Harry Potter and the Cataclysm

Carnie leaned back with a satisfied smirk as his storytelling hooked them all—every single one of them, from the eager Ron and Harry to the skeptical-yet-interested Hermione. Even Hagrid looked like he was about to grab a notepad to jot down these so-called "legends of the East."

He took a slow sip of tea, letting the anticipation build. Always leave them wanting more.

"Alright, I'll give you a choice," Carnie finally relented. "Do you want a tale of love, revenge, immortality, or... the monkey who fought heaven itself?"

Ron and Harry immediately jumped in.

"The monkey!"

Neville looked hesitant but nodded in agreement. Hermione, however, crossed her arms, skeptical.

"A story about a monkey fighting heaven? That doesn't sound very believable," she said.

Carnie grinned. "Oh, you haven't heard of Sun Wukong, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven?"

Hagrid raised an eyebrow. "The Great Sage... Equal to Heaven? That's quite a title."

Carnie smirked. "And he earned every bit of it."

He leaned forward, lowering his voice for dramatic effect.

"A long, long time ago, atop a mountain shrouded in mist, there lay a mystical stone—not an ordinary rock, but one infused with the power of the heavens themselves. Over centuries, this stone absorbed the essence of the sky and the earth, until one day, it cracked open... and from within was born a monkey. But not just any monkey—one who could run faster than the wind, leap thousands of miles in a single bound, and who feared neither man nor god."

The room was silent. Even Hermione, despite her skepticism, was listening.

Hagrid leaned in, fascinated. "Wait, are ye tellin' me this monkey was... magical?"

Carnie nodded. "Oh, very magical. He trained under a Daoist master, learned 72 transformations, could summon storms, and even stole the weapon of a sea dragon king—a staff that could change size at will. But you know what really made him legendary?"

"What?" Ron asked, practically bouncing in his seat.

Carnie grinned, holding up a single finger. "He single-handedly took on the entire Heavenly Court."

There was a beat of stunned silence before Neville gulped. "Like... the gods?"

"Every single one."

Hermione scoffed. "And I suppose he won?"

Carnie spread his hands dramatically. "Oh, he didn't just win. He humiliated them. They sent divine generals? He beat them. They sent their greatest warrior? He mocked him in battle. They tried to bribe him with a position in heaven? He ate all their food and left."

Ron's jaw dropped. "Bloody hell."

Hagrid let out a booming laugh. "I like this monkey!"

"But of course, pride comes before the fall," Carnie continued. "Eventually, the gods called in their trump card: Buddha himself. And even Sun Wukong wasn't ready for what happened next..."

Just as he was about to continue, Hermione narrowed her eyes.

"Wait," she interrupted, clearly suspicious. "How do you know so much about this?"

Carnie smiled innocently. "Oh, I just read a lot."

Hermione looked like she wanted to question him further, but Ron cut in. "Never mind that! What happened next?!"

Carnie laughed. "Ah, that… is a tale for another night."

"WHAT?!"

"You can't just stop there!" Harry groaned.

"Exactly," Carnie smirked. "See? Now you'll have to come back for part two."

Hagrid chuckled, shaking his head. "Yer quite the storyteller, Carnie. I can see why everyone likes havin' ya around."

Carnie grinned, leaning back with his tea. Got 'em. Hook, line, and sinker.

And just like that, the legend of the Monkey King became a Hogwarts bedtime story.