Haru-Naru ♪♪♪ Love is a Comedy

A few days had passed since my conversation with Sho. There weren't many days left before I would have to take exams. Ever since that conversation, I hadn't been able to meet with Erza, hadn't been able to ask her why she was acting so strangely… and every day passed by lazily. And I still hadn't made any progress in my studies.

Well, I have an excuse for that. From the start, when I wasn't with Erza, it was difficult for me to study. I knew this wasn't exactly a good thing, so I was pretty nervous at this point… But honestly, I couldn't muster up even the tiniest bit of motivation. I would think to myself "I'll do it later," and then go surf the net or read a magazine, and suddenly it would be nighttime. On the bottom right of the display, I could see the cruel time display showing 00:41. That was supposed to be ten hours of time… What the hell happened?

In my room at this time of night, I stared at the computer screen with a painful expression. But, naturally, the time that had been stolen from me by the internet could not be returned. It wasn't supposed to be like this!

"Ahhh, dammit! This seriously isn't funny! Students should definitely not be allowed to have computers! Your time just gets sucked away so damn fast!" Unintentionally finding myself yelling to no one in particular, I heard a thud coming from the wall. It was Naruko, who then told me "shut the hell up!" I looked at the wall with a sour expression.

Geez… feeling as if someone had splashed water in my face, I found my willpower to continue surfing the net faded. Once again, my thoughts drifted to Erza who had been recently acting strangely.

Erza probably got a boyfriend, didn't she? Gray had made that rash remark, but I could say for sure that his statement couldn't possibly be true. But, there was no denying that she's seemed down lately, and seemed to be avoiding me. After that, no matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn't for the life of me think of why Erza would act that way. In the end, just being bothered by this by myself here didn't lead to any good ideas. She was definitely being bothered by something. I could say with reasonable certainty that at least that much was true. She supposedly had a situation at home, and she was also taking off from school. But it also seemed to be something that Erza didn't want me to know about. She probably told her brother and maybe even our homeroom teacher that when talking with me, they should try to act normally and not tell me anything about this "situation at home." In that case, maybe I should just not try to do anything here… at the very least, it seemed that Erza didn't want me to interfere… no, that conclusion was just unacceptable. This was bothering me so much that I couldn't possibly study…

I tried once again to think about whether or not I could do anything for her. At this point in time, my reasons for my actions were no longer for Erza's sake. Nobody was asking me to do this, and I couldn't ask anyone else for help. To the very end, for my own sake, I thought about what I could do for Erza. So… I wasn't able to meet with Erza herself, I already knew that Sho wouldn't be of much help, my female classmates didn't seem to know anything, and asking that bastard Gray was out of the question… including myself, there wasn't a single person around me that I could depend on for this matter.

Was there anybody else that I could ask for help on this matter, that would actually be able to give me some useful ideas? Maybe someone I knew that I hadn't thought about yet… someone who didn't think in the same way I did… someone who understood how girls thought… and also, someone who could keep a secret and wasn't a gossip. First off… well, I had already tried the first person I could think of, Erza's brother Sho, and that effort had proven pretty fruitless. I could also try my childhood friend Yang… but that probably wouldn't work. Yeah, as a girl she maybe excelled at these kinds of things, but she was way too loose-lipped to be trusted. Ugh… so… that would leave…

I contemplated it for almost a minute, and finally with an exceedingly complex set of feelings, narrowed my eyes. There did exist someone. Only one person… someone who would listen to me seriously, someone who understood girls, someone who would never gossip about this with anyone else, someone who might be able to give me useful advice… but… that person was… that person was… ugh… as I thought of the most suitable person for this job, I felt my determination wavering… deep wrinkles formed on my forehead, and I groaned.

Alright. Making up my mind, I slowly turned my gaze to the wall. On the other side of that wall was Naruko's room. I decided to ask my sister for advice. Becoming resolute, I wanted to take action as soon as possible while my determination was still there.

I found myself standing right outside the door to Naruko's room. It was already really late, but when she came asking me for advice it was also in the middle of the night, so I was just doing the same thing that she had done. Thinking back to that dreadful incident, I remembered that in the middle of the night, even though I had been sleeping soundly, she had smacked me awake… I was completely confused at what was going on. When I asked her what she wanted, she told me "I told you to be quiet. How late do you think it is?" And what's more, without letting me respond she told me "I need to talk so come with me." She wouldn't listen to my complaints that I was sleepy and we should do whatever she wanted the next day, and wouldn't even tell me why she woke me up. Seriously, in this world, is there any brother who is as nice as I am, who would listen to his sister's request like that? I'm seriously a saint. If I were my sister, I would have fallen in love with me a long time ago. It would be a straight line to one of the good endings. So, let's put this plan into action. No longer hesitating, I began to turn the doorknob to my sister's room.

Click . It was locked. Dammit! Life is pretty unfair… I mean, seriously. My room didn't have a lock installed, but her room had one. Last year her room kept on being redecorated, and so became much better than my room. Dammit! I won't get frustrated about this! Facing the door to my sister's room, I pointlessly grit my teeth. Feeling annoyed, I continued to turn the knob with a "rattle rattle." As if her door detected my impending hostility, it fired back first.

Bang! Suddenly, the door swung forcefully open, Naruko stood over me. She was dressed roughly, wearing a pair of short pants with a shirt. I had predicted how Naruko would react to me suddenly coming to her room, so I had prepared an appropriate response. It was a response that my sister had used before, filled with the same level of sarcasm. What response?

"Be quiet… exactly what time do you think it is?" Unexpectedly, my statement seemed to have backfired. I don't think I've ever sounded quite as lame as I just did. Naruko expressionlessly shut the door. Click . I heard the sound of the door locking. "Hey wait, dammit! Please open the door!"

She didn't open it. I waited ten seconds, then a minute, and she still didn't open the door. Although, I probably wouldn't have opened the door in her position either. Well, no use complaining about the situation. I began to knock.

Knock knock, knock knock, knock knock, knock knock…

After continuing to knock for six or seven minutes, it seemed that Naruko had finally run out of patience, and she opened the door forcefully once again. As I began to mentally celebrate my victory, she sent a few extremely threatening words my way.

"What?! What do you want?! Do you like pissing people off or something?!"

"Calm down, I have something I need to talk to you about."

Naruko let me get away with saying that to her, but when I thought about it I realized something. Those weren't exactly words you said to someone who was already angry. Naruko's response was pretty much exactly how I had responded in her position months ago.

"Huh? You want to talk? At this hour?"

"Yes, I need your advice on something?" I honestly didn't think that there would ever be a day where I would go to Naruko for advice.

"You need advice from me? Fine, come in quickly."

The light was on in my sister's room. It's not like I cared, but if you looked at her in a lit place, my sister's face did look pretty cute. Only her face though. As always, there was a strange sweet smell in the air, and orange, her favorite color, seemed to be the predominant color in the room. Naruko sat quietly on the bed, and crossed her arms arrogantly, and coldly jerked her chin up.

"Well? What do you need advice on?"

"Ahh well… that is… " When I tried to begin talking about my problem, my mouth stopped moving. Was it really alright to be asking her for advice? My mind began to hesitate. I knew that this was a pretty late stage in the game to be thinking like this, but… well, that's how I felt. I slowly opened my mouth. "Well, honestly… it's about Erza."

Hearing Erza name Naruko's expression turns sour. "Huh? What are you talking about? This isn't about some special hobby you couldn't tell anyone else about?"

"No! Who the hell do you think I am?!"

"Well then, what is it? Do you need love advice about her or something?"

"No, not that either. We're not involved in some sort of love affair like that."

"Then why are you coming here to ask me about her? Are you an idiot?"

"I was hoping to get your opinion as a girl. I'm a boy, so I'm pretty thickheaded about these types of things. I thought that you might be able to understand the situation in a way I can't… "

"I see." Looking at me with a scornful expression, Naruko swung her crossed legs back and forth. "I see. Go ahead. I'll listen."

"Lately, she's been acting strangely…" I told Naruko about how Erza had seemed pretty depressed as of late, and how she might be avoiding me. "And then, what happened was—"

Naruko suddenly interrupted me mid-sentence. "Hold on. Rewind for a second."

"Huh? Um, to where?"

"The time when you came home with her, give me a few more details there."

"Ahh… " It seemed that something about that time set off Naruko's sensors.

So, I went back and spoke about that time when Erza and I had met Juvia on our way back home. But for some reason, I didn't actually bring up Juvia's name. Well, it's not like there was any reason to, in any case. Also, if I had exposed that detail this situation might get a bit more complicated… so I didn't mind leaving it out. After that, I continued and talked about my conversation with Sho a few days ago.

"So that's what happened… what do you think?"

"Ugh, you really are a huge idiot."

"Hey!" But, Naruko didn't flinch at all.

"I don't know what exactly is going on at her house, but… I do know one thing. You really are a huge idiot." Looking into my sister's eyes, I could feel the temperature sharply drop. Naruko continued, "How in hell didn't you notice this before? Having your appearance being made fun of by the guy you're walking home with, and then being compared to another girl… that would obviously depress any girl."

"I wasn't making fun of her. And I smoothed it over afterwards too."

"It doesn't matter why you said what you said. The important thing is how she takes it. Also, keep in mind that I really don't know what your relationship with her is. This is just what I would think if I were in that situation. Well, of course, if it were me, before I got depressed over it, I would put the guy in his place first for screwing around. Also, what? You smoothed it over? You already said these words once, and you think you can take them back that easily? You're really stupid if you think that's true."

That was pretty harsh, but… I silently mulled over Naruko's words. So, Erza was depressed because of what I had said back then? Was that it? Certainly she looked pretty sad and mentioned that she should "try harder" with her own appearance, but… I thought that my attempts at smoothing the situation over had been successful. Also, it's not like that was the first time Erza and I had had a conversation like this. Although, in the past, I had once told her "You smell like tatami. It's like grass is going to start growing on your body or something." And suddenly she started crying. In retrospect, I do feel like I had really hurt her feelings that time. But when all's said and done, I'm still not fully satisfied here. This explanation also didn't seem to be connected at all to any situation she was having at home… but, there wasn't anything else I could think of that would explain all this, so let's just see what we can do with this one hypothesis.

"Well, for argument's sake, let's say you're right… what should I do?"

"Well… that's a hard question…"

"What would you do… in my situation? For example… if I made you angry, what should I do to be forgiven?"

"I would never forgive you."

"Just assume there is a way and think about it!"

"Eh… but seriously, no matter what you did I wouldn't forgive you." Naruko stared blankly at me and blinked her eyes in confusion. She said that as if it were the most natural thing in the world… and don't put on such a cute expression here, dammit. I won't fall for it.

When I faced her with a stern stare, Naruko shook her head, with a "I guess it can't be helped…"

"How should I put it… I definitely wouldn't forgive you no matter what you did. But what if I just thought about this from the standpoint of a normal girl?"

"Well, alright. Please do. How does a guy deal with a girl when he's hurt her?"

"I think you should give her some money. Something like that."

"Money?! You want me to give Erza money as an apology?!"

"It's the sincerest way to let know you're sorry and to compensate her, isn't it?"

"It's not like I'm the government or something! Do you really think that kind of thing would be able to heal a girl's heart?!"

"It's not like I think like that… but from what I've heard, isn't that the case? My friend once told me 'When I get presents from guys, the more money I can turn them into, the happier I am.'"

"Who the hell could be so evil? She's just trampling their pure feelings under her foot!"

"You mean, Ashley-chan? She was the blond girl who came over that day."

Her?! That annoying brat! Now I can see where Naruko's advice was coming from all too clearly.

"Naruko, I'm going to have to reject that proposal. No matter how I think about it, giving Erza money won't help the situation."

"What? How can that girl be so greedy?"

"That's not what I mean!"

She needs to understand that Erza honors a completely different set of values. After all, Erza wasn't the type who would care much about money. When I invited her to hang out with me wherever she wanted to, she suggested we go to the park. If I really gave her expensive makeup or jewelry, instead of being happy she might actually be really troubled by it.

"Ah, well whatever. Just do what you want, so get out." Naruko began to shoo me out with her hands.

"Yeah yeah… " Heh… it was a mistake coming to her for advice after all, wasn't it? I headed towards the door. In the end, I wasn't able to get any good advice from her… what should I do…

"But, hey." Having already gripped the doorknob in my hands, I heard a voice come from behind me. "You might think that you're trying to bribe her with a present or something… but it's really not about what you give her. The more important thing is that you're doing something for her sake, don't you think?"

Naruko was muttering nonchalantly, as if she were completely spaced out, but her words stuck right into my chest. When I turned back towards her, Naruko slowly stood up, and took out a single magazine from her bookshelf. She casually tossed the magazine my way. It landed at my feet, and I stared at it.

Naruko spoke curtly. "Look. Feature on page 175."

I guess she wanted me to pick the magazine up and flip to that page or something. When I opened that feature page, I saw the title jump out at me with its large font.

Summer Special Edition—You have to have these! With our magical charm items, become a Cinderella by the beach!

What the hell… what's with this annoyingly extreme article? There was a sparkling rosary-like bracelet, and earrings, and… wearing those really flashy accessories, the redhead swim-suit model shown in front of me, making a cool pose by the beachside, was none other than my sister. Next to her, Juvia sported a blue bikini. This must be the sample magazine that Juvia was talking about the other day. This was an article that modern teenage girls would take a liking to, probably. How cute.

Well? What was she trying to tell me? Why is she making me look at a photo of her in a swimsuit? When I looked at my sister, puzzled, she lightly clicked her tongue.

"It's not like I'm telling you to give that girl such flashy accessories. No matter how you look at it, they really wouldn't suit her. Tch… well? I mean, magazines and TV programs always have these fashion special features and they try to stir girls up into buying these things, but if you think girls can't think for themselves and just drink this all up, then you're completely wrong. Don't take girls lightly. And I mean, of course girls worry about fashion and things like that, but they also have to think about what suits them the best, and what looks the best on them. When it comes down to it, I obviously know myself much better than the media knows me."

Even though she was a magazine model, she was strangely critical of the article that she was featured in. But also… she got completely off topic there, didn't she? She was seriously hopeless when it came to talking. As if guessing what I was thinking, Naruko clumsily tried to wrap up what she was talking about.

"I-I mean… what I wanted to say is… um, you want to tell her your feelings, but you're obsessed with thinking about whether or not giving her money or presents is right or wrong. But really, all you have to do is to think hard about her, and then choose a way to fix this situation. That's all." Finishing her speech, Naruko once again sent a serious look my way. "At least… if someone gets a present from a person she's close enough to have an argument with… there's no reason she wouldn't be happy about it."

"Does that also apply to you? Or rather, does that only work for average girls?"

"Huh?"

My tone was slightly rude… but she was probably serious. Certainly, she had a terrible, sickening personality. But, she wouldn't give a half-hearted response to someone who came to her asking her sincerely for advice. In contrast to her outward appearance, perhaps through strict discipline and training, she really did have a strangely tough interior. I had already come to understand that from how she acted during last month's events. And that's why I came to her about my troubles.

Hm… giving her a light nod and smile, I spoke. "Thanks, Naruko."

"Whatever." Naruko faced the other way. There was no mistaking that, towards her brother who had expressed his thanks so suavely, she was thinking… my brother can't possibly be this cute. Yeah, as if!