Haru-Naru ♪♪♪ Love is a Comedy

The season was summer. It was a Saturday in July, and finals were drawing near. Today, I had shut myself up in the only room without air conditioning (that is, my room), and was facing my desk with a look of desperation… or perhaps a better word for it would be anguish.

Like a normal high school student, I should be studying for finals… but no. Right now, I was playing a new eroge, "Little Sisters Wars † Siscalypse."

Tap tap tap tap! I intensely manipulated the USB controller I had plugged into the laptop. On the screen, there were two strangely dressed girls, jumping around and engaged in a grand battle. They punched and kicked at each other and waved around staves and guns. Sometimes, flashes of brilliant light would signal the depletion of a gauge meter, and the display would be completely filled with tentacles, or maybe time would stop, or maybe tens of thousands of little sisters would be summoned… that kind of thing.

Little Sisters Wars † Siscalypse—or as the fans had already dubbed it, "Siscali,"— was different from any adventure game I had played up to now. I would read the text, then make some choices at branch points, and then "capture" little sisters as I saw more events with them… those simple elements were definitely there, but after all that's said and done, Siscali had a growth portion and a battle portion. At the start, you picked a little sister to develop, leveled her up, taught her special moves, and then had to win battles with other girls at various points in the game. That was the kind of system Siscali had. Also, if you could connect to the internet, you could play the game in online multiplayer battles. There were already tens of thousands of players online, so the Siscali server was a huge success. Is there no more decency left in this world?

And then—"Ah!" The lightning-based little sister I was using took the enemy little sister's tentacle attack fully, and was blown to the edges of the screen. Her hit points gauge hit zero in an instant, and her clothes tore and burst open.

"Uaaaahh! Ahh… ahhh… ahh…"

Game over.

The character I was controlling, now with her clothes torn, stood defeated at the foot of the enemy girl with the black cloak and bull horns.

"Time to go home. Your big brother is waiting for you."

Dammit, I lost again to her! Isn't she just a bit too strong?! Is she actually beatable?! After hearing her strangely irritating, fully voiced words of victory, I tossed my controller away and banged on my desk, frustrated. And then…

Ah! Suddenly, I came back to my senses. Feeling as if I had just woken up from being hypnotized, I held my head. What the hell am I doing? Ever since the morning of this day off, I, a fifteen year old boy, had been shut in my room zealously playing this little sister eroge. That is what I, Uzumaki Haruto, am doing right now. No, no no. That's wrong. This is wrong. I'm just a normal high school student; it's not like I'm an otaku or something. Even though I have a sister, to be playing little sister eroge like this all day… there's a really deep reason for it. I'm not trying to hide anything—this isn't mine… it's my sister's. Just a few days ago, she forced this Siscali into my hands, saying something like "Bro, It's good, so finish it with a swift attack. Just do it."

Argh… stop stop! Can I seriously do this?! This won't work. I'm at my limit. Do you have any idea what kind of stress I'm feeling, playing fictional sister eroge while having a real sister? Can you imagine it? For those who have sisters in real life, you should be able to understand. I could feel myself falling gradually into complete misery.

Alright, let's get some cola. Needing to sate my thirst after getting so agitated by the game, I left my room. Going into the living room, I saw the sister in question chatting on the phone. Sitting as always in her usual spot on the sofa, her legs were crossed under her very short miniskirt. It was a very revealing outfit, but it's not like looking at her charming figure like this was anything special. No matter how attractive she was, it's not like I would ever look at her that way.

My sister in her daring outfit continued to talk on the phone, looking happy and periodically letting out a burst of laughter. She might be talking to some of her friends from school.

"Ahaha. Is that right? Yeah, uh-huh…"

As always, she was really a wolf in sheep's clothing. My sister has her otaku side and her normal side, and she uses a different side depending on who she's talking to, but lately I've come to understand which side she was using just by her facial expression and how she speaks.

"Alright. Ok, I'll be waiting for you!"

As I listened to her very little-sister-like coaxing voice, I passed by the side of the couch, and took out the cola. Pouring some out, I drank an entire glass. I relished the refreshing feeling of the liquid passing through my throat. Ahhh, that hit the spot. Well, that's that then. Having gotten what I came for, I leave the room.

"Bro," Naruko suddenly called me

"What?"

"You do it?"

"Did I do what…?"

"I asked you if you did it. That thing I lent you… do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did it. I was playing it just now."

"Huh? What? You were locked up in your room since morning playing an eroge?"

"You're the one who told me to play it, weren't you? Don't look at me like I did something wrong! Shouldn't you be praising me?"

"Hee hee, you're becoming just like an erogamer."

"Am I supposed to be happy about that?"

You're just making fun of me, aren't you? That's what you're doing, aren't you?! This damn girl… is seriously not cute at all! That sweet smile that she gave me that other day… as I thought, it must have been a hallucination, wasn't it?! There's no way my sister could be that cute.

As I sat beside her, Naruko rested her chin on her hands and spoke. "So? Did you at least clear the campaign once?"

"No… not yet… " As soon as I said that, Naruko clicked her tongue and gave me a disappointed look.

"Huh? Didn't I tell you to attack it swiftly and clear it?"

"The enemy's too strong and I can't beat her… no, that's not it! In the first place! I've already asked this, but why do I have to do this? Especially since finals are coming up?"

"Only idiots who haven't been keeping up with their work panic like this before a test."

Well, occasionally she spits out something logical… she's pretty hard to deal with, isn't she?

"Well, that might be so, but… while that may be true, I still don't think I should be spending this time playing eroge. So please explain to me why I have to do these kinds of things. Please explain. I don't think you even told me before."

Boldly puffing her chest, she responded this way. "It's life counseling."

"I don't get it. Life counseling is when you listen to someone's problems, and then help them fix those problems, right? So why is it that even though your problems had been resolved, I still had to beat these eroge?"

"Why? It's because the true charm of this game is that you can use your clear data, and with the little sister character you developed you can fight other people. If you don't clear it quickly, then we can't battle each other, right? Don't you understand at least that much?"

"Do it with someone else! There should be an online mode, right? That mode should exist, right?"

"I can't win online… I'm pretty bad at these kinds of fighting games."

"I'm also really bad at them. In the first place, Mom never bought me a game console, so I haven't exactly played many games in my life."

"I know. That's why I lent this to you. You should be grateful."

"You just wanted to play the game with someone you know you can beat, right? You want to battle someone but you don't want to lose. So you need a handicap, or someone who would let you win. And eventually, you want to be able to beat serious opponents."

"W-What. O-Of course not! Are you stupid or something?"

This girl… if annoying your brother was considered a talent, then she would be a genius.

"Well, for now, I have to study for the finals, so I can't spare too much time for games."

"If you don't have time, then you should clear it quickly. At any rate, I guess I can give you some tips… but unfortunately I'm busy today so I can't do that now."

"Are you even listening to a word I'm saying? I said I don't want to play this game!"

I felt creases beginning to form on my forehead, and Naruko replied, "Geez. Have you tried going to a walkthrough site? After all, I made sure that you should be able to connect to the internet even from your room."

"Walkthrough site?"

"Yes. Just go to 'Siscali Wiki' and there are plenty of game details there. I also used that site to clear the game."

"'At Wiki'? What's that?"

"Huh? Did you get amnesia or something? Didn't I already tell you?"

"Uh… ahh… that thing."

Yeah… that was it… broadly speaking, Wiki was a site where users could add and change information about various things by themselves. So, this "Siscali Wiki" was probably a place where lots of people had gathered information about Siscali.

After hearing Naruko's advice, I wondered if I should try the game for just a bit longer. Of course, I still really didn't want to play a little sister game, but stopping in the middle like this just wouldn't feel right. And also, the fighting portions of the games… I guess those were… relatively… uhh… interesting… I guess.

"So, go look at the site, and tomorrow please clear the game completely. Okay?"

Why does she look so proud of herself?

"Fine… I'll do it, I got it. Tomorrow. I'll see what I can do."

Geez, I guess I can't help it. Scowling, I sighed, and Naruko spoke again.

"Oh, right. I just remembered something."

"What? Is there something else?"

"Tomorrow my friends are coming over, so make sure to stay in your room, alright?"

What a thing to say. Well… I guess I can tolerate that much. It seems reasonable that when a sister's friends come over, she asks her brother to stay out of the way. So I'll do what my sister says, and that day I'll stay in my room…

Hm? Wait… wait wait wait wait.

"Y-You… you want me to play an eroge in my room while you have friends over?"

"Yeah."

"What kind of torture are you trying to put me through?! If they find out what I'm doing I won't be able to live down that embarrassment!"

To be seen by my sister's friends while I'm playing eroge would be nothing short of traumatic. And if they don't take it well, I really would want to die.

"Well, don't worry about it, it will be fine."

"This isn't about your embarrassment! Think about me! If I get found out, then the shame might actually make me kill myself!"

Upon hearing my vehement protests, Naruko fell into deep thought while looking at me. "If you wear headphones they shouldn't find out, right?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" This is why women are… I think any man in this world would agree with me that when trying to secretly watch videos, just wearing headphones doesn't necessarily lower the risk. Certainly, earphones would cut the sound of the video, which would make it harder to detect. However, your sense of hearing is also cut from the outside world, so any impending entrances by your parents also become difficult to sense. So, the men of the world devised various schemes to deal with this, such as only wearing earphones in one ear. Well, whatever. I'm not here to talk about that.

"My door doesn't have a lock, you know! If someone happens to open the door, that would be an instant strikeout, wouldn't it?! It's too dangerous!"

"I see… you might be right… well, somehow or other think about it." She finally seemed to come to realize what I was trying to say about how risky the entire thing was. Putting on a difficult expression, she nodded. Seriously… sometimes she seems like such an airhead… and she also seems to be dead set on making me play this eroge. "In any case… my friends are coming. If you're in the house, be sure to stay obediently in your room."

I shrugged my shoulders and then spoke,"Yeah yeah. I got it. Tomorrow, I should try my best not to leave my room, right?"

"Yes, exactly. A lot of cute girls are going to be coming, and if you dare talk to them, I'll kill you. Looking at them is also forbidden."

"Whatever, it's not like I'd be interested in any of your friends anyways."

Naruko's school friends were a group of the so-called "girls of the highest order." They were beautiful, refined, high class flowers. So Naruko's worry was a bit misplaced here. I can't think of any reason for me to deliberately approach these girls who lived in a different world.