Naruto: How to Be an Undercover Shinobi

Hokage's Office. Hiruzen Sarutobi and Kagami stood in silence, facing each other. Just then, a knock came at the door, followed by a familia

Hokage's Office.

Hiruzen Sarutobi and Kagami stood in silence, facing each other.

Just then, a knock came at the door, followed by a familiar voice from outside.

"Old man Hiruzen, mind if I come in?"

"Come in," Hiruzen replied.

Creak—

The door opened, and Reiji strolled in with his usual cheeky grin.

His gaze swept the room in an instant. His eyes flickered, and the corners of his lips curved slightly.

"Yo~ Long time no see, Kagami."

"Long time no see, Reiji." Kagami lowered his head and responded weakly.

Seeing Kagami didn't seem in the mood to talk, Reiji stuck to his rule of not prying and got straight to the point.

"Old man Hiruzen, is Jiraiya in the village?"

At this, Hiruzen furrowed his brow, thought for a moment, then nodded.

"He should be. He came back just a few days ago. But whether you can find him... I can't say."

"Why not?"

"Sigh..." Hiruzen let out a long sigh and muttered, "That brat loves running off to Mount Myōboku for no reason. Half the time, he's nowhere to be found."

"Can I ask a favor, old man?"

"Go ahead."

"Can you use your Telescope Technique to help me find him?" Reiji asked, thick-skinned as ever.

Hiruzen's face twitched.

How the hell did Reiji know I know that technique?!

Damn it, it had to be Jiraiya, that blabbermouth. No doubt about it—those two have been joined at the hip since they were kids!

Grumbling to himself, Hiruzen reluctantly pulled a crystal ball from his drawer and gently placed it on the desk.

Telescope Technique.

With a quiet chant in his heart, he focused on a place Jiraiya frequented.

A second later, Hiruzen's face froze.

That bastard was peeping at the women's bathhouse again!

As Hiruzen was about to curse him out, a dainty fist suddenly appeared in the crystal ball and slammed into Jiraiya's stomach. A moment later, a figure flew out of view with a blood-curdling scream.

Silence.

After a long pause, Hiruzen wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and pulled his gaze away from the crystal ball, muttering with a grimace,

"Jiraiya... You should be able to find him at Konoha Hospital."

"What? Was he injured on a mission?" Reiji's eyebrows shot up, mind racing with unease.

That didn't make sense. Ever since he mastered Sage Mode, he could take a serious beating. Don't tell me... he caught a cold?

Am I overthinking this?

Worried about Jiraiya's condition, Reiji didn't even bother saying goodbye and quickly left the Hokage's Office.

...

Konoha Hospital.

Reiji found Jiraiya's room.

Peeking inside—

The guy was sprawled out on the bed, looking way too pleased with himself.

Two pretty nurses stood at his bedside, carefully wrapping him in bandages.

Reiji casually stopped a passing doctor and asked in a hushed voice,

"Doc, what happened to Jiraiya? Why's he all wrapped up like a mummy?"

The doctor rolled his eyes with a huff.

"Heh. Peeping on the women's bathhouse. Got caught red-handed by Lady Tsunade. She beat the hell out of him.

Lady Tsunade did a—uh, went a bit overboard.

Broke six ribs. He'll be laid up for at least three months!"

He slapped his forehead, turned to the two young nurses, and barked,

"Hey! You two, out with me! What's with all the chitchat?

This is a critical patient—get someone more experienced in here!"

With that, he herded the two nurses out. Moments later, a stout, no-nonsense middle-aged woman entered the room.

Almost immediately, Jiraiya's pathetic groans filled the air.

"Ow—lady, go easy! Ow! I want the cute nurses back!

Dammit, not so rough!"

Outside the door, Reiji instinctively shrank his head back, both amused and exasperated.

This guy's beyond saving.

Shaking his head, Reiji pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The hefty nurse was already snipping off the excess bandage with expert precision.

Credit where it's due—she was good. The young nurses had been fumbling for ages, but she got it all done in under a minute.

Auntie power, truly undefeated.

Hearing the door creak open, Jiraiya slowly turned his head toward it. When he saw Reiji, a pitiful gleam of tears shimmered in the corners of his eyes.

"Reiji, look at her! She's abusing me!"

Reiji gave a helpless glance at the fierce-looking nurse hovering nearby, instinctively shrinking his neck, and chuckled awkwardly.

"Auntie, please don't take him seriously. He just has a sharp tongue—he's not a bad guy."

As he spoke, Reiji quickly pulled out a bulging pouch of money, slipped it discreetly into her hand, and lowered his voice.

"Thanks for your patience. If he gives you any trouble, come find me.

Name's Reiji Sakuhō. I live at 66 Tea Street."

The woman weighed the pouch without a word, then gave a pleasant nod and walked out with a smile.

Creak—

The door shut behind her, leaving only Jiraiya and Reiji in the room.

Without any ceremony, Reiji dragged over a chair and plopped down beside the bed, silently eyeing the mummy-wrapped Jiraiya.

Good grief. Peeping at the women's bathhouse in broad daylight—with Tsunade inside? That's not bold, that's suicidal.

Stifling a laugh, Reiji cleared his throat and forced a serious tone.

"Jiraiya, come on. Can't you use your brain just a little?

What about old man Hiruzen's Telescope Technique—ever think of learning that?

Shadow Clone plus Transformation Jutsu? Couldn't even try that?

Or better yet, just transform into a toad and lie low in the water beforehand!"

Jiraiya turned his head away with a huff, muttering indignantly.

"It's about the thrill, you get it? That rush.

It's the tension, the mystery, the forbidden aspect that fuels my creative drive."

At that, Reiji couldn't help it—he burst out laughing.

Unreal. First time he'd heard someone make perversion sound so... poetic.

The last guy with antics this wild was still buried over in Konoha's cemetery. If Reiji didn't visit and clear the weeds now and then, the grass on that grave would be three meters tall.

Thinking of that, Reiji smiled and nodded.

"Exactly, exactly. You're totally right. Clearly, you're the most qualified candidate for Hokage!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes so hard it almost looked painful.

Reiji's whole "lecherous Hokage" theory had spread through the village, thanks to Ippongi's very intentional efforts.

A lot of kids who used to dream of becoming Hokage had stopped saying it out loud.

Put yourself in their shoes:

You shout "I'm gonna be Hokage!" and everyone around you starts smirking... who can take that?

Jiraiya knew exactly what Reiji was doing—mocking his lecherous streak in his own roundabout way.

Still, becoming Hokage? That had never really been in the cards for him.

Jiraiya's expression turned serious as he sighed.

"Hokage... Orochimaru's much more suited for that than I am."