My D Rank Skill is Actually SSS-Rank

Chapter 5: Kitchen Chaos and the Perverted Potions

Alaric sighed, the grim reality of his situation settling in. He, the legendary Alex, master of meta-builds and glitch exploits, was now officially the Adventurer Guild's glorified pest control and maintenance man. And it was all thanks to a D-Rank skill that apparently broke the laws of physics.

"Optimal rodent management, huh?" he muttered, trudging towards the kitchen, the transparent slime jiggling along behind him like a particularly judgmental, gelatinous shadow. "You better not be laughing, you SSS-tier bouncy ball. This is serious. This is my reputation on the line. Well, what's left of it after that guard incident."

The kitchen was, if possible, even worse than the basement storage. The air was thick with the scent of stale grease, burnt food, and an unmistakable, pervasive rodent musk. Pots and pans were piled precariously, ingredients lay scattered, and the floor was a greasy obstacle course. And the rats. Oh, the rats. They weren't just scurrying; they were parading. A particularly plump one was brazenly gnawing on a loaf of bread on a counter, looking at Alaric with an almost challenging glint in its beady eyes.

System Notification: Location: Guild Kitchen. Environment: Highly Contaminated (D-Rank). Pest Infestation: Severe (C-Rank). Materials: Various (F-D Rank).

"Severe, huh? Sounds like a challenge," Alaric thought, a familiar thrill of optimization running through him. This wasn't a dungeon, but it was a puzzle. A very, very dirty puzzle.

He pulled out the 'Rodent Relocator' trap he'd refined earlier. It gleamed, pristine and deadly effective, in the dim kitchen light. He set it down, baiting it with a generous chunk of the rat-gnawed bread.

Almost instantly, the plump rat from the counter scurried down, drawn by an invisible force. It sniffed the bread, its whiskers twitching, then confidently stepped onto the trigger plate. SNAP! A faint golden glow enveloped it. Poof! The rat vanished. The trap immediately reset itself with a soft click.

"Excellent," Alaric grinned. "Now, for the mass relocation."

He spent the next half hour strategically placing the trap. He put it near every hole, every crumb, every shadow. The rats, driven by an irresistible, refined pheromone (or perhaps just extreme stupidity), practically lined up. There was a comical sequence of sniff-snap-poof-click, as rat after rat vanished, leaving behind only bewildered squeaks from their now-empty nests.

"What in the... by the Great Cook's Beard!"

Alaric looked up. Standing in the doorway, clutching a ladle like a weapon, was a stout, red-faced woman with flour dusting her apron and a perpetually harried expression. This was clearly the Guild's head cook.

System Notification: NPC Detected: [Cook Helga, Culinary Master - C-Rank]. Skills: Hearty Stew (B), Ladle Bash (D), Perpetual Grumble (C).

Perpetual Grumble? This System is amazing, Alaric thought, trying to suppress a chuckle. "Just optimizing the rodent population, Helga, was it? Agnes sent me."

Helga stared, her eyes wide. "Optimizing? You mean... you're getting rid of them? But how? We've tried everything! Traps, cats, even a low-tier fire mage who just burnt the pantry!"

Alaric gestured to the 'Rodent Relocator', which just poofed another rat away. "Basic Material Refinement. D-Rank. Turns out, a rusty old trap has a lot of hidden potential for mass displacement. Very efficient."

Helga dropped her ladle with a clatter. Her jaw hung open. "A D-Rank skill... you're a miracle worker, boy! The Guild Master will be thrilled! I haven't seen a rat-free kitchen in a decade!" She then looked at him with a new, almost worshipful gaze. "Can you... can you do anything about the pots? They're so old and burnt."

Alaric's eyes lit up. Pots? D-Rank materials, probably. And a new audience for my 'optimization' skills. And maybe... He glanced at Helga's rather ample figure, then at her flour-dusted apron. Could I refine a uniform? Make it... stain-proof? And perhaps a little more... form-fitting? For optimal culinary performance, of course.

"Of course, Helga," Alaric said, affecting a professional tone. "Optimal kitchenware is crucial for peak culinary efficiency. Just a bit of basic material refinement."

He picked up a particularly grimy, burnt pot. It was blackened with years of neglect, a true F-Rank material. He focused his skill. The familiar warmth surged through his hand. The soot and grime vanished, not as residue, but as shimmering motes. The dull, cheap iron transformed, hardening, smoothing, until it gleamed with the impossible perfection of a polished, heat-resistant alloy. It was lightweight, yet felt incredibly sturdy.

System Notification: [Basic Material Refinement] activated. Material: Burnt Iron Pot (Common Iron). Result: Perfected 'Ever-Clean Culinary Vessel' (SSS-Tier Artifact). Condition: Indestructible, Self-Cleaning, Optimal Heat Distribution, Minor Aura of 'Enhanced Flavor'.

"Enhanced Flavor? Seriously? My skill can make food taste better?" Alaric muttered, genuinely surprised. This is getting out of hand. I'm basically a cheat code for life now.

Helga gasped, snatching the pot. She ran her hand over its impossibly smooth surface, then peered inside. It was spotless. "It's... it's perfect! And it feels... warm! Like it's already cooking something delicious!" She hugged the pot to her chest. "You're a genius, boy! A culinary god!"

Alaric shrugged, trying to look modest. "Just optimizing the fundamentals, Helga. You wouldn't believe the impurities in common iron."

He spent the next few hours refining every pot, pan, and utensil in the kitchen. Rusty knives became 'Blades of Infinite Sharpness' that could slice through anything. Dull cutting boards became 'Self-Sanitizing Prep Surfaces' that hummed faintly. The entire kitchen slowly transformed into a gleaming, impossibly efficient culinary haven.

As he was finishing up, polishing a set of now-gleaming, indestructible ladles, he noticed a small, dusty vial tucked away in a forgotten corner. It was unlabeled, filled with a murky, brownish liquid. It looked like something a goblin might use to clean its teeth.

System Notification: Item Detected: [Unknown Potion - D-Rank]. Condition: Stale, Highly Impure, Potentially Toxic.

Ooh, a potion! And D-Rank! This is new territory, Alaric thought, his pervy instincts immediately kicking in. What if I could refine a potion? Could I make a 'Truth Serum' that only reveals embarrassing secrets? Or a 'Love Potion' that makes the target fall in love with... inanimate objects? Or perhaps... a 'Transparency Potion'? For optimal... observation.

He picked up the vial, uncorking it. The smell was horrendous, like rotten eggs mixed with old socks. He focused his skill, channeling the familiar warmth into the murky liquid. The potion began to bubble, the murky brown clearing, becoming a vibrant, shimmering gold. It smelled faintly of fresh spring water and... something else. Something sweet and alluring.

System Notification: [Basic Material Refinement] activated. Material: Unknown Potion (Stale, Impure). Result: Perfected 'Elixir of Unbridled Charisma' (SSS-Tier Artifact). Condition: Grants Irresistible Charm, Causes Target to Confess Deepest Desires (Non-Harmful), Lasts 1 Hour.

Alaric stared at the shimmering golden liquid. "Unbridled Charisma? Confess Deepest Desires? Non-Harmful?" His eyes widened. This... this is a pervert's dream! I could make anyone confess their deepest, most embarrassing, most lewd desires! For research! Purely for scientific research into the human psyche! He imagined using it on the female guard from the gate. 'My deepest desire is to... wear that restrictive armor even tighter, Alaric-sama!' No, wait, that's not how it works. It's 'non-harmful.' So, probably just embarrassing desires. Still!

He quickly re-corked the vial, a triumphant, slightly manic grin on his face. This was better than any combat skill. This was a social exploit. A truly SSS-tier pervert's tool.

Just then, Agnes appeared in the kitchen doorway, her terrifying smile still firmly in place. "Alaric! Excellent work in the basement! The Guild Master is most pleased! And the kitchen... it gleams! You are truly a Master Optimizer!" She then noticed the vial in his hand. "What's that you've got there, boy? A new cleaning solution?"

Alaric quickly hid the vial behind his back. "Uh, no! Just... a new kind of, uh, cooking oil! For optimal flavor enhancement! Very… potent."

Agnes's eyes narrowed. "Potent, you say? Hmm. Well, never mind that for now. The Guild Master has a new task for you. A critical task. The Grand Festival is approaching, and the ceremonial banners are... well, they're quite old. And faded. And riddled with moth holes. He wants them... optimized."

Alaric blinked. Ceremonial banners? D-Rank material, probably. But moth holes... that's a lot of 'refinement'. And 'ceremonial'... probably means they're very important. He sighed. Another forced side quest. But... banners are usually made of fabric. And fabric can be... flexible. And maybe, just maybe, I can 'optimize' the banners to have a subtle 'transparency' effect when viewed from certain angles. For optimal festival viewing, of course.

He nodded, a new, perverted plan already forming. "Consider it done, Agnes. Just a bit of basic material refinement. For optimal ceremonial aesthetics."

The transparent slime jiggled beside him, its faint hum now sounding suspiciously like a full-blown guffaw. Alaric shot it a warning glare. Don't you dare. Or I'll refine your 'transparency' into 'blinding neon green' and then use you as a giant, indestructible, self-lubricating, perpetually-bouncing stress ball for Agnes. The slime seemed to jiggle faster.