Heartstrings And Espionages

"Moon. How does it feel to be loved?"

Huh? …To be loved? Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked at those wandering eyes of hers. There was a feeling where one wills to dive in with all their self to cure that little heartbroken baby. I walked to her side and said without looking at those wandering eyes.

"Do you wanna be loved? A love where everything is just about your script."

"Huh?" At that moment, I didn't realise what slipped out of my shit hole until 20 minutes of silence hadn't broken with the low breeze that cherished the untold stories of Sarah behind her disguise. I blinked when there was nothing else but those screams of amusement rising little by little in my head that soon came to an end when….

A thought raised and then bounced back in caliginosity. It isn't any outlaw to help someone to acknowledge real love, isn't it? Right. I exhaled sharply and gazed at Sarah. That surprised me when I saw her smiling pleasantly towards me already.

"It feels better when you smile, Sarah." I whispered, looking at the shining, bright sun, being hidden behind the dusty clouds yet spreading its shine all over the harbour.

"You're the exact person that world describes you, Moon. I'm glad I met you." She said, breathing in the breeze when I was only able to hold on to her words. Thinking, how beautifully she describes one. My lips curved into a charming smile that might have brought her ease when I heard the tiny noise of a slow exhale.

Being benched, she pillared her hands on both sides and laid her head on the head of the bench directing her eyes towards the distant blue sky. …Is she alright? She's behaving off. Even from a long distance, I can just recognise her by her loud, excited and energetic voice but guess, she's been in her own world since the beginning of the day. That beats me…

"Oh! I'll be back soon. Wait here for me."

"Mhm." Just that? I signed heavily and walked away. Looking at that glass door of the convenience store, I could only drop my long face and splashed a short smile.

"Hello. What would you like to order?"

"Two choco ice creams, please."

"For sure! And any toppings?"

"More choco chips on one ice cream."

"Ok. Please wait for a while."

Soon with that payment ring, I was out of the store holding two ice creams in each hand. I mean… It's weird. It looks like I'm really following her list. What am I even doing? Well, what I was supposed to do when she suddenly pulled a long-face out of nowhere? Damn!

Kind of hatred I should've had when it's Sarah but instead I'm being a helping hand when she's low. What's this?! Aah! You're weird, Moon!

"Here."

"Huh?" She popped a face of surprise when I ended up with embarrassment. Likewise, I walked with her till here after an argument with Sarah to not help her by following any kind of wish presented in the list but see, what the thing am I even doing? It doesn't make sense!

Damn! "Take it already." I said, siding my face aside. A movement rose and I could feel my hand empty. She took it. I gradually turned to her and she just looked at me with those eyes. There wasn't any shine or sparkle of happiness. It was vacant, there's something missing. Something that I couldn't give no matter how fully filthy I am. What can it be?

"It's more like a dream than a damn wish." I stayed quiet the whole time until she pulled her words down with a short grin – it's more like a forceful one. I licked my ice cream, looking at the distant sky.

"It's my first time that someone bought me an ice cream rather than myself."

A pale silence fell between us. Before I could figure it out, she suddenly collapsed against the ground with her ice cream scattered around. I wanna throw my ice cream away and run to her, hold her arms quietly letting her heated head-rest on my convincing chest, pull her together with my pat on her wandering thoughts but a whisper pulls all my weight down.

"Will you leave your beloved Tangwen for me if I agree to give you double the money I offered you earlier?"

Tangwen?! I couldn't believe a stranger whom I just met 1 week before addressing my Tangwen when I never took her name in any of our conversations. Don't tell me there's someone behind your disguise. Don't let me know you're someone I know. Don't!

I walked to her and crouched, reaching to her little frightened face. "Who's behind you?" I asked in a hoarse voice, wearing a wide horrific face. I'm extremely serious at this point. All long here, I just came here to live an ordinary life like others but I don't know why I often get pulled into the things I avoid the most.

No matter if Tangwen is no longer mine, I still adore her. I still keep high hopes of her running to me with all the love she kept in herself for me. Even though I know it only fits as a dream. I don't deny dreaming until I entirely close my eyes one day. But I will never give up on her no matter if she was supposed to get into someone else's house any day.

"T-There's no one behind me. And –"

"Shut up! I never talked about Tangwen with you! Do you take me as a fool, huh?! Speak up otherwise I will feed you to the dogs! You better not deal with me."

"....H-Huh?" Her eyes shivered and she held her collar as strong as she could. Gulped and said, "I…don't…–"

That word was already enough to prick me. I moved my fingers and immediately gripped her neck, squeezing unless she vomited the person's name behind her.

"Ech! Le…let me go…plea…se. I- Ech! I… beg…"

Her tears gradually started to flow down to her cheeks. A drop smashed onto my finger. I looked at her , clenching her neck more firmly – but I dropped that thought in the air. I let her go as she wished. 'cause of my promise. I promise to let any of her wishes come true. All hands were down and I was gloomy.

"Cough! Cough! Why…? Cough! Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Because I hate you now. I hate the decision you took by accepting a deal with that person! Is your brain even working?! Are you nuts, huh? What the hell are you chasing after?!"

"It's you, Moon! I need you! You're the one I'm chasing after!"

After those words she began to wail behind her palms. I was startled enough to not say a single word. All my cells retract to rest. I couldn't think nor speak. Neither hear anything. It was like a blank page to me. Why… only me? I'm tired of running now!

"You think it's our first time to meet each other in the villa but no, Moon. I have known you for months. If you remember Ariel Heinze, she's my niece. I might not know what you do or what you are chasing after but I only got to hear about this lady called Tangwen. I heard you used to love her a lot. It's so rare to see you around yet whenever you come I never let the chance of meeting you. It's not my niece who was obsessed with the place but it's me who used to force her to come with me to that place. I loved you so much that I eventually travelled here. When I found out about sharing a house, I immediately booked one and arrived there before you. If you ask why, I just name it Love. Love makes me do anything for you no matter how much it takes me to. I don't care as long as you agree to be mine!"

That story of hers changed nothing in me. I don't feel so surprised – I don't know why… I was just staring at those wandering eyes of hers. Just were glued to me. Is she raising any hopes for me? Don't. Don't do that, Sarah.

"Why don't you give yourself a second chance?"

I released a sharp breath and looked away. Without answering her, I popped my car keys and I was about to leave her but there was a thought stopping me. Once in final, I glanced at her and said,

"I'm the Moon she loved knowing she could never reach it. I only have the name, Moon but I was never enough to fill those vacant posts of her heart yet she loved, knowing everything. If you talk about second chances – even if it's a thousand chances, in everything, I only chose her. There is no second Tangwen to give a second chance, Sarah. Stop everything here."

Hm… What the hell…? What else is left to happen yet? Everything…everywhere…all that happens is the same. No matter where I run, no matter where I hide, no matter where I escape from. All my fate is only around… Tangwen. Aah!

Why! Why, Tangwen! Why is it you?! I do wish it could be someone… someone in the sense… Sunshine. Sunshine?

"Sunshine? Yeah, Sunshine! I was supposed to find Sunshine!"

But… Do I really need to find her out? I mean until Tangwen was with me I didn't even think about Sunshine. Not even once! Now, Tangwen is gone yet I didn't think about Sunshine. Not even once… that means I'm so attached to Tangwen that I am no longer able to think about Sunshine. Man, I will never deny the love she shared with me. If there's a day, I won't deny knowing her name at first 'cause… she's somehow everything to me. Y'know.

That word "everything" doesn't really support this statement as per my concern… so I guess, I better shift it to something obvious yet that person really matters to me to hell. I mean, once upon a time, she meant heaven to me.

"She does."

"Sorry. Did you just say something?"

I got startled and was only able to give a black face to the person standing in front of me. She was… new to me. I mean, bullshit, she's just the waitress, man! Why am I acting this way?! Am I already wasted? Was that too overdosed for me? I remember I was capable of taking more than 5 bottles straight ahead.

"Ah, I suppose, no. Just keep those bottles there."

"Sure. Anything else?"

"No, thanks."

How long has it been drinking here…alone? Has it been an hour or decade? All I feel is vacant and demolished but…why? I ran here to initiate a new path, didn't I? Aah! So lonely! I badly want someone to drink with me, right now. I don't mind the gender –

"Drinking alone?"

"Eh?" There was a figure in front of me… if I'm too wasted… then it is Tangwen. Is she really…Her? Pfft! How in the world does she often find me in only awkward moments?

"Do you still remember me? I see you're so wasted."

I gave a short sniff with a grin. Looking at her mesmerising eyes, I said. "It's only been 4 bottles, I need one more to call me drunk, Tangwen."

She suddenly paused with an emotionless face but then suddenly pulled out a bright smile, taking the chair opposite of me. Filled her glass with beer and ice cubes. With a jerk, she took all of it at once that pulled hiccups out of me in astonishment. Is that figure really Tangwen? I never saw Tangwen drink in that way!

"Are you ok, Tangwen?"

"More beer!! I need more!"

Huh? Already drunk! Damn! "Haha! I see you're in a whole new mood, Tangwen."

"Eh? Yeess. I am! Ha, after all, I'm the one who needs to live with broken pieces whereas you stay with all the clear pieces! That's a different mood, Moon!"