Passion (BL Novel)

Joo Hyuk, with a cigarette in his mouth, stared blankly as he pondered whether he should apologize. He probably should. But the words just wouldn’t come out.
"By the way, you moved rooms, didn’t you? Which room did you move to?"
Shin-Roo asked as if he had finally found something to say. Joo Hyuk responded, "Uh, yeah, I moved to Tow’s room. Oh, right, I was supposed to tell you. I totally forgot. Tow, Tow Ching-in, you know, from the same team. I ended up staying in his room."

"Ah, Tow’s room. I see."
Shin-Roo nodded, and once again, an awkward silence settled between them.
At least he had avoided the trouble of having to go to him later and explain. That was the only silver lining. However, this suffocating situation was becoming increasingly hard to endure.

Joo Hyuk quietly looked down at Shin-Roo, who had his head bowed a few steps ahead. His long lashes fluttered a few times. He could see the nape of Shin-Roo’s neck just below his hairline.
He was a lovely young man. He’d look best with a cute, short, sweet girl smiling like a cotton candy doll beside him. The kind of girl he probably dreamed about, too.
But suddenly, the man he had called his older brother, someone he had gotten along with, stood in front of him like that. How surprised must he have been? More than just surprised—perhaps even offended, maybe even feeling betrayed.

So you’ve been looking at me like this all this time, older brother?—Should he lie and say, No, I just lost my mind for a second back then, or just honestly admit, Yeah. Either way, it would be uncomfortable.
"By the way, you sometimes go to Director Jeong’s office, right? You shouldn’t go for a while. There’s a rule that during the joint training period, members and guards shouldn’t have unnecessary contact."
"Ah... yeah, thanks."

Joo Hyuk already knew this from the conversation with his uncle, but he hesitated for a moment before just saying thank you. It was a small act of care, and for that, he felt genuinely grateful.
Yeah, still, Shin-Roo was trying his best to treat him well. No matter what discomfort or awkwardness he might have felt, he didn’t show it.
Every exchange of words was followed by an even longer period of silence.

Once again, when the conversation ran dry, Joo Hyuk sighed, realizing that he was blocking Shin-Roo’s way. He stepped aside, glancing back at Shin-Roo, who was awkwardly looking at him.
"Then, I’ll go ahead."
Shin-Roo bowed his head slightly and passed by Joo Hyuk with quick steps. Joo Hyuk watched his retreating figure with a bitter feeling, muttering, "Sorry." He didn’t know if Shin-Roo heard him, as his voice was so small.

With a sigh, Joo Hyuk blew out a cloud of smoke and started walking slowly, when suddenly, he thought he heard footsteps stop briefly behind him.
"Uh... Tae, hyung."
The hesitant voice called him. Joo Hyuk stopped in his tracks and turned around. Shin-Roo was looking up at him with a strange expression. Oddly enough, he seemed as flushed as Joo Hyuk was.
"Hyung, I... uh..."

"......?"
"Um."
Shin-Roo’s face turned even redder, like the sky at sunset. His voice grew softer, almost to a whisper.

Seeing his face turn so pitiable made Joo Hyuk feel unnecessarily nervous. He wanted to yell at him, shout. It would have been better to let it all out.
Ready to hear something harsh from him, Joo Hyuk clenched his fist in his pocket.
But after a long moment of hesitation, as if he had finally made up his mind, Shin-Roo blurted out words Joo Hyuk never expected to hear.

"I... I’ve slept with a guy before."
"......"
The cigarette he had been holding dropped to the ground. Joo Hyuk stared blankly at it, unaware ➤ NоvеⅠight ➤ (Read more on our source) it had fallen between his feet. He couldn’t bring himself to look up at Shin-Roo, only able to stare at the ground while stuttering.

"It was after I graduated high school, two years ago, in the winter. Ah, I had skipped a grade, so I wasn’t an adult yet, but... I went to one of those places where only men gather with a friend. That was when I... first... tried it..."
Shin-Roo stopped speaking before he could finish. His face had turned so red that it looked like it might burst into flames.
Joo Hyuk didn’t even blink, just staring blankly at Shin-Roo, looking like he had lost all sense of reality. His mind was blank, no thoughts coming to him.

After a long silence, Shin-Roo, hesitating and slowly raising his gaze, suddenly exclaimed, "Hyung! The cigarette!" pointing at the fallen cigarette butt, which had caught some dry grass and was beginning to smolder. Joo Hyuk snapped back to reality, frantically stomping on the grass to put out the ember.
He picked up the butt and shoved it into his pocket with jittery hands. When he tried to light the remaining cigarette, the lighter wouldn’t spark. His fingers kept fumbling.
Wait a minute... What did I just hear? Did I hear something strange? His words didn’t make sense... and I can’t seem to remember anything clearly. Earlier, Shin-Roo had called me "Tae hyung." Then, he hesitated... and then said that... wait, why is this damn lighter not lighting?

Seeing Joo Hyuk struggling with the lighter, Shin-Roo, still red-faced and looking like someone who had just committed a crime, hesitated but stepped closer. He gently took the lighter from Joo Hyuk’s hand and lit it for him.
Joo Hyuk silently took the cigarette, lit it, and returned the lighter to Shin-Roo, who put it back in his pocket.
"......"

"......"
An awkward silence stretched between them. Shin-Roo was standing so close that Joo Hyuk could reach him with a single step.
As Joo Hyuk mindlessly stared at Shin-Roo, exhaling smoke, Shin-Roo cleared his throat a couple of times. Joo Hyuk startled, mumbled an apology, and quickly turned his head to blow the smoke away. He then threw away the cigarette he hadn’t even smoked.

If Tow had seen him, he would’ve probably gone ballistic, but Joo Hyuk didn’t care about that at all.
"......Um, did you... enjoy it?"
After a long pause, Joo Hyuk finally asked, and as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it deeply.

What was I even asking? Did you enjoy it? What in the world was I trying to say?
Shin-Roo blinked his eyes wide in surprise and stared at Joo Hyuk. Joo Hyuk, fumbling, waved his hand awkwardly. He was breaking out in a cold sweat.
"No, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just... I was asking if it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable."

Shin-Roo looked at Joo Hyuk, who was desperately trying to explain with a flustered face. Then, he slowly shook his head.
"It didn’t make me uncomfortable... It's just that after that, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had the time to go to those places... and after that, even when I see women, I just don’t feel attracted to them..."
Shin-Roo lowered his head shyly, and the nape of his neck turned faintly red. Watching him, Joo Hyuk’s face heated up even more.

If someone were to see this scene, how ridiculous it would look—two grown men standing face-to-face, both with bright red faces, staring only at the floor. But even if someone were laughing at them, Joo Hyuk didn’t think he would care. Perhaps, just perhaps, something in his chest was heating up with the thought.
Joo Hyuk idly kicked at the long grass that had fallen by his feet. After a long silence, Shin-Roo, who had been quiet, whispered quietly.
"Tae, hyung. A few days ago, when we were having tea..."

Joo Hyuk flinched, his foot accidentally crushing the cigarette that had fallen to the ground. His foot hesitated as it moved, dragging the cigarette along the ground.
"You were so close to me, I could smell the soap, and you were right there, so..."
"Ah... I see..."

Joo Hyuk mumbled while nodding at Shin-Roo, but he couldn’t say anything more. Shin-Roo was still holding his head down, his face as red as ever, and Joo Hyuk was in the same state.
Then, at some point, Shin-Roo slowly raised his head. His eyes, now shining dark and bright, looked up at Joo Hyuk. His gaze, wet and glistening, made Joo Hyuk’s heart ache.
Joo Hyuk was about to look away, but then Shin-Roo gave a slight smile. He shyly lifted the corners of his lips, his smile soft but sincere. Joo Hyuk couldn’t take his eyes off that smile.

"...Hyung. Let’s go back. I’ll wait here... no, I want to see the sea once more."
Shin-Roo spoke softly as he brushed past Joo Hyuk, walking back toward the beach. Joo Hyuk stood still, frozen, watching Shin-Roo’s retreating figure. When Shin-Roo turned back to look at him and tilted his head, Joo Hyuk hurriedly followed after him.
His heart was pounding uncontrollably, as if he had just grasped an unbelievable stroke of luck. He couldn’t believe it—his chest was bursting with excitement.

He closed his eyes, not believing it, but when he opened them again, Shin-Roo was still there, smiling.
Ah, it seems there’s no rule saying that only misfortune should come.
Even if hundreds of men like Rick from the European branch come tonight, he felt like he could endure it now.

They arrived after dinner, exactly when the clock struck 8.
Joo Hyuk pondered when he had last felt such a sinister atmosphere so strongly in his life. He realized he hadn’t ever felt it this deeply. Not even after his intense fights with Sergeant Kim, which escalated into a squad-wide brawl the very next day, did he feel anything like this.
After a brief orientation in the large classroom on the 2nd basement floor, when they descended to the 6th basement, the atmosphere in the hall was palpable with tension. A dozen or so men, particularly those with grudges against the European branch, had positioned themselves in the corridor, glaring silently at the newcomers. As the European group came down the stairs, they too stared back at Joo Hyuk and the others with cold expressions.

Joo Hyuk, who had no intention of getting involved in that standoff, had already predicted this. When they arrived, he had planned to stay quietly in his room. But unfortunately, he came face to face with them as he was leaving the bathroom.
As Joo Hyuk saw a group of unfamiliar men coming down the stairs, he thought, Ah, they’re finally here. He quickly moved through the gap between his colleagues, heading back to his room. Habitually, he started to go to his own room, but then he changed direction and walked to Tow’s room instead.
Inside was only Morrow, the other member who shared a room with Tow. Though from a different team, they had spoken several times and weren’t exactly strangers.

"They’ve come, huh?"
Morrow, who was chewing on a pencil while absorbed in a puzzle magazine, muttered. Joo Hyuk nodded and replied, "Yeah, they’ve come," as he sat down on the bed and wiped his still-damp hair with his hand.
Morrow wasn’t particularly resentful of the European branch. Tow had told Joo Hyuk that Morrow had only been there for a few months and hadn’t yet experienced the European branch’s reckless behavior, but Joo Hyuk, who had been there for just a few days, found it easier to empathize with Morrow’s relatively normal level of competition, as compared to Tow’s deep animosity toward the European branch.

"Where’s Tow?"
"He’s in the bathroom. He took a comic magazine, so he probably won’t be back soon."
Joo Hyuk nodded while listening to Morrow, who didn’t take his eyes off his puzzle.

It was ironic. The one who had been most eager, ranting about how "they are coming, they are coming," was now in the bathroom when they finally arrived. But even if Tow was in the bathroom, he’d likely rush out at the first sign of the European group’s presence.
Just staying in the room, Joo Hyuk could feel the ominous atmosphere outside. Even if no physical confrontation occurred, the occasional sounds of insults, mockery, and shouting would echo from outside.
"At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if a fight breaks out. This atmosphere is killing me."

"A fight... I hope not."
"Yeah, I don’t want that either... Tow would be throwing a fit and giving us a lecture if he heard this."