Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

"Start now!" Kakashi shouted before vanishing at lightning speed, disappearing from sight.

Naruto dashed off immediately. Sasuke and Sakura split up and scattered into the training field.

Quickly scaling a tree, Naruto concealed himself among the branches. From his vantage point, he decided to observe the test unfold before making his move.

[Hatake Kakashi has initiated the Genin test. Those deemed unqualified will be sent back to the Ninja Academy for retraining. You already know how this works—so what will you choose?]

Option 1: Play it friendly – Team up with Sakura and Sasuke, explain the real objective, and cooperate to pass. Reward: (Scorch Release – Hell Dog)Option 2: Think strategically – Use your own strength to take a bell, then share it with the others. Reward: (Scorch Release – Scorch Arm)Option 3: Be reckless – Ignore the bells, hunt down Sakura instead, and complete the reward solo. Reward: (Scorch Release – Meteor Volcano)Option 4: Be ruthless – Kill Kakashi and take the bell by force. Reward: (Rinnegan)

"Damn multiple-choice games," Naruto muttered, annoyed. He surveyed the area and quickly spotted Sakura hiding in a bush.

She's terrible at hiding. It's like she's trying to be found.

Coating his legs with Nine-Tails' chakra, Naruto held his breath and used the Body Flicker Technique to teleport silently to her position.

Before Sakura could react, Naruto grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the nearby woods.

She tensed up in alarm, then relaxed slightly when she saw it was him. "Naruto, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Don't talk. Just follow me."

Meanwhile, Kakashi stood silently atop a tree branch, watching the three Genin. He noted Naruto's quick actions and saw him pull Sakura away, so he decided to focus on the one now left alone—Sasuke.

But just as Kakashi locked on, Sasuke made his move.

Two shuriken sliced through the air, aimed at Kakashi's head. Calmly, Kakashi caught both with two fingers.

"Fire Style: Great Fireball Jutsu!"

A massive flame shot out from Sasuke's mouth, racing toward Kakashi.

"Direct hit!" Sasuke thought for a split second—until Kakashi's form dissolved into a log.

Substitution Technique.

"Earth Style: Headhunter Jutsu!"

Suddenly, two arms burst from the ground, pulling Sasuke into the dirt up to his neck—his entire body buried except for his head, which stuck out helplessly.

"Now, let's find the other two…"

Three minutes later, Kakashi located Sakura—thirty meters away in the woods.

She looked disheveled. Her hair was messy, her clothes muddy. When she saw Kakashi, her eyes welled with tears.

"Sensei… Naruto…" she sobbed.

Kakashi's brows furrowed. "What did Naruto do?"

Through her sniffles, Sakura said, "He told me there are only two bells. If I'm eliminated, then he and Sasuke can move on for sure…"

Tears streamed down her face. Her voice trembled with emotion.

Kakashi's expression darkened. He hadn't been watching closely when Naruto took her away, so he couldn't verify what happened. But if Naruto really threw Sakura under the bus, Kakashi wouldn't let him pass.

Suddenly—

Whoosh!

A kunai shot straight at Kakashi. He dodged instinctively—but more shuriken rained down from above.

Kakashi leapt into the air to evade them, only for Naruto to appear from behind—Rasengan in hand.

"What the hell?! Naruto can use Rasengan?!" Kakashi thought, stunned. "How was he ranked bottom of his class? What's ANBU even doing with their intel? The Third Hokage's files didn't say anything about this!"

After Naruto defeated Sasuke with a single hit the previous day, Kakashi had requested Naruto's full profile from the Third Hokage—yet there was no mention of Rasengan mastery.

Unbelievable.

"Alright… I'm officially embarrassed now," Kakashi muttered as he pulled up his forehead protector to reveal the Sharingan. He countered with Chidori, the two powerful jutsu clashing violently.

The Rasengan and Chidori collided in a burst of raw energy, canceling each other out.

In the next second, a kunai sliced through the air—and the two bells fell cleanly into "Sakura's" hands.

Only… it wasn't Sakura.

It was Naruto, having used his Perfected Sexy Technique to transform flawlessly into her likeness.

"Got 'em!" Naruto grinned, then immediately vanished into the trees.

It had worked.

Once again, that technique—used previously to fluster the Third Hokage—had succeeded in distracting even a top-tier jonin like Kakashi.

"Damn it… I was actually tricked by the Sexy Technique?" Kakashi sighed. "I've officially lost my edge."

Naruto landed a few meters away, chuckling.

"Call it tactics, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, frustrated. He didn't know there was a fundamental difference between Naruto's transformation technique and his seduction jutsu—a difference potent enough to throw even elite ninja off their game.

"Alright then… Where's the real Sakura?"

"Here!" Sakura's voice rang out as she climbed out of a dirt mound, looking dusty but thrilled.

Her smile gleamed with joy. "Naruto actually got the bells!"

Back at the starting point, Kakashi dug Sasuke out from the ground and tied him to a wooden post.

Sasuke glanced at Naruto and the two bells in his hand.

I lost… again.

Kakashi addressed the team seriously. "Naruto, you've passed. Now it's your choice—keep one bell for yourself and choose one teammate, or send both of them back to the Academy."

The wind rustled through the leaves. Sasuke lowered his head in silence.

Sakura clenched her fists, eyes flicking between Sasuke and the bells in Naruto's hand.

If I step back, Naruto and Sasuke can both advance, she thought. I barely helped at all… Maybe I should just give up.

At that moment, Naruto turned and smiled.

"You each take one. I don't want either."

Everyone froze.

"What?!" Sakura gasped.

Sasuke's eyes widened. Even Kakashi looked shocked.

Kakashi stepped forward, his tone warning. "Naruto, think carefully. If you give up your bell, you'll be the one sent back."

"I've thought it through," Naruto said casually. He tossed the bells to Sasuke and Sakura with a wave. "You two stay ninjas. I'm going to kick the Third Hokage out of office and become Hokage myself."

Naruto turned to leave.

Sasuke was stunned. "Why?"

"Don't you have a dream?" Naruto called back. "Go chase it, kid."

Sasuke looked down, speechless.

Sakura rushed to speak. "But I don't even have a dream! Why give me a bell, Naruto?"

So much talking, Naruto thought. Can someone just let Kakashi say his lines already?

Still, he played along. When you commit to a role, you follow through—especially in a village full of shinobi actors.

"Haven't you always wanted to be with Sasuke?" Naruto said with a smirk. "Then take it."

He turned and walked off.

Sakura's heart skipped a beat.

He… gave it to me for that reason?

A strange warmth bloomed in her chest. Suddenly, the moment felt too big to process.

She'd liked Sasuke for as long as Naruto had liked her. Maybe longer.

And now…

Now she didn't know what mattered more—Naruto or Sasuke.

"STOP!" Kakashi shouted.

Naruto turned. "What now?"

Kakashi exhaled, then smiled.

"Congratulations. You all pass."

[Ding! Mission Complete – Objective #2 Achieved. Reward Granted: (Scorch Release – Scorch Arm)]