He Who Feels Guilt [Honkai: Star Rail]

Narrator's Pov

"What is she plotting?"

Bronya walked from side to side biting her thumb, after what Cocolia had said, they immediately postponed her execution and took the woman back to her cell, Serval, who stood silently a few feet away from her, simply let out a sigh.

"I have no idea, what does she even mean with serving the Aeon of Guilt?" Serval rubbed her forehead. "That's...Ryan isn't? The form he took during the fight against Cocolia..."

"I already sent a message to the outsiders, Ryan needs to make a choice, if he'll allow her to serve him or not, we can't simply execute my mother before he chooses" she stopped walking from side to side and let out a heavy sigh.

"Carelessly killing someone who follows an Aeon..." Serval burrowed her brows. "Do you think she asked for that to purposely pospone her death?"

"No...she..." Stopping herself for a second, Bronya closed her eyes. "She's ready to die, whatever is behind her desire to follow Ryan...I don't think it's to simply keep living..."

"You could say it's something like that"

Bronya and Serval looked to the door of the room that had been opened by Ryan who entered with the trailblazers behind him.

"What do you mean, Ryan? Do you...do you know what Mother wants?" Bronya stared at him burrowing her brows.

"I might have an idea...she wants to suffer" he spoke making both Serval and Bronya stay silent.

"She said she had to live what remained of her life with Guilt over her actions..." Welt took a hand to his chin before looking slightly down towards Ryan. "She wants to serve you, so you can punish her...right?"

"She wishes to suffer the same as everyone else that suffered because of her actions" Ryan confirmed giving out a short nod with his head.

"Are you going to let her serve you, Ryan?" Bronya asked making him sigh softly.

"It's...a hard choice honestly, I know what she wants, I could let her serve me, suffering is both what she deserves and what she wants, but gaining a follower this early into becoming an Aeon..." Ryan burrowed his brows slightly. "Guys, could you...let me and Bronya talk alone? It'll only be a few minutes."

"Take your time, Ryan, let's go" Welt spoke towards the others walking out of the room, Serval slowly following behind them closing the door.

Ryan looked at the closed door for a few seconds before letting out a short sigh, he then looked at Bronya for a second, then he walked towards the window, looking through it.

"Bronya, I want to know what you think about this"

"I...I think-" she was about to speak but Ryan quickly cut her off.

"No..." He spoke making Bronya stop. "I want to hear what you think, not as the Supreme Guardian, but as Cocolia's Daughter"

"...." The girl kept herself silent for a few seconds before gently sighing. "I...I don't want her to die, she was a good mother, even if I now know that she was a cold and cruel person...I can't take out of my head all the beautiful moments of my childhood, she taught me everything I know, she showed me everything I know and gave me all the love I could've ever asked from a mother..."

"...I wasn't going to tell you or the architects about this, It wasn't going to matter, since she was going to be executed anyways...but I spoke to Cocolia last night" he spoke making Bronya look at him in silence. "I went to her cell, not as me but...as the Aeon of Guilt"

"You...spoke to her, what did you two talk about?"

"We spoke about her, about if she understood what she had done, she told me about her relationship with the Stellaron, what it had shown her, and how she let herself be clouded by it to fulfill the world the Stellaron showed her."

"I saw it...the world that mother wanted..." Bronya drove a hand to her chest. "It was beautiful...too beautiful to be true"

"She wanted you to rule it" he spoke making Bronya widen her eyes. "She wanted you to rule over that world, she wanted you to protect the peace and freedom of that world...you were what drove her to accept the Stellaron"

"It was...my fault?"

"Not entirely...when she took the mantle as Supreme Guardian she had already started to hear it, to dream about that world, you were just...what made her finally take a choice, she loves you, she wanted that perfect world for you..."

"Even though...she tried to kill all of us" Bronya walked and stood beside Ryan.

"In her own twisted way...she thought that she was doing the right thing, and there're times where...we could hurt those we love in order to do what we think is right."

Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, the memories of what he did to Perla flashed through his mind making him let out a heavy sigh before speaking again.

"She loves you, and loves the people of Belobog, the Stellaron could've clouded that love and guilt with her desire, but now that the Stellaron is sealed...all that Guilt she has been accumulating through years is suddenly on her shoulders, yet, she refused to acknowledge it...that's where I took action"

"What...did you do to her? When I went to her cell to take her to the court, she...she looked horrible" Bronya looked at Ryan slightly worried.

"I didn't do much, most of the work was done by her, I simply made the weight of her guilt heavier, the more she refused to acknowledge it and the more she ignored it, the more weight she'd feel on her, that's all I did, she was flat on the ground when I left her" Ryan spoke making Bronya burrow her brows.

"When I got to her...she seemed...fine"

"Then whatever her mind went through that night, it changed her, I can't say how much, but enough for her to understand what she caused"

"Does she...deserve forgiveness?"

"....a few days ago I asked you if you would allow redemption for people you were ordered to take down, your duty as Supreme Guardian tells you to execute Cocolia for what she did...would you allow yourself to go against that in order to let her live?"

"I...when you asked me, I said I didn't know...and I still don't" she clenched her teeth slightly before closing her eyes. "Ryan...would you truly let her serve you?"

"I said It's a hard choice, but I could accept it..."

"I have a hard time believing you" she opened her eyes looking directly at him. "It's hard for me to fully understand you, Ryan, you said that you'd help me stop my mother, you said you'd help me save her, yet, you lied to me about the glyph, you expected me to kill her using it, as soon as you arrived, you tried to kill her yourself...but now, it looks like if you are somehow trying to convince me to save her...what do you want?" She frowned lightly.

Ryan looked at Bronya for a few seconds, he slowly closed his eyes, he opened himself to Welt before, he intended the other members of the Express to be next ones he fully opened to...but it looks like Bronya would be the second one to listen to him.

With a soft sigh, he opened his eyes and drove his hands to his head, taking off the ornament he used to tie his hair, letting it fall free on his back and also making it cover his right eye, he looked down at the ornament in his hands with a soft smile before putting it inside of his kimono.

"Bronya, you already know I'm not from this planet, that I come from beyond the sky...but it's not just that, I don't belong to any part of this universe..." He sighed softly and looked at Bronya. "I'm telling you this, because it'll help me explain"

"Explain what?..."

"Bronya...I died once"

"....what?" She looked at him a bit confused.

"When I was a child, I was fighting a Demon and I died, this is something that I've told Stelle, March and Dan Heng...but I never told them for how long I was dead...Bronya, where do you think you go after you die?" He asked making the girl flinch slightly.

"I...don't know, some people say there's heaven, others say there's nothing..."

"Well...when I died I went to a dark place, I couldn't see anything, I couldn't move, I couldn't talk..." He simply closed his eyes, his lower lip trembling slightly. "I could only hear the screams, cries and words of all those who died before me....their last words echoed in that void, again and again in a loop and each second more voices joined....I spent 7 years in there before I was brought back to life"

"You spent...7 years hearing nothing but dead people, their screams, cries and last words..." She looked at him, her eyes showing some pity on them.

"I...wasn't a good kid, I was raised and trained by an assassin, he taught me to kill, but he also taught me to respect those lives I took... unfortunately I only learnt 1 thing from him..." He looked at his left hand, he then clenched that hand tightly. "I didn't respect life at all, I couldn't have cared less about any of the people I had killed, If I had to discard any numbers of lives to do what I wanted, that's what I would've done, I once even let a man kill an entire family so I could have an excuse to torture him..."

"Ryan...you-"

"When I was brought back to life" he cut her off. "I...decided that I'd have to suffer for what I did when I was a child...just like how Cocolia decided that she'd have to suffer for what she did...I try to change now, to care more about the people around me, to try and respect those lives, and even if it's very hard to me, if I still sometimes try to take the easy route of simply killing everyone, I...am allowing myself to redeem, and I want to allow Cocolia to try and redeem herself too..."

"...Ryan, I'll ask you this only once..." Bronya breathed deeply looking directly at him. "Are you being honest right now? Is any of what you just said to me true?"

"It is for me...but you have to choose if you'll believe me or not"

Bronya kept herself silent for a few seconds after hearing his words, slowly trying to process all he had just told her, with a soft sigh, she slowly looked directly at his eyes, and then smiled gently at him.

"I...feel like you're being honest with me" she paused for a second before talking again. "Thank you, Ryan...Mother will be allowed to serve you if that is what you choose for her"

"Thanks Bronya, I'll...be leaving then, I have to think about what I'll do with her" he slowly turned around and walked towards the door.

"Ryan, could you answer something?" Bronya stepped towards him.

"Uhm? What is it?"

"You told me, that there're times where we could hurt those we love for what we think is right..." Bronya spoke softly before gently holding his hand. "Did you...hurt someone you loved?"

"...I did, it was...horrible for me, it was the first time that I...I..." He quickly stopped himself. "Sorry Bronya, I have to leave"

"I understand...on your way out, please tell Serval to come inside."

"I will, have a good day, Bronya"

Without saying anything else, Ryan quickly pulled the ornament out of the insides of his kimono putting it on, again having his high ponytail, he walked out of the room closing the door and a few seconds later Serval entered, looking a bit puzzled.

"Is Ryan okay? He looked a bit pale..." Serval voice hinted a bit of worry

"Yeah, we just...talked about some stuff, I've also decided that Cocolia will be allowed to serve Ryan if he allows her"

"Bronya I trust you but...are you sure about this? If Cocolia tries something..."

"Mother seeks to redeem herself, even if I allow her to, Ryan is the one who can help her...that's my decision...I'm sorry Serval"

"No I...I get it, it's just that...if Ryan let's Cocolia serve him I'll be seeing her a lot and it'll be hard for me..."

"Right, you said you'd be joining the trailblazers, didn't you? It'll be a shame you won't be joining the Architects again" Bronya let out a soft sigh.

"I'm sorry, I just took the seat as Architect for Cocolia's Trial...but I'll join the Trailblazers once they decide to leave Jarilo-VI" she bowed her head lightly.

"Don't worry Serval, it's okay if you want to leave, have you talked about this with your siblings? I know Gepard and Lynx will miss you a lot" she smiled softly making the woman sigh.

"You're making me feel like If I were going to die soon" Serval rubbed her forehead but then she smiled.

...

"You're here..."

Cocolia looked at Ryan, who was in his normal form, but he soon let out a soft sigh and transformed into an Aeon, he then slowly sat on the ground, the Kitsuné mask directly pointing at Cocolia's face, the woman copied him and sat on the ground.

"Tell me Cocolia...I have an idea of why you wish to serve me, but I want to hear it from you"

"..." The woman slowly sighed. "I now understand the suffering that I caused, I don't think I deserve forgiveness from anyone, specially Bronya...the least I can do to redeem myself is suffer the same amount as all the suffering I caused, and for the amount of lives my actions took...I don't have right for my own life anymore, I want to give that to you..." She slowly moved, instead of standing up, she got on one knee and slowly bowed her head to him. "You...who opened my eyes to something I've been ignoring for years, I give my life to you, Aeon of Guilt..."

"Tell me...if you redeem yourself, if you manage to truly become the great woman that many in the surface believe you are, if you gain the forgiveness of all those who you hurt, will you stop feeling Guilt?"

"No, because that won't make my wrong actions dissapear...gaining that would just...let me feel more peace when I die, but my guilt...now that I acknowledge it, I'll never let it go"

"I'll use my Guilt as fuel to become better, for all those who I once hurt"

Ryan's eyes widened slightly behind the mask, hearing the woman's voice inside of his head, unlike the cold and distorted voice he had heard before when he was in the Underworld, this time it was warmer, determined and... somehow, it sounded more free.

The Aeon slowly stood on his feet, looking down at the woman who still had her head bent forwards, in his left palm he slowly created an Ice spear, he then started to talk.

"Cocolia Rand, as the Aeon of Guilt, I respect your wish, in order to become a better person, to redeem yourself from your past sins, to suffer for what you did and to have a peaceful death once your time comes"

In a quick motion, he stabbed the weapon into the ground in front of Cocolia, the blonde woman slowly looking at the weapon in front of her, her eyes closed as she slowly reached to it getting a soft hold of the spear.

"I will allow you to serve me"

★ ★ ★

A/N:Am I writing these last chapters a bit sloppy or is it just me? I don't know why I feel that lol.

Castorice is pretty and I like her, I might make her and Ryan kiss but I don't know if her death touch would affect him since he's technically a ghost-

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed.