HP: The Big Bad Wolf

[Part 1: A Prince of Hogwarts]

A few minutes later, I found myself seated in Gaylore's office, feeling seriously pissed off.

Firstly, his damn bird was giving me the evil eye, as if I were some sort of cat about to pounce on it. I guess I've grown strong enough to trigger its fight or flight instinct. 

I hate birds, but this shitty as chicken easily takes a place amongst the top ten of my most hated birds in the list, just slightly above the owl I have named Ronald.

Secondly, the old man seemed mighty pleased with himself despite receiving a tongue-lashing from me earlier. This dude's facial skin is apparently insult-proof; no matter what I throw at him, he just doesn't bother to get riled up. And this behaviour pisses me off! At least have the decency to be insulted by my god-damn witty remarks.

Finally, I was annoyed because even though I knew what these moronic imbeciles were trying to pull, I still had to tag along and waste my time.

I had actually planned to activate my book reader skill and talk to the entity, to see if we could cut a deal or if I could glean some information from it.

But here I am, sitting and watching an old man feeling smug while four retards put on a show of trying to hide their own smugness for roping me into this situation.

I seriously am starting to doubt old Severus's brain. I mean, how did he manage to lose to these idiots?! They're as cunning and insidious as, well, a heavyweight lifter in a ballerina show. It just doesn't fit them.

I mean, Potter tries to play mastermind while in reality, the smart one in the group is Remus, carrying them based on school achievements, and all Potter does is following his cock's decisions making abilities.

While Remus himself is looking giddy at the potential of not having to turn every full moon, well, I feel sorry for the guy! But why the hell do I have to help him?! Life isn't charity, and we're all getting screwed one way or another by capitalism, even in a magical society! The goblins are metaphorically screwing over the whole magical community! I found out they won the last war, and them looking after our money is their price, although it's being sold to the public as them doing us a service!

As for Black trying to be cool, well, all he has going for himself are his looks, his name (aka family), and being somewhat good at that useless game called Quidditch.

Seriously, just catch the golden ball, and you win. It doesn't even matter if the other guys play or not, and the game goes on as long as no one catches the golden ball. So how the actual fuck can one even lose at the game?! If you fall behind, just have all team rush the enemy's seeker, and hinder him, and the game goes on.

What an insanely great game, not! It's like a game of tag with a few extra people playing volleyball and dodgeball. Two brain-dead assholes decide to run across the game all the time, annoying the living shit out of the people actually trying to play a team game.

I'd much rather see some trolls giving an opera concert than witness this brain-dead shit. Seriously, this race is doomed if all they can come up with is this crap despite having magic.

As for Potter being good at the game, it's also dubiously funny. The guy is wearing glasses; how come his eyesight is better compared to the other players'? Has no one ever checked his glasses? I bet they're enchanted in some way!

And then there's the rat. I don't even consider him a human being at this point any more. He's a miserable little rat, and calling him one may even insult rats as a species.

This fat little turd keeps throwing me looks with pride as if he's achieved anything great, or is somehow above me in standing or power.

Like, who the fuck gives even two craps about you, idiot?! The only times you ever become interesting or plot-relevant is when you betray your friends to crawl into Moldy's butthole and take a whiff of his shit. Or when you get hunted by the dog and blow up innocent people to Kingdom come.

Other than that, you're enough of a failure to get yourself killed, even after willingly cutting off your own arm. Sure, my future self is an imbecile who is, in fact, a backstabbing rat, but you top the scale at being a worthless shit.

I mean, this whole place has yet to show me one human or wizard who is actually a decent human being. Everyone is an asshole in some way, shape, or form, and I myself am included in this.

"Mr. Snape, you are awfully quiet," Gaylore notes.

"Oh, am I?! I was contemplating the people in my life and my choices concerning said people," I reply to the old fart.

"And what conclusion have you come to?" he digs further.

"I realized that literally everything and everyone is in some form or shape related," I reply.

"How so?" he asks me.

"Mhh, like right now. These little shits, oh sorry, these gentlemen, have created a problem that may have been enough to sentence them to Azkaban and have them expelled from any decent school, but yet here they sit making demands of me! Showing our relation, as well as yours and theirs." I say to him, trying to make him get pissed off.

"Mhh, that may indeed have been the case in a less lenient and understanding institute," he replies, trying to paint himself as someone great.

"Haha, right?! Now, here we sit once more, and again these same idiots are trying to piss me off. Demanding to know secrets of mine. Sir, considering our relationship, why would you assume or even entertain the idea that I'd be willing to share anything with them, or anyone?!" I ask him while first pointing at himself and myself, followed by pointing at myself and towards the fucktastic four.

"Severus, they've brought up claims, and if what they say is true, you have solved an age-old issue for many people. Helping many to escape a fate worse than death!" Gaylore says in his grandfatherly tone.

"So what? Why should I tell my secret, out of all people, to these people?!" I reply.

"You have to think of the greater good!" he insists.

"Whose greater good?! Most certainly not mine, right?!" I question him.

"You'll get an Order of Merlin First Class for your discovery," Gaylore says excitedly, trying to sell me a piece of metal as if it's something worthy.

"Oh wow! Really?!" I reply, feigning excitement.

"Yes, and you may even become a wizard of renown throughout history," he says.

"That is amazing!" I say, before adding, "I get an amazing piece of metal telling people that I have done something, and get renown. This is simply way more than I can get if I monetize my method and disclose it only to people who are willing to swear magical oaths of servitude. Why did I not think of disclosing my method to the public, just how stupid am I? To not even think of all that fame!"

And I can see how the temperature visibly falls, and how their faces turn ugly upon realizing that I give no two shits about renown or the damn medal.

"That is a bleak picture you are drawing, Severus, my boy," Gaylore says.

"Is that so? All I see is a disgusting act of coercing someone to sell out his achievements for applause and a piece of metal not worth the metal it is made of. If I remember correctly, didn't that guy's grandfather buy himself one a few years back?" I question while pointing at Black.

"MY GRANDFATHER EARNED HIS MEDAL!" Black shouts into my face.

"Well, that is one lie you yourself are not believing, Black!" I throw back, knowing for sure he does not believe that his Grandfather earned the medal.

"Well, if this is how it's going to be, I have to use my position as the Supreme Mugwump, and..." Gaylore begins to threaten me with politics, but just at that moment, the fire turns green, and I see my Grandpa walking in.

"Haha, this office is still as shitty as I remember it when I last visited during Eileen's schooldays," he says as he makes his entrance.

"Lord Prince?!" Gaylore exclaims, shocked, and looks back and forth between me and the elderly Prince.

It was at this moment that he knew, he fucked up!!!

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