Passion (BL Novel)

"Mm... Do you want to go together?"
"...Now?"
Shinlu asked softly, seeming slightly taken aback. Jeong Tae-yi smiled and nodded. Then, inwardly, he admired himself.
If I really set my mind to it, I can casually ask someone out, no problem. I'm not one of those people who just blushes and stubbornly holds back like a fool. Despite how I look, I’m actually known for being quick at clubs... Wait, never mind, that’s not something to brag about.

Jeong Tae-yi felt a sense of pride, but his face was already turning red. Shinlu stared at him, looking somewhat confused. She seemed to be holding back a smile, and in a way, she also looked like she was feeling awkward. Seeing that expression, Jeong Tae-yi flinched a little, but when he looked more closely, it didn’t seem like she was annoyed, so he felt somewhat relieved.
"...Mm... You don’t want to?"
"It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I haven’t finished my work yet. You can go by yourself. It seems like the weather is nice enough for a walk."

Shinlu smiled brightly and shook her head. Jeong Tae-yi looked disappointed, but he tried not to show it, muttering, "Oh, I see," as he turned away. Suddenly, the sky seemed gloomy, and his mood dropped.
He thought about going out by himself, but as the excitement that had built up inside him faded, he no longer felt like doing that. He had asked for something on his own, set expectations, and now that his enthusiasm had deflated, Jeong Tae-yi bitterly smiled, thinking to himself, People are such selfish creatures.
"Well, then, work hard, and I’ll see you later. Stay strong."
"Yes, Tae-yi oppa. ...Oh, wait, oppa!"

Just as Jeong Tae-yi turned to leave the office, Shinlu hesitated for a moment, stepped up to the door, and called out to him. He looked back with a puzzled expression. Shinlu gave him a shy smile and said,
"Maybe tomorrow or the day after, we can go together. I know a nice place where not many people go."
"Huh? ...Really?"
"Yes. If you’re okay with it."

"Of course, I’m fine. ...Yeah, sure. Anytime. Just call me when you're done with work. I don’t have anything planned after my regular schedule."
Jeong Tae-yi nodded quickly, still slightly embarrassed by the sudden turn of events. He fiddled with the pager given by the branch office and added, "You can contact me anytime."
Shinlu smiled brightly and waved as she headed back inside the office. Left alone in the hallway, Jeong Tae-yi stood there for a moment, staring at the spot where she had been, then silently clenched his fist. See? It’s not hard to ask. Even if it didn’t work today, tomorrow or the day after, I’ll get to meet her just the two of us.

Jeong Tae-yi couldn’t hold back the smile that kept creeping up, so he gave in and turned around. His mood lifted almost immediately. He felt like going outside with a joyful heart and looking around.
But since he would be going out with Shinlu soon, it was better to save the outing for then.
Whistling, Jeong Tae-yi walked toward the elevator. However, as he waited for the elevator to come from the 5th underground floor, he shook his head.
There was still some time left in the regular work hours. Normally, he should go back, but... he had planned to skip out with Shinlu. Even though it was now, he didn’t feel like going back to finish the training.
He knew he would get in trouble later for not returning, but his excited heart didn’t want to go back.
"...In that case, I should just hang out in a room full of food and books..."

Jeong Tae-yi mumbled to himself, turning away from the elevator and heading down the stairs. His destination was his uncle’s room, which was always stocked with food and books. The key jingled happily in his pocket.
As he descended to the first underground floor and made his way to his uncle’s room, he didn’t encounter anyone, as usual. It was truly a rarely visited floor. He thought, If a murder happened here, no one would notice for a while... No, that’s not likely. There are security cameras everywhere.
Jeong Tae-yi, carefully noting the cameras installed in hidden spots, proceeded toward his uncle’s room. Before entering, he gave a polite "peace" sign to the only visible camera and knocked on the door.
There was no point in knocking, really. If his uncle were inside, the door wouldn’t be locked, and if he wasn’t, it would be. So at least knocking didn’t serve any practical purpose. Still, it didn’t seem like it would alert his uncle that he had arrived, either. His uncle probably already knew someone was approaching as soon as he turned the corner.
He knocked a few times, waited a moment, then tried the door handle. It was locked. Jeong Tae-yi raised an eyebrow and pulled out the key from his pocket. It was a key he had received with his uncle’s permission, given to him so he could come anytime and read the books he wanted.

The room was as neatly organized as always. Everything one might need was present, but sometimes it didn’t feel like anyone actually lived there.
"Even my uncle has some unexpectedly bleak corners..."
The impeccably clean room always felt like this when his uncle wasn’t around. It felt like a model room, one that didn’t have anyone living in it. That feeling, though fleeting, reminded Jeong Tae-yi of his uncle’s hidden side, and he sighed.

Opening the fridge without hesitation, he grabbed a can of beer and drank it in one go. He threw himself onto the bed, which was neatly arranged with just the right amount of firmness. After rolling around a few times, the bed felt like it had a faint trace of a human presence. Lying down, he pulled a book from the shelf beside him.
Every day after finishing his regular duties, if he didn’t have other tasks, he would come here to lie down and read. Slowly, savoring each sentence, he would go through dozens of pages.
Looking at the bookshelf filled with hard-to-find books, Jeong Tae-yi thought that Jeong Jae-yi would really like this place. Maybe he’s already read most of these books, though.
He didn’t need to worry about that lucky guy, but he couldn’t help but wonder where he was now. Has he gone home? Is he holed up in some library or research institute, immersed in books for days on end without sleeping?

Jeong Tae-yi had tried calling home yesterday just as a test, but no one answered. Since it was close to midnight when the call was made, he figured Jeong Jae-yi must still be out somewhere.
Suddenly, the image of Jeong Jae-yi saying, "Let’s cut the ties," and making scissors motions with his fingers came to his mind.
He didn’t really think that Jeong Jae-yi hated him or wanted to sever their connection. But... what should he say? At that moment, he had felt a strange feeling.
Jeong Jae-yi had always been so lucky, everything always going the way he wanted. So when he pretended to cut their ties, it almost felt like their bond would really be broken.
Maybe, at that moment, their connection had been cut for good. Would that mean they’d never meet again?

"I don’t want that... but it doesn’t feel real."
Jeong Tae-yi, still lying down, spread his hand out and stared at it. Just like his brother had said, maybe it was tied by some invisible red thread on his little finger. He searched for any trace of it. But could he really cut it off?
Jeong Tae-yi flicked his pinky a few times, watching carefully to see if the invisible red thread swayed.

Then, it happened. While he was lying there, staring at his hand, he heard a quiet mechanical sound. He recognized the sound from before. Turning his head, he saw the red lamp flashing on the phone.
"...?"
Jeong Tae-yi looked at the phone, which kept blinking and making mechanical sounds. He briefly thought about whether he should answer it or not. Honestly, there was no need to think about it. Not answering would be much more convenient, and there wouldn’t be any consequences. But the phone kept ringing persistently.

Getting out of bed, Jeong Tae-yi looked at the caller ID on the phone. He didn’t recognize the number, but it was an international call. If it starts with +49... could it be Germany? The following numbers seemed to be the area code, but he couldn’t be sure.
Before he could think more, the call ended. Jeong Tae-yi returned to the bed, grabbed a book, but the thought of his brother wouldn’t leave his mind. Eventually, he covered his face with the book. His brother used to sleep like this too. When he asked if it wasn’t too heavy, his brother would jokingly reply, "What’s heavy about a few hundred pages?" Even though his brother would fall asleep with a book on his face, his features always remained perfectly intact, which was astonishing.
Thinking about it, he didn’t look much like his brother at all. Even though they were twins, they didn’t resemble each other in any way—neither their faces, their hair, their personalities, nor their fate.

"...But still, I’m better looking." Even though the differences were so stark that it wasn’t even fair to compare who was more handsome.
Jeong Tae-yi pulled the book slightly away from his face and turned his gaze. From his position, his own reflection didn’t show, but there was a large mirror next to the desk.
Getting up again, Jeong Tae-yi walked over to the mirror, pressing his face close to it. A calm-faced man appeared in the reflection. He hadn’t even lived half his life yet, but maybe he was already feeling a bit tired.

He swept his hand over his face in the mirror. The cold touch of winter reached his fingertips.
While his hand lingered around his eyes, nose, and mouth, the lamp flashed again. Almost at the same time, the phone rang. Another call from the same number.
This time, Jeong Tae-yi didn’t wait long before picking up. When calls came in so frequently, if you didn’t answer, it would just keep ringing.

"Yes, hello."
He pressed the button, and the screen on the phone lit up. The image on the other side of the receiver came into view.
But there was nothing to see. Just a white wall. A corner of a picture frame barely appeared on the edge of the screen. The colors of the painting were hard to make out on such a small screen.

"Ha ha, it’s really you again, nephew."
A voice that Jeong Tae-yi vaguely recognized spoke. Then, the screen showed a hand reaching forward, pressing against a desk. He recognized that hand. It was unforgettable, beautiful, like something that was hard to forget.
"Ah, it's a hand."

"What?"
Jeong Tae-yi muttered reflexively, and on the other end, a short, puzzled question was returned.
"Hand."
Jeong Tae-yi immediately regretted his response but kept a calm expression as he lightly tapped the white hand on the monitor. The hand inside the screen moved. It seemed like it was looking at its own hand.

"The hand is so beautiful, I'll remember it right away."
"Haha, thanks for the compliment. It’s the first time I’ve heard such a praise, my hand will be happy."
The man on the other side of the screen laughed. Although his voice still had the mechanical tone, it wasn’t as bothersome as the first time he heard it.
"Is Instructor Jeong still in the shower? You seem to visit that place often, nephew."
"No, my uncle is not here. I just came to read. There are plenty of good books in his room."
"Ah—. Instructor Jeong has good taste in hobbies."
The white hand tapped the desk joyfully. Its fingernails, which glistened like glass, looked incredibly cold. Jeong Tae-yi felt the sudden urge to stroke it, the cool shards of glass at the tips of each finger.
"Do you like my hand that much?"
"Hm?"
"With eyes like you want to devour it."
The man spoke in a voice mixed with laughter. Jeong Tae-yi chuckled too, shrugging his shoulders.

"Was I that obvious? Well, I do feel tempted. But it wouldn’t suit me, so I’ll just look."
He added that last part quickly, wondering if the man was going to say something about giving him the wrist after he died. The man seemed to guess his thoughts and laughed warmly.
Jeong Tae-yi tilted his head suddenly. They say you can learn a bit about someone’s life just by looking at their hands, but he couldn’t figure this man out at all. It didn’t seem like he was someone who did dangerous things, nor did he seem like the type to spend his whole day with a pen in hand working at a desk. A rare book dealer would still be involved in some tough work, but somehow, the idea of "hard work" didn’t match the hands in the monitor.
"Illey...?"
Jeong Tae-yi opened his mouth. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time he had called the man by name. The man replied naturally in a voice still filled with laughter, "Mm?"

"I mentioned your name to my uncle, and he seemed a bit confused. Looks like you have several names."
"Haha, really? Well, Instructor Jeong doesn’t call me by my first name, does he? I only have one name. There's no need for multiple names unless I'm doing something bad."
"Hm—if you’re a rare book dealer, I guess that makes sense... but what kind of work do you do?"
Jeong Tae-yi asked, pausing for a moment. What kind of work could someone with hands like that possibly do?
The man stayed silent for a moment. Only the white hand continued to tap, tap on the desk. It didn’t seem like he was displeased, but more like he was pondering something while quietly looking at him through the lens. The cool gaze behind the lens.

After a while, it seemed like he finished his thoughts and replied slowly.
"I sometimes help my older brother with the family business. He’ll probably continue it, so I... I’m not sure what I’ll do. I never really thought about it, but hearing you mention it, now I’m a little worried."
There was no sign of worry in his voice, yet hearing it made Jeong Tae-yi suddenly feel concerned about his own future.
If he manages to get out of here in six months, he would still be unemployed. Of course, his uncle said that just having the experience of being here would make it easy for him to find a job, but could he really make a living with whatever job he gets? He didn’t even know what he wanted.
"I became a complete wreck after discharge..."
He sighed heavily, muttering under his breath, and it seemed like the sound reached the other side.

"Discharge? Were you a soldier? Though it’s not unusual for some people to go from the military to that line of work. But it’s interesting. Jeong Jae-yi’s younger brother was a soldier... Haha."
The man murmured with a subtle tone of amusement. Jeong Tae-yi raised an eyebrow, glanced at the white hand, and smiled faintly.
"Why? Is it funny that I’m the physical one while my older brother is the brainy one?"
At that, the man burst into laughter loudly, as if he had heard the greatest comedy, and slowly waved his white hand.
"No way, that’s not what I meant. Besides, I don’t think you have the kind of body that could be called physical... well, if we’re talking about physical in a different sense, then maybe. ...Sorry for the intrusion."
The man laughed, and /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ Jeong Tae-yi frowned, saying, "It’s okay," with a small shrug.

"No, what I meant was, with your older brother developing weapons, the younger brother becomes the one who’s sacrificed by them. Isn’t that the more fitting description of a soldier?"
Jeong Tae-yi paused, resting his chin on his hand as he reflected on the man’s casual words.
It wasn’t the back end that mattered. The important part was the first few lines.
Jeong Tae-yi’s expression became strange as he stared intently at the white hand. The man seemed to have noticed, and after thinking for a moment, he muttered with a slightly awkward tone.

"Didn’t you know?"
"...Really? My older brother is involved in weapon development?"
Jeong Tae-yi smiled bitterly, muttering, "I didn’t know this. Seems like others know my brother’s business better than I do," feeling a little embarrassed.
Jeong Jae-yi and Jeong Tae-yi weren’t estranged brothers, but they weren’t the kind who shared everything either—just average, decently close brothers. After Jeong Tae-yi graduated from high school, he didn’t stay at home much, and Jeong Jae-yi was often out of the house too, so they didn’t know each other’s daily lives too well. He only learned here that Jeong Jae-yi had been treated as a special researcher at the UNHRDO’s Americas branch.
But weapon development...
When did he ever do something like that? If he did, was it at the UNHRDO? But it might have been before or after that too. Either way, they didn’t talk much about work, as neither of them had much interest in it.
Weapons. Weapon development...

Jeong Tae-yi chuckled bitterly. He knew weapons were a necessary evil, but he had seen far too many of their harmful effects.
"I guess I said something unnecessary. People who know, know, but this is still confidential, so I’d appreciate it if you kept it in mind."
"I don’t really want to talk about my brother’s involvement in weapon development either," Jeong Tae-yi responded.
"Haha. I guess it bothers you. But your brother is known as a genius in this industry, you know."
"Even if he’s a genius at making weapons, it doesn’t make me happy."

Jeong Tae-yi muttered with some discontent but then suddenly raised an eyebrow. After a moment of pondering, he smiled.
"Since you’re talking about this industry... Are you in the same line of work?"
The man fell silent again. This time, the silence lasted a little longer. If it weren’t for his hand occasionally moving, Jeong Tae-yi would have thought the call had been disconnected.
After a while, the man sighed with a hint of a smile.
"Technically, my brother works in that field. I told you, I sometimes help him with the family business."

"Is the family business related to weapons?"
Jeong Tae-yi asked, his face incredulous. Then he realized. This man wasn’t a rare book dealer. He was a dealer, yes, but the items he dealt with weren’t rare books—they were weapons.
"So you’re selling weapons..."
"No, not me. My brother does. ──He’s the one who designed the rocket launcher that’s been ranking high for years."
"Seriously. What kind of person would say such nonsense about a world without war... Jeong Jae-yi’s brother. When I meet him, I’ll give him a good knock."

The man laughed. Jeong Tae-yi was suddenly filled with serious thoughts, but the man seemed completely unbothered, looking as if nothing was wrong.
"Scary. So, are you going to cut ties with your precious brother?"
"What do you care? He was the one who cut the ties and left."
"Ah?"
The man’s voice changed to one of interest. Jeong Tae-yi would have loved to see the man’s face. He was probably staring at the monitor with a slow, subtle smile.

"I didn’t know you had such a bad relationship with your brother. I thought you got along well. Did you have a fight? I didn’t expect Jeong Jae-yi to be the one to sever the ties."
"Yeah, he said he’d cut the red thread tying us, then left home the very same day. And he’s still missing."
Jeong Tae-yi raised his pinky, muttering. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but that was the gist of it. The man paused for a moment, then spoke.
"Haha. Jeong Jae-yi did that? That’s interesting."
"It might be amusing to you, but to me, it’s a family crisis."

"Haha, ahahahaha."
The man laughed again, his mechanical laugh sounding particularly strange.
"Seems like you’re in a good mood."
"No... I’m just surprised by how different you are from your brother. I thought you’d have at least some similarities since you’re twins, but your face is different. Your personality is different too. It’s funny."
"──Have you ever met him?"
"Well. I’ve seen his face a few times. I was really surprised because he looks so young."

That had happened a few times before. People who had heard about Jeong Jae-yi from various sources and finally came to see him were always shocked. Most of them expressed surprise, saying they didn’t expect him to look so young.
But this man didn’t seem too old either.