I Am Not a Robot. Beep-bop

Chapter 38: Gasp, Oil Beer! 2

“Wow-oh.”

The interior of the Chainsaw Tavern was quite dazzling.

Visible from the hall was an array of countless tables and chairs spanning five floors, packed with patrons.

I casually found a seat, and a symphony of various noises filled my ears.

The sharp aroma of countless food dishes pierced my nose, mixed with the sound of someone crying and another person yelling.

Drunken confessions of nonsensical tales, the unexpected laughter of children even in a tavern.

[Oh, like heaven~ You’d surely match our mood just right.]

[Sing us a tune, musician, as we revel in the melodies of this night.]

[Ah, here’s a dollar. That’s the wallet of a drunken fool.]

[Let’s revel in the scent of beer and have a roaring good time~]

The upbeat jazz music playing like background ambiance created an illusion of visiting a regular hangout, despite it being my first time here.

“But isn’t it strange? There are a lot of families and kids here even though it’s a tavern.”

【Searching… Human, in Ark, there are no legal restrictions on alcohol for minors.】

“What?”

Even minors can drink…?

Alice blinked at the unexpected revelation.

【The bioengineering and technological advancements in Ark are beyond even my understanding. Here, some people receive body enhancements right from birth. Considering that natural awakeners can drink alcohol at a young age without any harm to their bodies, there’s no reason to impose age restrictions on alcohol.】

To Alice, whose mindset was grounded in modern ethical norms, this was shocking.

So, it’s possible to see a kid downing a beer and puffing on a cigarette?

【Human-human’s appearance is also teetering on the edge of human standards for adulthood.】

“Ah, now that I think about it, I’m not in a position to talk, appearance-wise.”

Not just my appearance—there were plenty of people who looked young like me but were Hunters or Executors roaming around.

Ark, after all, wasn’t just inhabited by humans; modified humans, non-humans, and humanoid species all coexisted here.

A world where judging or restricting someone based on their appearance was considered outdated thinking.

If they don’t bring me beer soon, I’ll flash my ID as an Ultima-level Returnee and Hunter.

The tavern was lively, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly noisy.

Thanks to the revelry of those enjoying drinking and dancing at their tables, the atmosphere was chaotic, but strangely, there was an order where people respected each other’s boundaries.

“It’s quieter than I thought. I expected fists flying and someone’s broken teeth soaring through the air as soon as I stepped in….”

【Human—based on my observations and collected data on Ark’s ecology and culture, if someone were to cause trouble in a tavern, there’s a high chance an Executor or Overseer would show up, and the instigator would face significant consequences.】

“Ah, that makes sense.”

The last tavern Alice remembered from her previous world doubled as an adventurers’ guild.

Back then, it was common for thugs to pick fights just by looking at someone’s face.

With no law enforcement in sight, adventurers without real skills were little more than punks wielding swords, and if your pockets looked full, you were bound to get into trouble.

Of course, trying that in Ark would likely result in the Overseer busting their heads with a resounding “you punk.”

Mediocre awakened troublemakers wouldn’t even require an Overseer; the Executors tasked with maintaining order would handle them easily.

For context, Executors were law enforcement officers often underestimated, but all were highly educated and trained individuals, averaging B-rank by Hunter standards.

They had guaranteed tenure, lucrative pensions post-retirement, tax reduction benefits, and energy subsidies as government employees, making the position highly competitive.

It was said there was even a dedicated academy in Ark’s core, which set them apart from the third-rate awakened ones who waltzed into exploration agencies asking for Hunter positions.

Of course, the truly powerful A-rank or higher Hunters were a different story, but those high-grade awakened ones rarely caused trouble in taverns.

For average delinquents with no future, just the appearance of Executors was enough to earn them a shaved head and a certificate of disqualification from humanity.

“Beep-beep—Would you like to place an order?”

A cheerful-faced girl appeared in front of Alice, who had been lost in thought while observing the tavern’s scene.

She looked younger than me at first glance but was a robot.

Her artificial skin had a cheap texture, and glimpses of her metal skeleton made her look far more robotic than I did.

“Oh, what’s on the menu?”

“Please select your menu items from the kiosk.”

“Kiosk?”

-Beep-beep.

At that sound, the girl robot’s belly opened up, revealing a screen displaying a variety of menu options.

Ah, so that’s how it works.

“You can select your menu and use the appropriate payment method. For cash payments, please proceed to the counter for direct settlement.”

Ordering and serving the menu, as well as non-cash payments, seemed to be entirely handled by this girl robot.

It’s quite high-tech in its own way.

…Wait.

You’re saying the robot does everything…?

‘Theresa, can you hack this?’

A sudden idea flashed through my mind.

If hacking is possible, unlimited free food could be within reach…

【Human, are you out of your mind?】

‘No, saving money would be great, right?’

【You’ve earned a decent amount today. Repeated hacking attempts could be detected by Ark’s administrative forces, which I cannot yet fully comprehend.】

Hmm, that’s true.

It hasn’t been long since I started living independently, and as a successor to a First-Class Overseer, I aimed to establish achievements and contributions. Getting into trouble would tarnish Oriana’s reputation.

Regardless of anything else, I shouldn’t wrong the benefactor who took me in and supported me so much.

‘So, I just need not to get caught, right? Just give it a try.’

【…Sigh. Just this once, Human.】

-Bzzz!

In that instant, a purple electromagnetic network visible only to me spread out like neural pathways and injected itself into the girl robot.

The girl robot’s neural network, which was previously a plain brown, didn’t seem to have any significant security measures.

It was quickly infected by the purple neural network I sent, leaving the girl robot motionless in a salute-like stance with a blank expression, no longer prompting me for an order.

【I couldn’t tamper with the financial system related to payments, but hacking the entity itself wasn’t too difficult.】

“Oh.”

I gestured toward the girl robot as if controlling a puppet.

The girl robot responded, moving her creaky limbs awkwardly as if dancing. Passersby, unfamiliar with such behavior, tilted their heads in confusion.

‘My head’s feeling a bit warm…’

【Hacking consumes a significant amount of processing power and energy. Your current body components aren’t optimized for hacking or neural network connections, so prolonged hacking may cause damage due to overheating.】

Still, the mere fact that hacking was possible was quite an achievement.

According to Theresa, my proficiency wasn’t very high yet.

But if hacking functioned like gaining experience points in a game through repetitive actions, similar to hunting monsters to grow stronger, it could lead to a future where I could infiltrate any digital world connected to the internet, potentially becoming an omniscient AI.

‘Theresa, that’s enough for now.’

【Neural network connection terminated.】

As the hacking ended, I found myself letting out an involuntary gasp.

Robots don’t get out of breath, but perhaps the overheating from hacking made me feel that way.

It felt like an ordinary human sprinting 100 meters at full speed.

“Beep-beep—Would you like to place an order?”

The girl robot resumed her task as if nothing had happened, once again prompting me to order.

Fine, it’s time to eat anyway.

Besides, people at nearby tables were starting to give me strange looks.

But even as I scanned the menu, I couldn’t decide what to choose.

“Do you have any recommended dishes?”

The server stood still for a moment, seemingly scanning me, before nodding and speaking.

“Beep-beep—Based on the judgment of the service AI, ‘Oil Beer’ is recommended for customers who have undergone prosthetic and cybernetic procedures for more than half of their body.”

“Oil Beer…?”

The unfamiliar name made me tilt my head.

【According to information available on the civilian internet, it’s a beverage made by refining oil and mixing it with beer.】

Well, the name does kind of give that away…

Still, the thought of “Oil Beer” brought an immediate sense of aversion.

Could it be similar to butter beer?

“Oil Beer is brewed with beer, butter, eggs, star anise seeds, olive leaves, and scotch berries. It’s highly favored by those who have undergone cybernetic procedures. Based on your physical profile, which suggests a high proportion of cybernetic components, Oil Beer, along with oil-rich fried dishes and protein-based snacks, is recommended.”

Honestly, the name “Oil Beer” doesn’t exactly inspire high expectations…

‘Still, beer is beer, right?’

Beer, paired with fried food and meat snacks, should generally taste good.

After all, there aren’t many beers you drink solely for the flavor.

Usually, it’s about the cool, refreshing sensation as it goes down.

“Then, I’ll take that.”

“A clear definition of ‘that’ is required.”

“I mean all the recommended items. Price doesn’t matter.”

Looking at the menu the girl robot had shown earlier, the prices weren’t too high.

Around $10 on average?

It was cheaper than the Aldeliel restaurant I went to with Oriana.

“Beep-beep—Processing request, calculating… Beep-beep…”

The girl robot started to stammer, seemingly confused by my request.

Apparently, it wasn’t as advanced as high-performance AIs like the Barrier Agency or Theresa, as it couldn’t fully understand what I was saying.

“Beep-beep—The server AI has failed to correctly interpret the customer’s order. I will request the customer’s order directly from the master.”

Still, it wasn’t entirely useless—it appeared that requests beyond its comprehension were forwarded to the chef or owner.

Well, sitting here and waiting, like an omakase experience, isn’t so bad.

The wait wasn’t too tedious.

In the center of the tavern, a middle-aged man was playing a piano-like instrument while singing a lively tune, and occasionally, enthusiastic patrons joined him in a chorus.

It was noisy but peaceful, and quite entertaining.

Some wore robot helmets, others had dog heads, and some looked like little girls. Yet they all held large mugs of beer, singing together. It was… oddly charming.

‘Ah, I’m jealous.’

Having no friends feels lonely.

I need to make friends or companions soon—someone to hold a beer with and sing along like that.

Well, I do have Theresa, but she can’t drink beer.

“Beep-beep—Your order of 12-wing fried chicken legs, sky shrimp tempura, Delphi chops steak, scotch leaf fries set, and Oil Beer has arrived.”

The food came out faster than expected, but the amount the girl robot brought was substantial.

Each menu item looked like it could serve two people.

The crispy fried chicken legs and shrimp tempura gleamed with oil, making my mouth water (though I didn’t have salivary glands).

The fried vegetables, though unrecognizable, looked familiar—like perilla leaves.

The chop steak was just meat, but with a generous amount of steak sauce, it seemed hard to mess up.

And then, the infamous Oil Beer.

An uncooked egg yolk floated in the beer, with an oddly viscous and sticky foam indicating the mix of oil and beer was no joke.

“The total charge is $54.”

The girl robot extended a card reader, seemingly requesting payment.

Instead of using a card, I briefly locked eyes with the robot. As my purple neural network connected with it, my invisible account balance slightly decreased.

-$54 payment complete-

Oh, it worked.

Sending or depositing money from my account doesn’t require breaking through a certification system—just eye contact suffices.

“Beep-beep—Payment confirmed in [Chainsaw Tavern] account. Have a pleasant meal.”

Moreover, they can even identify that I was the sender.

Nice.

I’ll save the Oil Beer for later…

Honestly, even though I’m familiar with other items, the unfamiliarity of Oil Beer gives me an odd sense of unease, so I’ll postpone it for now.

I don’t know much about local cuisine here.

I can’t tell what’s farm-fresh, or whether synthetic meat or natural meat tastes better.

Still, I had a good experience at Aldeliel, and seeing how crowded this place is, it must be a good restaurant.

“Let’s start with the trustworthy and reliable chicken legs…”

【Human—Internet searches indicate that chicken legs are one of the least favored parts among Ark residents. Breast meat is considered the best, and the part called ‘oyster’ is treated as the most exquisite…】

“Ah, shut up, beepy-boopy.”

Anyway, this AI keeps ruining my enjoyment of food.

【……】

Ignoring Theresa’s gaze, which somehow felt like she was glaring at me.

Ah, but she doesn’t even have eyes, does she?

Anyway, I picked up a chicken leg.

Maybe because my hands had become smaller, holding one made it feel like I was grabbing a giant chicken.

Oil coated my hands, making them shiny, but I could clean them later.

I don’t have many memories left, but this chicken, with its familiar golden-yellow color, was exactly what I remembered.

“Chomp!”

-Munch munch.

It was crispy.

Extremely crispy.

The chicken’s breading, made of breadcrumbs, flour, and eggs, was completely different from the synthetic pork cutlet I had at Aldeliel.

It mingled with my tongue, creating a brief moment of bliss.

The breading was excellent, but biting into the moist chicken leg released an excessive burst of oily juices.

“Gulp.”

【Conducting organic breakdown-energy conversion.】

With Theresa’s system voice playing in the background, I found myself smiling automatically while chewing the chicken.

Ah, yes, this is it.

This is what chicken is.

If you’re Korean, you have to eat chicken.

Whether I’m actually Korean or not is irrelevant—this chicken is simply delicious.

It’s closer to American Kentucky Fried Chicken than Korean-style chicken, but even so, it tasted amazing.

The soft, tender meat combined with the occasional crunch of the crispy breading was indescribable.

Delicious.

So, Ark residents prefer chicken breast?

And that’s why chicken legs are oddly cheap?

‘You tasteless fools.’

How unfortunate to not appreciate the harmony of tender meat and crispy breading.

‘Is there no sauce?’

Unfortunately, there was no sweet red sauce like Korean yangnyeom chicken here.

What a pity.

Sauce would cut through the greasiness while harmonizing perfectly with the chicken.

Instead, I reached for the Oil Beer, which I had planned to save for last.

It took a bit of courage, but it’s beer.

Let’s trust it.

“Gulp.”

The first taste was egg yolk.

Then came the aroma of cinnamon.

Finally, the slightly viscous texture of the beer slid down my throat, and an intense wave of freshness struck my mouth, throat, and stomach.

“Ahhhhhh~!”

Wow.

What is this?

Is this Oil Beer?

Despite its slightly off-putting name, the taste was fantastic.

It had the expected freshness of beer, and possibly due to the eggs and some kind of berries, it had a mild and sweet flavor as well.

Rather than tasting like oil, it felt like concentrated butter had been mixed in, making it rich but not unpleasant.

Most importantly…

‘Ah, my stomach… it feels so soothed…’

It wasn’t quite like eating hangover soup.

But my insides.

My body.

It genuinely felt physically smoother, almost polished.

“Ah, so this is why people with cybernetic procedures drink Oil Beer.”

Oil and android bodies must be highly compatible.

Well, androids are machines, and there’s no better liquid for maintaining machines than oil.

Why else would lubricants exist?

Rusting, dust-covered machines that don’t work properly are polished to look and function like new—exactly like that.

That’s why people with cybernetic procedures prefer Oil Beer.

And Alice wasn’t just a recipient of cybernetic procedures; her entire body was metal and machinery—a full android.

For Alice, oil was truly like milk and honey.

“Ahhhhhh…”

It’s delicious.

So delicious that if she had a function to cry, she might have bawled her eyes out.

One shot.

It seemed like 1000cc, but she downed it in one go.

“Hey there!”

“Beep-beep—”

The girl robot caught my call and came running over in quick, short steps.

“Five more Oil Beers!”

“Beep-beep—Payment first.”

“Seriously? No leeway, huh?”

Scowling at the girl robot demanding payment upfront, I transferred the amount.

Ah, this is heaven.

【Human, ‘sex’ refers to the physical relations between males and females, or males and females of other species. A more accurate term is sexual intercourse. For humanity, it is both an expression of affection and the fulfillment of sexual desire, as well as a means of reproduction. Consuming chicken and beer does not correspond to the dictionary definition of…】

“Shut up! If I say it’s sex, it’s sex!”

【……….】