Chapter 109: Chapter 108: Getting a Battleship
As Law, Wanda, and Pietro stumbled back through the portal into their living roo, Law flopped dramatically onto the couch.
"Well, kids," he announced, stretching out like a cat in a sunbeam, "I'd say that was a successful field trip. We learned about Asgardian family drama, the structural integrity of godly architecture,the importance of good parenting and that I am a better master of mischief than Loki. Any questions?"
Wanda, still trying to process the events of the day, raised her hand tentatively. "Just one: ARE YOU INSANE?"
Both Pietro and Law looked at Wanda at shock.
'Did my little sis just raise her voice against her very dear master?'Pietro thought shocked
Law considered this for a moment, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, insane is such a strong word. I prefer 'cosmically creative' or 'dimensionally disruptive.' Much better for the resume."
Pietro, on the other hand, was practically vibrating with excitement. "That was amazing! Can we do it again? Can we visit more places? Like the land of Gods that you told us about."
"Slow down, Pietro," Law chuckled. "Let's not get too crazy. One vacation to where god's love is good enough for now."
As the twins got something to eat, Law's mind began to wander. Something had been nagging at him ever since they left Asgard, like a splinter in his mind's eye or a plot hole in a summer blockbuster.
Suddenly, it hit him like a Mjolnir to the face. "We need a spaceship!"
Wanda and Pietro stopped mid-meal, turning to stare at Law with matching expressions of confusion.
"Um, what?" Wanda asked, wondering if maybe she had not seen Thor hiting Law a little too hard on his head.
Law sat up, his eyes gleaming with the kind of manic enthusiasm usually reserved for mad scientists or caffeinated squirrels. "A spaceship! How can we call ourselves proper interdimensional troublemakers if we don't have a sweet ride? Did you see those Asgardian ships? Sleek, shiny, probably great gas mileage. We need one!"
Pietro's face lit up like Times Square on New Year's Eve. "Oh man, that would be so cool! Can it have lasers? And a disco ball?"
"Kid, when I'm done with it, it'll have lasers, disco balls, and a frozen yogurt machine that dispenses toppings based on your mood," Law promised, already mentally designing the most ridiculous spaceship the universe had ever seen.
Wanda, ever the voice of reason (or at least the voice of "maybe we shouldn't commit grand theft spaceship"), tried to interject. "But Law, where would we even get a spaceship? It's not like we can just walk into a dealership and ask for the latest model for a galactic space ship. "
Law waved his hand dismissively. "Details, details. I'm sure we can find something suitable. Maybe we can borrow one from Asgard? Nah, too small. We need something with real 'oomph,' you know? Something that says, 'I'm here to party and possibly violate a few intergalactic laws.'"
"But can't you just create portals to wherever you want to go, why do you even need a ship....." Law completely ignored Wanda's argument.
As Law pondered their spaceship dilemma, he began rifling through his mental catalog of comic book knowledge and MCU trivia. Suddenly, his eyes widened, and a grin spread across his face that would have made Joker jealous.
"I've got it!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "The Dark Aster!"
"The what now?" the twins asked in unison.
"The Dark Aster," Law repeated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Ronan the Accuser's personal warship. It's perfect! Big, menacing, probably has cup holders. And the best part? It comes with its own fleet of smaller ships. It's like a space Swiss Army knife!"
The twins got confused about who Ronan was and what was their master even talking about.
As Law described the massive Kree warship, his eyes glazed over, and he began to drift into a daydream...
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*The bridge of the Dark Aster gleamed with alien technology, sleek consoles blinking with incomprehensible data. At the center stood Law, resplendent in a captain's uniform that looked suspiciously like it had been cobbled together from a Halloween costume and a disco outfit.*
*"Status report, Number One!" Law barked, striking a pose that he was sure made him look dashing and authoritative (it didn't).*
*Wanda, wearing a red uniform with an exasperated expression, sighed. "All systems normal, Captain. And please stop calling me Number One."*
*"Nonsense!" Law declared. "Every great captain needs a Number One. It's in the space rulebook. Right next to 'always dramatically reveal your evil twin' and 'never wear red shirts on away missions.'"*
*Pietro zipped around the bridge, pressing random buttons. "Captain! I've discovered something amazing! This button makes toast!"*
*"Excellent work, Ensign Speedster!" Law praised. "Your contributions to breakfast technology will not go unnoticed. Note that in the ship's log, Number One."*
*Wanda rolled her eyes so hard she was in danger of spraining an optic nerve. "Noted, Captain. Shall I also log your decision to replace all the ship's railings with Slip 'N Slides?"*
*"Of course! Safety and fun, Number One. That's what space exploration is all about!"*
*Suddenly, the ship's alarms blared. A massive view screen flickered to life, revealing a fleet of enemy vessels.*
*"Captain!" Pietro exclaimed. "We're surrounded by... wait, are those giant space squids?"*
*Law narrowed his eyes dramatically. "Space squids, our ancient nemesis. Number One, activate the calamari cannons! Ensign Speedster, prepare the tartar sauce torpedoes! Today, we dine on cosmic seafood!"*
*As the imaginary battle raged on, with Law shouting increasingly ridiculous orders ("Release the space kraken! No, our space kraken!"), the daydream began to fade...*
---
Law blinked, coming back to reality to find Wanda waving her hand in front of his face.
"Earth to Law," she said. "You kind of zoned out there for a minute. Were you having a stroke, or just planning more intergalactic crimes?"
Law grinned sheepishly. "Let's just say, if I ever get my hands on that ship, you two are in for the ride of your lives. Now, who's up for a little space piracy?"
Pietro, who had been bouncing on the balls of his feet throughout Law's entire spaced-out episode, practically exploded with excitement. "Me! Me! I want to be a space pirate! Can I have an eye patch? And a parrot? Do they have parrots in space?"
"Slow down, Captain Jack Speedster," Law chuckled. "First, we need to actually get the ship. Then we can worry about space parrots and cosmic peg legs."
Wanda, realizing that resistance was futile (and secretly a little excited about the prospect of space adventures), finally relented. "Fine. But if we end up in space jail, I'm blaming you both."
Law clapped his hands together gleefully. "Excellent! Now, who's up for another little interdimensional field trip? This time, we're going where no man has gone before... well, except for the Kree, the Nova Corps, probably the Guardians of the Galaxy, and anyone else who's been to that part of space. But you get the idea!"
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