NOVEL ONLINE FREE Chapter 53
Episode 0-b. The One Who Falls.
To put it simply.
I often thought that the people living in this world might be puppets of the gods.
Each one of them loathing and despising the ash-gray, mocking and neglecting, insulting and looking down upon it.
Perhaps it could be seen as fanaticism, or maybe as a blind belief, having hardened into something unyielding.
It was as if they were blindly following orders, acting as fanatics who only believe in that.
Or perhaps there is a god who throws the ash-gray as bait and observes the crowd’s psychology.
From my perspective, I’ve always held such thoughts in my heart.
Of course, this was a thought I could have because, as an ash-gray myself, I lived in the world pretending to be ordinary.
In fact.
Reading the newspapers, I often came across stories of ash-grays being executed.
The cases were quite varied.
A young ash-gray found in an alley of the Brahma Kingdom was instantly beheaded.
Several ash-grays discovered in the underground sewers of Haven Kingdom destroyed half the city upon being discovered and were executed by knights.
Even in the Saravati Principality, there was a report stating that an ash-gray, hiding their identity, killed their lover and went on a rampage, unable to control their emotions.
The newspapers were always filled with various stories, but there was never a single good thing written about ash-grays.
Thus, I often thought.
Could it be that the hatred and contempt of the people are not unjustified?
It was undoubtedly a product of a curse.
A maddening instinct bubbling up that was hard to endure.
That with just one mistake, one could end up killing all those people.
Though it was unfair, I perhaps resigned myself to that notion.
Honestly.
I am afraid.
Am I not going to become like the ash-gray in the newspaper someday and turn into a beast, tearing into Ain’s throat?
Will I not become the ash-gray in the newspaper and inflict harm upon people, only to be executed in the square?
I.
“…”
Is it impossible for me to become ordinary?
Can I truly live among people as an ash-gray?
Now, even I doubt and hate myself, look down upon and disdain myself.
I thought that I might crumble like this.
I thought the time to quietly end my own life was drawing near.
Better to quietly disappear and confront death alone than to fall spectacularly, reveal my emotions, cause harm to those who care for me, and then regret it in despair.
And.
They tell me.
“Asha, you are surely a good child. If some rotten person dares to say you are bad, this uncle will teach them a lesson!”
That was the story of the uncle who jumped over the fence I tightly wrapped around myself.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. Asha, I wish you to be happy. This is my sincere wish.”
That was the story of Rain, who came forward, regretting the distant past and embracing me.
“Asha, be confident. You haven’t done anything wrong, so what is there to be afraid of? I’m here to help you. You can surely become ordinary.”
That was Ildrin’s story, who looked at me with eyes full of madness that never trembled.
“You still don’t realize that in front of money, race, age, gender, and being ash-gray have no meaning.”
So I cannot ignore those who say such things.
I endure and bear on even in the landscape left behind by Ain.
Even if I kneel and place my hands on the ground, I must rise again.
Even if I inflict wounds upon myself and spit out blood, becoming drenched in it, I must become a good child.
I hoped to be of even the slightest help to Ain’s happiness.
That is.
The wish I hold.
It’s a small wish that, despite being a disgusting ash-gray, is foolishly contained within a bracelet.
However.
Though it is small, it is too huge for me, and even taking a single step towards it felt overwhelming.
I was still pushing on, yet before I realized it, I was crumbling again.
Time passes in the Empire.
Grocery stores were always busy, and I moved busily alongside the uncle, while the library was always quiet, and conversations with Ildrin dragged on.
The affection from Rain and Zvezan was unchanging towards me, and we ended up spending late nights together after dinner, enjoying board games.
If you were to ask me whether those things gave me meaning.
I would definitely say they hold great meaning.
My life is connected through Ain, who is the greatest significance, but the branches that spread around also undoubtedly connect with many others.
I cannot deny that Ain is my greatest happiness, but the time spent with Uncle Rendo, Ildrin, Rain, and Zvezan also brought me little happiness.
That’s why I was able to endure the long, long patience.
So.
I thought that to protect such a landscape, I needed to try a little harder.
“I’ll be back, Uncle.”
“Okay, Ain also went there often, so the owner isn’t a bad person.”
“Yes, don’t worry.”
With that thought in mind, I tidied my clothes, nodded my head, and opened the grocery store door to step outside.
In my hand, I held a thick purse filled with money.
My salary that Ain said I should save for a time when I would need it.
I finally felt the need to use this money and nodded in agreement that Ain was always right.
Ildrin had mentioned that there was an adventurer’s shop that sold all kinds of fascinating things, so I was planning to visit there today.
So, I reached the corner of the market street, in front of a store that was a bit dusty.
I knocked—knock, knock—swallowed my saliva, and stepped inside.
“Excuse me.”
“Welcome… What? An ash-gray?”
“…Ah.”
And immediately, my identity was discovered.
As soon as the shopkeeper noticed me stepping into the shop, his face contorted.
I had never been discovered by someone before.
That moment made me acutely aware of what Ain had worried about.
So I pondered if I should turn around and flee outside the store in that instant, having no idea what to do.
“I haven’t heard of a crazy ash-gray wandering around the empire relying solely on a detection spell… No, wait a minute.”
“S-sorry….”
However.
To put it differently, his gaze wasn’t one of hatred.
“That necklace. It’s the sapphire necklace I sold in my store. I’m pretty sure that damn kid Ain took it for half price seven years ago.”
The frown on his face was to get a better look at the blue necklace dangling around my neck.
He didn’t draw a weapon to kill me or anything like that; he just continued to look at me from where he sat with a faint gaze.
“That… it’s the necklace Ain gave me.”
“…”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Ha… I’m going to lose my mind. Ain, what on earth is going on here… I didn’t think there would be a lunatic hiding an ash-gray in the empire, and it’s that guy.”
He exhaled deeply, glancing at me and muttering in disbelief.
“…”
“…Ain, does it not matter whether they’re ash-gray, as long as they have a pretty face?”
He stared at me absurdly for a long time, looking over my face and necklace repeatedly.
Then, clearing his throat, he addressed me again.
“Welcome.”
“…”
And that was just your ordinary greeting.
“If you need something, just ask me. Since you’re an ash-gray, I’d recommend picking quickly when there are no other customers. After all, your mana likely appears quite strange to those who can sense it.”
“A-um….”
It was something he said as if to treat a regular customer.
I don’t know what kind of change of heart he experienced, but he leaned on his chin with a somewhat indifferent expression and waved me along.
As if my being ash-gray didn’t matter at all, he simply urged me on without concern.
“Hm, right. If you ever come again, it would be better to wear the robe that kid will probably get for you. You lack caution for an ash-gray; it’d be better to recognize what you are.”
“I… um, as you said, I am ash-gray, but I’m okay….”
Even though I hesitated and remarked like that.
“Don’t tell me you don’t have money? Then it’s not okay at all.”
“Ah, I have plenty of money with me.”
“Then whether ash-gray or not, you’re still a customer. What did you come here to buy, customer? You still seem young, so you don’t realize that in front of money, race, age, gender, and being ash-gray have no meaning.”
The reply I received was a bit, actually quite odd.
“…Then do you have something that could help hide ash-gray mana…?”
“Hm, I can’t sell anything that hides ash-grays as it’s illegal.”
“Oh, um… then is there something that could help suppress emotions…?”
“There is, but I can’t know if it will help an ash-gray as there’s no precedent. Still, do you want to buy it, customer?”
“Ah, yes. Please.”
“Well, then wait just a moment. I’ll get it right away.”
So.
Just as if it were nothing unusual, he treated me as a regular customer and went to fetch the goods, which was truly strange.
And.
Crack—
“Ah….”
“No, customer. Even so, breaking things is too much.”
“S-sorry….”
The emotional suppression stone he brought broke with a crack the moment it touched my hand.
Unjustly, my finger had merely grazed it, yet the magic circle placed on the item shattered, turning into powder.
“L-let me compensate….”
“Hm, let’s put off compensation for now, and I’ll bring a stronger one, so just wait a moment.”
Thus, the relay of broken items continued.
Crack—
“Ah.”
“…This customer is a nuisance that surpasses even Ain. Next.”
Did something happen? He promptly left behind the quickly breaking suppression stone and kept fetching new items.
Crack—
“…”
“…Next.”
Shattered.
Crack—
“…How much does this all add up to?”
“Heh, it was quite the amusing sight watching money disappear right in front of my eyes.”
“…I will compensate.”
After experiencing the breaking of over ten emotional suppression stones, I finally found myself facing his empty gaze.
So.
I was contemplating whether I should also take the spare purse I had securely hidden away in my room since the one I carried might not be enough to cover the damages.
The shopkeeper spoke of something slightly different from compensation.
“Hey, customer. Are you really okay?”
“Y-Yes? What do you mean…?”
He asked if I was alright.
“You’re on the verge of breaking the mask you’re wearing; if it continues like this, it’ll either pour out emotions causing you to die, or the city will vanish. One of those will clearly happen.”
“…”
“Looking at your current state, it feels like you’re just thinking about dying. So I have to ask, are you really okay?”
“…”
He seemed to see right through my innermost thoughts and asked me that.
“I’ve seen a few ash-grays while playing the role of an adventurer, but with that much stacked up, it seems you’ll burst soon. No, rather, it’s strange that you haven’t exploded yet.”
“…I’m okay. I can endure.”
The indifferent gaze disappeared, only to be replaced with eyes that glimmered with sympathy.
“If the cause is Ain, it’d probably be better to chase after him. At this rate, there’s no difference between dying one way or another.”
“The deadline we promised… is still remaining.”
As I replied and subtly glanced at the bracelet, it was still tightly bound.
“…Yeah. Both of you have an incredibly stubborn spirit. If you meet again, you two will definitely be fated soulmates.”
“….”
Though his words seemed sarcastic, the sigh that followed whispered that it wasn’t.
“Those shabby objects sold in my store won’t be able to protect you. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
There was emotion behind those words.
It was compassion, or perhaps sympathy.
It resembled the feelings Ain first held for me.
Perhaps it was another trace left behind by Ain.
And so the silence continued.
What broke it was a small object tossed with a voice.
“Since it’s the kind of person who prices shabby things, you’re free of compensation. But since I didn’t provide proper items for you, you can take this as compensation.”
“Ah, what is this object…?”
The small crystal ball thrown to me was quite heavy.
“An item that can hide ash-gray mana even just a little.”
“Earlier, you clearly said it was illegal to sell items that hid ash-grays…”
He had just said a moment ago that selling items to hide ash-grays was illegal.
“I said selling it for money is illegal; if you don’t like it, then just leave it.”
“…”
“Ah, hurry and get out before other customers come. You’re just like Ain. Customer, now leave.”
Suddenly changing his tone and waving me off with a flustered expression made me feel like I should hurry.
“Thank you. I’ll come again next time.”
“…Always carry it with you. Don’t blindly trust that necklace; make sure to wear the robe too.”
“Yes. I will do that.”
I smiled and greeted him as I exited.
On my way out.
“What a fated couple. …An ash-gray boy who obtained an ash-gray mana and a ‘suppressing emotions’ ash-gray; how’s that not fiction?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at his mutterings that drifted into my ear.
However, my smile began to tremble distinctly.
It was.
The quiver of emotions I could no longer hide.
Even the slightest magic that had kept my emotions at bay was about to crumble.
I do not want to become a beast.
I want to be an ordinary person.
Yet, the world whispers to me to become a beast.
It whispers that instead of defying the nature of ash-gray, I might as well fall and die.
Thus, I am afraid.