Chapter 137: Expectation
"Huh?" A pleasant voice whispered in Kiana's ear, like Satan's gentle murmur, and she looked up blankly, tears streaming down her face, only to see Yun Mengxi bending over, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, looking at Kiana with concern.
"Ah! Nothing!" Kiana quickly scooted away, hastily wiping tears all over her face.
Thank goodness no snot, Kiana was incredibly relieved she hadn't cried too pathetically.
"Cough cough, it's so late, why aren't you asleep yet?" Kiana quickly wiped her tears, forcing a smile and awkwardly laughing with Yun Mengxi, just as Mei had predicted.
"Couldn't sleep… so I came out for a walk." Yun Mengxi gathered her skirt and sat down gently next to Kiana. "You seem… upset?"
"Nope!" Kiana quickly denied it, "I just… got sand in my eyes!!"
You probably got a whole desert in your eyes…
Yun Mengxi looked speechlessly at Kiana's darting eyes, thinking, Does she really think I just got here and didn't see her crying just now?
"Oh… are you feeling better now?" Yun Mengxi didn't call her out, just asked with a smile.
"Of course, much better!" Kiana said, afraid Yun Mengxi wouldn't believe her, and even pretended to rub her eyes again.
"Pfft–" Yun Mengxi was amused by Kiana's clumsy cover-up. It seemed her first impression of this girl was right – she was probably a bit clueless.
Kiana scratched her head awkwardly. This was the first time she'd been seen in such a pathetic state by someone else.
She definitely knew Yun Mengxi didn't believe her nonsense, but… she was too embarrassed to say anything!
So embarrassing, Mei, come save me…
Mei didn't answer Kiana's silent plea, watching from the shadows.
Yun Mengxi waited for a couple of seconds, then swung her legs gently, speaking slowly, "Um, just now, Shicheng-ge said some pretty harsh things to you, right… Can I apologize to you on his behalf?"
Kiana was taken aback, mumbled something, but didn't speak.
Not getting a response, Yun Mengxi sighed softly. "Shicheng-ge… he doesn't actually mean any harm, he's just too anxious, so anxious he lost his composure."
"But that's no excuse to talk to you like that…" Just as Kiana was about to say something, Yun Mengxi contradicted herself, "It was definitely his fault… but, he didn't really do anything wrong either… and neither did you…"
"Why is it that no one did anything wrong, but… things still don't turn out well?" Yun Mengxi murmured to herself, her swinging legs gradually stopping, her eyes also becoming lost.
No one did anything wrong, but things still didn't turn out well…
Kiana pouted, silently lowering her head.
"Finality, right?" Yun Mengxi suddenly tilted her head, looking at Kiana.
Kiana was startled for a moment, then nodded vigorously, keeping a straight face. "Yes, I'm the Finality."
"This code name…" Yun Mengxi paused, then chuckled softly, "It probably wasn't your own idea, was it?"
It indeed wasn't Kiana's own idea, so Kiana nodded, focusing, afraid of giving herself away in front of Yun Mengxi.
"I knew it…" Yun Mengxi breathed a sigh of relief, then stared at Kiana. "Then… can you tell me, what code name would you have chosen for yourself originally?"
"This…" Kiana was stumped by the question. What code name would she have chosen for herself originally… she'd never even thought about it!
So, she had to make one up on the spot?
Code name… code name… Ugh, lying is so hard!
"Forgot?" Yun Mengxi helpfully jumped in, sensing Kiana's struggle written all over her face.
But Yun Mengxi, for some reason, actually showed a hint of envy. "That's good…"
Forgetting your original idea is a good thing?
Kiana was a bit confused, feeling that Yun Mengxi might be a bit simple-minded.
"Do you like your current code name?" Yun Mengxi asked again.
"Of course, I love it!" Kiana quickly answered, for the same reason, afraid of being exposed if she hesitated even for a second.
"Then…" Yun Mengxi hesitated, but after struggling for a moment, Yun Mengxi finally asked the question.
"Are you tired?"
"Huh?" Kiana was stunned, and subconsciously, she started to think seriously.
"I remember… this code name embodies your captain's expectations of you, right…"
Kiana didn't speak.
Tired?
…
Yeah, tired… Tired to the point that even someone who shouldn't cry, cried. Tired to the point that even the least likely person to be unconfident, lost confidence.
Shu clearly trusted her so much, believing she could bring the end to this Honkai-stricken world, but she couldn't even help with anything…
Just a few days ago… she was still someone who could stand up and protect everyone. But today, if Bronya hadn't stopped her, if Mei hadn't reminded her, she would have messed up the only task Shu had entrusted to her…
She didn't know what else she could do, like a specialized employee suddenly losing her job, a student of an unpopular major graduating, feeling completely helpless.
Yun Mengxi saw Kiana's hesitation and chuckled softly, her laughter full of bitterness.
As expected, she's tired too…
"Actually… me too." Yun Mengxi murmured, "Finality… this name really doesn't roll off the tongue…
"Finality, do you know what you look like in my eyes? You're like divine soldiers suddenly descended from the heavens, a savior's squad, everyone of you is a mysterious and powerful warrior, unbelievably strong…"
That's overestimating me way too much…
"But, I know, you definitely have another side to you, at least… you have another side, right?" Yun Mengxi looked up, gazing at Kiana, a gaze that seemed to see right through her, making Kiana uncomfortable.
"I didn't really think so before, but, I saw you crying…"
Kiana's expression immediately turned awkward. As expected, she still saw me?
"This feeling of being exhausted by other people's expectations, I feel it too, you know." Yun Mengxi gave a self-deprecating laugh. "What do people see me as?"
"Limitless prospects, extremely high potential, a super rookie in the idol world with a bright future, overwhelmingly popular, beautiful as a flower… Looks like I should already be good enough, right…"
Kiana subconsciously nodded.
"But none of this is what I want."
"Huh?" Kiana was taken aback. "Then what do you want?"
Yun Mengxi looked up, gazing into the distance. "What I want… is just to create the kind of music I love…"