Chapter 13: Jeff: The Land Shark
Anna finally stopped crying and pulled back from the hug, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
Her face was red and blotchy from the tears, and she looked thoroughly embarrassed about her emotional breakdown. She kept trying to smooth down her hair and avoid making eye contact, clearly mortified that I'd seen her so vulnerable.
Even when we were held in that prison, she never cried this much.
"Forget you saw me like that," she said, trying to regain some dignity while staring determinedly at a patch of grass beside my shoulder.
I grinned at her, unable to resist the opportunity to tease her a little. "Nope! Can't do it. It's embedded in my memory now. Filed away permanently under 'Anna being adorable.'"
She turned to glare at me with the intensity of a threatened cat, her eyes narrowing dangerously. I could practically see her searching for the perfect comeback, something that would wipe the smug expression off my face.
But before she could come up with a suitable retort, her stomach let out a loud, demanding growl that echoed across the quiet plains.
Her shoulders immediately dropped like a deflated balloon, and she looked down at her traitorous stomach with the expression of a sad child who'd just been reminded that Christmas was still months away.
"We don't even have anything to eat," she said miserably, all her earlier fire extinguished by the harsh reality of their situation. "Seven months of terrible facility food, and now we don't even have that."
I tried to keep my expression serious despite the smirk tugging at my lips. This was too perfect an opportunity to mess with her a little more.
"Right? Where are we supposed to get something like pizza in the middle of a forest?" I said with exaggerated disappointment, shaking my head sadly. "I mean, what are the odds of finding hot, delicious pizza just sitting around out here?"
As I spoke, I mentally accessed my inventory and materialized one of the pizzas I'd stored from the dungeon loot boxes. The large, steaming pie appeared in my hands like magic, complete with melted cheese and the kind of perfectly golden crust that belonged in food advertisements.
It seems that things stored in the inventory are not affected by the passage of time.
Anna didn't see the actual materialization happen since she was still staring morosely at the ground, but her nose immediately picked up the rich, unmistakable scent of fresh pizza.
Her head snapped up so fast I was worried she might give herself whiplash, eyes widening as they locked onto the impossibly fresh pizza that had somehow appeared in my hands.
"How—" she started, her mouth opening and closing like a fish as she tried to process what she was seeing. "Where did that come from? Did you just... magic pizza into existence?"
I placed a finger to my lips with a mysterious smile, enjoying her bewildered expression far more than I probably should have. "It's a secret."
Anna looked like she wanted to press for details, her curiosity practically radiating off her in waves, but her increasingly vocal stomach won out over her desire for answers.
We settled down under the oak tree and started eating in comfortable silence, both of us savoring the experience of real food after months of whatever processed garbage the facility had been feeding us.
The pizza was incredible—better than anything I remembered from my previous life.
The cheese was perfectly melted, the crust had just the right amount of chew, and there were actual herbs and spices that made my taste buds sing.
Anna made small sounds of contentment as she ate, and I found myself smiling at her obvious enjoyment.
This is nice, I thought, watching her take another appreciative bite. Just sitting here, eating good food, no experiments or schedules or people in lab coats poking at us.
That's when my perception picked up movement in the nearby bushes.
It was subtle—just a slight rustle that could have been wind, but my enhanced senses caught the deliberate pattern of something trying to move stealthily. Whatever it was, it was watching us.
Without thinking, I grabbed my dagger and hurled it toward the disturbance with precision born from recent combat experience.
Anna jumped at the sudden motion, pizza slice halfway to her mouth, a startled expression replacing her previous contentment.
"What—"
I was already moving toward the bush before she could finish the question, my body flowing into the smooth, predatory gait that my assassin class seemed to have programmed into my muscle memory.
But what I found there made me stop in my tracks.
A baby shark. With legs. And my dagger had pinned its collar to the tree trunk, leaving the creature dangling helplessly in the air like the world's most unusual Christmas ornament.
What the actual hell?
I blinked several times, wondering if the stress of our escape had finally made me hallucinate. But no, it was definitely there—a genuine shark, complete with fin and tail, but equipped with four stubby little legs that kicked uselessly in the air.
Anna appeared beside me a moment later and let out a small gasp of amazement. "Is that... a shark? With feet?"
"It appears to be," I said, still trying to wrap my head around what I was seeing. "A baby shark. With legs. Just casually hanging out in the forest."
The creature was about the size of a small dog, with gray-blue skin that had the distinctive texture of shark hide.
Its fin stood upright on its back, and its tail swished back and forth as it struggled against the constraint of its pinned collar. The legs were definitely functional—I could see small, webbed feet at the end of each stubby limb.
Anna leaned closer to get a better look, and I noticed there was a collar around its neck with what looked like a name tag.
"Jeff," she read aloud, squinting at the small letters engraved on the metal tag.
Jeff. The name immediately rang a bell from somewhere in my memories.
Wasn't there a character named Jeff the Land Shark in one of the recent Marvel games?
I'd never played it myself, but I remembered seeing memes about it online—something about an adorable shark creature that was surprisingly deadly despite its cute appearance.
Jeff was struggling to free himself from where my dagger had pinned his collar, his little legs paddling frantically in the air.
But as he realized this wasn't gonna work, he immediately stopped struggling and changed his strategy as he put on the most pathetic baby face I'd ever seen.
His large, dark eyes went wide and innocent, and his mouth opened slightly in what could only be described as a pout.
The transformation was so sudden and obvious that I almost laughed. This little guy definitely knew how to work an audience.
Anna melted instantly.
"Oh my God, look at that face!" She clasped her hands together and turned to me with stars practically shining in her eyes. "He's absolutely adorable! And he probably came here because of the pizza smell—he must be hungry too." She paused, biting her lower lip in the way she did when she was about to ask for something she really wanted. "Can we keep him? Please?"
I had to admit, the little guy was pretty cute.
There was something endearing about his chubby build and the way his tail continued to wag even while he was stuck to a tree. And the idea of having a walking shark as a companion did have a certain appeal that I couldn't quite explain.
Plus, if this was actually Jeff the Land Shark from the games, he might be more useful than his adorable exterior suggested. Having a companion who could handle himself in a fight wouldn't be a bad thing, especially if we were going to be living as fugitives.
I crouched down to Jeff's eye level, feeling slightly ridiculous for having a serious conversation with what was essentially a baby shark. "Do you want to come with us?" I asked, speaking clearly and distinctly. "If yes, then smile and stick your tongue out."
I was genuinely curious to see if the creature could actually understand human speech, or if it was just a clever animal responding to vocal tones and body language.
Jeff immediately broke into what could only be described as a grin, his mouth opening wide to reveal rows of small, sharp teeth. His pink tongue lolled out of his mouth in the most endearing way possible, and his tail wagged with obvious enthusiasm.
Well, that answers that question definitively.
"Good boy," I said, reaching up to pull my dagger free from the tree. "Welcome to the team, Jeff."
Jeff dropped to the ground with a soft thud due to his rather plump build, landing on his belly with a surprised expression that was somehow both dignified and completely undignified at the same time.
He quickly rolled over and got his stubby legs under him, then immediately started rubbing against my legs like an oversized, enthusiastic puppy.
The affection was so genuine and immediate that I couldn't help but smile. I reached down to scratch behind where his ears would be if sharks had visible ears, and he made a sound that was somewhere between a purr and a growl of contentment.
Anna watched the entire display with pure delight written across her face, her hands pressed together in front of her chest like she was watching the most heartwarming thing she'd ever seen.
But I could see the sadness creeping in around the edges of her expression as reality set in.
She wanted to pet him, to experience the same kind of innocent contact she'd just discovered she could have with me. But she knew her powers might hurt Jeff.
We'll figure that out eventually, I thought, watching Jeff continue to nuzzle against my legs with obvious affection. But for now, I guess we have a pet shark.
"Looks like we're officially part of the team now," I said, looking up at Anna's beaming face. "You, me, and Jeff."
Anna's smile was brilliant enough to light up the entire forest.
.....
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