NOVEL ONLINE FREE Chapter 6 - The Decision to Return
When Acchan asked me if I wanted to return, it was as if something deep within me finally clicked into place.
“So… I’ve been struggling with this decision all along, haven’t I? I didn’t even realize it myself. Something’s been weighing on me for a while now, and I just couldn’t figure out what it was.”
I gripped the fabric of my shirt over my chest tightly, unable to raise my head.
For days, I’d thought this nagging feeling in my chest was just sadness over Kanta and the others leaving. But even before the divine revelation, I’d felt the same inexplicable heaviness. It was as if something was lodged in my throat, keeping me from speaking—but when I tried to figure out what I wanted to say, my mind drew a blank.
It wasn’t just about Kanta and the others returning to Earth. It was something else entirely—something about me.
Acchan and Yama-san waited patiently as I struggled to put my feelings into words.
“…It’s not about Kanta and the others. This has been bothering me for much longer than that.”
“What’s been bothering you?” Acchan asked gently.
“It’s… my purpose, my sense of fulfillment. My… need to feel needed.”
“Kaoru, your need to feel needed?” Yama-san’s voice was soft, yet it struck like a hammer on a chisel, breaking open the block in my chest. Words began pouring out.
“Yeah. Whether I’m necessary or not… that’s what’s been haunting me. I’ve been thinking about it, even before that dream. The shop runs smoothly without me. The town is thriving, the adventurers are leveling up, the guild handles monster outbreaks efficiently. The world keeps turning just fine without me.”
The words flowed out of me in a torrent.
I knew it sounded arrogant. Even back on Earth, I’d never truly felt indispensable—except, perhaps, in that awful job at Yamato Trading. There, I’d been buried under mountains of work because others refused to pull their weight. I’d felt needed then, in the worst way.
When we first arrived in this world, I felt needed again. My gaming knowledge, items, and magic had been critical to helping others survive. I was useful, valuable.
“I’m… selfish, aren’t I? I liked feeling like I was helping others, like I mattered.”
“Kaoru, that’s not selfish,” Yama-san said firmly. “You did help us. A lot. None of us would’ve made it without you.”
“Exactly!” Acchan chimed in, her voice rising. “I might not have reunited with my husband if it weren’t for you, Kaoru. And I wouldn’t have been able to safely give birth to Jun! You’ve always been there for us!”
“Maybe I was at first,” I admitted, “but not anymore. Everyone has moved on. The town doesn’t need me. The guild doesn’t need me. Even the shop doesn’t need me.”
“What are you talking about?!” Acchan’s voice cracked, and I realized she was on the verge of tears. “What about Maruk? What about Alisa and Dan? They’re your kids, Kaoru! You’re their father!”
I flinched at her words. Acchan’s voice was thick with emotion, half anger and half heartbreak.
“Maruk… Alisa… Dan…”
“Yes! They’re your kids, Kaoru! They need you. They need their father!”
And just like that, it all clicked.
“Dan is already an independent adventurer. He’s found his path and is making his own way. Alisa is married to Rom, and they have a daughter now. She’s a mother herself. And Maruk…”
“Exactly! Maruk is only 12! He’s still a child who needs his father!”
“Maruk is strong,” I said softly. “Stronger than me. He’s already ranked D as an adventurer and has friends of his own. By the time he’s 15—an adult by this world’s standards—he’ll be even stronger. This town is too small for him. He’ll go out into the world to seek bigger adventures. And when that happens…”
The truth I’d been avoiding surfaced, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
“I’m scared. I’m terrified of being left behind. Of being just some useless old man, all alone.”
Acchan and Yama-san fell silent, their expressions full of pity.
“You all have families,” I continued. “Acchan, you have Riddle and the kids. Yama-san, you have your wife and children. Para-san and Lin-san have their families too. Even Kick and Lemon are starting a family together. Dan has his comrades. Alisa has her family. And soon, Maruk will have his adventures. The shop will run fine without me. I don’t belong here anymore.”
The words were bitter, but I felt a strange sense of relief as I said them.
“Kaoru, don’t be ridiculous,” Acchan snapped, tears streaking her face. “You’re not useless! You’re not unwanted!”
“Maybe. But I think… this divine revelation wasn’t just for Kanta and the others. It was for me, too. It’s telling me my time here is done.”
Acchan cried openly, her voice thick with sobs. “Kaoru, if you go back, you’ll just be an ordinary guy again! You won’t be a wizard anymore!”
“Yeah,” I said with a faint smile. “No more magic. Just a plain, ordinary man.”
I glanced at Maruk, who had appeared in the doorway, his face pale and his fists clenched.
“Father,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “You can’t go. You can’t leave me.”
Maruk rushed forward and threw his arms around me, clinging tightly. Behind him, Alisa and Dan arrived, their faces pale and stricken.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, stroking Maruk’s hair. “I’m so sorry.”
That night, we all slept together, side by side, as we had in the early days after arriving in this world. The weight of the decision still lingered, but so did the warmth of those I loved.
In the living room, Golda and the others discussed my decision late into the night. While I felt unnecessary, they saw things differently. Still, they understood: my mind was made up.