HP: Alchemy? Nah, It's Crafting

o(*￣▽￣*)ブMany Thanks to Tungst3n, Zack Price, Patrick Medal, and Ben McMahon for becoming new p@treon members!♥♥

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"I mean... what the actual fuc—!"

Kasen stood in the hallway, staring at his office, which was now so packed with gifts that there was barely any room to stand.

"Haah… I've overestimated the capacity of the Ender Chest. Next time, I should just get a bigger one," he sighed, waving his wand to start organizing the chaotic mountain of gifts with magic.

...

The next day…

"This time, the Alchemy Association's team-building activity was a shopping trip in a Muggle city in France. So, I didn't get you any magical trinkets. After all, that'd be as dull as an Englishman going to France to look for an English restaurant. Now then, Cedric, please hand out these gifts."

Kasen snapped his fingers, and the neatly organized pile of presents appeared on the lectern. Meanwhile, he casually took a seat in the chair behind it. He had already decided that if Cedric moved any slower, he could easily spend the entire lesson slacking off.

However…

Cedric's speed was shockingly efficient.

In about two minutes, he distributed every single gift to its intended recipient and returned to his seat, ready for Kasen to begin the lesson.

Tsk!

"You really didn't have to be that quick. Don't you want to savor a bit of downtime during class?" Kasen said, a bit awkwardly, as he stood and picked up a piece of chalk.

The students below shook their heads in unison.

"Well, fine then. Since you all love my classes so much, let's have a test."

"…Huh?"

...

After class, Kasen contentedly carried a stack of test papers back to his office. By the end of the morning, he had successfully distributed all the gifts meant for the young wizards and witches.

Now, only the gifts for his fellow professors were left.

Armed with a gift box the size of a washbasin, he went from one office to another.

Although he wasn't sure if his colleagues would appreciate Muggle gifts, at least Snape, upon receiving a complete set of precision scales and weights, had shown a rare smile.

Finally, he arrived at Filch's office.

"I've noticed that some of the students tend to dirty the castle walls, so I made you this. It has an internal infinite magic circuit, and inside, there's a blue glowing strip that performs a cleaning charm. When you need to use it, just press the red button on top, and the light will shine on the stain to clean it."

Filch accepted the gift box with trembling hands.

"Thank you... thank you, Professor Kasen."

"You're welcome. No big deal. Well, I need to get going—I still have to deliver Dumbledore's wool socks. I bought him two hundred pairs in one go."

"Oh, oh, of course, no problem at all, Professor Kasen."

The last gift he delivered was to Dumbledore, though not because of any special reason—simply because reaching the headmaster's office required climbing an absurdly long staircase.

"Dumbledore, come look at the socks I got for you. You can wear a new pair every day for over half a year... Dumbledore?"

Kasen stood dumbfounded in the empty headmaster's office.

"Eh... but if the Headmaster isn't home..." 

Kasen slowly turned his head toward Dumbledore's cabinet, where the Headmaster kept his private stash of liquor. 

"Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm~♫" 

Humming a cheerful tune, he strolled over to the cabinet and began rummaging through it. Before long, he pulled out two bottles of what looked like exceptionally fine wine, along with a magical wine storage box that could simulate ideal temperature and humidity conditions. 

"Kekeke! What a great find!"

Kasen removed the wine box and left it behind, reasoning that these two bottles wouldn't survive long enough in his possession to require such preservation. 

...

Meanwhile... 

"We need to see Dumbledore! We have something really important to tell him!" Two of Gryffindor's quartet, Harry and Neville, had appeared before the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to the Headmaster's office, looking visibly anxious. 

However, the ever-dutiful gargoyle statues showed no inclination to respond to them—perhaps because they couldn't actually speak in such situations, who knew? 

In any case, the pair were effectively stonewalled. 

"Alright, this confirms it. That portrait wasn't lying—Dumbledore really isn't in Hogwarts right now." 

Soon enough, the other two members of the quartet, Hermione and Ron, came running up to join them. 

"Professor Kasen's office is empty. Ron and I used redstone to get in and check—he's not there." 

"That settles it... The other professors don't believe us when we tell them, but... wait a second, why do we even need to go to the other professors? Why don't we handle this ourselves?" Harry suddenly realized. 

"Do you guys agree?" 

"Professor Kasen once told us that when making a decision, we should calculate its pros and cons. Between the Philosopher's Stone and our lives, which do you think he'd want us to prioritize?" Hermione reminded them at just the right moment.

"And what would you choose? Even knowing that Professor Kasen would want us to prioritize our lives?" Neville asked.

"I'd choose the Philosopher's Stone—not because it's so valuable, but because I believe letting such a powerful alchemical artifact fall into the hands of a dark wizard like Quirrell would be absolutely catastrophic!" Harry declared firmly.

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

The four of them ran all the way to the third-floor corridor. The door to the room housing the three-headed dog was wide open, and music drifted out.

Harry peeked inside and sighed in relief. "The big dog's asleep. Let's get in quickly."

...

Meanwhile...

"Wine? Oh, no, thank you, Kasen. I've never really cared for wine. It feels too bland to me—hardly like alcohol, more like grape juice, you know?"

Hagrid, lounging on his sofa, politely declined Kasen's offer to share some wine.

"You might want to try it for the novelty of it," Kasen encouraged.

"Honestly, I just can't appreciate this sort of thing. And looking at it, this wine seems pretty fancy. To be honest, me drinking it would feel like a waste. You should share it with someone who can truly appreciate it."

"No, no, no..." Kasen quickly waved his hands dismissively. "The most important thing about drinking is enjoying yourself. If you let notions of value or worth get in the way of having a good time, that's the real insult to the wine."

"Oh... hearing you say that, I'm actually a bit moved," said the ever-sensitive Hagrid, his voice suddenly tinged with emotion.

Kasen's sharp eye caught the telltale signs of the big fellow gearing up for one of his signature bear hugs, and the sight terrified him.

Quickly, he waved his wand and summoned two wine glasses from across the room.

"Uh, uh, uh... no need for the hugs. If you feel like the wine's lacking, maybe go grab a couple barrels of ale instead," Kasen suggested hurriedly.

"Alright, alright. Maybe I should find some time to work on controlling my strength. I've noticed none of you seem to want me hugging you..." Hagrid muttered as he ambled toward the door.

"That's because your hugs, Hagrid, could literally crush someone to death. Honestly, with fully grown wizards, it's fine—but with the little ones? Merlin's beard, you might actually pop one like a balloon!"

Kasen said matter-of-factly.

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