Lazy but the strongest in the dimension

002 Draft Notice (1)

Walking sluggishly, my face was scrunched up in frustration.

What kind of absurd situation is this?!

Unless the Emperor had gone completely insane, there was no way he would issue such an imperial decree to me.

Even within the empire, I was infamous as an incorrigible slacker, so why would he specifically summon me to the capital?

“Ah, I’m exhausted. Seriously, I feel like I’m going to drop dead from fatigue.”

I barely made it a hundred meters before plopping down on the ground.

Sure, I was feeling lazy, but more importantly, moving too much affected my Karma. My soul was already steeped in exhaustion, which manifested physically.

— You must rest for at least five minutes. Your Laziness Stat has decreased by 1.

As I sat down on a tree stump along the road leading to the lord’s castle, my attendant, Andrew, urged me to hurry.

“Young Master! We don’t have time for this! It’s an imperial decree!”

“Shut up, will you? Do you think I’m resting because I want to? I’m just too tired.”

“Oh, come on! You sleep all day anyway—what kind of fatigue could you possibly have? It’s not like you’re sick or anything!”

If I weren’t the second son of a count’s family, I would have punched him by now.

People always found me frustrating to deal with. But so what? I was just living life my way.

After resting for about five minutes, my Laziness Stat had recovered.

Back in the day, I used to get around in a palanquin. Our territory was a port city, so we had plenty of money, and hiring palanquin bearers was no big deal.

But my father, Count Linus, banned palanquin travel the moment he saw me using one, not just for me but for all the nobles in the territory.

Andrew, growing impatient, knelt and offered his back.

“Hop on!”

“Should’ve done that from the start.”

Andrew effortlessly lifted me onto his back and sprinted toward the castle.

Despite appearances, Andrew was an Owner—someone who had received a divine artifact from the goddess Caldona and formed a bond with it through his heart.

So why was a knight-tier warrior like him serving as my attendant? Because of the rebellion, his family staged twenty years ago. Naturally, they failed.

In the empire, the children of traitors were treated as traitors themselves. Andrew had been on the verge of execution.

Count Linus, however, had been a longtime friend of Marquis Sirius, the leader of the rebellion, despite their political differences. So when Andrew was about to be executed, my father took him in.

Few people knew about this. It was also the reason Andrew was never officially knighted.

Whoosh! Whoosh!

Objects zipped past as he ran at high speed.

Before long, we arrived at the lord’s castle. From here, I had to walk. If I didn’t, my father would unleash his wrath.

As soon as I arrived, the knights of the territory rushed toward me.

“Young Master! What took you so long?!”

“Why are you all making such a fuss?”

“The Lord is furious! He says you’re dawdling even when an imperial decree has been issued!”

The knights let out sighs of exasperation.

But my Karma was more important than my father’s wrath. Moving sluggishly as usual, I was promptly grabbed and dragged to the grand hall.

Waiting inside were Baron Baront and his escort knights, who had come to deliver the decree.

Naturally, my father’s fury erupted.

“You insolent brat! How dare you delay in answering His Majesty’s decree?!”

“But I got here as fast as I could.”

“Hah! Hahaha! Count Linus, the entire empire knows of Young Master Valen’s nature. From what I can see, he did come as quickly as he could. Now, let us proceed with the proclamation.”

“Hmph. I trust you’ll be understanding, then.”

“Of course.”

Straightening his posture, Baron Baront proclaimed loudly:

“Valen, second son of the House of Linus, heed the imperial decree!”

Step, step.

I made an effort to move as quickly as possible.

It was only natural. No matter how much my Laziness Stat decreased, I couldn’t afford to ignore an imperial decree. I had no desire to lose my head just yet.

Even if it was something I didn’t want to do, there were times when it had to be done.

Thud!

I knelt.

“The forces of evil have begun to rise, and We have decided to go to battle against them. We hereby command all lords to mobilize their domain’s forces, either personally or through their direct heirs. However, the House of Linus shall send not its heir but its second son, Valen von Linus, to lead the army.”

“…….”

No matter how I thought about it, it made no sense.

When had a second son ever led a domain’s army instead of the heir? On top of that, even my father, a master of the sword, had been excluded.

A notorious slacker like me, leading an army? It was incomprehensible.

As I hesitated to respond, my father roared in anger.

“You insolent brat! Why are you not answering?!”

“I accept the imperial decree. But something seems strange to me.”

“What is it, Young Lord Valen?”

Baron Baront waved a hand as if to say it was fine.

His overly cautious demeanor was unsettling.

“Why me, of all people? The empire has many outstanding knights. As you know, I am the most famous slacker in the empire. Frankly, even moving like this is a hassle for me.”

My words could have been taken as insolent, but Baron Baront merely smiled. That smile was even more unnerving.

“This is confidential, but since everyone will find out soon enough, I may as well tell you.”

“…….”

The room fell silent.

Of course, everyone was curious.

Why had I, of all people, been singled out for the war?

I had no talent for swordsmanship. The owner of this body had never exercised in his life. Simply breathing was an achievement, and maids had to feed me my meals. When traveling, I was usually carried on Andrew’s back, and outside the lord’s castle, I had a personal palanquin. I was so perpetually exhausted that even looking in the mirror made me feel sick.

Yet the emperor had decreed that I go to war.

Unless the empire wanted to ensure the utter failure of the battle in the Linus territory, there was no reason for me to lead the army.

Baron Baront finally spoke.

“A divine oracle was recently delivered at the temple. It decreed that you must take part in this war.”

“What did you just say?!”

I was genuinely shocked. More than that, my heart pounded wildly.

Murmur, murmur.

The hall was instantly abuzz.

“What the hell?! A divine oracle?”

— It seems the gods of this world have taken notice of your great Karma, Valen.

“And what does that have to do with me?”

— The gods here likely don’t realize that you aspire to become a god of laziness. Do you have any idea how monumental it is for a divine being to be born? The goddess Caldona probably considers you her equal.

“What kind of idiotic nonsense is this?”

— It seems the gods have taken a liking to you. They’re giving you trials to push you to accumulate Karma quickly. They probably believe that someone with your abilities will inevitably achieve legendary feats. That’s likely why they issued the oracle.

“They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and this proves it. This isn’t helping me build Karma—it’s ruining my life!”

— That’s just my opinion. Honestly, if you had chosen a more conventional path, none of this would be happening.

My insides churned with frustration. Just thinking about it made me feel exhausted.

So, the gods of this world had taken an interest in me and had issued a divine oracle to push me toward accumulating Karma.

It was just Erna’s speculation, but it sounded disturbingly plausible.

“The goddess Caldona personally delivered the oracle to the saintess. She declared that the Young Lord must participate in this war.”

“Is that true?”

“Of course, Your Excellency the Count.”

The hall plunged into chaos.

A divine oracle had descended upon me, someone who seemed to have no talent whatsoever.

From another’s perspective, this could be seen as a golden opportunity to receive a Danmal, the divine power granted by the gods. But I had no desire to obtain such a blessing from the goddess.

This was the Holy Empire.

It wasn’t a theocracy, but the Pope’s influence could not be ignored, even by the Emperor. The Emperor himself was a devout follower of the Caldona Order.

Caldonaism was the state religion, and many people received Danmal from the gods and became knights. That power was what upheld the empire.

Then, Baron Baront dropped yet another bombshell.

“There are also rumors that you will be leading the Holy Order’s Paladin Corps.”

“The Paladin Corps!?”

My thoughts were in complete disarray.

The Paladin Corps was, in essence, the strongest military force in the empire.

Receiving a Danmal and becoming a knight did not automatically grant one the title of Paladin. The Holy Empire had an abundance of such individuals.

Only knights who passed the grueling trials of the Order could become Paladins, and even among them, only the strongest were selected to join the Paladin Corps.

If the Paladin Corps was being mobilized, they would undoubtedly be at the frontlines.

Unlike the Holy Empire, the Mage Alliance was a coalition of nations that worshiped demons. The Caldona Order had more than enough reason to intervene.

In short, they were telling me to be a hero again.

I knew better than anyone how grueling it was to achieve legendary feats. The frustration boiled in my throat, but I couldn’t curse out loud in the face of an imperial decree.

“Ughhh…”

“Young Master!”

Suddenly, my vision spun.

Just thinking about it was exhausting me to death.

I wasn’t afraid of war itself. It was the sheer amount of movement that was exhausting to even imagine.

For thirty years, I had wandered countless battlefields, eventually beheading the Demon King himself. That achievement finally paved the way for me to live a life of comfort.

But now, the so-called gods of this world had taken an interest in me.

As a result, my peaceful life seemed out of reach.

Those beings saw me as their equal.

What kind of absurd, bullshit situation was this?

“Then let us begin preparations, Young Lord. You have one week.”

Baron Baront folded up the imperial decree.

“It has been fifty years since the saintess last received a divine oracle. This must mean that the Young Lord has been chosen as the hero who will bring an end to this war. Truly, this is a great honor for the Count’s household.”

“Hahaha! They say even dung has its use, and this situation proves it true!”

My father burst into hearty laughter.

I glanced at my older brother, and his face was filled with amusement.

Step, step.

The brother, who usually kept his distance from me,e approached.

Unlike my scrawny self, he had received a Danmal and become a knight, his physique now enormous. Watching him swing his massive bastard sword, one might mistake him for a divine warrior.

His bear-like hand landed heavily on my shoulder.

“I’m truly proud of you. Until now, I thought you were just a piece of— ahem, I mean, a lazy bum, but it seems it was all part of Lady Caldona’s grand design. Her will is too profound for mere mortals to comprehend.”

The people around us nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, my expression grew darker and darker.

A long road of suffering lay ahead, and my path to ascending as the God of Laziness no longer seemed smooth.

Could I even maintain my Laziness Stat amid war?

Excessive movement triggered penalties. If I overexert myself, I could become too weak to even lift a finger.

Of course, achieving legendary feats could elevate me to divinity in an instant. But such feats were in complete opposition to the nature of my Karma. Could I truly accomplish both?

This was the definition of irony.

My irritation surged to the breaking point.

– “Valen-nim, it seems the time has come for body modification. If you go to war as you are now, you’ll almost certainly lose your head.”

Yes, it was time to take care of the things I had been putting off simply because I hadn’t needed them until now.