Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

"Push!"

"Push harder!"

"Jiraiya, help Naruto—he's out of strength!"

Inside the spacious Hokage's office, Tsunade's pleasant voice echoed. It carried a hint of gentleness… and a whole lot of irritation. The sounds of panting and fatigue filled the room.

The afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting golden light across the floor. Outside, the view of Konoha was calm and peaceful.

Inside, however, Naruto Uzumaki was sweating buckets—being used as manual labor in front of the newly appointed Fifth Hokage.

Tsunade, meanwhile, was leisurely reviewing Naruto's ninja registration records, seemingly amused by what she found.

It had taken a full month, but Naruto and Jiraiya had finally managed to bring Tsunade back to Konoha. Today marked her first official afternoon in office—and she wanted the Hokage Building to reflect her style immediately.

All of the belongings of the late Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, were to be moved out—loaded onto carts and delivered to the Sarutobi clan at the foot of the building.

Originally, Tsunade had wanted the Sarutobi family to handle the move themselves. But strict protocols prevented that. To avoid a former Hokage taking away confidential items or resources, a neutral third party was required to carry out the handover.

This rule had been set by Tsunade's granduncle, the Second Hokage, Senju Tobirama. Even if she didn't like it, she wasn't going to break her own family's law.

So Tsunade enlisted the help of those she trusted most: Naruto, Jiraiya, and Shizune.

They had spent the whole afternoon clearing the office. Shizune handled paperwork and documentation. Jiraiya did the heavy lifting. Naruto just pushed the cart.

Technically, that made Naruto the least tired of them all.

But there's a kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from effort—

It comes from Tsunade deciding you look tired.

After a few deliberately exaggerated sighs from Naruto, Tsunade casually decided to hand off his job to Jiraiya.

Jiraiya: "???"

Why?!

After two exhausting weeks traveling back to Konoha, Jiraiya felt like he'd finally seen Naruto's true nature—lazy when working, overly enthusiastic when eating, and worst of all… always acting serious in front of Tsunade to make himself look better.

"Come on, Tsunade, don't fall for it! That brat's just pretending. He's trying to get out of work."

"Less whining. Just push the cart like I said," Tsunade replied, not even looking up from her files.

"Then why not let Naruto do the heavy lifting?"

Jiraiya's voice grew sharper. He was already sore and exhausted, and now he was being asked to help Naruto of all people?

But when he met Tsunade's death glare… he folded.

With a dramatic sigh, he yanked the cart away from Naruto. "Fine, fine, I'll do it all."

He turned his back to Tsunade, then shot Naruto a deadly glare. "You little punk, just wait. I'll remember this."

"???"

Naruto blinked.

What the hell, old man? You're blaming me because you're too scared to stand up to your goddess?

Tch. This isn't my fault. You asked for it.

Selector Activated!

[Trigger: Manually Selected]

Today, you helped Lady Tsunade with her work. But Jiraiya blamed you, triggering your deep dissatisfaction. What will you do?

[Stay Friendly]

Admit fault to Jiraiya and help him pursue Tsunade.

Reward: [Talent – Self-Disciplined]

Trait effect: Same-gender individuals may tease your partner in front of you, but instead of jealousy, you'll feel slightly amused.

[Treat it Rationally]

Complain to Tsunade and ask her to discipline Jiraiya.

Reward: 200,000 Ryo

[Act Recklessly]

Get physically intimate with Tsunade in front of Jiraiya to make him suffer.

Reward: Graduation Certificate

[Be Ruthless]

"The simp dies a miserable death."

Beat Jiraiya into a cripple and bury him alive.

Reward: 40% control of Shukaku

Naruto scanned the choices. Three new options, all pretty intense.

Option 3 had zero explanation.

Option 4 stunned him. Shukaku control?

Could he really absorb the power of other tailed beasts? That was… insane.

Still, this wasn't the time to pick something violent or extreme. Jiraiya was annoying, sure—but he wasn't evil. He never truly threatened Naruto's safety.

But that didn't mean he didn't deserve a little payback.

Naruto narrowed his eyes, stepped past Jiraiya, and turned to Tsunade.

"Lady Tsunade, I want to challenge Jiraiya to a duel."

The room fell silent.

Jiraiya's eyes lit up. "You said it! Don't regret it now!"

He had been wanting to knock some sense into this smug little punk for days.

He had followed Tsunade for decades and had never gotten a single kiss. Meanwhile, Naruto? Always clinging to her like a spoiled brat.

Time to teach him a lesson.

Tsunade frowned. Has Naruto lost his mind? Does he seriously think he can fight Jiraiya?

"Don't be ridiculous, Naruto. Jiraiya is your elder. You need to show some respe—"

Before she could finish, Naruto interrupted with a dramatic, heartfelt declaration:

"Lady Tsunade, over the past half month, you've become the person I admire and respect most in the world."

"In strength, you've surpassed all the heroes, rising to become the first female Hokage—an inspiration to all."

"In contribution, you've created countless medical techniques that have saved lives across the continent."

"And in beauty… you are the unrivaled goddess of the entire ninja world. No one can compare to you."

Tsunade's cheeks flushed.

Even she, used to flattery, was a little overwhelmed by Naruto's passionate praise.

Shizune and Jiraiya stared at him, flabbergasted.

That was way too over the top.

"Ahem… that's enough, Naruto."

But Naruto wasn't done.

He suddenly turned toward Jiraiya and shouted, "BUT! Just now, Jiraiya insulted you, Lady Tsunade!"

"He said—and I quote—you're an ugly, over-fifty Tyrannosaurus who refuses to admit her age! I can't forgive that. I demand a duel!"

"A duel to the death!"

Silence.

Utter, complete silence.

You could hear the scrolls on Shizune's desk stop mid-roll.

Then slowly… Shizune glanced at Tsunade.

Her face had gone completely dark.

Then she turned to Jiraiya.

…His legs were already trembling.

"W-Wait! Tsunade, listen to me. I swear I never said that. Please, believe me!"

Tsunade smiled sweetly. "Oh? Then tell me—how would Naruto know my real age?"

Her high heels clicked ominously as she approached. Her crimson-painted toenails flexed like claws preparing to strike.

Shizune jumped in: "I never told him! I swear!"

Naruto added, looking shocked, "Lady Tsunade, you're really over fifty?! No way! I thought you were, like, twenty at most!"

Jiraiya pointed at Naruto, shaking with fury. "You little monster! You planned this!"

"What are you talking about, Master Jiraiya? I don't understand."

"Don't play dumb! You clearly knew her age and set me up!"

"Please stop trying to drive a wedge between me and Lady Tsunade. I'll never turn against her, no matter what you say."

Jiraiya's face turned green.

Naruto had once refused to be his student—choosing Tsunade instead. Ever since, Jiraiya had grumbled constantly, claiming Naruto was just blinded by her looks.

Now, Tsunade was hearing all of that.

And she knew who to trust.

BOOM!

A fist slammed into Jiraiya's chest, launching him out of the office like a rocket. He crashed into the wall outside with a bone-shaking thud.

As he lay there, dazed, he thought:

Was that… an angel I just saw?

Back inside, Naruto stepped up on tiptoe and kissed Tsunade's cheek.

Jiraiya, watching from outside, almost passed out.

But Tsunade didn't get mad.

Instead, she pinched Naruto's cheek with her slender fingers.

"You're already a grown man. Why do you always act like such a child?"

"I'm not acting spoiled! That kiss was full of love!"

Naruto pounded his fist on his chest with exaggerated sincerity.

The warm breeze carried the faint scent of Tsunade's perfume. Looking up at her flawless skin and—let's be honest—ridiculous curves…

Naruto swore to himself: I meant every word.

Tsunade chuckled. "You little brat. Do you even know what love is?"

"Didn't you just say I'm a grown man? Why call me a little brat again?"

"Because I can."

"Well, your fists are bigger than mine, so I guess your logic wins."

Tsunade grinned. "Haha! You really are something."

"I'm sorry for teasing you," Naruto said. "So… let me give you a gift!"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "A gift?"

Instead of waiting, she reached behind her neck and removed her treasured necklace—the one she always wore.

Then, grabbing Naruto by the collar, she pulled him close and slipped it over his head.

Naruto's eyes lit up.

"That necklace…"

Shizune's eyes widened. She knew exactly what it meant.

The necklace once belonged to the First Hokage—Tsunade's grandfather, Senju Hashirama.

She had given it away only twice before: once to her younger brother Nawaki, and once to her lover, Kato Dan.

Now, it was around Naruto's neck.

As Naruto admired the jewel, reluctant to let go, Jiraiya groaned from the ground outside.

Damn it… if only I were born forty-five years later… maybe that would be me right now…

But no one paid attention to his suffering—except the selector system.

Its cold mechanical voice echoed in Naruto's mind.

Naruto laughed.

Tsunade, thinking he was simply happy about the gift, smiled softly and ran her fingers through his golden hair.

"Stop that!" Naruto pouted. "I'll get mad if you keep touching my hair."

"Fine, fine. I won't do it again," she said with a fake scowl.

Naruto smirked.

No one touches the hair.

By the time they finished the office cleanup, the sky had darkened.

Naruto walked home alone.

He lived in a rundown apartment building—mostly empty. The few tenants remaining were either poor or too stubborn to leave despite the building's connection to the "demon fox."

Streetlights cast a pale glow across the frosty ground.

What kind of graduation certificate is that?

He still couldn't access its function.

Maybe it's some mysterious, hidden reward…

His pace quickened with excitement.

Creak.

The door lock clicked.

Immediately, Naruto sensed something.

An intruder?!

Nine-Tails' chakra surged through him instinctively. He reached for his kunai, ready to strike.

But then…

Out of the darkness, a soft flicker of candlelight revealed purple hair.

Uzuki Yugao lit a candle. The warm glow danced across her delicate features.

Calm. Serene. Beautiful.

She wore a long white dress, and her lips were a soft crimson—clearly touched with lipstick.

She stepped forward with a gentle smile.

"Happy birthday, Naruto."

Yugao tucked her hair behind one ear and added softly:

"Your favorite teacher, Kurenai, wanted to apologize. She was sent on an emergency mission and couldn't be here tonight…"