebirds or Inseparables, as you might know them."

"...the cute little small parrots who only have a mate in their whole life and always look as if they are resting their heads in each other?...really?" A mocking smile appeared in Author Uncle's smile.

"If you say a word…"

"Who would have thought that big bad Yozora, the future harem king, E.M.I.Y.A's successor, is also a big softie that loves monogamous birds HAHAHA"

'No wonder why he used to call Aqua his little blue bird…damn now I feel like crap but the readers are rooting for me'

*INHALES*

"HAHAHAHAHA"

"Well, at least I get some girls."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Celes-chan said you're never allowed to talk about that."

"The heck are you talking about?" 

"Anyways" Uncle Author wanted to to avoid further emotional damage. "What about beetles?" 

"You know…that's kinda racist of you."

"Hey, you are the one who talked about rice fields and ink…all I know about Japan is through anime and some Wikipedia." 

"Wikipedia…oh sweet baby Jesus! Aqua why have you forsaken me!?" 

'Only if you knew' The author bites his tongue, to avoid giving Yozora spoilers. 

"But you are not wrong…my first 'experiment' was to empirically demonstrate why Rhinoceros beetles were obviously the superior beetle." 

"...I guess that you were not popular in school?" 

"Meh" Yozora shrugged his shoulders. "You cannot be popular if you punch everyone."

"Speaking of that…there is something we must discuss." 

"What?" 

"While people love you because you resolve everything with violence…"

"The only valid answer…"

"They also want to know if you were like this when you used to live in a "normal" world?" 

"I guess that for many Westerns, it could be ludicrous the thought of me punching 'normal' people just because I felt like it….but you don't know about asian bullying. Sure, you could think that what appears on mangas and doramas is exaggerated…some of them are, in fact. But I actually got in many fights in my younger days, mostly in high school, sure, in Hogwarts I am more "open" about this; however, I sent more than one person to the hospital in my original world."

"So….you were a bullying victim?"

"Fuck no, I was the victimizer, everyone knew to not mess with me or my brother. I got into more fights because I caught more than one wannabe delinquent doing shit." 

"...I don't know why I expected the opposite." 

"Dude…before my first semester ended, I had already sent 95% of male students to meet Madam Pompfrey, and the ones who didn't were because they had enough survival instinct to not mess up with me. A personality like mine cannot be constructed in less than 3 years…I was already messed up before going to the Potterverse." 

".... well hundreds of works of fiction support a drastic change in personality after getting 'isekai d'or reincarnated is something pretty common." 

"Bah…those idiots were no different from their previous selves, they just got a taste of power and allowed their deepest and darkest desires to take over them." 

":..what?"

"Let's take the majority of MCs seen in High School DXD fanfictions, for example. What is the second most common occurrence that happens in those fanfics?" 

"...Taking Grayfia from Sirzechs?" 

"That is actually the third most common thing..." 

"Seriously?"

"Seriously ....I did the math"

"Then is it to kill Issei?" 

"That is the fourth which is related to the second…they take their place, perhaps they do not kill them nor take Ddraig from him…a punishment for Ddraig if you ask me. No…they always take Issei's place, they always want to be the ones to "save" Rias for the cartoonish evil Riser, be the one who has the harem the first most common thing by the way, be the one who has all the 'bitches' in short…everyone wants to be the main character."

"They all whine about how Issei is just a pervert who covets their bodies and cares too little about their feelings and personalities, but they are no better; if anythin,g many of them are worse than him as they manipulate all the events to make themselves like a "nice and relatable" guy." 

"So you think that all people that reincarnate or are sent to other worlds are just perverts….?" 

"To generalize is to be idiotic…should've now by this point. According to Kuzuma all those stories are people from other worlds and the authors make contact with those worlds by dreams or other means, so probably there is an uncountable amount of stories with people like Midoriya, Mob, Ippo, Monjiro…"

"Did you, just?"

"Yes," Yozora said, Gonpanchiro's name wrong on purpose. "The point is that there are many people that are genuinely good people, but perhaps they are not as interesting as the aforementioned people are or simply the people that saw those worlds are not as skilled to convey something that may entertain the audience. But on the other side…sex sells….a lot. So even if the story is mid at best and mediocre on average, just mention how he beds everyone's anime crushes, and they will receive a lot of views.

Most importantly, I am using DXD as an example, so sex is a predominant thing in most of the said fics. In Marvel stories, most of them are about people wanting to become heroes. The same happens with Boku No Hero Academia fanfics, 90% are about becoming heroes, sure, most of them are not for the righteousness of their heart, but they're still there. 

Using me as an example…magic, surprise surprise I spent most of my time in the Potterverse and I got absorbed and obsessed with it to the degree that sometimes I question myself of how did I exist without it even if I don't have a memory loss regarding it. And I am a battle junkie…sent me to the second most conflicted time period on the biblical faction instead of having a half-ass highschool I am planning to con and utilize many people for selfish reasons and even in the potterverse…things are going to get full average hunter/gate korean novel, and who knows in what messes I am going to get involved, but what I am sure of, is that they are going to be messy and I will use violence."

"So the world influences the person, and to a degree, the person also influences the world…though your case is something particular. Even if I am the "author" as you said I am only preserving what you experience, sometimes is fuzzy and I have to get creative with my experience while sometimes it is as clear as water….But I must admit that sometimes I find your character ridiculous, sometimes I think you are the good guy, but many other times I wonder if you are not actually the final boss. "

"Morality is a construct of time and place…I won't say that mine is non-existent as I grew up in a world that I imagine is similar to yours or arrogantly proclaim that mine is superior to others. Even though I think that I am a twisted individual, I know that for sure, but at the same time is somehow a simple one. I try to do whatever I want and avoid to make "innocent" bystanders suffer, but if you are trash I couldn't care less about doing something inhuman that would make AM look like a saint." 

"You say that a lot, but what is your definition of 'innocent bystander' and 'trash '?" 

"You know, like someone minding their own business, it would be a dick move on my part to just destroy their life because I wanted to fight on their property or they had something that I wanted. Like the dude who was the original user of [Innovate Clear] at the time he was just a normal person living the day without causing any harm to others. I could have just taken his Sacred Gear without caring for his life or not leaving something to compensate him…but it would have left a bad taste in my mouth. Or when I was searching for a Metamorphmagus in the Potterverse some were children so it is a big no and the adults were living decent lives to my bad luck…Sure, I could have kidnapped one of them with ease…but it feels wrong. 

However, with the Death Eaters…I do not think that I must list all the things that they have done…if they care little for endangering the life of others it means that they have no regard for their own life. Such a basic concept that their little underdeveloped minds can't conceive…then their life is of no meaning…they are no better than trash as such I will treat them as what they are, at least I can give some meaning to their worthless lives helping me to improve."

"....I am glad that you are conscious of your own twistiness, who knows what would happen if you didn't." 

"I know what would happen…if I did not have some baseline regard for life, I would have released Durindana when those fools had tried to take what is mine, at least a good chunk of London would have disappeared that day." 

"...Te faltan un chingo de tornillos en la cabeza wey." ( You have many loose screws in that head of yours.)

"Lo se." (I know)

"That's not something to be proud of…."

"Says who?"

"Ugh, we reached the time limit for this interview."

"Finally….now I can pulverize Rome." 

"Dude…."

"Relax I will evacuate all civilians." 

"You know what, I give up ... we'll see you again in our next interview." 

"Wait ....I didn't agree…."

"Astolfo." 

"Okay then." 

"Any message that you wanna tell to the readers?" 

"...Don't allow the author to beat the allegations." Yozora disappeared with a wide grin on his face. 

"Hijo de puta!" 

…..