I Don’t Want to Be a Heroic Spirit

"…Still haven't found that old auntie Nia today."

But—was she frustrated? Not really.

Don't let failure to help others bring you down. That kind of guilt could eat you alive. It was a lesson Himmel taught her.

Melusine thought it made sense. She believed one reason why Emiya Shirou turned into red-cloaked Archer was that he cared too deeply about the people he failed to save, and lost sight of those he did.

A simple wish to help people—how could that ever be wrong?

"If I ever meet a younger, more impressionable version of Emiya Shirou, maybe I'll tell him Himmel's story," Melusine mused. "It might help him walk a better path."

Though… if it were the version from Fate/Illya, the one who never touched magic, she figured she might as well leave him be.

Let him live as a normal guy. Get into college, get married, raise a family, retire.

Wouldn't it be better if everyone just sat down and ate together in peace? Who needed a Holy Grail War?

Out of all the Shirous across the multiverse, the Fate/Illya one—who stayed ordinary—was probably the happiest.

"You evil Spirit! Where are you hiding Shidou?!"

Tobiichi Origami's sudden shout threw Melusine completely off.

"…Shidou? Didn't he go to school?"

"You're lying! He never showed up today!"

Origami glared daggers at her. "When I got to school, Shidou wasn't there. I asked Teacher Tama, and she said he called in sick."

"Then why are you asking me where he is?"

"Because he's not at home either. After confirming most of my romantic rivals were at school, I skipped class and went to Shidou's house to nurse him back to health. But he was nowhere to be found."

Origami's eyes narrowed. "Clearly, you vile Spirits kidnapped him while he was ill—planning to XX him, then OO him, and finally OX him until he becomes your submissive little plaything."

The sheer insanity of her words left Melusine momentarily speechless. After two seconds of stunned silence, she finally said:

"…I'm not interested in Shidou's virginity."

"I don't believe a word you Spirits say! Now tell me—where is he?!"

"I don't know."

Golden eyes glowed with searing heat, as if molten lava bubbled beneath their surface—so intense it could burn anyone who got too close.

"Besides," Melusine added, "even if I did know, you'd have no right to ask. I'm stronger than you—much stronger. And the law of nature is this: the weak obey the strong. Absolute obedience. That means… you obey me."

That overpowering pressure lasted only a moment—but it was absolute.

A primal presence. A force beyond resistance. As if the sky had caved in.

Origami's mind blanked. Her vision flashed white. A ringing filled her ears.

Her bones groaned under the pressure. Her heart pounded. Blood boiled in her veins.

Her jaw clenched so hard it was a miracle she didn't shatter her teeth.

But Origami's brain couldn't parse what was happening. Human evolution had favored intellect and culture over primal instinct—and lost many of its natural senses along the way.

All she could understand was: This being is stronger than anything I've ever seen before.

What only non-humans could comprehend was this: the true identity of Melusine—an ancient beast that had survived since before the Age of Gods. A being that stood alone atop all life, beyond reason, beyond logic—a supreme mystery.

"…I knew it."

Like a puzzle piece snapping into place, Origami's voice was calm and certain.

"You're Meteor."

"You stopped doubting long ago," Melusine replied evenly. "That's why you came to confront me."

If she'd really wanted to hide it, she would've erased Origami's memories last time.

She'd literally seen Shidou crossdress and go to school. No way…

"…Wait. Who submitted his absence request?"

Origami frowned slightly, not sure why Melusine was suddenly asking that—but answered anyway.

"Teacher Tama said his younger sister came by and asked for the day off on his behalf."

"Then… is it possible that the 'younger sister' was Shidou himself, crossdressing and pretending to be his own little sister named Itsuka Shiori?"

"..."

Origami didn't respond. She simply stared at Melusine.

The silence grew heavier with every second.

"…Want proof? I have photos of Shidou in drag."

"I do."

What, you're asking why Melusine has those photos?

To be honest, not just Shidou—she also wanted crossdressing pics of Kirito, Kinoshita Hideyoshi, Lux Arcadia, and Ren Ashbell.

Oh, and the protagonist of Gonna Be the Twin-Tail!! …Though that might be genderbending, not crossdressing?

Holding the photo Melusine handed over, Origami's face remained blank—but Melusine could sense the excitement radiating from her.

"…It's definitely Shidou."

She spoke with unwavering conviction. Of all people, she'd never mistake Shidou.

Then, right in front of Melusine, Origami slid the photo—

—into her skirt.

"…What are you doing?"

Melusine couldn't help asking. Even she was confused by this one.

"The photo came from you. That means it carries your spiritual trace."

Origami answered matter-of-factly, clearly in a good mood. "I need to override that with my energy. And the place where my spiritual energy is strongest… is inside my skirt."

Emmmm…

…Whatever makes you happy, you weirdo.

"Plus, having Shidou's photo pressed against my thigh is like he's kissing my O-O. Round it up a bit, and it's basically the real thing. The only pity is I can't enjoy the sensation of his tongue—"

Mom, help. There's a pervert.

Officer! There's a female pervert on the loose!

Since Shidou wasn't here, Origami had no reason to stick around.

She turned to leave—but Melusine stopped her.

"Origami. Do you like Shidou?"

Origami glanced at her sidelong, wariness in her eyes.

"Shidou is already my boyfriend. If you try to take him, I'll make sure you regret it."

The threat in her voice didn't faze Melusine at all.

The sun doesn't dim just because someone glared at it.

"I'm not interested in taking your boyfriend. Besides Master, no one qualifies to be mine."

Origami's hostility dropped sharply at those words.

Because Melusine had said your boyfriend.

"That's right. Shidou is mine."

Her voice even gained a touch of lightness. "Good. You understand."

"But… your relationship with him doesn't seem to be going very well."

Melusine tilted her head slightly. "If you say he's your boyfriend, then why haven't you managed to… consummate the relationship?"

Origami's eyes flickered at the word consummate.

Such a beautiful word… she thought.

"I've tried many times. I even carry aphrodisiacs, toys, and protection at all times—just in case. I'm well-prepared."

As she spoke, she actually pulled out a small box from her pocket.

"Of course, if Shidou prefers it raw, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd rather he just—"

"…But you've never succeeded, have you?"

Melusine gave her a long look, voice laced with… something.

"Has he rejected you?"

"No. Shidou's just shy. Once we do it, I'm confident he'll fall in love with my skills."

Origami said this with full sincerity and determination.

She didn't know what Shidou's tastes were, but she was confident she could satisfy them all.

Maid, nurse, flight attendant, beastgirl, office lady, teacher, shrine maiden, schoolgirl, bunny girl, nun…

Oral, breast, foot, armpit, front, back, hand, toys, navel, tongue…

No matter the style, no matter the role, Origami had trained for them all—even combo techniques.

"…Shy, huh. I still don't fully understand human emotions," Melusine mused. "But whenever I crawl into Master's bed, he gets flustered and blushes too."

She tapped her chin. "Still… if it's just shyness, shouldn't it be fine? You're obviously stronger. If you really wanted to, Shidou couldn't resist."

"…So if you just pinned him down, being shy wouldn't matter, right?"

Origami's eyes lit up.

Melusine's words were like a beacon—cutting through the fog and showing Origami the truth.

She looked at Melusine with the awe of someone who'd found their lifelong soulmate.

"I didn't fail to consummate with Shidou because of me… It's all Tohka's fault. If not for her, Shidou and I would already have kids—maybe a boy named Itsuka Takashi and a girl named Itsuka Chiyogami."

It was all the Spirits' fault!

Shidou had even confessed to her that day—and then Yatogami Tohka had dropped from the sky like some romcom cliché and wrecked everything.

"…In a way, you and I are alike."

Melusine's usually flat voice dipped into something wistful.

"I want to be closer to Master, too. I want our relationship to progress. I want him to spend more time with me. I want to see him 24/7. If only he weren't so popular… I could have him all to myself."

Their eyes—sky blue and gilded gold—met.

A strange moment of emotional resonance passed between them.

And together, they let out a sigh full of complicated feelings.

"You're strong. Can't you just pin your lover down and have your way?"

"…Things on my end are more complicated than with you and Shidou."

Melusine gave a helpless shrug. "You can count your rivals on one hand. I have dozens who brawl every afternoon for the right to sleep beside Master that night."

"And even when someone wins, no one accepts it. They end up fighting again at his door."

Maybe Kukulkan climbed to the top—only to be stabbed in the back by Morgan.

Then Kukulkan could say that dramatic line she'd just learned from some novel:

'Morgan le Fay! Hahahaha! What a cunning Morgan le Fay! Chaldea truly is a den of hidden dragons and crouching tigers—heroes as plentiful as fish in a river! I underestimated you, and paid the price. Well played!'

…She wasn't quite sure what Kukulkan had been reading lately.

Scenes like that happened a lot in Chaldea.

"But," Melusine said, "I might have a solution to your problem."

That caught Origami's attention instantly. Her entire being focused.

"By the way—you're technically a magician too, right?"

Melusine studied her for a moment before continuing.

"I know a basic spell. It can reduce your presence—makes others subconsciously ignore you. With it, no one will interrupt your alone time with Shidou."

"…That would help."

Origami's eyes narrowed slightly. "But why are you helping me?"

"It's not really 'helping.' This spell isn't that powerful. If there's a strong energy source nearby, it breaks. At best, it'll fool the sealed Spirits like Tohka."

"In other words," Melusine raised a finger expressionlessly, "if you want it to work, you'll need to stay far away from me."

She continued: "Also… I want to run an experiment."

"All the magicians I've known could use magic on their own. But you guys rely on manifesting devices. I'm curious whether my spells are compatible with your system—or if our magical structures are fundamentally different."

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T/N: AAAAAAAA IM TOO PURE FOR THIS!!