Novelist Running Through Time

TL: KSD

I am Kim Hyun-min, student number 11 in class 3, grade 1 at New Light Spring Primary School. My name, meaning ‘wise and intelligent,’ was chosen by my parents, hoping I would grow up smart.

But sometimes, I wonder whether my name means I should grow up to be smart, or if it implies I have no choice but to be smart.

Upon entering primary school, I had to attend one more academy. These days, writing is considered important, so it’s a composition academy. Now, I am enrolled in seven academies.

When I said it was too much, my mom told me that compared to her friend’s son, this was nothing. So, I asked her why she didn’t adopt her friend’s son instead of raising me. That was the first time I got hit.

I was so angry and sad that I ran away from home. Until I return successful, I vowed never to seek out my mother, who shattered my pride.

And three days have passed.

“Mom-!”

I miss my mom. While running away in tears, I looked for her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Instead, scary men were chasing after me. It’s because I didn’t know there were rules even in begging.

“Hey, aren’t you going to stop?”

“Hey, you thief!”

Of course, I was partly to blame for stealing a coin box placed in front of a homeless person, driven by extreme hunger. I didn’t expect to get slapped the moment I touched the coin box, although the homeless people I saw on TV all seemed pitiable and kind.

Angry, I ran away with the coin box, but now I regret it as it seems I will soon be caught. If caught, I’ll surely be dragged to some place like the Squid Game…

Scared and looking for my mom while running away, someone waved at me from a back alley.

“This way!”

My body moved on its own. I ran towards the alley from where the voice came.

In the shadowy alley, someone of a similar size to mine grabbed my hand and started running.

“Follow me!”

I ran, tightly holding the coin box, following this stranger.

We zigzagged through the twisted back alleys and hid in a room on the second floor of an abandoned building.

Fortunately, no one followed us, and only after a moment of catching our breath did I start to calm down.

In front of me was a girl who appeared to be about my age. She wore a beanie and carried an old backpack.

I first noticed these two items because as she took off her beanie, her hair cascaded down, and she took out a water bottle from her backpack and handed it to me.

“Here, drink.”

You shouldn’t drink water offered by strangers. It’s common sense you can learn from just watching Netflix dramas.

But when I came to my senses, I was already gulping down water from the bottle.

I handed the bottle back and asked a question.

“Who, who are you?”

“Who are you?”

“Me? I’m Kim Hyun-min, student number 11 in class 3, grade 1 at New Light Spring Primary School.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m eight years old…”

As I answered, the girl extended her hand with a smile as if saying, ‘I win.’

“I’m ten years old. I don’t really have a name.”

I didn’t dare ask why she didn’t have a name. Instead, I shook her hand. It wasn’t because she was two years older, but because of the strange feeling emanating from her, an aura that she wrapped around herself.

This feeling was like the intimidation I felt in front of delinquent youths, and the awkwardness of not being able to adapt to her unrestrained way of being. I can’t explain exactly what this emotion was, but at that moment, I was definitely facing something unfamiliar.

Anyway, that’s how I met the girl.

Our journey began like that.」

EP 2-Other

The rules of the orphanage differ from those of ordinary homes.

While the main goals for ‘normal’ children are growth and education,

the essence for children in an orphanage lies in survival and unity.

It means that loyalty is more important than morality. You can see this in how Ma Ki-hoon, filled with a sense of chivalry but lacking in wisdom and morality, is the leader of the orphanage.

What is this ‘chivalry’?

It’s not something you can clearly define with the mind, but rather with the heart. However, I can give examples.

Lying to a volunteer to get some pocket money?

That’s acceptable.

Snitching on a friend who got pocket money by lying?

That’s not acceptable.

Getting into fights at school?

That’s acceptable.

Running away without helping a friend in a fight?

That’s not acceptable.

To an outsider, the orphanage might seem like a den of beasts, but these are not rules set by teachers, they are the unspoken rules followed by the kids.

There is no one to defend orphans in this world.

Therefore, orphans must protect themselves.

Their method is force, and their spirit is chivalry.

Because they need to stick together to survive, they overlook friends’ immoral acts.

We are all people within the same fence.

Conversely, that’s why it’s absolutely unacceptable to commit evil acts against fellow orphans.

However, fighting is okay. Fight all you want and then make up.

But stealing is not okay. It leaves a bad taste in the heart.

The orphanage’s pocket money isn’t much. It’s rare for kids to save up a significant amount.

So, stealing another kid’s money?

From that moment, the orphanage becomes a battleground for all against all. It means the basic system begins to collapse. And throughout the ages, threats to the system have always been treated as treason.

And treason was punished by death.

“Which fucking bastard did it!”

Before the teachers could intervene, the orphanage’s seniors were furious.

The enforcers responsible for the orphanage’s discipline were fiercely searching for the thief.

“Come out nicely when we’re talking nicely. We’ll let it slide if you confess honestly. Turn yourself in.”

“Fuck off! Fuck! Let it slide, my ass! Hey you thieving bastard! Never get caught! If you do, we’ll destroy you!”

Even adults’ legs tremble when they are brought to the police station for stealing. People are generally bad at lying. How much more so for a child?

The culprit was found out in no time.

“I did wrong! I did wrong!”

The culprit was a girl in the same grade as me.

She was someone who openly showed jealousy towards me.

“Why did you…?”

“I’m, I’m sorry… I did wrong…”

The girl, dragged before Ma Ki-hoon and the other enforcers, tearfully returned the money to me.

Adults usually don’t entrust large sums of money to children, but I had been entrusted with a significant amount. Since I couldn’t have a card, it was all in cash.

“I, I was just going to hide it for a while and then return it, but the amount was so large, I got scared and couldn’t say anything… I’m sorry…”

But the amount wasn’t the issue here. What shocked the orphanage’s social order was not the amount, but a matter of trust.

However, I was too bewildered to even feel angry.

After all, I am a 23-year-old adult. I was just about to persuade and forgive her.

“Everyone, attention.”

Ma Ki-hoon, after consulting with the student council teacher, came up with an official punishment.

In the presence of key figures in the orphanage’s student society, Ma Ki-hoon solemnly announced.

“To the sister’s room.”

“Waaaah!”

My goodness.

To the sister’s room.

That meant spending a night in the room of a senior several grades higher. It was a punishment derived from the fact that kids are more afraid of seniors than teachers.

Since it was a punishment involving everyone, the reactions of the other orphans were enthusiastic.

“It’s been a while. Hey, I’ll treat you well. Look forward to it.”

“Hey! Fuck! Send her to our room!”

“I made 200,000 won during the three-day bazaar, but how much did she make in one go by stealing In-seop’s wallet? She’s a real thief.”

The perspective on stealing money from a fellow orphanage resident, rather than someone outside, was never positive.

Amidst the relentless mockery directed at her, the child who touched my wallet burst into tears.

However, no one sympathized with her. The laughter and mocking only grew louder.

Amidst this,

I recalled, from a memory of my past or perhaps a previous life, the image of a boy surrounded and ridiculed by peers. It was mostly from my high school days.

These terrible memories involuntarily moved my body.

“Stop it, everyone-!”

I stood with my back to the sobbing child.

The laughter of the orphanage children stopped.

“Is this something to laugh about? Is it funny to punish and hit each other among fellow orphanage residents?”

Someone yelled at me.

“The student council teacher said she stole money, so she has to go to the ‘sister’s room’!”

“If she stole money, she should be made to write a reflection or stand with her hands up, not sent to the older girls’ room. Does that even make sense?”

I appealed to the orphanage children.

“You all know what happens in the ‘sister’s room’! Surrounded by older girls, a year or two older, they make her act like a thieving cat, make her kneel and face the wall until they decide she’s been punished enough, and when she tries to sleep at night, they pinch her sides with their big toes and giggle! This is nothing more than perpetuating violence!”

Suddenly, the atmosphere turned solemn.

I continued with momentum.

“Is it fair to receive such a punishment for stealing a little money? Is it right to resolve mistakes immediately with violence? I will talk to the student council teacher and try to change it to a reflection. She’s just a sixth grader in elementary school. It’s natural for a peer to feel jealous.”

Orphanage teachers usually don’t hit children directly.

There are some who do, but it becomes a problem if it’s discovered. That’s why punishment in the orphanage is often carried out by fellow residents. This violence, unofficial yet official in nature, was the norm.

Thus, there wasn’t a single one among us who hadn’t been hit by a senior.

Violence was being passed down like this.

But now, it had to change.

I spoke fervently with this sentiment.

“I understand how she feels. A gloomy boy who used to just read books in a corner suddenly becomes a famous author, appears on TV, and makes a lot of money. It must have been irritating.”

I felt a jolt of surprise behind me.

“Aren’t we all in similar situations? When we go to school, other kids use smartphones, but we can’t. If we want to buy something at the stationery store, we have to ask a teacher for money…”

“But suddenly, a kid who was bullied at school starts spending big money, it can make you feel like you’re less than them!”

“She probably didn’t do it out of greed for money. These days, she must have felt a relative sense of deprivation, unable to bear it and took my things to comfort herself.”

“In such frustrating feelings, one might reach for a friend’s wallet-”

Thud.

Ma Ki-hoon put his hand on my shoulder, interrupting me.

“Stop it…”

“What?”

“Fuck, stop it. Damn it, please…”

When I turned around, the girl had already collapsed on the floor, covering her face and sobbing uncontrollably, far more sorrowfully than before.

The older girls, who until moments ago were eager to torment her, were now comforting her instead.

In the end, the girl received consolation from the older girls and entered the ‘sister’s room’. I watched this scene with a dazed expression.

The other children, as if they had lost their steam, shook their heads disapprovingly and dispersed. As they left, they dropped remarks at me.

“You’re the worst one, you bastard…”

“No, I, I didn’t mean for this to…”

“That guy is seriously scary…”

* * *

“This happened…”

I confided in Lim Yang-wook across the table, where two cups of coffee were placed.

However, Lim Yang-wook responded with a puzzled voice.

“…What does that have to do with not shooting a CF?”

“Even with this level of popularity, I can’t live properly, so if I shoot CFs and appear on variety shows, getting involved in the entertainment industry, will I be able to lead a normal life? Won’t it just reduce my writing time?”

“It seems a lot has happened at the orphanage for you to say you’re too full…”

“That’s actually what you really think, right?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s refreshingly honest.”

Even so, I wasn’t in a normal situation.

New Light Spring Orphanage always had volunteers coming and going, and often hosted events with outsiders. Do I have to experience this kind of trouble every time?

Moreover, I shared a room with three others. Naturally, I couldn’t lock the door. So, another kid could just walk into my room and even steal money from my wallet.

Explaining these circumstances, Lim Yang-wook made this suggestion.

“In-seop, how about this? The company can provide you with a studio to live in. If that’s too burdensome, you can just commute to the studio. Or we can even find a place just for you. I checked, and it’s possible with the signature of a legal guardian. I’ll help you.”

“That’s a generous offer, but…”

“But?”

“I’m still not sure about the CFs and variety shows.”

“Ah! This is driving me crazy!”

Lim Yang-wook ruffled his scalp with his fingers.

He continued to persuade me with an exasperated expression.

“Okay! Deal! Let’s do publishing and broadcasting activities simultaneously! Will you shoot the CF then?”

“No.”

“In-seop, if you keep ignoring my persuasion like this, I’ll run out of options. Please, just shoot the CF, okay?”

“Hmm…”

“Money and fame are not that filthy and despicable. You should earn when you can, so later you can write elegantly. Isn’t it better to be melancholic in a Han River view penthouse than lamenting life in a tiny room?”

I could understand Lim Yang-wook’s frustration. He must be wondering why I’m refusing when he’s offering wealth and fame.

But I know that money, popularity, and fame are illusions that can crumble at any time.

I have experienced everything in the world changing due to an uncontrollable providence. Suddenly, one day, the whole world went back ten years.

Since that day, I sometimes feel this fear.

Is there a guarantee that what happened once won’t happen a second time?

Even if I live for another ten years, couldn’t everything suddenly disappear and revert to the past?

I am the only human who has experienced being in the grasp of an absolute providence, so powerful it could be called a deity.

Even the Pope might not be as certain of God’s existence as I am. He believes in God, but I have experienced God.

And this providence could revert me to the past at any moment. It felt like having a gun pointed at my head every second.

In a way, I am like Sun Wukong in the palm of Buddha’s hand. I live on the palm of a deity. The moment it clenches, I am doomed.

Every time I think of this, I feel a chilling fear that penetrates to my bones. Unconsciously, my grip tightened on the blanket.

The way to overcome this fear is simple.

Focus not on the world around me, but on the world within me.

Money and fame can disappear at any time, but my writings will remain forever. Where? In my heart.

I think, therefore I exist. As long as I exist, my writings will forever remain in my heart.

Even if I were to go back 10 years, the writings I have done will still remain within me.

Thus, writing is truly my everything, the driving force that keeps me alive.

Only through dreams, not gold or fame, can a person truly live.

I shared this realization with Lim Yang-wook.

“Still, I’m hesitant about the CF…”

“Come on-!”

Lim Yang-wook’s face turned red with frustration, having been rejected more times than he could count.

“Hoo, hoo.”

Like a once-boiled octopus, Lim Yang-wook calmed himself with deep breaths. Feeling sorry, I cautiously watched his reaction.

Meanwhile,

Lim Yang-wook, sensing that enough ‘guilt’ had accumulated in Moon In-seop’s heart, began to reveal his premeditated action.

With a resigned sigh, he said,

“Ah… then there’s no helping it. If you truly want to focus on writing for the sake of artistic integrity over popularity, I must respect that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I apologize. You must have been very confused transitioning from a normal life to something resembling a celebrity. We might have lacked in mental care.”

“No, it’s more my fault…”

“Hey- let’s not compete over who’s more sorry. Just take care of this one schedule for me.”

“If it’s not a CF…”

This guy is relentless.

Still trying to get around doing a CF?

But he won’t win this one.

Inside, Lim Yang-wook cunningly smiled, but his face showed no trace of greed, only a gentle smile.

Then he threw a bait that no creator could refuse.

“They say ‘Cause of Death’ is being made into a movie?”

“…!!!”

* * *

“What is this? ‘Cause of Death’?”

Child actress Kim Byul frowned at the script handed to her by her manager.

Why a movie script suddenly in the middle of shooting a drama?

Surely they’re not expecting her to shoot both simultaneously.

“Is this my next project, Manager?”

“No, it’s not that, but it seems like you’ll have to shoot it soon, probably next week.”

“What-?!”

Kim Byul’s eyes widened in disbelief, and her manager began to coax her gently.

“Hey, it’s just a short film. Written by a currently famous author, you know. Based on a , right? The fans will definitely watch it, so it’s a safe bet. Think of it as a side job.”

“But still, how can we shoot this immediately!”

“Just look at the script! There’s hardly any dialogue! It’s less than 20 minutes, a one-person play. You just sulk in a room alone. You commit suicide at the end, but…”

“How can I do this in the middle of shooting a drama! What about the emotional continuity!”

Instead of slowly convincing Kim Byul, her manager opted for a quicker and more straightforward approach. Failing an order directly from the boss, not just the department head, was absolutely not an option.

“Hey, Kim Byul.”

When a manager, who was more than ten years older and at a team leader level, frowned and looked serious, Kim Byul, who had been aggressively questioning, instinctively felt intimidated.

Instead of scolding her further, the manager relaxed his shoulders and let out a defeated sigh.

“Ah, never mind. What right do I have to scold you?”

Kim Byul couldn’t retort back and just looked down, feeling completely cowed.

“I’m, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing when you did nothing wrong? It’s all my fault. My fault. But I thought I had found a good project for you, concerned about your filmography. If it’s too much for you, then there’s nothing I can do. Oh well.”

“…”

“Who am I to tell you what to do? You probably know this industry better than I do. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. It’s your call.”

The manager, having used every gaslighting tactic, finally hit Kim Byul’s weak spot for the final blow.

Kim Byul, a child actor, 16 years old.

She was at an age where the ‘child’ in ‘child actor’ was beginning to fade away.

She had to either successfully transform her image to become ‘just’ an actor,

or be forgotten and become a ‘former’ actor.

And she wanted to remain an actor.

Because that’s what her mother wanted.

“I’ll do it…”

“Really? Good decision.”

* * *

‘I want to quit acting…’

Kim Byul lay sprawled on the sofa in the waiting room of the movie ‘Cause of Death’, like wilted kimchi.

It was stressful to ask for a day off from the drama crew, and the situation of rushing here straight after school without even changing clothes was also stressful.

Having the script thrown at her by the manager last week was stressful, and the fact that she still hadn’t quit acting was a whole other stress.

‘Where did it all go wrong…’

At first, she genuinely enjoyed acting.

But over time, she realized the more seriously she took acting, the less it became a joy and more a soul-eroding chore.

How could she enjoy that?

Now, she was just enduring in this industry for the childish reason of not wanting to disappoint her mother. It’s not like she could start studying again at this point.

Life was just hard.

Too hard to live.

Everything felt futile, and she felt like she was slowly rotting away.

Just then, the door to the waiting room slid open.

“What now?”

Kim Byul’s voice came out sharp.

She feared it might be someone important – her heart sank at the thought,

but fortunately, the person who peeked his head through the door was a very young boy.

Kim Byul felt a bit bitter about having to be mindful of every word she spoke, even to higher-ups.

So she spoke sharply to the bewildered-looking junior staring at her.

“What do you want?”

“Huh?”

“Aren’t you going to say hello?”

That was their first encounter.

***

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