Healing the Dark - Dragon Age Inquisition Fanfic

"Holli!" Cole burst into the infirmary, a joyful smile on his face. "Hawke found it!"

"My will to live? Oh, thank God," she joked, pushing away from the stack of books she had been practically buried under.

"No, the amulet," he said, completely brushing off her wisecrack and holding out the talisman.

It wasn't particularly pretty, a chunky thing of wood and metal. She lightly brushed her fingers across it, feeling the faintest hum of magic inside. 

"So you're good to go then?" She asked.

"We haven't tried it yet; I wanted to tell you."

She got up from her seat. "Well, let's go try it."

"We need to ask Solas how it works," he said.

She followed him out of her room, where Hawke was idling in the hallway. "We had to come and get you before he'd try it."

"Neat. I'm keen to see how it works," she said, walking with them to the rotunda to meet up with Solas.

Solas looked up from his own desk when they entered, noting the way Cole was cradling something in his hands like one would a baby bird. 

"What do I do with it?" Cole asked, holding the amulet out towards Solas.

"You found one of the amulets," he said, rising from his seat and coming over to them. "Excellent. May I?"

Cole handed it to him, and Solas examined it. "It is simple enough. You put it on, I charge it with magic, and you should be protected."

"We know it's not just going to work, right?" Hawke asked. "It never just works."

Holli bit the inside of her cheek to keep the giggle from escaping her. This was important to Cole, and for his sake she hoped it did just work. 

"Have faith, Inquisitor," Solas chided.

Cole tied the amulet on and watched Solas expectantly. Solas started casting, his magic giving Holli goosebumps.

"How does it work?" She asked. 

"The amulet is an enchanted item," he said. "The runes essentially create a guide for the magic, a way to keep it in line and regulate the flow of energy. I merely gather the energy and gently push it into the object. You don't want to force it."

"And the runes help it hold onto the power you're putting in?"

"They do, but I like to seal the magic inside as well; otherwise, it could dissipate or get lost."

"And once you've charged it, that's it? It's good to go?"

"Yes, but the talisman can't hold onto it forever. It has a limited amount of energy it can store; once used, it will need to be recharged."

"Like a battery," she mused. 

Since they didn't know what batteries were, they couldn't agree with her. But she thought it was pretty apt. 

Solas's magic suddenly exploded, Solas staggering at the outburst of energy and Cole crying out in pain, nearly doubling over.

"What was that?" Varric asked, entering the room. 

He took note of the three of them crowded around Cole, who was digging the heels of his palms into his eyes to alleviate the buildup of pain behind them.

"Oh for... what are you doing to the kid?" He asked.

"Stopping blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant," Cole replied. "But it didn't work."

"Something is interfering with the enchantment," Solas explained.

"Something like Cole not being a demon?" Varric pointed out with a raised eyebrow and looking at them like they were stupid.

"Solas, is it possible that the amulet doesn't work on Cole because he's too... human?"

"Regardless of Cole's special circumstances, he remains a spirit," Solas assured them.

"Yes," Varric drawled. "A spirit who is strangely like a person."

"I don't matter. Just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow," Cole said, frustration dripping from his words.

"Focus on the amulet," Solas told him. "Tell me what you feel."

Cole closed his eyes, head bowed, the silence stretching for a really long time. Hawke looked down at Holli, a question in his eyes, and she only shrugged back. 

"Warm," Cole finally said. "Soft blanket covering, but it catches, tears, I'm the wrong shape, there's something..." He looked up, turning to face the wall and pointing. "There. That way."

"So we have something to find," Hawke said. "I told you it never just works."

"All right, kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you're sensing something wrong," Varric told him. 

"Will you come with me? All of you?" He asked, looking at each one in turn.

"Sure," Varric assured him. 

Cole looked to Holli, silently asking if she would come with him to find Cullen. The pair of them headed off to do just that. The sooner it was sorted, the better. 

She could hear the others start speaking without them, but they were too quiet for her to hear much. She was curious as to what they were saying, but Cole wanted her with him for now. 

She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have everything that made you, you stripped away. 

After Adamant, she could admit to a minor identity crisis after learning she wasn't human like she'd thought, that her dad was a magical elf from fantasyland. But given the other revelations that day, that sort of took a back seat to the shock and grief.

"What do you think it is?" Holli asked him. "That could be interfering."

Some other kind of magic? 

"I don't know," he replied. 

Seemed strange that something could interfere with it over whatever kind of distance. What kind of magic could do that? 

-

When they left to track down the source of the amulet's problem, it was only the five of them. Even Fenris didn't come along for this one, and he went everywhere with Hawke. 

It took them a couple of days to get to Redcliffe, and the closer they got, the more antsy Cole seemed to be. Even though he didn't entirely know what to expect, some part of him must have known it wasn't going to be good. 

They made their way through the town; Cole could feel the pull growing stronger the closer they got. Walking up the hill, Cole suddenly froze. His eyes were fixed on two men; they were talking to each other in front of a massive statue of a dragon or something. Holli knew what a drug deal looked like. They weren't even being that subtle about it. Maybe because the area was pretty deserted.

The taller man noticed them, sending the other on his way before heading towards them.

"Greetings," he said. "Can I help you?"

Was he a guard or something?

"You..." Cole growled out.

Holli had never heard that tone from him before, so much rage. He vanished, reappearing directly in front of the man, where he knocked him to his knees, his dagger at his throat. It happened so fast.

"You killed me!" The accusation was delivered through gritted teeth and a broken voice.

"What? I don't... I don't even know you!"

The others ran the rest of the way up the hill to stop him. 

"You forgot! You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!"

"The Spire?"

"Cole, stop!" Solas called.

Cole looked back at them, and in his distraction the man bolted. Cole glared after him, ready to follow, but Varric blocked his path.

"Just take it easy, kid," Varric said.

"He killed me. He killed me! That's why it doesn't work. He killed me, and I have to kill him back!"

"Cole?" Holli questioned, needing a bit more clarification on this. 

He looked at her, some of the anger draining.

"Cole, this man cannot have killed you," Solas pointed out. "You are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body."

"A broken body, bloody, banged on the stone cell, guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured apostate." His voice shook, and his breath shuddered as he was overwhelmed by the memory. "They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him. He starved to death. I came through to help... and I couldn't. So I became him. Cole..."

"If Cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we just saw a templar. Must've been buying lyrium," Varric said.

"Let me kill him. I need to... I need to," Cole pressed, his voice steelier than she'd ever heard it.

"We cannot let Cole kill the man," Solas said.

"I don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles," Varric retorted.

"Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself, he must forgive."

"Come on! You don't just forgive someone killing you," Varric argued.

Holli was with him on that. 

"You don't. A spirit can."

"The kid's angry. He needs to work through it."

"A spirit does not work through emotions. It embodies them."

Holli watched the two of them argue, Solas calling Cole an it, left an acrid taste in her mouth. 

"But he isn't a spirit, is he? He made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt, and they heal. He needs to work it out like a person."

"You would alter the essence of what he is."

"He did that to himself when he left the Fade. I'm just helping him survive it."

Hawke looked to Holli. "You're awfully silent about it all."

"I have nothing to contribute. I don't know what the right answer is," she said, her eyes drifting to where Cole was staring after his quarry. At least he hadn't run off.

Hawke sighed. "Cole will never grow into a real person until he comes to terms with what happened."

"Leave it to me," Varric told them confidently.

He walked off with Cole, disappearing down the lane. Solas didn't look happy about how things had gone. Holli wasn't sure how she felt about it either. The other Cole – his story was horrific and tragic. Dying of starvation was a shitty way to go, and if their Cole became him, that sort of explained why he was too thin. 

Holli climbed up onto the statue to sit and mull it over. She just hoped Cole would be okay. 

-

There was a grim atmosphere over the group as they made their way back to Skyhold. It reminded her a lot of coming back from Adamant. Except Cole was the one suffering now. 

When they made camp for the night at the base of the Frostbacks, it was done with quiet efficiency. It seemed no one knew what to say. She did hear from Varric that Cole hadn't killed the man. But nor had he forgiven him. Holli had no idea how Cole was supposed to work through a death that wasn't his own but felt like it. 

When he sat, she sat with him in silence. She knew grief and guilt and anguish. 

When she got herself a bowl of hot stew, she gave him one as well, settling on the stone beside him. He stared at it a moment, then looked up at her. 

"Eat," she told him simply. "Food in your tummy helps you feel less like shit."

He tried a mouthful, staring dull-eyed into the bowl as he continued to eat. 

It was a bit hypocritical of her maybe; she'd barely eaten after Adamant, and even now she still had quite a reduced appetite. But when she forced herself to eat, she did feel a little better. 

"It hurts," he said softly.

"Yeah. Some days it's pretty hard not to let it drag you under."

"But you didn't let it."

"Because I had you. And the others. And you have us. It won't seem like much now, but I promise, it's invaluable."

He was silent awhile, staring down at the grass bunching around their rock.

"I couldn't help him," he finally uttered.

"You made sure he wasn't alone at the end; that counted for something," she pointed out. "And now you're how he lives on in the world."

He watched her a long while, brow furrowed. 

"Yum yum," she reminded, gesturing to his bowl. 

He looked like he was going to say something; his mouth opened a moment before he closed it again, focusing on his food. Maybe if he ate, he'd start to fill out a bit, look a little healthier. Or was he trapped this way? She hadn't given it much thought before.

She sat with Cole as the sky darkened; even when a light drizzle started, she sat there rather than go to her tent. She would sit with him all night if he didn't ask her to leave. 

Solas, Cole, and Varric watched the pair; Hawke didn't know how they could sit so still and so silently for so long. And then he realised Holli had fallen asleep. He'd thought she was just leaning her head on his shoulder. 

Solas got up, walking around to crouch in front of them. 

"She didn't want to leave," Cole told him.

"She cares for you," he said softly. "We all do."

"She's still hurting too."

"She is. But you're her friend; she will worry for you, as you worry for her. I'll put her to bed, and you and I will talk."

Cole nodded.

Solas gently shook Holli's shoulder, managing to get her to shuffle to her tent in her sleepy state. Then he returned to Cole's side to talk to the boy about the revelations of today.