I Picked Up the Hero Who Banished Me

18 – [The Hero and I – 03]

There haven’t been many times in my life when “I” existed.

Born as a Hero, raised as a Hero, fighting as a Hero, and dying as a Hero.

That was the fate of someone who was a Hero before being Olivia Reinhardt, and I accepted it.

There was only pain, and while I had become indifferent to it, it wasn’t something I didn’t dislike, so I wanted to end it quickly. That’s why I fought, and rather than risking my life, I lived as if throwing it away.

Back then, Royce had accurately grasped me.

My fighting wasn’t about risking my life to protect people, but closer to a suicidal person who only wanted to die protecting people while throwing away my life.

Of all people, I was talented, and no one around me pointed it out.

The more I pushed myself, the more they praised and lauded me as ‘heroic,’ never once telling me I was on the wrong path. They became tools that blinded my eyes and ears.

That’s how I gained monstrous strength, capable of nearly soloing even the Demon Lord. I realized that, wherever I went, death wouldn’t come easily.

Still, with the thought that perhaps a chance might come someday, I was on track to become a suicidal warrior, constantly fighting. Then everything crumbled, and for the first time, I could see Olivia Reinhardt beneath the mask, not just a suicidal hero.

‘It feels awkward.’

It felt awkward not having to die for others.

Most of all, it felt awkward having this desire to live so intensely.

My whole life, I’d been running towards death, and now it was shifting to running towards life. It was the complete opposite, as if forcing me to do things I’d never done before.

“Can I have a drink?”

“Royce… It’s lukewarm. I’d prefer cold water.”

“The Holy Sword is somehow holding back the curse itself, but your body isn’t in good shape. It’s best to avoid cold water if possible.”

“Okay.”

There wasn’t any churning sensation in my gut that I couldn’t handle, but it was there.

Royce had said that the Holy Sword’s power was suppressing the Death God’s poison, and therefore, it was best to view it as a curse, not poison.

My limbs still trembled awkwardly, and there was strain when I used my power, but it was still better than when I struggled to even generate mana.

At least breathing didn’t send me into spasms of pain anymore.

“We still have time before the ship leaves, so this is just something I’m wondering.”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you continue as an adventurer?”

“…You seem unaware, Livia-ssi, but being kicked out of a party by adventurers, rather than leaving on your own, is quite a disgrace.”

“Oh.”

“Even the fact that I was kicked out of the famous hero party is nothing but a minus for me. The fact that I was ‘kicked out of the hero party’ is way more serious than ‘I worked with the hero party,’ you know.”

“Ha, but maybe the party just didn’t click, or something…”

“I’d have quit myself then. ‘Leaving on your own’ and ‘being forced out’ carry different meanings, don’t they?”

“……Sorry.”

Past me was truly thoughtless.

Just because they were commoners, I kicked them out, and not only that, I caused trouble for Royce due to my own circumstances.

Maybe, at that point, I was just a stubborn, narrow-minded person who was too far from being called a hero.

I had thought that it was rash of my companions, including Alex, to betray me immediately without asking for a conversation, but maybe that was the image I’d always given off.

I’d do something first and think later, and for the sake of justice, I’d even do cruel things — I guess I had that kind of bad trust.

It felt like I was going to spend the rest of my life regretting my past actions.

“No, well… I didn’t particularly plan on continuing as an adventurer after that anyway, so it doesn’t matter. The hero party was something I did because the prince asked me to.”

“Come to think of it, you joined the hero party through Prince Wilhelm’s recommendation.”

“Thanks to that, my first impression wasn’t good, since I seemed to have gotten in through connections.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you only finding things to apologize for when we talk about the past?”

“I was kind of like that.”

“You admit it, so I have nothing to say.”

It’s funny even saying it myself, but I was a total delinquent.

It seemed like no matter what I said, I’d end up having to apologize.

“So how did you even meet Prince Wilhelm?”

“When he was about to die, I just saved him. He valued me highly, tried to invite me to the capital, but it wasn’t really appealing to me.”

“Then why did you join the hero party?”

“A prince of a country bowed his head and pleaded with me. Even if I didn’t want to, when I get to that point, what else can I do? It wasn’t like I was doing something bad, it was actually honorable, and if I succeeded, my future would be paved with roses.”

So, Wilhelm wanted to get Lois into the hero party by any means necessary?

The Wilhelm in my memories didn’t exactly strike me as very capable, but since I just got betrayed, my judgment, which is already questioning my ‘eye for people,’ might not mean much.

I could give a fair assessment when it came to fighting, but I couldn’t even trust my own judgment beyond that.

Anyway, why was Wilhelm so set on getting Lois into the hero party? Was there some reason he absolutely needed to?

Or was it just a simple gut feeling?

“Did you want honor?”

“No, not particularly.”

“Was it because you could save people after all?”

“More like… I’d get enough money to live off for the rest of my life?”

“That’s a surprisingly materialistic reason.”

“Ms. Livia, just because I saved you doesn’t mean I’m some saint. Money is important, what’s more important than money for making a living? Spiritual wealth comes from money.”

“Really?”

It’s not easy to empathize.

Unfortunately, as part of the Reinhardt family, I grew up without any financial shortages, to say nothing of my upbringing.

Not that I grew up eating everything I wanted either.

My father, being a hero, said that I shouldn’t eat such low-class things, so he managed my diet strictly.

So, I only ate foods that were literally ‘good for the body,’ so frankly, getting to eat all sorts of foods while traveling with the hero party wasn’t so bad, I thought.

“Ms. Livia.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something too?”

“Sure. Want my three sizes too? Go ahead, ask.”

“……”

“Just kidding. So, what are you curious about?”

I really would’ve answered even if he had asked that.

Do men not like these kinds of vulgar jokes?

I remember Lilith saying that assertive women are more likely to get a good man. Well, come to think of it, she was always holed up in her room feeling unwell, so she probably never even had a relationship.

“What will you do after you recover?”

“……What do you mean?”

“You were betrayed, and as a result, you found a way to survive like this, but that’s just a result of the circumstances. In the process, you experienced a ruthless betrayal, something that was far from reasonable.”

“……”

“You are, without a doubt, a victim of that betrayal and have the right to hold them accountable. …I believe someone as intelligent as you, Ms. Livia, would understand what I’m getting at, if I put it like that.”

Royce asked me.

If I recover, would I seek revenge on Alex, Belita, and Reina, who betrayed me.

If I were my past self, I might not even have considered revenge for the sake of being ‘heroic’.

Instead of giving a vague answer, I would have clearly stated, “I won’t take revenge.” But now, I just stared blankly at the blue sky, lost in thought.

“Guess so.”

“……”

Royce seemed to be waiting for my answer.

Lying is easy.

Hiding the truth is even easier.

But I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to hide my feelings from you, the one who returned Olivia to me.

Even if you were hiding something from me, it was okay; it just meant I wasn’t yet worth it to you, not someone precious enough for you to share that part.

But *I* didn’t want to hide anything from *you*.

And I didn’t want to lie if I could help it.

You might think it was no big deal, but everything you did was a salvation for me. Saving my life, undoing the curse, all of that was secondary.

The fact that the name Olivia Reinhardt was in my grasp, for the first time ever, that was all that mattered.

“I don’t know.”

That’s why I had decided to be honest.

“You don’t know, is that right?”

“First, I want to know the reason.”

“The reason I betrayed you and left you in that state? I don’t think any reason would be that understandable.”

“Right. If it was something like, ‘I had to die to save the world’… well, maybe I could accept that, wouldn’t you say?”

“If it’s a world that requires your death to be saved, then it’s a broken world.”

“…Are you flirting with me?”

“Huh?”

“You flirt so naturally it’s confusing.”

“What.”

Did he have no self-awareness?

Seriously, he was so damn enticing.

I wondered why he’d never had a connection with a woman until now. Maybe he was the only one who thought he was without connections, and there were quite a few women around him who were after him.

“Anyway, I guess I’d have to meet them to know. …Will they try to kill me, all hyped up like berserkers when we meet? Or will they just be indifferent?”

“Don’t you know?”

“Yeah, it feels weird that I should be seeking revenge or be angry about what happened to me.”

“I see.”

“Hey, Royce.”

“Yes.”

“If we do meet them.”

I looked up at Royce and said,

“Stay by my side.”

“……”

It was a little scary.

How would I react when I met the people who killed me, the hero?

It wasn’t dying that I was afraid of.

Maybe it was arrogance, but even if all three of them attacked me at once, I was confident I could win. Even in my current physical condition, I wouldn’t just lose.

What was scary was that I didn’t know if I would react as Olivia or as the hero the moment I faced them.

But if you were by my side, I felt like I could be at ease.

“Well, that’s not too hard.”

“Just like Royce. I hope that goodwill turns into favor.”

“How about hiding your feelings a bit?”

“Why?”

“…….”

Why hide it when it feels good?

If anything, if something goes wrong then I might be robbed of even the chance to connect?

“No, it’s nothing.”

“You’re so dull, really.”

“Aiyo, is this the kind of picture they mean when they talk about youth?”

As we were talking, someone appeared.

I rose from my seat and bowed my head.

“Madam Florence.”

“It’s alright, you don’t need to be so formal. …The boat, it’s almost time to leave. Actually, considering your performance, we should be throwing a grand party but…”

I smiled and said.

“Please use that money for the town’s recovery. Rather, please forgive me for leaving without being able to help with the town’s recovery.”

This person, and that soldier who saved me as well.

I’ve come to realize that people are respectable beings capable of prioritizing goodwill.

Everyone values their own life, treats their own well, and doesn’t want to lose out.

…Of course, that’s not wrong, and I know it’s also a reality.

Even so, the way someone would risk their life to protect something, even if it meant taking a loss, shined so beautifully I couldn’t look straight at it.

“……”

Madam Florence looked at me for a moment then said,

“Rumors can’t be trusted, you’re a good kid.”

“I don’t know what rumor it is but it wouldn’t have been wrong… wouldn’t have been.”

“Haha, you don’t have to force yourself.”

“……”

Honorific speech still wasn’t natural.

“Royce.”

“Yes.”

“Take good care of her, if she comes back alone after coming back, you know you’ll get it after a long time.”

Royce smiled.

“I’ll be careful.”

“Um, uh, excuse me!”

“Yes.”

I looked at Madam Florence.

Madam Florence looked at me with a kind face, and that gaze felt somehow awkward.

It was maybe closer to the gaze a parent would give a child, but I had never received such a gaze from a parent, so I couldn’t be sure.

“I’ll definitely come back with Royce, yeah. …Thank you for everything.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting.”

“Then let’s go. ……Madam Florence, then I’ll see you again later.”

“I wish I were your granddaughter.”

“…….”

“……!”

Royce stared at Madam Florence, bewildered, while I widened my only eye.

A torrent of delusions flooded my mind, some that a good child shouldn’t even glimpse.

I turned to Royce and said,

“Maybe it’d be nice if we came back with three of us instead of two!”

“Not nice at all.”

A swift reply.

It seemed my favorability was still lacking.