Just A Friend

#64

Nam Seonwoo’s mindless nodding towards the group leader stopped. He stared blankly at Park Jiyoung.

Manito… why here…?

“The topic is about communication methods to gain likability, right? As soon as I heard the topic, I immediately thought of Manito.”

Manito wasn’t a word commonly heard in everyday life. Nevertheless, most people tend to conjure up certain images when they hear the word. For instance, old desks and chairs, or notes found underneath them.

But it wasn’t so for Nam Seonwoo. For him, Manito evoked a scene at dusk. A large silhouette he looked up at while sitting on a swing, and the reddish sky spread out beyond those shoulders. The memory was so vivid it felt as if he had returned to that playground for a moment.

“We could do Manito among ourselves for a month, then meet once after it’s over to write a short paper. What do you think?”

Nam Seonwoo hastily shook off the playground scene. It was a useless reverie. And he needed to remove the trigger that caused such unexpected thoughts. He tried to speak in the most calm voice he could muster.

“The idea is good, but wouldn’t online chatting be better? Since the lecture is about ‘modern society’ and communication. Manito isn’t really a modern form of communication, is it?”

Kim Minhwan nodded, saying “That’s true too.” Park Jiyoung pushed up her glasses as her suggestion wasn’t accepted. However, the counterargument came not from Park Jiyoung, but from another direction.

“I think it might be better precisely because of that.”

It was Kang Jihan. His lips, which had been tightly closed until now, formed a subtle curve.

“Isn’t online chatting too cliché?”

The latter part was almost a mumble to himself. So it could have been ignored. But the unpleasant feeling was unavoidable. It was annoying how he had kept his mouth shut until now, only to object at this moment. It seemed like he had been picking a fight from earlier after all.

Glaring at the slanted mouth, Nam Seonwoo muttered in the same manner.

“Then is Manito not cliché?”

Next to him, Kim Minhwan drew in a sharp breath and shook Nam Seonwoo’s shoulder as if to ask what was wrong. Ignoring him, Kim Minhwan lowered his voice considerably and whispered.

“Se-Seonwoo. Just in case you don’t know, you should use formal speech when meeting someone for the first time…”

Who doesn’t know that, you idiot. Nam Seonwoo crossed his arms and stared at Kang Jihan. His mouth twitched at the attitude that seemed to challenge him to pick a fight if he dared. Amidst the tense atmosphere, a low laughter erupted refreshingly.

…Laughing? Did he just laugh?

Due to his view being obscured by his hat, Nam Seonwoo could only see Kang Jihan’s lower face, but that wasn’t a sneer. It was a smile that seemed genuinely amused, which momentarily left Nam Seonwoo at a loss for words. Dazed, Nam Seonwoo blankly stared at the dimples that became more pronounced every time Kang Jihan spoke.

“It might be cliché to some, but wouldn’t it be fine if we approach it with the principle of ‘learning from the old to understand the new’? Since there are limitations to modern communication, we could look for ways to complement it from older methods.”

“Wow, Jihan hyung! I just found myself nodding along!”

Nam Seonwoo silently glared at Kim Minhwan, who was tactlessly chiming in. It seemed his way with words had improved considerably during that one year of college. Although the logic was plausible, Nam Seonwoo had no intention whatsoever of doing Manito with Kang Jihan. Nam Seonwoo’s voice came out gruff without meaning to.

“The direction is good, but why Manito specifically? If we’re talking about old methods, there’s also mail and such.”

“Um, Seonwoo. For-formal speech…”

“It’s not ‘why’ but ‘might as well’. Because Manito has a certain symbolism to it.”

Just as Nam Seonwoo was about to ask what kind of symbolism Manito could possibly have:

“Junior Ddakbok.”

Kang Jihan pronounced the three syllables of “junior” with particular emphasis and smiled meaningfully.

“Do you know what Manito means?”

“…Is there anyone who doesn’t know?”

“So, what does it mean?”

Nam Seonwoo hesitated for a moment. He felt like he needed to see that guy’s face properly to understand what his intentions were. But he was afraid to look at Kang Jihan’s face. It was ridiculous, but it was indeed fear. He had an intuition that if he were to see that face he had barely managed to blur out, all his efforts over the past year would be in vain.

“…”

It seemed better to just swallow his temper. Above all, this was clearly a gathering for group project, and unnecessary silence was prolonging because of him. Just as he was about to open his mouth to wrap things up nicely, a large hand covered his mouth.

“What’s that, Seonwoo? Ah, secret friend, you say?”

It was Kim Minhwan. His hand was so big that it not only covered Nam Seonwoo’s nose but also blocked his vision. Nam Seonwoo struggled to remove the hand, but the more he did, the more it stuck like a barnacle.

“Mmph, mmf…!”

“Huh? You say Manito sounds good after thinking about it? Ahaha! That’s right, that’s right!”

The hand ruffling his hair conveyed a desperate plea to ‘please stay still’. It was frustrating. Even when Nam Seonwoo dug his nails into Kim Minhwan’s hand, he didn’t budge.

“I agree with Jihan hyung too. If we mix the symbolism of Manito with our lecture topic well, I think we can come up with a great theme. Let’s go with Manito!”

Only after saying that did Kim Minhwan release his hand. As Nam Seonwoo glared at him, panting, he felt that the atmosphere had somehow calmed down. Nam Seonwoo looked at Park Jiyoung. But she seemed satisfied, probably because her opinion had been accepted.

It was Kang Jihan’s side that had gone quiet. When Nam Seonwoo rolled just his eyes to look, the mouth that had been smiling widely until just now was stiffly frozen.

‘…What now?’

It was unclear why he seemed so displeased even though they had agreed to go along with the opinion. But more displeasing was the fact that Nam Seonwoo found himself checking Kang Jihan’s expression without realizing it. As he readjusted his hood and tore his gaze away from Kang Jihan, Park Jiyoung looked at her watch and said:

“Then, assuming Seonwoo is okay with it too, we’ll go with Manito as our topic. I’ll organize the details and share them in the chat room, so for now, let’s just decide on our Manitos and then disperse.”

“Sounds good, noona!”

Kim Minhwan started making Manito slips as per Park Jiyoung’s instructions. Nam Seonwoo, resigned, looked at the slips Kim Minhwan was writing.

Even if he had insisted on not doing it, he was destined to end up doing Manito by majority vote anyway. The chance of unluckily drawing Kang Jihan was only 33.3%. The probability of not drawing him was clearly higher. But for some reason, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he would pick the slip with ‘Kang Jihan’ written on it. Just like how he had met Kang Jihan yesterday and today, despite the low, low probability.

“Okay, Seonwoo. You pick first.”

Unlike in high school, this time he couldn’t manipulate it. Nam Seonwoo solemnly picked one slip. Everyone opened their slips to check, but Nam Seonwoo didn’t unfold his until the end. He felt it would be easier on his mind to open it somewhere Kang Jihan wasn’t present, regardless of who he got.

“Everyone’s checked, right? Since we’re all busy, let’s just take care of each other moderately without going overboard, and meet again in a month.”

After saying that, Park Jiyoung left immediately, saying she had another lecture. Although Nam Seonwoo didn’t have another lecture, he was quickly packing his things with the intention of leaving like her.

“Ddakbok.”

Returning the coffee he had taken earlier without permission, Kang Jihan asked.

“Who is it? Your lover.”

In the same voice as when he had asked if Nam Seonwoo knew that Manito also meant lover, suppressing a laugh.

‘So give me another Manito.’

It felt like that day’s voice was replaying on its own. It was like a conditioned reflex. After all, it was a scene he had replayed and revisited to the point of nausea over the past year.

It seemed he had made the right decision not to look at Kang Jihan’s face earlier. If just his voice had this effect, seeing his face would surely have driven him out of his mind. Nam Seonwoo finished zipping up his bag and answered.

“Sorry, but Manito doesn’t mean lover.”

“Is that so? Looks like you looked it up.”

“…”

“But I wasn’t asking about Manito.”

Nam Seonwoo couldn’t tell if Kang Jihan was picking a fight or what his intention was in constantly bringing up past events. But whatever it was, there was no need to know.

‘Right, that’s correct.’

Once he organized his thoughts, the answer was simpler than expected. There was no need to be confused about how to deal with him. He just needed to not deal with him at all. There was no need to respond to each of Kang Jihan’s words, nor any reason to be swayed by a single comment and fall into various thoughts.

Nam Seonwoo turned his head as if to indicate he would no longer engage. Shouldering his bag and standing up, he spoke to Kim Minhwan as if Kang Jihan didn’t even exist.

“Let’s go.”

Kang Jihan was still sitting in his seat. But even if he didn’t move out of the way, it didn’t mean there was no path to leave. He could just exit through Kim Minhwan’s side.

Turning his back completely towards Kang Jihan and looking at Kim Minhwan, the guy who had been burying his face in his phone belatedly raised his head.

“Se-Seonwoo. Um… are you free this evening?”

The face that had been all smiles until just now was now gloomy. It was the same expression he had when he didn’t know what to do in front of the seniors on the day of the freshman welcoming party.

“Why? Is it Choi Youngjae again?”

“Huh? How did you know…?”

“Just tell me. What does he want?”

In truth, he wasn’t particularly curious about what Choi Youngjae wanted. But he had to ‘appear’ that way. He needed to show that he was now more interested in trivial department life than caring about someone like Kang Jihan.

As that thought crossed his mind, Nam Seonwoo smiled bitterly. He realized that the very act of trying so desperately already showed that things had gone awry.