My superpower? That's not what I'm thinking about.

Prologue: A Morning That Began with Rock and Ended with Apocalypse

A boulder thrown by Grognard crashed through the window, ricocheted off the gilded toilet, and landed in my coffee, turning it into a latte with rubble foam.

"YOUR MAJESTY!" Grognard burst into the bedroom, waving a map of the palace. "YOU GOT LOST AGAIN LAST NIGHT! THE EAST WING LOOKS LIKE IT'S BEEN INVADED..."

"It wasn't me!" I lied, wiping coffee splatter from my face. "It was... uh... Zalira practicing her breathing!"

"That's a lie. She only burned half the hallway. The rest is your experiments with the "royal walk." **[Quest: "Find a way out of your own palace"

Difficulty: Mythological

Reward: Chance of not becoming a laughing stock - 0.5%]**

Part 1: The Door of Destiny, or How I Became a God by Mistake

As always, the palace greeted me with a labyrinth of mirrors and false doors. A new sign on the wall read: **"Do not enter. Seriously. Don't even think about it. Especially you, Akki."**

"Challenge accepted," I pushed the door... and fell into the abyss.

The fall lasted forever. I had time to:

- Have a snack of a sandwich.

- Write a farewell letter to Zalira (on a napkin).

- Think that Grognard was right about my bad luck.

**[The skill "Fall with Dignity" has been increased!

New title: "Bird without Wings."]**

I landed in a hall that resembled a hybrid of a temple and a lost and found office. There were notices on the walls:

- **"Lost: Zeus' Lightning. "Eternal damnation to the finder"**

- **"God of love wanted. Experience with cupids is a must"**

- **"Power over chaos for sale. Not beaten, not painted"**

In the center stood a throne made of a mosaic of random events: a falling vase, an overturned cup of coffee, and... my face, stumbling through thin air.

"Hello, newbie," the voice came from the statue with the sign **"God of Destiny (vacancy)"**. "Sit down if you dare."

**[Fateful choice:

1. Sit down (become a god)

2. Don't sit down (remain a nobody)

3. Break the throne (become a god of destruction)]**

I sat down. By accident. Because I tripped.

**WHAM!**

The light swallowed everything. When I opened my eyes, the world hung on a web of probabilities. Each thread was someone's fate. My hand... glowed.

**[Status: God of Chance (temporary)

Abilities:

- "Crooked Look" (changes the fate of the enemy)

- "Random Teleport" (90% chance to end up in the laundry)

- "Random Apocalypse" (activated by sneezing)]**

Part 2: First Day at the Divine Job

**8:00 — Meeting the Team**

The pantheon of gods turned out to be an office with endless cubicles. I was greeted by a nymph secretary with a notepad made of clouds:

— Hello, newbie! Your office is the 13th probability on the left. Not to be confused with the 13th nightmare on the right.

**9:00 — Meeting with the boss**

— YOU?! — thunder rumbled as I entered the Eternity Council hall. — A FUNNY LITTLE MAN WITH A PICKAXE?!

At the table sat:

- **Zeus** with a lightning bolt instead of a pen.

- **Odin** with a crow headset.

- **Amaterasu** with a laptop made of sunlight.

— I... uh... am filling a vacancy? — I whispered.

— THE VACANCY OF THE GOD OF FATE IS FILLED AFTER 1,000 TRIALS! — Zeus threw lightning at the wall. — YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A BEARD!

— But he's cute, — Amaterasu smiled, and my shirt began to smoke. — Let's put him on... probation.

**[New quest: "Prove that you are not a camel"

Objective:

— Create 1,000 lucky coincidences

— Do not destroy the universe

Reward: Keys to the divine toilet.]**

Part 3: Divine Weekdays, or Why Chaos Is Boring

**12:00 — Lunch Break**

The Eternity Cafeteria served:

- Ambrosia (tasted like fried potatoes).

- Nectar (like an energy drink with foam).

- Royal Fall (dessert with apples and snakes).

Loki sat down next to me, waving my pickaxe:

— I heard you stumbled into gods? Good job! Want to arrange Rannarok... by accident?

— No! — I moved away. — I already did it...

— Boring! — Loki snapped his fingers, and my ambrosia came to life, running into the corridor.

**[Curse: "Hungry God" — now you must eat luck.

Satiety: 0/100]**

**15:00 — Practice of Divinity**

My first "client" was a peasant who asked for rain. I waved my hand... and it rained frogs over his field.

— DID YOU WANT THAT?! — I corrected my fate. The frogs turned into fire toads.

**[Achievement: "Crop Destroyer"

Reputation in the pantheon: -10]**

**18:00 — Report to Zeus**

— YOU... — the thunder god shook my report, — ...TURNED AN ENTIRE KINGDOM INTO SOAP BUBBLES?!

— It was a mistake! I wanted to help...

— MISTAKES ARE UNACCEPTABLE! YOU WILL CORRECT THEM TOMORROW!

**[Mood: Panic. Level: Divine.]**

Part 4: Return to the Mortal World, or How I Tried to Fix Everything

The portal threw me straight into the throne room, where Zalira was roasting marshmallows on a torch made from someone's crown.

"Hello, little god," she threw coal into my cup. "Explain why the river flows up?"

"It's... uh... a new irrigation mode!"

"You're lying." The dragoness narrowed her eyes. "But I like it."

**[Spousal quest: "Hide your incompetence"

Advice: Give flowers. From the fire.]**

**Error fix #1: The river of time**

The river flowing into the sky flooded the clouds. Fish fell on villages, and boats crashed into the stars.

"How to fix this?" I poked at the fate control panel.

**[System tip: "Try snapping your fingers and hoping."]**

Click — the river splashed and flowed sideways, flooding the desert. Bedouins on camels waved their fists at me.

**[Achievement: "Creator of the First Sand Tsunami"

Pantheon Reputation: -20]**

**Bug Fix #2: Talking Cats**

- Meow-rrr, - the cat on the throne glared angrily. - You are doomed, mortal.

- I... am a god!

- And I am a cat. I have nine lives. You?

**[Dialogue with the cat:

— Option 1: Treat him to fish (chance of reconciliation: 50%)

— Option 2: Forbid him to meow (chance of claws in the face: 100%)]**

I chose the fish. The cat ate it and declared himself pharaoh.

**[New kingdom: Egyptian cat empire. Taxes: mice.]**

Part 5: Riot in the Pantheon, or How Zeus Lost His Lightning

The next day, chaos reigned in the pantheon:

- **Zeus** was looking for lightning, transformed into an umbrella.

- **Odin** was grumbling that the crows had flown away on vacation.

- **Loki** was selling tickets to "The End of the World. Version 2.0".

- THIS IS YOU?! - Zeus grabbed me by the chest. - YOU STOLE MY LIGHTNING?!

- No! I... uh... improved it! - I pulled the handle of the umbrella.

**BOOM!** Lightning struck the ceiling, making a hole in reality. Confetti rained down from it and... Grognard.

- YOUR MAJESTY! - He threw a boulder at me. - YOU HAVE COLLAPSE THE SKY!

**[Quest: "Fix Reality"

Tools: Lightning Umbrella, Pharaoh Cat, Pancake Throne.]**

Part 6: The Finale, or How I Stopped Being a God

Gathering my will (and the last of my luck), I activated **«Accidental Apocalypse»**, sending it into the hole. Reality collapsed, returning everything to its place.

- You... - Zeus looked at me with respect. - ...The most talentless and lucky god in history.

- So, I passed the test?

- No. You're fired.

**WHAM!**

I woke up in my palace. There was a note on the table:

**«Dear Akki.

Your services are no longer required.

P.S. Return the umbrella.

Sincerely, Pantheon.»**

Zalira, who was sitting next to me, burst out laughing:

- Well, godling? Ready for dinner?

- Yes. But without the divinity.

**[Status: Former God.

Skill: "Random Luck" retained.

Title: "Former God of the Absurd."]**

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### Epilogue: Life after Divinity

The next day, Grognard handed me a new stone:

— YOUR MAJESTY! ARE YOU BEING SUMMONED TO THE... UH... COUNCIL OF GARBAGE MEN?

— Let them wait. I'm retired.

**[System: Congratulations! You have completed the "Divine Saga."

New quest: "Find a Normal Toilet."

Difficulty: Legendary.]**

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**Former God Glossary:**

1. **Rule #1:** Even the gods don't know where the toilet is.

2. **Advice from Loki:** If you can't defeat chaos, lead it.

3. **Truth from Zalira:** Better to be a dragon's husband than a god.

4. **Wisdom of Grognard:** A stone in the forehead is the best alarm clock.