Harry Potter: I Cast

A/N: Well we only made it to spot 70 so here's your extra chap of the week.

Filch's lantern light faded around the corner, its glow diminishing until darkness reclaimed the Great Hall.

I descended silently from my ceiling perch, the flying spell I had cast on myself dissipating with that peculiar tingle that always reminded me of pins and needles spreading through my entire body. The stone floor was cold beneath my feet as I landed in front of Violet's portrait, her painted form gliding back into her frame with practiced grace.

"Felix, they're moving towards the kitchen," Violet reported, her purple eyes glowing with conspiratorial excitement in the darkness. The paint that formed her features seemed to shimmer slightly, a reminder of the complex magic that gave portraits their semblance of life. "Though..." she hesitated, frowning slightly, "there's something odd about their behavior."

"Odd how?" I asked. The twins weren't exactly known for being predictable - that was part of their charm, and usually part of their success. My fingers absent-mindedly curled as I remembered the feeling of my shrunken head take out all of my already skewered center of balance.

"Lady Christina says they've just passed the suit of armor on the third floor," another portrait whispered from its frame, the occupant's medieval dress rustling with painted movement. "They keep checking some sort of parchment and... giggling. They even said something about Filch and yourself."

Giggling? My mind raced through possibilities. How did they know about Filch almost catching me in the Great Hall? And what was this parchment they kept consulting? A map perhaps, enchanted with the Homonculus Charm? It seemed unlikely - that spell wasn't taught until sixth year, and even then it was fiendishly difficult. Still, with the Weasley twins, anything was possible, maybe they had found it in the middle of the road.

I moved through the darkened corridors of Hogwarts, guided by my network of painted ladies and some men.

"They're doing it again," reported Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, gliding through a nearby wall with a silvery gleam. "Huddled over that parchment, checking it for a moment before changing direction."

The portraits continued their reports, passing messages through their frames faster than any owl post. Each report confirmed my growing suspicion - the twins weren't just wandering, they were tracking something. Or someone.

"They're looking at that parchment again," a medieval witch reported from her frame, adjusting her pointed hat nervously. "One of them said 'he's still following' and they both started snickering."

I froze mid-step, my mind racing. The pieces clicked into place - they definitely had a map with the Homonculous Charm. They could see me.

Yet instead of frustration, I felt a smile spread across my face. My heartbeat quickened with excitement rather than fear. After all, my kleptomaniac tendencies were itching and I couldn't stop myself from wanting a map with the Homonculous charm for myself.

Well, two could play at that game. Since I knew that they knew - unless they knew that I knew that they knew - I could turn this to my advantage. My grin widened in the darkness as plans formed and reformed in my mind.

A witch wearing midnight blue robes gossiped from her gilt frame, "They are waiting behind the kitchen doors."

They thought they were leading me into a trap? Time to spring one of my own. I gathered my magic, feeling it move inside me. Then I smashed the door open with a leg kick that would have made my dad's martial arts instructor proud, yeah he learnt karate too, he really liked learning new thing now that I thought about it.

"I Cast Fly!"

I shot upward as two spells blazed beneath me, their light illuminating the kitchen briefly before hitting the far wall. I canceled my spell immediately, dropping back to the ground and diving forward into the kitchen in one fluid motion.

The twins stood before me, their identical faces showing matched expressions of surprise. Before they could raise their wands again, I shouted with all my might, my voice echoing off the kitchen's stone walls.

"I CAST TESTICULAR TORSION!"

Two rays of magic flew from my hands, hitting the boys squarely in their nuts. They collapsed to the floor, their identical faces contorting in synchronized agony. As they writhed on the cold stone, a worn piece of parchment slipped from one twin's grasp - Fred's, I thought, though I could never really tell them apart.

I snatched it up before either could react, though given their current predicament, quick movements weren't exactly their strong suit. I cast wingardium leviosa with a flick of my hand bringing it into my palm

"Well, well, what do we have here?" I mused, turning the parchment over in my hands. It really was a map with the Homonculous charm, I could see both Mrs Norris and Mr Filch heading here probably from my shout. "I think I'll keep this as payment for the shrunken head incident. Call this karmic retribution."

"You... can't..." one twin gasped out between groans.

"That's... not..." the other managed before curling into an even tighter ball.

I examined the parchment thoughtfully, an idea coming to mind. "Tell you what, this map probably has a chant to open and close it doesn't it - if you share the chant to make this work, I promise I won't let anyone harm a single hair on your heads."

The twins exchanged pained glances, clearly weighing their options. A distant sound of shuffling footsteps echoed through the corridor - Filch, no doubt investigating the noise from our little confrontation.

"Tick, tock, tick, tock," I said cheerfully, enjoying this perhaps a bit more than I should. "I believe Mr. Filch might have heard my shout earlier. Your choice - share the secret, or explain to him why you're writhing on the floor in the middle of the night."

Another shared look between the twins, followed by synchronized groans of defeat.

"Fine," gasped Fred (probably Fred). "You tap it with your wand..."

"...and say 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,'" George finished through clenched teeth.

"To clear it..."

"...'Mischief managed.'"

"Excellent!" I beamed, then stepped forward and plucked a single hair from each of their heads with theatrical precision.

"Ow!" they yelped in unison.

"These," I said, holding up the two red hairs, examining them in what little moonlight filtered through the kitchen windows, "are the ones I won't let harm come to. I'll keep them safe, don't worry."

"You bloody—" Fred started.

"Language," I tutted, tucking both the map and the hairs safely into my robes, rolling the parchment in my hands. "Besides, I did exactly what I promised. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"We'll get you for this, Serendipity!" George called after me.

"I'll be waiting," I said stepping out of the kitchen and into the corridor, a familiar dusty-colored shape emerged from the shadows.

Mrs. Norris blinked up at me with those lamp-like eyes that matched my own. In the darkness, they seemed to almost glow, she looked just as cute as ever.

"Well hello there, beautiful," I cooed, crouching down to scratch behind her ears. Her fur was soft beneath my fingers, and she purred contentedly, arching into my touch. Her eyes closed in pleasure, and for a moment, I almost felt bad about what I was about to do. Almost.

"Say," I whispered conspiratorially, "would you like to do me a favor? I believe your friend Mr. Filch might be very interested in who's making all that noise in the kitchens."

Mrs. Norris gave me a look that could only be described as mischievous before letting out a loud, deliberate meow. The sound echoed through the corridor like a dinner bell, and almost immediately, I unrolled the map, I could see Filch quickly making his way here.

"Time for me to go," I whispered, giving her one final pat. "You're still my favorite castle resident - don't tell the portraits."

I slipped away into a near corridor, staring at how Mr Filch, Mrs Norris and the ghosts move around the castle. Whoever said crime didn't pay surely didn't do enough of it.

As I made my way back to Ravenclaw Tower, navigating the corridors with the help of my newly borrowed map I couldn't help but grin.

I wondered what corridors I'd be able to find with the map in hand, I stood in front of the Ravenclaw door, knocking the doorknocker. The eagle came to life.

"In a one-story house at the corner of the road, the bedrooms were yellow, the kitchen was orange, the living room was red, the garage was blue, the entry hall was green, and the sitting room was purple. What color were the stairs?"

I began to think about it but my gaze caught the map where I was a text speech bubble came up.

 There's no color because there are no stairs—it's a one-story house.

I said it aloud and the door opened up. Oh yeah this map was incredible, I was going to study it non stop, though I wondered if I could open other password locked rooms, say for no reason at all the Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff or Headmaster rooms.

A/N: If we reach 200 stones in 24 hours, I'll upload an extra chap

If you want to read ten advanced chapters, you can do so at Patreon.com/JoanjudoStories