Longing Chase

What is change? Is it something new? Different? Better? Or Worse? Can we control it? I wish I had the answers; however, I do not. I can only ponder about it. But of course, you can search for the meaning in the dictionary. You can even make your definition of change. Then, there would be no point in continuing to read this story if you already had the answer. Yet, you will miss the journey of change.

Change needs a reason, realization, enlightenment, and more than you can think of for change to come alive. It can be the mistakes we make or the good deeds. Often, we do not even realize we have changed until it snaps us. Perhaps it can be unexpected.

It takes time for us to transition ourselves to the change we aim for since we are not used to doing it. In this manner, self-discipline is a must. However, discipline alone is challenging to achieve because we may lose focus and tend to embrace the things that comfort us. This is where self-control comes in.

Weirdly, we need self-control, although it is our mind and body. What else hinders us from controlling ourselves? It's challenging to deal with change for the better whenever becoming destructive is easier. Yet, destruction comes with regret, and betterment comes with development. Which is which?

Now, is change a choice or responsibility? I guess it depends on the situation. We can come across different decisions in life that may reform us. Leaping into a path can be risky unless you're playing it safe. We can only hope for the best. But making it the finest takes a toll on us. 

What to do? What to do? It makes me nervous because I am doubting myself. But whenever a good opportunity comes, I must grab it as if I am in my prime because if I don't try, I can only think of the what-ifs. Hence, failing with great endeavor is better than settling and pondering later. Yet again, this idea is situational since we all have a variety of experiences in life. Which is why making the right decisions is tough to make.

But when it happened, it ensued. We can only patch our mistakes. Let it heal through time. We can learn from it. Reflect on it. Grow with it. Yet, it is best to move on. With this, we can transition to change.

On the latter, there are things we can't change. It is something out of our control, out of our power, or out of our reach. We can only wish for the best of it.

Wait? What am I talking about? What am I thinking? All of a sudden, I am reflecting on change. How did I turn over into a new leaf? Where did it begin?

Was it when I crossed the road and was almost hit by the car? Was it the time I had a bicycle accident? Was it the time I collapsed after a collision while playing football? Or was it the time I almost lost my breath?

We may think that we have control over our lives, but whenever we face death, it is over. That is why they say we must live our life to the fullest. Time is gold. Work hard and wiser. At this point? Do we have control of ourselves? Or is there someone who has already set a path for us?

I speculate there is an unforeseen chain of reaction. We may not notice it, but we can simply affect others around us as they affect us, too.

Does change need inspiration or a force that drives you towards it? If it was a force, then is the idea of change yours? Or someone has inflicted it on you? If so, then at this point, did we change out of our willingness or not?

I surmise that is the beauty of life. We can plan for it. Work for it. But we can never control change. It will always happen. In this case, we are forced to adapt to the situation. Change is what makes life exciting or painful. It keeps us away from stagnant living. Perhaps we can experience it everywhere and anytime.

Now I am here, looking at the sky. Observing the clouds move and change their shape over time. The sudden breeze with a hot beverage by my side makes it cozy. Have I accomplished the dreams I aimed for in my life? Shall I keep on dreaming until the afterlife? Would there still be a point on that? Or I would prefer to give my all before I die.

On the other hand, this coming final rest shall begin a new mystery chapter. I am curious and fearful of what death looks like. I hope it is something bearable in my eyes. Now, is this the meaning of change? To start over? Or is it to keep going?