Manifestation: Forbidden Love

Mishti : "I am fine :)"

I clearly wasn't fine but I had to lie.

Before I could even turn off my screen he started typing.

Zayd : "yeah I believe you"

Dumbfounded me didn't even know what to reply. Obviously he wouldn't believe me and I don't want him to believe it either. I ain't fine but I don't wanna say anything about it. I need someone but at the same time I don't.

Zayd calling...

The screen lit up with his name, hesitantly I answered the call.

Silence

Neither he said a word nor I did.

It felt...good?

❀

"If I ever purpose to you make sure it isn't night." My cheeks were already red from blushing.

After that call a few weeks ago, he used to call me everyday to make sure I was alright but we never spoke, not until one night I broke the silence. I let him in in my space.

Eventually he became my close friend, someone I could trust. Someone who felt like my...family. In such a small span of time he managed to be my true friend.

"Why not?" I asked laughing sarcastically.

"Can't control our feelings at night", he said half jokingly.

" Don't worry about that cause that day would never come". How could someone like him purpose to me.

"Why...don't blame me if I fall for the gorgeous girl like you."

"Eww higher your standard bro". Gorgeous and me are the two different things. I can never be that. Just in my imagination.

" Oi stop thinking you aren't pretty or gorgeous. You are the prettiest girl I have ever saw-"

"You need glasse-"

"If only you could see yourself from my eyes", his voice was soft and sounded more like a wishper, his voice would melt me for real.

" I-I should go now....time for my coaching class."

I ran away from him. I didn't know how to react. I can't digest this sweet things coming from someones mouth. I can't believe when someone compliments me Or say I look good. They are all lying just make me feel good.

"Why...don't blame me if I fall for the gorgeous girl like you."

His words were repeating on my head.

"....no one would even love you with that weight of yours."

He too just doesn't wants me to feel bad. Lol. How could I even believe that someone would find me pretty non the less gorgeous. But why do I feel....bad.

It's the truth. But shit still feels bad.

❀

I wake up every morning, looking in the mirror, and all I see are flaws staring back at me. It's like there's a constant battle in my mind, picking apart every little thing about myself. Am I pretty enough? Am I smart enough? These questions echo in my head, drowning out any sense of confidence I try to muster.

Walking through the halls at school, I can't help but compare myself to others. It feels like everyone else has it all together - the perfect hair, the flawless skin, the effortless charm. And then there's me, stumbling over my words, trying to blend into the background, afraid of standing out for all the wrong reasons.

I wish I could silence that voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. I long to embrace who I am, imperfections and all, without constantly feeling like I fall short.

As the days pass by, I try to hide behind a mask of confidence, pretending that I have it all together. But deep down, the fear of not measuring up gnaws at me. I see others shining brightly, while I struggle to find my own light in the shadows of self-doubt.

It's exhausting, this constant battle with my own reflection. I yearn for acceptance, for the freedom to be myself without the weight of comparison dragging me down. I know I have so much to offer the world, but these insecurities hold me back, whispering lies that I struggle to silence.

Maybe one day, I'll find the strength to break free from this cycle of self-criticism. To embrace my uniqueness, to celebrate my quirks, and to stand tall in my own skin, unapologetically me. Until then, I'll keep fighting, one small step at a time, towards a brighter, more confident version of myself.

Maybe one day I won't wish to be someone else.