NARUTO: In the Era of Sannin

The night stretched deep and silent, the only sound in Yuichi's dimly lit room being the faint crackle of the street light coming from the window from below the street. He sat against the wooden frame of the window, eyes half-lidded as he stared at the ceiling, but his mind wasn't here, it was trapped in a battle.

A battle between two selves.

The man he once was, the cold, pragmatic 30-year-old hitman, shaped by the harsh reality of his past life. And the boy he had become, Yuichi, a growing shinobi, rediscovering emotions, friendships, and perhaps, even love.

He ran his hand through his damp hair, still fresh from his after dinner bath. His lips still tingled faintly, a ghost of warmth from Tsunade's sudden kiss earlier that night. His heart was supposed to be steady, unaffected. 

But it wasn't.

"Tch." He clicked his tongue, feeling frustrated.

"Getting too attached?" A voice echoed in his head.

It was his older self, the voice of experience and cold rationality. The part of him that had long buried any notion of romance, warmth, or vulnerability.

Yuichi exhaled deeply, shutting his eyes. The next moment, it was as if he had entered a mental space, a dark yet eerily familiar place. 

A place that resembled an abandoned warehouse, similar to the one he used to hide in during his past life. There, standing in front of him, was a version of himself- taller, older, wearing a black trench coat, with the same calculating gaze he once carried as a hitman.

Kevin leaned against a metal crate, arms crossed. "You're getting too comfortable. It's pathetic."

Yuichi frowned, stepping forward. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

The older self scoffed, shaking his head. "You were supposed to keep your distance, weren't you? But look at you now- smiling, enjoying small talks, feeling at peace. You even let a girl age apart from you, kiss you, and instead of pushing her away, you hesitated."

Yuichi clenched his fists. "I didn't hesitate. I just–"

"-You hesitated." Stepping forward from the darkness, he retaliated against Yuichi's words. 

The older Yuichi or Kevin, whatever you choose in the end, were the same person. The face was the same that he had now but with a mature look and scars accumulated throughout his experiences, and so did the voice. 

Yuichi stumbled as he saw his previous self's face, 'is this how looked back then?' question roses in his head but was cut short by the sudden barrages of questions. 

"Back then, you abandoned Ayu for her own good. You kept pushing people away because that's what made sense. And now? What makes you think this world is any different?"

Silence.

Yuichi looked away, his thoughts tangled. He did hesitate. Tsunade's kiss- 'it wasn't unwelcome.' For a brief moment, 'it felt... good.' Too good. 

And that scared him.

The older self's voice softened, but there was no warmth in it. "You know how this ends. The moment you get attached, the moment you get weak. Emotions make you vulnerable. And in this world which is times more cruel than where we lived, vulnerability means death."

Yuichi took a deep breath, trying to push down the storm rising inside him. But he knew he couldn't ignore this conflict forever. His past self wasn't entirely wrong. 

In his old world, emotions were a liability. 'But is the same case here true here too?'

A memory surfaced in his eyes, a memory which he had forgotten somewhere but still made his entire life goal. Ayu was there in the memory, crying, seeping, holding his both hands with her head on his chest, telling him to change, telling him to live with happiness, telling him to leave his past behind. 

And in response he was just standing there like a wax model without showing any emotion, surpassing them deep in himself. 

But then a sentence broke the stature, then finally nail in the coffin. 

"Please live your life to the fullest, if not for you then for me".

Yuichi didn't remember anymore, nor the background of the conversation nor the conclusion of it. But now his resolve was clear. 

He looked up, calming the raging questions in his mind. Locking eyes with his older self he spoke, "And what if I don't want to live like that anymore?"

A sharp glint flickered in the older self's eyes. "Then you'll suffer. And those you love will suffer with you."

Yuichi's jaw tightened. "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

A long silence stretched between them. The older Yuichi observed him for a while before finally smirking. "Hah… so you really are changing."

Yuichi didn't respond immediately. Instead, he stepped forward until he was face to face with his older self. "I'm not saying I'll throw everything away. I'll still be cautious. But if I keep running away from emotions, what's the point of this second life?"

" –also I promised Ayu."

The older self sighed, rubbing his temples. "So what now? You fall in love? Get married? Settle down?"

Yuichi scoffed. "I never said that, nor am I sure about myself. But if someone cares about me, I won't push them away like I did before."

The older Yuichi stared at him for a long moment, then finally chuckled. "Heh. Do what you want. You just want someone to cry over your dead body."

The mental space wavered, the shadows dissolving like mist.

Yuichi opened his eyes, unaware whether it was all a dream or reality. But right now hee was back.

Back in his dimly lit room, sitting on his bed, breathing slowly, pushing his hair backward. The weight pressing down on his chest had lifted -just a little.

He didn't have all the answers yet, but at least, he had taken the first step.

He now had resolved with reason to back them up.

'No more wavering.'