Hogwarts' John Wick

Care of Magical Creatures

John watched as the Blast-Ended Skrewt sprinted ahead while Malfoy chased after it.

"So, this thing needs to go on walks like a dog to burn off energy?"

John fell into deep thought. Why had Hagrid never taken the Skrewts on walks before?

A student yelped in pain after getting pricked by the sharp spines on the Skrewt's body.

John looked at the trembling Skrewt in front of him and raised an eyebrow. A wave of pressure emanated from him, making the Skrewt take off at full speed.

Under his control, however, it never ran beyond John's designated range.

Meanwhile, Hagrid was pulling Harry aside for a private conversation.

Hagrid's hair seemed to be deliberately styled today—sleek and shiny, as if he had used some kind of motor oil.

'I remember Gilderoy Lockhart's shampoo being really effective at removing grease. Maybe Hagrid could use some.'

Thinking of Lockhart, John recalled how the man had once confidently pitched his own homemade shampoo to Silver-Hand Angel Investments, convinced it was a brilliant idea.

As an esteemed alchemy master, John had immediately seen through it—besides being made of expensive ingredients, the shampoo was utterly useless.

It wasn't until an alchemist recruited from Johnny Silverhand's specialty store improved the formula that the shampoo was officially launched under the brand name Swagger King.

Naturally, the spokesperson was Lockhart himself. The marketing results were fantastic.

Under the influence of the idol effect, sales skyrocketed.

The product even made its way overseas, raking in a huge pile of Galleons.

'Should we have Gilderoy make a guest appearance at the Triwizard Tournament?'

As John pondered the potential chaos Lockhart might unleash, Hagrid wrapped up his conversation.

Harry glanced in John's direction and paused for a moment but ultimately didn't come over.

Instead, it was Hagrid who approached, his face flushed. His awkward, fidgety demeanor sent a wave of goosebumps down John's spine.

"John, do you know anything that could make someone… more charming?"

Perhaps it was because the tulip perfume idea had been a hit last time.

Hagrid hastily tried to cover up, as if afraid of being misunderstood. "I mean, uh, a friend of mine, he..."

"No need to say more, I get it," John raised a hand, cutting off the imaginary friend before he could materialize. After thinking for a moment, he said, "A well-groomed beard and tidy hair can go a long way."

With that, John recommended Swagger King shampoo to Hagrid. In Hagrid's confused daze, he successfully sold five bottles.

"Harry got chosen as a Champion," Hagrid said worriedly after resolving his 'friend's' issue. "But he doesn't seem happy about it."

"That's normal," John replied casually. "Only the people who wronged you truly understand how unfair it is."

Hagrid deeply related to that statement.

Realizing it belatedly, he asked excitedly, "So you believe in Harry too?"

"Sorry, Hagrid, I tend to be blunt," John responded calmly, prefacing his next words with a polite disclaimer. "But given Harry's skill level, I'd sooner believe that Hermione snuck out at midnight to put his name in."

Alright, that was a harsh take—just shy of outright saying that Harry, who was only slightly better than Ron, simply wasn't capable of it. Crude, but highly convincing.

John's Blast-Ended Skrewt was showing signs of wanting to pick a fight with another Skrewt. He whistled, and it obediently ran back to him.

Hagrid was utterly amazed.

…

At Hogwarts, a certain type of badge was becoming popular.

No need to guess—it was, of course, the work of our ever-wealthy and extravagant young master, Draco Malfoy.

For a time, John seriously wondered if Malfoy had turned bitter and vengeful after breaking up with Harry.

Even though, as far as he knew, they had never actually been together.

Malfoy, eager to show off his handiwork, tried to give John a badge. John stared at him as if he were an idiot.

Malfoy slinked away, looking a little put out. Meanwhile, everyone else got a badge for free—red ones in support of Cedric, and with two taps, they turned green, displaying the words Potter Stinks.

"No wonder he's been so invested in learning alchemy lately—true love, indeed," John remarked, before casually tossing the badge to Goyle.

Goyle fumbled to catch the badge.

Cedric was already quite popular even before becoming a Champion, and after being chosen, his popularity soared even higher.

A large group of giggling girls surrounded Cedric, making his embarrassment plainly visible.

After all, it wasn't exactly a secret that he liked Cho Chang.

With Malfoy having gone to such great lengths to prepare so many badges, it would be a waste of money if some sort of conflict didn't break out.

Sure enough, after Potions class, Malfoy stepped forward to provoke Harry.

His badges were seen on many students, with only a handful of Harry's closer friends choosing not to wear them.

"Like it, Potter?" Malfoy deliberately spoke loudly. "You should take a closer look—they have another feature."

With that, he tapped the badge twice, revealing the green text Potter Stinks.

He looked every bit like some domineering CEO trying to win over a beauty by flaunting his wealth—except in this case, he was trying to provoke Harry's anger instead.

Hermione smoothed down Harry's ruffled feathers and shot back sarcastically, "Oh—so clever. How utterly brilliant."

If anyone had mastered the art of sarcasm, it was her. The tone was so cutting that for a moment, one could almost mistake her for Snape.

Ron, however, didn't take a stance alongside them. Instead, he stayed with Seamus and Dean, neither supporting nor opposing.

In the end, Malfoy got what he wanted—he and Harry started fighting.

"Densaugeo!"

"Furnunculus!"

The two spells clashed in midair. The casters were fine, but the bystanders weren't so lucky.

Hermione's teeth started growing uncontrollably, while Goyle's nose sprouted a hideous boil.

Ron quickly rushed forward to check on Hermione, and Harry turned to do the same—

But before he could, Malfoy lunged forward, grabbed Harry by the collar, and threw him down.

Anger took over Harry, and the next moment, he and Malfoy were grappling.

Seeing things take a bad turn, Ron jumped in to help.

Two against one.

And then…

Both of them lost points.

Because Snape had arrived.

If there was one thing you could always count on, it was that Snape would never miss an opportunity to deduct points from Gryffindor.

Malfoy lifted his chin arrogantly, like a victorious rooster. 

His hair was a little messy, but he was otherwise unscathed. 

Ron, on the other hand, had taken a solid kick. 

He was rolling on the ground in pain. 

When John heard about this, he nearly spat out his drink. 

He had only taken his eyes off Malfoy for a few hours, and the guy had already stirred up this much trouble. 

As a result, during Potions class, Harry kept glaring in their direction with eyes full of hatred and anger. 

"…"

John had to admit that Malfoy's ability to make enemies was truly unmatched. 

In fact, he even thought Malfoy's ranking on the 'Most Hated List' could probably climb a few spots higher. 

This level of aggro-drawing—John knew he could never match it. 

During class, Colin Creevey, a first-year, entered the room. 

He was looking for Harry, which immediately irritated Snape. 

When Snape heard it was for an interview, his patience ran out completely. He ordered Harry to take all his things and get out. 

As Harry stepped out, a flash of green light caught his attention, making him turn to look.

It was that infuriating "Potter Stinks" badge. His expression darkened as he walked out.

John was already aware of the upcoming interview.

Rita Skeeter had once sent him an incredibly humble letter, politely asking for his advice on how to cover the event.

Naturally, John hoped she would go for the most sensational and explosive angles—after all, that was the best way to attract attention to the Triwizard Tournament.

At the same time, he had set up a betting pool, published in The Daily Prophet.

The wager? Predicting which of the four Triwizard Champions would take home the trophy.

He even introduced high-stakes bets for each individual task.

The promotional campaign had already been running at full blast for quite some time.

Currently, the biggest favorite was star Seeker Viktor Krum, followed by the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter.

Yes, Harry was the youngest competitor, but he had one massive, game-breaking buff—The Chosen One.

If not for Krum's already massive popularity, Harry might have been the top pick for the front page.

Rita Skeeter did not disappoint.

When John opened The Daily Prophet that day, he couldn't help but once again marvel—now that was true talent.

According to the article, the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter, would often shed tears in the middle of the night, quietly sobbing as he missed his parents.

Anyone who didn't truly know Harry might actually believe this nonsense.

Turning the Chosen One into a pitiful crybaby—the sheer contrast made for an explosive headline.

Even Malfoy couldn't help but ask if it was true.

John merely rolled his eyes at him.

"You fought him last time—couldn't you tell for yourself?"

What kind of tragic little victim starts throwing punches in a fistfight?

_________

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