Isekai’d Shoggoth

I... am currently constructing a shelving. Emergency. Sweets-based emergency. I don't have sufficient storage space in my room to place all the... Just... WHY. People. Why. OK, I get it, this is shaping up to be stupidly profitable. You're excited. It's a custom to bring the first product to the owner. But for crying out loud! Moon Unit is giggling at me, inbetween nibbling on a piece of shortcake and pointing out the places she thinks would be best for shelves that I'm fashioning out of leftovers from my tinkering. Pro - filigree metal and wood shelves are fancy enough to fit the room well. Con - I HAVE TO MAKE SHELVES.

It is in the middle of this disaster Bridgit brings Selene in. Who takes one look and starts giggling. Traitors. I'm surrounded by traitors. Cute, cute traitors. So, in order to put an end to giggling, I distribute more shortcake around. Bridgit thankfully pitches in with putting stuff on the shelves, and then so do both others. "Leave what you find personally appealing on the table. Might as well have this for breakfast." - I grumble, as I leave a box of green tea cakes on the table to set an example. It... might have been foolhardy. So I hastily amend - "I mean, what you find personally appealing and intend to eat right now."

"Sooo... what's up with a sudden cornucopia of sweets?" - asks Selene as she hefts the box on the bottom shelf. Box that is full of shortcake. Must resist shortstack jokes.

I sigh. "I accidentally a confectionery." - I tell her, and she stops. Turns. Stares.

"You accidentally destroyed a confectionery and those are the remains of this?" - she quips incredulously - "Gosh, I knew you were a villain all along."

I wave her facetiousness off as I lift the last of jars on the top shelf. "I accidentally found myself in possession of enough sugar that opening a confectionery seemed like a good idea." - I tell her.

"Wait, what? How much sugar are we talking here? Also, what do you mean, opening a confectionery? When are you going to attend lectures then? Or is it going to be an afternoon-only thing?" - she interrupts... And I suddenly understand she has a problem comprehending the scale of what I did.

"Right. In order, how much sugar? Six tons and a bit. More to come. When I say opening a confectionery I mean that I bought out a storefront with attached warehouses and offices facing Merchant Square of the bazaar, refurbished it to meet my sensibilities and hired two dozen people to make the things you see all around yourself and sell them there. I also bought out a smaller storefront on the opposite side of the warehouse facing People Square. The one facing Merchant Square is set up as a cafe and takeout shop rolled in one, they also serve tea and juice and whatnot to make the sweets go down easier. The one facing People Square is essentially a bakery shop." - I explain to her, and her face slowly elongates with my explanation.

"So... What you're telling me is that you now own your personal bakery and shop and cafe attached to it?" - she inquires incredulously - "And this all is going to be available to buy at the market every day from now on?"

I have only one thing to answer with. So I put the green tea cake into her mouth, and nod while she sputters indignantly - "Yes, indeed." And then I pick up two more cakes and turn to my wives. Who are genre savvy and already wait for me with their mouths open. Good girls.

___

"I'll say it again. There's cheating, there's blatant cheating, and there's you." - Selene fumes - "I can't believe you can just... casually open a shop."

I bop her forehead lightly - "Ok, first of all. There is nothing casual about it. I worked my ass off for two weeks non-stop making it happen. And that is after you take into account I can afford to throw money at each problem until it goes away. Yes, there were so many things to throw money at. Second, I am now a registered shop-owning merchant in the guild, which came with its own load of headaches. Finally, third - now that I am an established, registered merchant, I can in all seriousness walk up to your foster dad and ask if he wants to be hired to build and run ships for me."

Selene perks up - "Oh, about that. I actually had sent him a letter a while ago, he wrote back recently. He's being hedgy, but thinks they can hear you out at the very least. So, yeah, they're open to negotiations."

I nod at her and look out of the window. We're just about to ride into the castle. Alistair came by with a carriage to pick us up, as Ed was finally deemed ready to talk. So, we're going in. Strictly speaking, I think he expected I would go alone, but I insisted on bringing Selene with me as the other involved party. Al was... eh. Suffice to say, his expression was of the 'I understand why you want this and can't mount a decent objection, but it's going to be fucking awkward for us' kind.

The atmosphere in the castle, however... Something just happened. Something bad. So I nudge Al and he proceeds inwards briskly, clearing the path for me and Selene. And here we go... Holy fucking shit, is that Constantine? What is going in? Fine, whatever. I grab Selene and make my way over to the gaggle. "Healers are here, make way!" - I shout at the servants and practically throw Selene at Constantine. She thankfully quickly figures the situation out and hits him with a healing spell, prompting a collective sigh of relief. Nudging Selene towards the wounded guards, I lean over the second prince - "What is going on? Who attacked you, are they still in the castle?"

He does not seem like he wants to answer at first (I barely know Constantine, as a second prince he is being the go-to person to send out for diplomatic missions and rarely is present in the country, let alone the capital.), but then notices Alistair nodding. "Well, lady... actually, what is your name? I do not believe we have been introduced." - he offers, and I fight the urge to facepalm. Really, Constantine? REALLY? Now is the best time for that?

"Alyssa Gillespie. Ed's fiancée until recently. Who attacked and why? Are they still here? Between me and Al, we can add some oomph to counterattack and Selene can heal people." - I tell him curtly, and his eyes snap open.

"Oh. Right. Eh, sorry. I'm more than a bit discombobulated by that... I think the attackers were from Sultanate, they definitely spoke in oijan. I don't think they even recognized me, they seemed intent on going after my sister... OH. OH! Sir McGregor! I think my sister is targeted for kidnapping! Can you aid?" - goodness, he's all over the place. Concussion?

"Selene, you stay with them and heal them as best as you can, alright? I think prince Constantine is concussed, he is certainly not thinking clearly." - I say, and she nods to me briefly before turning back to another wounded - "Al, with me. We're going in hot." He opens his mouth to say something, snaps it shut, and pulls out a sword from one of the dead guards. Good idea, Al. He barely manages to keep up with me as I run deeper into the castle. On the way in, we see several more wounded and people aiding them, and Al pauses briefly to direct them to Selene. I run ahead, where I can still hear shouts. Aaand... Oh dear. There's at least a dozen of sultanate batal and a mage, who are fended off by about twice as many guards and there's Abraham himself behind the guards. Fine. I conjure Bec de Corbin again. Unfamiliar weapons are best for dealing with experienced fencers. And then I leap over the guards at a run, clearing their heads by a respectable meter, sail over the batal and land on their sole supporting mage heels first. The crunch his skull makes on impact with the floor tells me very clearly he just checked out of the fight for good.

I do not think they were prepared to deal with someone on full war footing. I mean, guards were taken unawares and barely had time to group up, much less cast the reinforcing spells. Me, I had the whole suite going on as I run in, and I can sustain much more and at a much higher amplitude. To give an example, I'm currently going at thirty two times the time factor. To me, everyone else is moving like they're stuck in molasses. And my own body and strength reinforcements permit me much faster movement than that. The nearest batal does not even have time to do more than tilt his head my way as I swing the hammerhead at his temple... And probably I shouldn't do this quite as hard, as his head just bursts like a melon under the sledgehammer, splashing his comrades across the faces with blood and brain matter. Speaking of which... The trajectory of my hammer lines up and I thrust it, sinking the spike on top into the neck of the next guy. He is probably quite perplexed why he can't feel the rest of his body right now, and why does he have a steel spike sticking out of his mouth.

The less I say about the rest of slaughter the better. Suffice to say, batal were not ready to deal with an enemy much faster than they to suddenly attack them from the back, nor were they trained to deal with polearms. Not to mention guards had quickly grasped the situation and denied batal as much of a chance to disengage as they could. Three frantic minutes later, and I'm standing in front of Abraham, who is fuming. My hammer is very literally dripping with blood, and there's a good deal more of it all over my dress. Not a... cozy look. Nope.

"Lady Gillespie." - he rasps - "My thanks for the aid. If only you were here five minutes ago...."

"What happened?" - I ask. Entirely logical, I think.

"That bastard Abbas had abducted Lily-Anne." - he retorts - "Gods bedamned sand jackals."

"They couldn't have gotten far, you know." - I have to keep calm. Keep CALM.

"They had a mage... move them to Sultanate." - he admits - "Nasty magic, it kills the mage who casts it."

Well. Fuck. Wait. I just injured one mage here. Although I cracked his skull, it's not certain he is already dead. Maybe I can... I turn around and grab the mage out of the bodypile. I was right, he is still alive. Barely, but that is more than enough for me. I put my hand over his eyes, and just to be a memeing little bitch, say "Embrace eternity!" before sticking tentacles into his brain through eye cavities. And... there it is, the teleportation spell. I force the guy to teleport across the room, which kills him, obviously, but also gives me more than enough data on how the hell does this work. And I can pull it off. Not flawlessly, but I can.

"Lady Gillespie, what did you do!?" - Abe yelps, more than a little surprised.

"Ah. Well... I do not know how to teleport." - I offer to him - "DID not know. But I do know how to hijack someone's mind. So I hijacked his, forced him through casting teleport and learned what he did and how. Coincidentally, they are barmy idiots. It is possible to teleport without killing the mage casting it, but they never figured out how. It's preposterous just how overcomplicated the spell is for something it actually does. Take me to the spot where they disappeared, I'm going after Lily-Anne. Can't take anyone along, I'm afraid, it's going to be hard enough to teleport back here with her alone."

He jerks. Starts to object. Falters. Grabs my shoulders. "Are you confident you can do this?" - he asks intently - "Are you sure and certain?"

"Leave it to me, your highness." - I tell him - "Sir McGregor is scouting the castle for wounded right now, lady Selene is in the main hall healing. Prince Constantine has been wounded by the intruders, but he is already attended to. I'm not sure about everyone else, take me to the spot and search the castle then. I'm pretty sure Abbas only had himself and Lily-Anne transported, so the rest of the Sultanate ambassadors should be still here. Grab them, make them turn on that gem of theirs they use to talk to Sultan. I imagine he has a few things to say to you."

He clenches his jaws and gestures abruptly - "Alright, men. Ten of you - to the ambassadorial quarters. Have all of them brought to the main hall, by force if necessary. You four, with me. The rest, split into pairs and search all the halls and rooms for hostiles and wounded. And... dead. If any of you find sir Pasteur, escort him to the main hall if he is able to move, carry him there if he is wounded or worse. We need all the healing expertise we can get right now. Oh, if you stumble upon squire McGregor or any other squires, send them to the main hall if they need healing, fold them into a searching group otherwise. No one is to go anywhere alone, we might have more of those sons of jackal-humping whores sequestered around the castle."

He turns to me, and motions me to follow. Oh, wow. Abe must be really pissed to swear like this. Then again, his daughter just got kidnapped, and that's after he declared he is not a party to this to begin with. Abbas, why. Why are you such a moron? Were you dropped on your head when you were little?

The spot, when we reach it, is almost indescript. Just a part of the corridor outside of Lily-Anne's rooms. But the traces? Oh, the area was literally saturated with dimensional magics. A vapor trail under the fabric of reality, stretching towards south. Something I could easily follow. "Ready, your highness. But, and this is important. I need this part of the corridor blocked off when I cast, and it should be blocked off until I return. Anyone who tries to look will be immediately defiled, and in these circumstances? I'm pretty sure most would go insane on the spot and try to claw their eyes out to unsee what they have seen. This is going to be one of the most dangerous ways to become defiled, and mage sacrifice is, in a large part, dedicated to suppressing precisely that. Stupid on their part, what's wrong with simply ensuring no one is looking when you cast?" - I explain, as I factor the trail into my mental mathemagics.

"Won't it drive you insane then?" - Abe objects reasonably.

"Don't worry about that. I'm already as defiled as it can possibly be." - I toss back, and I almost see a lightbulb going on above his head as he instantly jumps to wrong conclusions as to how the hell I am such a powerful mage. I wait for them to clear out, concentrate and... And... AAAAND!..... BWOING.

And I manifest in the courtyard, in front of at least a hundred of assorted servants and guards. All unarmed, because I fucked the Sultanate pretty badly. And, what is much more complicated, I manifest without any form. Or, more precisely, I can not maintain my form, I'm literally roiling. The joys of 360 degree vision - seeing as sanity flees from over a hundred pairs of eyes in practically the same moment. Welp. I guess I can not help them, but I suppose I can at least give their insanity some kind of... not so harmful direction. Besides that, I am angry. I'm volcanically angry. The conflicting emotions smash into each other and coalesce into a singular earth-rattling ROAR.